Break Week: First Job Second Verse

By Bay Posted Friday May 3, 2024

Filed under: Epilogue 12 comments

This post was supposed to be a cheerful, excited outlook into the job I’m starting today, my first ‘real’ job in seven years. But, sorry, there’s some real truths mixed up here. We keep trying to tiptoe around the hard things as gracefully as dad did but it just leads to questions I can’t answer, and there’s so much behind the scenes. I keep having to make bummer posts, I’m not a fan. Hopefully next update will be actually a good one, it helps to put the cards on the table so improvements don’t sound like negatives down the line.

Our rent is going up substantially (Woohoo), groceries are getting somehow even more expensive, and the Patreon loses income every month. The file hosting for the site is running actively out of space, and I have little to no free time.

That isn’t to say  my writing here won’t continue, or that I won’t keep duct taping the backend so the site stays alive, and especially not to get sympathy or more money from the pockets of the people who are already keeping the community alive by just being a part of it(I really, really mean that, dad never wanted to ask for anything from his readership, that at least I can continue).

I just want to be clear honestly that I’m doing my absolute best. I’m just currently bailing a sinking ship, and this job should help stop the leak.

It wasn’t empty platitudes when I said I wanted to pay to get the site updated. I really wanted to update this place and fully reform it so it could stop breaking, but the full site move over with keeping everything intact is very…very expensive, and complex. I didn’t even get access to the Patreon until it started to decline actively, which came at the same time as our breakup with Charlie, and addition to my youngest brother to the home. Issac is wonderful, clever, the perfect addition to our family, and second level autistic. This means he doesn’t have meltdowns in grocery stores and he’s not nonverbal, but his social interactions are very limited. Second level autism is a disability which requires substantial support, and right now we don’t know if he’ll ever be able to live alone successfully. I’m working on getting him diagnosed and getting him disability, but there’s a lot of steps along the way. I’m the only one of us who even has their GED, vaccinations, or even regular routine doctors appointments until moving in. I am the eldest, and I am trying my best to give my boys the start I didn’t get. This goes so far beyond just money problems. We don’t have either of our parents, and I’m trying to juggle a lot of eggs and a lot of baskets. I am currently a full time caretaker, educator, housewife, and writer. And all of that is before even getting this job.

This isn’t my first job in seven years, obviously. I’ve done a lot of freelance, but I haven’t actually had a typical thing that’s easy to put on taxes. Hopefully even a basic retail job will help us climb out of this, and I’ll be able to put more into this place. Slowly this has become less of an obligation and wanting to keep dad alive in some little bit, to being a place I actually am looking forward to writing for each week. I don’t want it to go anywhere either. There just might be even more breaks coming up due to a work schedule hitting the pile.



From The Archives:

12 thoughts on “Break Week: First Job Second Verse

  1. Regarding the site, I’m sure plenty of us would be willing to help out. Personally, I have several dedicated servers with lots of free space that could host. And I’m no stranger to hacking up WordPress to do things it wasn’t meant to do – I’ve got several such sites. So that aspect is a money and time sink that could be alleviated, so you’d be mostly free to focus on content.

    1. Bay says:

      Just replying here to say thank you, and I have indeed seen your offer. I don’t know how to actually implement it in any capacity, but I’d absolutely take the help. New jobs got me working every day for training so this is my first time on my computer since Thursday. I wasn’t ignoring your comment, I just didn’t have time to reply. I’ll probably have you talk to Peter if your offer to help is sincere.

      1. That is absolutely a sincere offer. Send me an email or Signal or whatever – plenty of ways to reach me

  2. Lars says:

    We don’t have either of our parents, and I’m trying to juggle a lot of eggs and a lot of baskets.

    Wait, What?! Has something happen to Heather, or did that (just) regard to the doctor or webside stuff?

    The answer might be in the text as well:

    We keep trying to tiptoe around the hard things as gracefully as dad did but it just leads to questions I can’t answer, and there’s so much behind the scenes.

    If it’s a question you can’t answer: Don’t! But you got me worried.

    1. doran says:

      Previous post “Some unaesthetic mental health: the plural they” had this

      > I loved and admired my dad, but I was also very much abused growing up, those things also feel mutually exclusive. But if my dad taught me anything, it’s that they aren’t. Someone can make a valiant and honest effort to do better, and still fail. Dad never spoke from a place of anger about his own dad, even though he had every right and even reason to. My dad was a live-in absentee father, and my mom is now entirely estranged from myself and my brothers. There can be sad and horrible without cartoon villains. I won’t speak much on mom, since she’s very much alive and able to be affected by things I make public, but just know things are better for everyone this way. No need to prod the nest or play the white knight, the dust has settled and we are all much better off. I hope she is too.

      1. Lars says:

        Ah. Thanks for reminding. The first few sentences were probably to shocking to fully comprehend the latter ones. Again: “it just leads to questions I can’t answer”

  3. Fizban says:

    As we say during Desert Bus (For Hope):
    Red (5/rover/insert meme here) standing by!

    I read a lot of fanfic so I’m no stranger to long waits between updates, and I’m glad this has become something you look forward to.

  4. Sleeping Dragon says:

    Take all the time you need. Your dad managed to make this into his job but you’re doing it as an extra thing while, like you said, spinning other plates. That, understandably, takes time, resources, and spoons.

    Slowly this has become less of an obligation and wanting to keep dad alive in some little bit, to being a place I actually am looking forward to writing for each week.

    It makes me very happy to hear this. I’m not going to pretend to understand how complicated on a personal level it must have been trying to run the blog after your dad, I do remember in the early epilogue posts someone, possibly several people, posted that it was not your intention to replace your dad and a number of us said that we don’t expect that of you and if you want to keep this place alive you will have to make it your own. It makes me glad to see that you’ve persisted through the hurdles so far and reached a point where posting here gives you at least some measure of joy.

  5. Hyacynthia says:

    I don’t have nearly as visible a presence to manage, but I relate to what you’ve shared of what’s going on in a lot of ways. You have my sincerest sympathies for all that you’re going through right now. I wish that I had the stability to be able to help in some more direct fashion. All I can do is say that I’ll keep checking back here now and again and I hope that you are able to find a balance that doesn’t burn you out.

    I’ve been struggling a lot lately to learn that ‘doing my best shouldn’t mean hurting myself in the process’ – I hope that you also manage to keep yourself from harm as best you’re able to during this trying, overburdening, time.

  6. PPX14 says:

    Congrats on the job! It seems to be difficult to get stable work these days, hopefully this will at least provide some financial stability.

  7. pseudonym says:

    Take care! All of you.

    I don’t visit the site as often as I used too, but I still enjoy reading it regularly. The posts that are written for the enjoyment of the writer have always been the best on this site. Somehow that passion shines through. A lot of words to say that my readership won’t be affected, for what it is worth.

  8. Thomas says:

    I am very pleased to see that there are still posts on Twenty Sided and wishing you all the best.

    The site rework is an exceptional bit of work under exceptional circumstances, so for what it’s worth, I think it would be completely appropriate to look to one-off crowd funding options if necessary- but as always, the most important thing is that you look after yourself 100%.

Thanks for joining the discussion. Be nice, don't post angry, and enjoy yourself. This is supposed to be fun. Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked*

You can enclose spoilers in <strike> tags like so:
<strike>Darth Vader is Luke's father!</strike>

You can make things italics like this:
Can you imagine having Darth Vader as your <i>father</i>?

You can make things bold like this:
I'm <b>very</b> glad Darth Vader isn't my father.

You can make links like this:
I'm reading about <a href="">Darth Vader</a> on Wikipedia!

You can quote someone like this:
Darth Vader said <blockquote>Luke, I am your father.</blockquote>

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.