Projects vary in attitude and tempo. Some are fierce battles against the usual spectres: Tight deadlines, insidious bugs, creative ennui, and capricious hardware. These projects form a series of challenges wherein I can, at the end, sprint across the finish line, weary arms upraised in triumph. Bruised but not beaten, tired but defiant in the face of adversity. When this happens I usually visualize myself stepping over the bodies of these metaphorical foes, dispatched with cold efficency borne of raw skill. The end of the project is the moment where I don my Neo sunglasses, turn to the camera and say something cool and catchphasey.
This is not the sort of project I’m on right now. No, my current project lends itself to a different sort of metaphor:
FRODO: The slopes of mount doom! Alas, I am so tired.
SAM: We're fresh out of coffeee too, sir.
FRODO: No matter sam. It doesn't matter. We're here at last. Mount doom. It's been a long road to get here. We got here without knowing the way, without a guide, on a shoestring budget.
SAM: No mistake that, Mister Frodo. I fancy most of the people who sent us don't even know what we've been through or what it took to get here. Imagine them putting just the two of us on a job this size!
FRODO: You are right Sam. But soon we can rest. Let us be rid of this burden, once and for all. Let us cast the ring into the fire and be done with it.
SAM: You said it, sir.
FRODO: Fine. Hand me the ring, Sam.
SAM: ... Sir?
FRODO: The ring, Sam. Give it here, that I may cast...
SAM: Yes, sir. It's just that... Bringing the ring was your job.
FRODO: You don't have the ring?
SAM: No sir.
FRODO: You fat imbicile. You mean we've been striving all these weeks and months, away from our families, pulling all-nighters, for nothing!?!
SAM: Surely not nothing, Mister Frodo...
FRODO: Don't you understand? We're salary. We don't get overtime! What have you done?!?
SAM: Begging your pardon sir. But my job was to get you here. Your job was the ring. I did my job.
FRODO: You stubby backstabber! Your job was to help me deliver the ring, not just follow me around being polite and useless!
SAM: Sorry Frodo. I filled my part of the spec, and a bit of yours I'll wager.
FRODO: Fat lot of good it did me, or anyone else, since we don't have the f#@!ing ring!
SAM: No sense getting upset now. You'll have to go back for it.
FRODO: Well I hope you're not planning on doing anything for the rest of the summer! You're coming with me!
SAM: Oh no. Here he comes.
SAURON, THE DARK LORD OF THE RING: Do you two have any idea how late you are? You were supposed to deliver weeks ago.
FRODO & SAM: *gulp*
SAURON: Do you have any idea what the daily operating costs are for The War Of The Ring? It's huge. We are facing an incredible burn rate, here. My budget is hosed, and you two stroll in here almost a month late?
FRODO & SAM: This is very frightening!
SAURON: (sigh) So be it. Late is late. These things happen. Let's put this behind us and move on. Just hand over the ring...
FRODO & SAM: (pointing at each other) It's his fault!
Yes, I know this site has been rubbish lately. A quick scan through the past few weeks reveals lots of “random thoughts” and an alarming number of “rants”, but very little in the way of actual Anime, Video Games, and Geek Culture. The latter items I consider to be the core and purpose of this site, but my recent lifestyle changes have left little time for pursuing that sort of thing.
Maybe this doesn’t even bother most readers, but it’s really bugging me. I use this site as a way to discuss and share my various hobbies, which becomes tricky when I’m not practicing any of those said hobbies. The site is now a Nebraskan surfboard: Unable to put it to it’s proper use, I drag it out into the yard once in a while, teeter back and forth on it, making a very grand fool of myself.
Still, the new theme is nice, innit?
Games and the Fear of Death
Why killing you might be the least scary thing a game can do.
What Does a Robot Want?
No, self-aware robots aren't going to turn on us, Skynet-style. Not unless we designed them to.
DM of the Rings
Both a celebration and an evisceration of tabletop roleplaying games, by twisting the Lord of the Rings films into a D&D game.
Crysis 2 has basically the same plot as Half-Life 2. So why is one a classic and the other simply obnoxious and tiresome?
Why Batman Can't Kill
His problem isn't that he's dumb, the problem is that he bends the world he inhabits.