T w e n t y S i d e d
Note: We managed to create a Twenty Sided supergroup in Champions Online. If you’re in the game and you’d like to join, send a /tell to @shamus_young.
A reader has passed along three 14-day trials for Champions Online. Now I’ll have a total of 32 character slots to play with! Awesome.
No, that wouldn’t be right. Perhaps giving them away is the best move. But how to decide who gets them? How about this: Write a character bio for a superhero. The three people with the most interesting / exciting / compelling / entertaining stories will get the trial accounts and be able to freeload around around the world of Champions for 14 glorious days.
Even if you’re not taking part, feel free to “nominate” ones you like and give approval to entries that really work for you. I promise to maybe take these suggestions into account, or not.
The rules:
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- While the bio of a poetic hermit who lives alone and has no powers might be interesting, the goal here is to design someone you might plausibly play in the game. While you don’t HAVE to create or play the character if you win, it would be cool if you did. Having said that, feel free to make whatever and pick whatever tone you like. Gritty, absurdist, satirical, whimsical? Whatever works for you works for me.
- The system requirements fall somewhere in the “totally not kidding around” area of the spectrum. Please don’t enter if you can’t run it, because you might win, and not be able to use the trial. And then there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.
- The in-game limit for your bio is exactly 500 characters, so let’s impose that same obnoxious limit to this competition, just to be annoying. You can use this applet to check your character count. To make things interesting, I will be ruthless and pedantic about this.
- Do try to observe the normal rules you’d be bound by in the game and avoid the use of sex, drugs, profanity, or anything else that would bring down in-game moderator wrath. And yes, I know some ass is going to demand that these rules be explicitly defined, enumerated, and justified to their satisfaction, because some people are legalistic cranks who would rather haggle over the letter of the law than obey the spirit of the law. In order to counter this, I promise to be completely unfair and arbitrary. Look, just leave out the cussing and humping and doing heroin and this won’t be a problem.
- The trial key is just a big long string of letters. That’s all I have to give. Downloading the software, getting it to run, and managing your life afterward is your problem.
- Please leave your entry in the comments below. No, don’t twitter them into your MyFacebook feed reader from an email on your iPhone, because I find the technology you young people use to be incomprehensible and occasionally frightening.
- What happens next depends a lot on how many entries there are. If there are just a handful, I’ll probably pick the winners myself. If there are a lot and it’s hard to decide, I might put up a poll. Basically, we’re winging it.
- I’ll be notifying the winner via the email in your comment, so make sure that’s a real email that you check.
- I’ll only consider entries posted before 8am EST on October 15th. So, you have until tomorrow morning (New York time) to post. This is so I can do any tie-breaking or whatever on Thursday and get the winners their prizes before the weekend. That’s the plan, anyway.
- Lists of rules seem to always have exactly ten items, don’t they?
The fine print:
Yes, the rules are hazy and possibly unfair. This is not because I want to be unfair, but because running a rigorous and carefully balanced contest is a TON of work. Far more than I could afford to put into this. I want this to be fun and lighthearted. It’s just a 14 day trial for an MMO, not a New Car for crying out loud. Please don’t freak out if the rules seem a little mushy or if things don’t go your way. It’s either this or I just pick three winners at random. I thought this would be more fun. Some restrictions may apply. Void where prohibited. DO NOT EAT.
Edit: All done. Thanks for entering, but please stop now.
Revisiting a Dead Engine
I wanted to take the file format of a late 90s shooter and read it in modern-day Unity. This is the result.
The Best of 2016
My picks for what was important, awesome, or worth talking about in 2016.
Starcraft 2: Rush Analysis
I write a program to simulate different strategies in Starcraft 2, to see how they compare.
Spider-Man
A game I love. It has a solid main story and a couple of really obnoxious, cringy, incoherent side-plots in it. What happened here?
Why Batman Can't Kill
His problem isn't that he's dumb, the problem is that he bends the world he inhabits.
Are we, entertained spectators and non-participants of this Comic Royale, allowed to comment on the different contesters to make fun of/congratulate/LoL?
SolkaTruesilver: Feedback strongly encouraged.
Name:
Oliver (Olly) Spengler – Egon
Powers:
Super Speed and Super Strength (how generic)
Bio:
In a misguided attempt to fight bordeom he signed up for a not-so-secret run of government experiments he saw on TV. Through the magic of genetic recombination he was granted both super strength and speed. It sounds good but the scientists forgot to think things through and neglected to give him anything resembling super toughness. Being strong enough to punch through a wall is great, if your arm doesn’t end up broken in the process… 5 years and 1 protective suit later, he is known as Egon!
B-b-but . . . I like eating!
89yr old WWII Veteran Jerry Attrick was resigned to living out the rest of his life bored and lonely in the The Shady Pines Nursing home, but after he started a new vitamin regiment the latent “failed” super soldier serum he was administered 65 years earlier kicked in. He he was faster and stronger than he had ever been in his life. Tired of the crime and societal decay around him, he took up crime fighting while maintaining his secret identity as a doddering old man in a nursing home.
My current character:
Ezechiel the Mecha-Angel (picture here, hopefully: http://champions-online.com/character_profiles/1206320/biography)
Power Armor framework (shoulder mounted rocket launchers and such silliness) plus Fire Flight with a golden / white aura.
My original bio was much longer than this, though still with deliberate holes between the “verses” I would fill out as time went on… and then I realized there was a stupid 500 characters cap.
Not that a longer version would have made this silly idea on how to present a back-story any better :D
Ezechiel, 3
1. And I beheld the angels. Michael And Uriel stood and there Ezechiel lay.
2. And Uriel spake thus: “Lo, our brother hast fallen, betrayed by the Enemy”. And Michael said unto him “It matters not. For we can rebuild him, we have the technology. He shall be better, stronger, faster.”
Ez., 5:1 Yea, though thy walkst through the valley of the shadow of death, thou shall fear no evil, for thy Bolter shalt protect thee, and thist Heat Seeking Missiles shalt slay thy enemies.
Am I the first to wonder why a 14 day TRIAL of a MMO is something you need to have a contest to give away? Can an interested player not just acquire one by giving out some personal information to the company running the MMO?
Random internet anecdote: I started subscribing to WOW after a free trial, and am enjoying the DDO free to play thing at the moment and may well eventually give them some money.
Ralph: This early in an MMO, you generally have to pay for the game first. Once they get everyone willing to cough up the $50 entry fee, they wait a bit and then start the free trials.
An important advantage is that gold farmers often use an endless procession of free trials. This “buddy system” let’s them hand out trials to people that are very likely to be real people and not farmers or bots.
I like how you think, Shamus.
Bio:
“Jeremy, exploring rolling, grassy wilds near his home, came upon a strange sight – a large, floating orange crystal. Jeremy moved to grab it.
Gripped by the being living inside the gem, the grass turned to ash, scourged by a firestorm. It seemed as if space itself would burn. Jeremy blacked out.
He awoke near a strange city. Millenial City, he would find, knew nothing of his home.
Stripped of everything familiar, but given power over fire, Netherblaze lives only to share the inferno within.”
Let me know what you think, and don’t hold back! I’m almost more interested in literary criticism than I am the trial…
My system config is slightly better than the min they claim you need: I run XP, 2.4 Ghz dual-core (6600), 2gig ram, GeForce 7900 GS.
I have to say the game is kind of sluggish. Even with the “half-resolution” button clicked, it’s annoying sometimes. Not sure if that’s my system, or the game.
Moral of the story: have a gaming system less than 4 years old.
I would recommend to do like Shamus, as in:
1- Write your 500-char piece, which will be entered into the contest, and judged
2- If you really want to expand your character concept, please have fun and write a detailed storyline. Those are always interesting to read, even if it won’t be considered into the contest.
StegaSam!
Sam Morris is a big gam hunter from the future. Seeking a real challange, Sam travels back in time to hunt Dinosaurs. Unfortunately, Sam cuts his last trip too close to their armageddon, and the meteor enters Earth’s atmosphere as he is returning to his own time. Not only he he thrown from his own timeline, his genes get contanimated with Dinosaur DNA, leaving him with thick skin and sharp spikes. Now known as StegaSam, he looks for a way home, trying to help a few people along the way.
(I do not want to enter this contest, Shamus. This is a pure fun-related posting, of a character concept I just winged. Please comment on it, but do not make me win :) )
“Mr. Wright has had a very quiet and recluse life, studying hard and learning about the world. He completed a doctorate of Physics, which allowed him to learn of the Laws of the Universe. He then complete a Law post-doctorate, in order to find loopholes and argue those same Laws. He can find why and where things that Are should no longer be. He can appeal the Law of Gravity, and delay the enforcement of the Rule of Thermodynamics.
He is, the Rule Lawyer.”
A couple of questions:
1. What is the name of Twentysided’s Supergroup? Is it simply “Twentysided”, in which case I shall feel like quite the fool for asking such an obvious question?
2. Can I have all eight of my characters join this Supergroup? (Hurray for severe altoholism!)
3. If one is already playing this game, can they still enter the competition, so as to give the guest pass to a friend?
Rolaran: It’s “Twenty Sided”
The more the merrier.
Yes, you can enter and do what you like with the guest pass.
I’m tempted to try my hand, though it’ll have to wait til after work. Thing is, I know nothing about what sorts of powers are possible in the game, which makes it hard to try to come up with a playable concept. This being an MMO, I assume there are multitudinous web pages where borderline autistics obsessively document the crunchy numbers in their copious free time? Anyone want to recommend a good one o look at?
Is there a limit on entries? I would like to do at least one silly entry and one serious entry.
Entry the first:
Evie Eaton was once just a pretty rave girl until one fateful day. Wandering the Nevada desert searching for a hidden rave when she happened across the American branch of the Mongoose ninja clan. The ninja informed her that she had passed the first test to join them, and when she realized that refusing their invitation meant death she agreed to join. After all, a secret ninja enclave is, like, the most exclusive party in the world, right?
Thus was born the RAVE NINJA.
Eh…this would probably chug like a bastard if I tried to get it running, so I’m not going to formally enter, but I might throw something together just for fun later.
A small blue planet
Splash! It lands in the desert:
Hero from beyond
A hero has come here from space.
Its goal is to clean up this place.
It looks like a plant,
but moves like an ant,
Flower Power hasn’t a vase.
Not that you would, but don’t win me. Feel free to ridicule me though!
Andrew was just a normal psychology student until, one day, during his junior year abroad in Ireland, he found a book on Freud whose paper had been enchanted by pagan priests millenia earlier. Upon reading the first page, he was suffused by eldritch magic, and found himself in touch with the woodlands, but completely unable to restrain his own basic instincts and bestial nature. He immediately left school (with gentlemanly C’s) to fight crime as the DrewId!
[Sidenote: I think “The SuperEgo” makes a great name for a nemesis.]
Despite knowing she was destined for greatness Betsy ‘2 ks’ Klark languished in middle management support. That all changed when she was sent on a double soy, half-caff mocha run and was hit in the head by a rock that fell from the sky. When she awoke days later she was out of a job. With no more money to pay for her iphone to twitter and post on her blog she had no choice but to develop superpowers. And so Lost Tech Girl was born! That was no ordinary rock that had hit her after all!
He always wanted to ba an hero, but he was born in wrong family/planet/dimension. So he started hanging around chemical and nuclear plants, but he managed only to catch a bad cough and a record at homeland security. He tried calling on assorted supernatural entities, but he only got voiceboxes. He tried a spider bite, but only got a nasty swelling. He decided to build a power armor, but only managed to be elettrocuted. But that at last did it! Now he fight the crime with lightning as Voltampere!
John Stanfield, a brilliant scientist, was working on a chemistry project when some of the experimental reagents made their way into a TV dinner he was eating near his work table. After eating that meal, his digestive system underwent an unexpected change. He had always had trouble with spicy foods, but he gained the power to manifest his intestinal distress on the environment around him. Donning the mask of a super hero, he now fights crime as El Charrito!
These are too good.
Name: Dr. Lovecraftian
Powers: Anything that looks suitably Cthulhu-esque (This is loosely based on the character I made to try out the Darkness power set).
Bio:
So let’s say, hypothetically, you’re a lab tech working on a dimensional energy experiment, and a containment breach turns you into the earthly vessel of Nilb’Akh’Tnadres, the Thousand Arms From Beyond Void. What do you do? Go mad from the experience, maybe toss a couple cars around? Sure, maybe. Except it turns out Nilb is pretty cool, he just wants to hang out. (His home dimension is kind of a dump after all.) So what do you do with your eldritch powers? Fight crime of course. Duh.
[Insert vaguely sour-grapes rant about system requirements here] ;)
Name: Player One
John Adams was playing CO one day while updating the OS on his new zPhone –the one with the nuclear powered batteries– and listening to some Final Fantasy soundtrack music on his new headphones (with the new space-age speaker material) when he was suddenly struck by a giant bolt of lightning. When he awoke, he realized he was now living inside the CO game! He can still access the wider internet on his phone, so the first thing he did was head to a character creation website.
First post here, but have been lurking around for a good while. Hey folks!
—-
presenting Simon the Strange, former sanatorium inmate.
After being released from the mental ward, Simon was quickly brought back in: He claimed that, in the past week, invisible pixies had slowly taken over his body and urged him to use his newly-granted super powers to fight crime and other assorted nastiness. After rigorous testing, the doctors had no choice but to agree that he had in fact been possessed by pixies. Upon being released, he vowed to fulfill his destiny and become a true hero.
—
The applet tells me it’s 500 characters exactly. Give or take a few line breaks.
Real Name : Jack Silver
Super Hero Identity : Text-Teen
Powers: Speedster
Description (In Game – 497 characters) :
17 yr old Jack Silver hld the Record as the fstst txtr 102 wrds pr min he culd txt fstr thn mst culd typ Bt whl on a skool tour of M Ctys Nclear PWR Fclty th rdtn frm a cntainmnt leak cmbnd wth th rf nrgy frm th 2 cll phns in hs hnds and wrlss hedset causng a mttn Nw Jck culd mv as fst as he culd txt Th only prblm is he is nw only abl 2 thnk r cmmnct in TXT-SPK at spr spd Ttlly Incmprhnsbl whn syng EL OH EL out loud he strggls 2 fnd hs wy thru ths spr-pwrd wrld wth almst no ptienc fr othr ppl
Description (Translated) :
17 year old Jack Silver held the world record as the fastest texter there was. At 102 words per minute (If you could call them words) he could text faster than most were capable of typing. But while on a school tour of a Millennium City’s Nuclear Power Facility, the radiation from a containment leak combined with the RF Energy from the two cell phones in his hands and wireless headset, causing a mutation. Now Jack could move as fast as he could text. The only problem is he is now only able to think or communicate in ‘txt-spk’ at super speed. Totally incomprehensible when saying EL OH EL out loud, he struggles to find his way through this super-powered world with almost no patience for other people.
[Echo Kramer’s vaguely sour-grapes rant about system requirements here] ;)
“Aim away from face”
I nominate Fuzzyillogic (spelling problems aside – his was the only one that made me react).
(Trianglehead’s popped up and is pretty good too!)
I agree that fuzzyillogic’s is quite good. The line about Homeland Security was hilarious, and I love the triumphant ending. Also a fan of Jerry Attrick up near the top, and Simon the Strange (whose nemesis would, of course, be James Randi ;-) ).
Dev Null,
http://championsonline.wikia.com/wiki/Champions_Online_Wiki
I found out that, coincidentally, Netherblaze could pick up some dimension/darkness powers on the side.
More detailed info and pics are here, though it’s not complete.
Character:
Maiden America
Powers:
Unarmed Martial Arts / Heat Vision
Pic:
http://www.champions-online.com/character_profiles/62832/biography
Bio:
“AMERICA’S DARLING”
Associated Press
MILLENIUM CITY – She is called “America’s Darling” not only because she is the niece of the great All-American, but also because of her down-home values, cheerleader good looks, and especially her dedication to keeping this land safe. At her young age she has already gained quite a bit of popularity, but Maiden America seems to handle it all with grace and style, even making time to speak to other young women about becoming heroes in their own lives.
I love this, and love you guys.
I third the kudos to fuzzyillogic. Could use some minor finessing on grammar, but it’s a fine tale! I did giggle at the Homeland Security bit. :)
Superhero Name: REX
Secret Identity: Dr. Braun
Braun always looked the part of the jock, but preferred the lab to the stadium. After inadvertently electrocuting himself during an attempt to create life from scratch, electricity bound itself to his vital systems. This experience also seemed to give him a special connection with electronic devices, allowing him to communicate with them. Doing research and experiments by day, REX uses his evenings to incapacitate criminals with the armor suit he personalized for the purpose.
(This is actually a slight variation on a character I’m using in an MNM campaign I’m in right now.) :)
Hey, this sounds like fun.
Name: Cobalt
Secret Identity: Aaron Cooper
Powers: All manner of gadgets–grappling hooks, wrist mounted flamethrowers, giant magnets, wireless internet, you name it.
—————————–
Aaron Cooper was an inventor who had been hired by the hero Firestorm to develop gadgets to supplement his powers. However, one day, while Firestorm was testing Cooper’s new jetpack, he was sniped by an assassin hired by a rival hero, and killed. At that moment, Cooper decided to take matters into his own hands. Outfitting himself with much of his own technology, he fights crime to gain a good standing with the other heroes, so that he may find out the identity of his friend’s killer.
—————————————
Damn character count. I had to cut some of the good bits :<
Name: DOCTOR ROCKET!
Secret Identity: Doctor Jackson Chamberlain
Powers: A retro-styled rocket pack, plasma pistols and cool goggles
Bio:
Jackson Chamberlain is a literal rocket scientist. With degrees in six disciplines, he is a well-respected man in his fields of study; however, costumed vigilantism was a childhood dream of his, so when he designed a low-fuel, reasonably affordable rocket pack, there was only one thought in his mind. Devising a protective outfit including goggles and a crash helmet, he hastily drew up designs for twin fusion pistols and took to the skies as Doctor Rocket!
Superhero Name: Bearsy
Real Name: NA
Bearsy belongs to a race of highly-impressionable teddy bear-like aliens with prodigious strength and capacity for alcohol. Bearsy is convinced that he is a 1930s-era gangster. His goal in life is to lose his electricity and lightning based powers so he can use a real tommy-gun, though he is attached to the lightning coin he flips. You wanna make sumfin’ of it, flatfoot?
His weaknesses are detective novels and villains pointing out that he is acting outside his character concept.
[This entry is just for fun, I can’t support CO on my computer]
Superhero Name: Baron Glad
Secret Identity: Baron Bad
Powers: the strength of ten men, insufferable cheeriness, mustache that grows at will
The teenage Baron Bad, scion of the proud Bad clan of super-villain aristocrats, one day discovered an Ann of Green Gables discarded by a prisoner in the 37th torture room. Since then he has secretly cultivated a life as a sentimental super-hero. His goals are to own a pony and a collection of harlequin romance novels, if he can sneak them past his parents.
I like the idea of the nonagenarian hero, myself.
Here’s mine–remember, this is just for fun, as I’m not sure my sluggish-when-playing-multiplayer lappy’d run it properly.
Superhero Name: Paradigm Shift
Secret Identity: Robert Collings
Powers: Flying, Guns, Tax Evasion
Robert Collings, CEO of Thrust, Inc, discovered a tax loophole that allowed massive writeoffs to any company sponsoring superheroism. He fraudulently registered a superhero identity, then (in the best traditions of corporate leaders everywhere) prayed nobody would notice. Unfortunately, the registration was turned up by an audit, and Collings was forced by court order to actually go fight crime when his schedule permitted. His powers and costume designed by committee, his name chosen from a corporate contest (prize: a free paperweight!), he flies out on weekends to battle evil.
I don’t have the system requirements, so this isn’t an entry into the contest.
But anyway…
Granny:
“Well, hello, dearies! Would you nice young men like some cookies? Well. How rude. Those youngsters just run away when someone’s talking to them.”
She roams the streets trying to get young people to talk to her. Eating her cookies is the number two cause of fatality among criminals this year, but that has “statistical clustering” written all over it.
She trained under the head chef of the negative five-star restaraunt “Le Unedibule” in her youth, and now she is bringing her food to the criminal element in the city, attempting to touch their hearts and awaken them to the power of love.
Not in the contest, since I already bought the thing. So instead of writing a hero description, how about a villain?
——————
Champions! Heroes they call themselves! I have saved the city more times than I can count. But anyone can make a mistake. I overslept, thinking the city was safe, and a Hive Queen injected her eggs into the mayor. He erupted in larvae during a speech, and now I am nothing.
I will build you a nemesis, you proud, pretty Champions. It will be a robot you cannot defeat. One that can build copies of itself. A creature without remorse, pity or shame. The arms will be leaf blowers, the body covered with car alarms, the brain run by spambot software, and a voice made of sampled infomercials!
Look on Cybernia pestis and despair!
————-
Really, there were leaf blowers outside my apartment at 7:00 am this morning. And more than 50 pieces of spam in my mailbox, including a phishing thing about my website settings being changed…. Sheesh!
Entry the second.
The Grey Lion is an alien named for the uncanny resemblance of his head to that of the Earth carnivore. Long lived and noble describes the Lion who claims to be the last of his race. In reality he is 211 years old which is about equivalent to a 13 year old human. His parents needed a break from his adolescent self importance and left him on Earth to play out a superhero fantasy. Though he seems stoic and noble to humanity, the reality is this is all just a fantasy summer camp to him.
Hi; long time reader, first time poster (all it took was the offer to win fabulous prizes to get me to post). Here I go:
Adam Wicker was dying when the ethereal Nightlord approached him with a bargain: he would restore Adam’s health and grant him minor magic power, but in exchange, Adam would be forced to do his bidding on every solstice. Adam agreed but, after the first solstice, despaired to learn Nightlord had committed murder through him. Incensed, Adam took the guise of Equinox to avenge the victims–and himself. Armed with a magic rod and the power to sense evil, Equinox works to foil Nightlord’s evil plans.
Alright here goes. 499 characters if the link you have is right. I didn’t read through the other 40 something posts so hopefully he is sort of original. Then again just about every character concept out there has been done. Some definitely more than others which was the goal of my bio.
Ok lets see. PARENTS SHOT IN A DARK ALLEY. RAISED BY THE BUTL...That's not going to work. That was that guy in the other city.BITTEN BY A RADIOACTIVE...That's not going to do it either. Why are all the cool bio's taken already? Sheesh.Hmm what about... no no that was Mr Pee's story.Well, there's the truth I guess.Laid off, his wife left him taking the house and kids. Dignity gone he did the only thing he could think of. He became a superhero. They pay is good. Right?Thanks for the support, and sorry about the grammar: I’m not a native english speaker, and I wrote it down in a hurry during lunch break at work… :p
@MichaelG
When I thought about it, Rule Lawyer shouldn’t be a super-hero. He should be a supervillain!!!
What will be his next superplan? Find an exception to the rule: “Every rule has it’s exception”.
Hero name: Silhouette
Powers: Darkness
Bio:
Tracy was working as a secretary deep in the bowels of Detroit’s new nuclear power plant when Dr. Destroyer attacked. When rescue crews eventually found her, it looked like she was lit from behind, so they could only see her silhouette… but it turned out, that’s all she was. Shunned by those who were once her friends, she fills her loneliness fighting crime wherever shadows are found.
(This is the character I started playing around with last night. She’s as dark as can be, except for her eyes.)
Hero Name: Nun-Dead
Powers: Summon/Control Undead, life draining, Flying
While Sister Mary Francis was paying her respects to a departed loved one, at the cemetery, the dead began to rise and attack her. She fled to the church and cleansed her wounds with holy water, this prevented her from turning undead but left her powers of the undead. Now she has dedicated her life to banishing the living dead. And she hates flying nun jokes.
Here’s my entry, Shamus:
Name: Regret
Powers: Super-strength, agility, precognition (or a reasonable facsimile thereof)
Bio: Regret doesn't really believe she has any superpowers. She simply regrets nothing. In a distant future that no longer exists, the dying old woman she used to be wished for a chance to go back and do it all over. Somehow, in some incredible way, her wish came true. She has made good use of the opportunity to never make the wrong decision. Is this just a vain dream brought on by her body's final agony? Or is this power the potential hidden in every human being, if only they choose to seek it?
Should be exactly 500 characters.
It’s hard to fit my story into 500 characters, but it’s time to tell the world:
Bert Nerdberg was mild-mannered laundromat attendant until a horrific dryer accident sent his life into a spin cycle.
In a terrible storm, armed thugs robbed his store, and caught Bert trying to hide in an industrial-strength clothes dryer. Locking him in and smashing the controls, the thugs left Bert to his fate.
Lightning then struck the laundromat, sending gigawatts of power into the amok dryer. Bert was gone. Part man, part laundry LintMan emerged to fight crime (and tough stains)!
Entry the third:
In the time of ancient Athens there was a troll who stood out from others of his kind. He preferred to lurk around the philosophical forums rather than under bridges. Unfortunately his tendency toward trouble got the better of him and he would initiate discussions designed to create fights between the philosophers. Once his was found out an enchantress was hired to turn him to stone. Thousands of years later the spell wore off and now he seeks to redeem himself.
He is the FORUM TROLL.
Go Jerry Attrick!
Ah, yet another entry that cannot win. Sadly, I can’t support Champions on my PC either. Too bad.
Name: Billy “The Kid” Ramsey
Powers: Stubborn Behavior, Ramming into Things, and Eating Things Man Was Not Meant to Eat
Bio: A teenage goat-man with an attitude, Billy hails from the distant planet of Goatstar. His powers are decidedly goat-like in nature, mainly charging around and butting enemies with his horns. Billy eats barbed wire and roofing nails to make himself tougher. In fact, the more he eats, the stronger he gets. This unfortunate habit occasionally gets him into trouble with local hardware stores and recycling facilities. With cut-off blue jeans and a torn denim jacket to match, he is one bad billy goat.
Name: Captain Squidface
Powers: Super Strength, Claws, Flight
Bio: What happened when teen Mad Scientist in Training decided to experiment on his little brother, combining the DNA of everything from the dog to the calamari in dinner to the cat to the bat that the cat drug in?
You get an abomination that only a Lovecraftian could love!
Hounded by wannabe cultists, reporters, and monster hunters, little Louis Phillips just wants to be a normal kid. Instead, he is forced to fight crime and monsters as, CAPTAIN SQUIDFACE!!
For what it’s worth: I nominate Trianglehead’s Text-Teen.
Not only is it a humorous bio that some people are going have fun deciphering, but the inevitable in-game abbreviated speech actually fits with his character concept.
Kudos
Ok, I’ll try it, too. Hope the bio is ok, after all Captain Kraut never saw action and is very peaceful.
Name: Captain Kraut
Bio:
Faced with the constant threat of Captain America beating up their troops or even their Fà¼hrer, the nazis started a program to use their science (that sneers at everything) to create their own super heros. The program ran only during december 44 and was ended as failure after the only man changed into a super hero, Captain Kraut, not only received super powers but was also turned into a peaceful fat bavarian and never saw action.
He loves Sauerkraut, Bratwà¼rste and Bier more than anything else.
Outfit:
something like this
Name: Roy Mongo the Mad Virtuoso
Powers: Mastery of firearms, kickin’ bass lines
Bio:
Roy Mongo was just a bored guitarist in a sea of identical guitarists playing Iron Man.But then one day he discovered an instrument he did like to play: High powered munitions.The firing of a bullet was the sweetest note of all.The percussion of rockets,the rhythm of assault fire.And aiming at people made it sound all the better…
Fortunately for citizens everywhere,the innocent have a terrible sound; the Country-Rap of humans.So the Virtuoso practices his deadly music on the scum of the city.
Being slightly serious:
John Webster taught literature and philosophy in college, specialising in postmodernism and text deconstruction. With a help of an ancient manuscript found within a library book, he learns that world he is living in also can be seen and analysed as a story.
Detaching himself from the worldstory, he is able to make everything go the way he wants. However, with his mind and imagination not being alien enough to fully grasp the concept, his powers end up somewhat limited.
Shamus, I think you’ve started quite the avalanche.
You think being a sidekick is bad? Try being one with healing powers. Sure, I can dull pain, but what does that get me, huh? Photos of Captain Ameri-JERK, with me in the background on my toes. Where’s my action figure, huh? Where’s my lunchbox?
Well you know what? I’m gonna show ’em. My record’s squeaky-clean, and the three-day waiting period’s up. I’ve got a new costume, a big ‘ol gun, and an axe to grind with crime. Soon I’ll be the one making the headlines.
Make way for Amber Waves of Pain.
Idea #2:
Name: Emil Egress
Power: Scape goating.
Emil has the ability to swap physical locations with anyone in the world, though he cannot control these powers, making him unable to decide when or who he swaps with.
Bio:
Born in Paris. The first time Emil’s power manifested, he was being beat up by some kids from his class. He ended up accidently switching places with one of the bullies. He considered it a freak of fate, especially considering no one got hurt. The second time his powers kicked in, he was being mugged by an attacker with a knife, and he accidently switched places with a random person in a nearby apartment. The person was stabbed and killed, and Nick has since become terrified of his ability.
So many great ideas!
I’d nominate Jerry Attrick, Text-Teen and Captain Kraut (and also love the non-competing Paradigm Shift).
I’m game if just for the challenge of the thing. I hate that character limit. I had to leave out a good joke about the Norse to make it fit.
—–
Tina was just a college girl until she joined the Moonies at school to be different. When it was pointed out that joining a cult didn’t make her different she got an idea. Instead of worshiping the moon or whoever they were chanting about, she made up her own god. Tina’s thoughts had power and she accidentally willed Jast-ell-ale into existence and got powers from the new goddess of small rocks. Now working under the name Iron Pyrite Tina battles crime in the name of Jast-ell-ale.
I’ll throw an extra trial key into the pot, if you’d like, Shamus. You can email me at the email address I’m using for posting.
Hmm maybe I should know something about CO before I try and post a bio of a superhero. I didn’t include a snazzy name or what powers he would use like everyone else. I don’t know what kind of powers/weapons are available for use. Which limits what my imagination could come up with. I was thinking about a poor down on his luck guy who decides to don a costume to help pay the bills. I assumed that the quests give some kind of money or credits for completing them. His pay would be garnished for child support, etc. With no real powers could he even be a superhero in the game? Oh well the game looks decent from your comics so I will just have to live vicariously through your postings Shamus.
Already got a 30 day subscription, but I havn’t had much time to use it lately. I’d like a free trial to use on a rainy day!
Name: ‘Richard’
When the hive-mind entity from the Cygnus OB3 system successfully developed spaceflight, it sent thousands of living seeds throughout the galaxy looking for new worlds to inhabit. One of these seed-pods landed in Galatea, Ohio, where the local residents discovered a young alien lifeform who had no memory or knowledge of his own identity.
Raised as a human (dispite his obviously alien appearence), ‘Richard’ is now on a journey to discover his mysterious origins and find his own purpose in life.
Character Name: Lord of the Flies
Powers: Rabies, the inability to foam at the mouth, and witchcraft.
Bio: One of the few practitioners of witchcraft today, Bob had gotten into the dark arts for money, power, and the ability to summon a succubus. Unfortunately, he fell into a portable plot hole used to make one of the many impossible gadgets work in the Peirce Brosnan years of James Bond.
He came out dazed, without memory, and with an enraged platypus biting his arm. From this he developed rabies, and wandered into a Dues Ex Machina, giving him wings, horns, glowing eyes, and burying him under several tonnes of rubble.
Character Name: Pyrite
Powers: Gun-slinging, martial arts, high technology
Bio: Life in the valley was ~so~ boring. High school, fast cars, endless parties… Dyna just wanted to get away from it all. Her dad always comes home late ’cause of that stupid military R&D job, and her mother spends all her time hanging out with Fernando the pool boy; the estate seems so cold when there’s no one else to fill it.
Grabbing her backpack, a few of daddies toys, and a bottle of #7 hair dye, Dyna strikes out for Millennium City as Pyrite, the golden avenger.
————-
I figured I might as well create a lighthearted heroine in a game about robot cowboys seeking alimony from robotic ex-wives.
How do people get their hands on these buddy program trials?
I have several subscribing friends in the game and they can’t seem to figure out how to give out buddy keys.
Gideon Graves was a janitor at an advanced cybernetics lab until a nearby superfight sent a big rig flying through the wall of the lab, causing an explosion that destroyed most of his body. The lab director, uninsured and nearly bankrupt, made an arguably misguided attempt to restore Gideon using whatever cybernetic parts he could scrounge. Now Gideon is an unemployed patchwork cyborg, who roams the streets trying to end the sorts of fights that almost destroyed him. He is: The 9,783 Dollar Man!
I assume we’re talking one entry per customer, as otherwise best way to win is just to write a dozen of these things…So here’s another for fun.
Name: Recursive Writing
Powers: Telepathy/Shapeshifting
Bio:
“Laura was innocently reading her favorite gaming blog, when she was blindsided by an unbelievable number of amazing hero biographies.
Mind overloaded with great ideas, her brain turned on itself; a cascade of creativity crackled convulsively through every circuit.
Cackling with glee, Recursive Writing can take on the form and powers of any superhero she’s read about in 500 characters or less, or stun the guilty with the same overstimulus that triggered her own awakening. She fights crime.”
I put my votes on Fuzzyillogic´s, Drue´s and Trianglehead´s.
And here´s my poor attempt:
Character name: The Fly
Powers: Immunity to bad smells, powered annoyingness, sonic buzzing that makes people want to squish him with rage before their brain implodes.
Bio:
“The day I was born, my father dropped me into radioactive waste. After that, I was bitten by a mutant, fly-like, alien. My buzzing powers grew from one day to another, tearing appart everyone´s brains on my planet, until I was alone. That called the attention of a great wizard from other dimension, who later raised me in a moon of Jupiter and taught me how to control my powers.
Nah, I´m just kidding. I squashed a radioactive fly while waiting the bus in New York. You know, standard stuff.”
Haha, which one of Drue’s? I didn’t even think about doing multiple entries and now it’s bedtime! So no extra fun for me. Oh well, great stuff Drue. I bet you would spend the first seven days just in the character creation screen! (… I probably would too.)
Character name: Incarnate (aka Jimmy Frauswattenby)
Powers: Can call upon the fires of Hell itself. Also impervious to just about anything.
Bio: No matter how hard he tries, he can’t get the hang of being a badguy. He joined a deathmetal band, only to find the singer screaming incoherently about following God. He destroyed a Bank, that was slated for demolition the next day. When the supers showed up, he decided to don a black cloak and combat do-gooders. Using dark mail-order powers, he stalks the night beating up those unlucky enough to cross his path. Unfortunately, that is only criminals. Ah, well, beating people up is evil, right?
———–
Goodness, 500 characters is NOTHING for a bio!!! Jimmie Incarnate’s bio was WAY cooler before I had to cut out half of it :D
Anyway, I rather like the idea for this character. I would be proud to play him.
Cilens
Emelie Sharp saw the end of the world when she was six-years old. The Event, as she later named, happened while she was vacationing with her family by the Mediterranean Sea. It was real; it was unavoidable; and it would be rather unpleasant all in all–she said matter-of-factly before returning to her lunch. Since then, she’s been able to predict the future with total accuracy, but has refused to say more about The Event or her powers other than that they were really useful in college.
To borrow a phrase, entry the third. Again, just for giggles.
Name: Johnny Dynamo
Power: Power Armor
Bio:
“Johnny was born with magnetism powers, but not like Magneto. More like, “Mom, I got stuck to the toaster again. Do you know where the titanium crowbar is?”
All that changed at the airshow. As a prototype power armor flew past Johnny, the pilot was surprised by the sudden drag, and bailed. The suit immediately found a new home.
While the engineers were unable to remove the suit, they managed to rig Johnny’s innate magnetism into a dynamo to power it.
Johnny thinks it’s all pretty rad.”
I eated it :<
I love the idea for the contest, by the way.
And just ’cause I thought this one was funny:
—–
Flash Blaze was a test pilot for the military’s secret super-soldier program. On the high-tech body armor prototype’s maiden flight, he narrowly avoided falling meteoric remains of a dying alien race, by dodging into a wave of cosmic radiation, and crash landing deep in the Arizona desert. The impact revealed temple ruins left by an ancient race of Magi, a medallion which grants the power of a dead god (now powerless). Now, seeking vengeance (and a MMA contract), he fights criminals as Hero X!
My bad! I didn`t notice Drue had more entries. I was voting for “The Forum Troll” one, and since technically voting for any of his is still voting for him, I keep the vote there. I liked them all, though!
Clyde wanted nothing more than to follow in his mother’s footsteps and become a barroom brawler. Unfortunately for him, his enormous size led to any would-be challengers thinking better of it. He goaded and knocked chips from shoulders in every bar Dublin with no success, until finally a brilliant idea struck him: donning a shimmering polychromatic dress. It didn’t work, so he decided to wallop criminals instead of pub-goers and Clyde O’Scope, the Human Prism was born!
How about…
Kidnapped. Abused. Left for dead. Swept into a mix of radioactive effluent from a nuclear power plant and toxic runoff from leaky buried chemical storage tanks. Buried in the sludge, suffocating, hair and skin and radiation and chemicals combining, CHANGING. Desperation/PANIC/NoNoNo! Must LIVE!!
…
…
Filters oxygen, water, nutrients through altered, tougher skin. Changes form and regenerates in mud. Eyes gone, but senses energy of all kinds. Oozes waste.
…
LIVES!!!!
Some men are born great. Some achieve greatness. And some contentedly meander along in mediocrity. In the last category fell military Killbot 782 (J) a government issue combat droid contentedly hunting down Russian fifth columnists. Unfortunately, a recent attempt to cut government pork led to a rather large decrease in funding, and Killbot was let loose on the streets. Left with almost no marketable skills, he was forced to become a freelance superhero. A career in which he is solidly mediocre.
Hero identity: ThriftWeed.
Real name: Ben Clipson.
Age: 19
Powers: Strength, Photosynthesis, can hold breath for 10 minutes.
Bio:
Ben wanted to be a hero. He could hold his breath for 10 minutes! When the dam above his hometown broke during a duel involving a super, he saw his chance. He left a group of survivors to seek help. When almost there, the sewage plant and nuclear reactor also were destroyed. Though weak, he managed to give the position of the survivors, colapsing just afterward.
On awakening, he had algae-like growth all over his body, brute strength, and regeneration. From now on villians, fear THRIFTWEED!
I cannot enter, but can share my favorite Toon character concept from many years ago. I have no idea of CO allows this superpower or character “body”.
And a second, non-entry just for fun:
Name: Inductive Paradox
Age: ???
Powers: Technopathy.
Bio:
All heroes can be described in 500 characters or less. For if there is at least one hero that requires, say 501 characters to describe, there must be a least powerful hero possible to describe in 501 characters.
And he would be described as “The least powerful hero possible out of heroes that require 501 characters to describe.” Which description only uses 87 characters. Though it is impossible for this hero to exist, yet he exists. His name is Inductive Paradox!
For nostalgia…
Gazebo Boy
Hand Grenade Man
I’m not sure what the rules are for the contest regarding number of entries, so if we are allowed more than one bio, great!
Name: Menschen Uber
Powers: Toxin Emission, Shape-shifting, Flight.
Bio: A German assassin, Menschen Uber came to the USA folowing a contract. An unknown person was causing massive damage to various cities around the world, the most recent string of which were located in the USA. Menschen Uber was covertly hired to deal with this threat by the US government, as more public routes of enquiry would lead professional superheroes to some slight lapses of ethics on the governments part, to put it mildly.
While undercover, 20 tonnes of rubble fell on him, and upon excavation was conscripted in the fight against invading aliens.
Amen to that!
(Not that I’m submitting anything at all for this… but still. :-) )
Decades ago my uncle played Marvel Superheroes once. It was his only RPG experience. Here’s his character concept as another bit of not-a-contest-entry humor.
I quite like “Nun-dead”…puns are part and parcel to a superhero’s arsenal.
Well… I was hoping to make a post or two before the deadline… but I’ve kind of been in the hospital all day, so that was out of the question. However, I got my Fiancee’s laptop, since she knows that I’ve really wanted this game and wanted to help out. Here’s my entry, all 497 characters, straight from my hospital bed:
Name: Ped Estrian
or
By Stander
He was your typical every-pre-superhero-man. Nothing special, a typical day job, wife, 2 kids, hated his boss. Well, all that changed when a meteor fell from the sky and hit him directly in the head. From then on, he used his newfound superpowers to fight crime. Well… he would, except he didn’t get any powers from the meteor, just a concussion. Now he attempts to fight crime, and thwart the sinister White Coats, all while trying to remember how to breathe, superheroes need to breathe right?
I hope you at least can get a chuckle, Shamus. With a little bit of luck, maybe I can catch you online in the future.
Entry:
Superhero Name: Page 0
Bio:
The superhero First Sunrise defeated The Runesmaster and his minions, blasting their leader off a cliff and into the ocean below. A teen found the Runesmaster, his costume unrecognizable, washed upon the shore and rushed him to the hospital. The doctors reported that the John Doe was in a coma and the teen left. The next day the teen found the dropped book of the Runesmaster in his car and opened it to reveal its magic, starting at page 0. The teen now fights evil using the book’s magic.
I’ve been developing a team of superheroes for a while now, and what better way to let them debut here – in 500 characters or less, even!
—-
Shadows and Ice
Nariko Griffin was in her second year of business school when her powers violently manifested. Coruscating flames of ice and blinding darkness burst forth from here body, freezing her dorm room into a solid block of ice.
She went on to get a degree in Accounting.
Now she has a plan to build a commercial empire, exploiting superpowers for economic gain. Leave crimefighting for the experts – a satellite can be put in orbit for 12 billion USD… why not have a superhero do it for slightly less?
—
Captain Awesome
Walden Thoreau was a firefighter on the 50th floor of the South Tower on September 11, 2001, when his powers manifested right as the building collapsed. Unable to save anyone, he has lived with the memory for 8 years. Unable to put his incredible strength, nigh invulnerability and ability to fly to the moon to good use, he fell to alcoholism and self-destruction – Until one day a Ms Griffin approached him about using his powers commercially. Wally hopes that he will redeem himself to the fallen.
—
Doctor Wright
Casey Wright was a childhood prodigy, earning her GED at the age of 7 and graduating with a triple major at 12. She went on to get a Doctorate in Materials and Electronic Engineering and Computer Science. Now at the age of 19, she teaches part-time and occasionally models for Maxim between projects. She was recently approached by her longtime friend Nariko about joining a commercial superhero endeavor, and enthusiastically signed on, donning a suit of super-powered armor she had laying around.
—
Deathwish
Galahad Jones was given a chem set in his freshman year. Due to a manufacturing error it contained an unknown chemical and he somehow created a black tissue which latched itself onto him. In moments, it had covered his skin, imbuing him with super agility and the power to regenerate from any wound instantly.
Naturally, he began a career as a stuntman.
Some years later, he heard of commercial venture exploiting superpowers, and he has high hopes that his ability to take a hit will be noticed.
—
The Schizofriend
Michael Twain always had an overactive imagination, but one day, as he described an idea he had to a friend, his friend saw exactly what Mike was seeing. He found that, with some practice he could change the real world into the dreams he saw in his mind, psychically manipulating his environment. He could create staircases and doors wherever he pleased, change the laws of physics or even create an entirely new world at a whim, as long as he concentrated. Hopefully, this won’t drive him insane.
—
Aether
About 10 years ago, a villain traveled back in time and caused the apocalypse to happen in the year 666 AD. While time and space were set right, the dark ruler of the year 2300 from that timeline was so powerful that he refused to fade into non-existence. Aether has fled that dark false-future to this timeline, and while she lost her arms and legs in the distant past/future, she uses her amazing telekinetic powers to create prosthetics out of scraps of metal and to grant herself super strength.
—
Frankie Nitro
Frankie Nitro (yes, that is her real name) found that she was abnormally fast in high school track, and every time she timed herself, she only got faster. Eventually this developed not just into super speed, but super durability as well, as long as she was moving fast enough – she found often that she would plow through walls on accident if she didn’t pay attention. Strangely this power does not manifest unless Frankie first gains momentum, so has no powers until she takes a couple steps.
—
I plan on making this team into a Comic book (I’m writing a script for it now, and I have some character designs), but every post that Shamus makes about CO makes me want to see if I can design them in the hero builder… but I want to try it before I buy it, so here’s to hope!
In any event, trying to sum up my characters in 500 characters was a lot of fun, and I think I pulled off. Strangely, the one I had the most trouble with was Deathwish.
I like how the entries seem to come only from twentysided fans. I thought the blog might get swarmed by all sorts of people from the interwebs…
*Shudders while thinking back at the time when Battlefield Heroes gave out keys for their closed beta through contests*
Another entry, this one based on the hero my brother put together while goofing around on my account (So if it’s this one that wins, the key will go to him. Fair’s fair after all.)
Name: Radiohead
Powers: Robotic might, AM/FM reception
Bio:
Dr. Brightside finally unveiled his newest creation. The Radiohead, an android with an AM/FM radio installed in its head! And…it went over like a lead zeppelin. Critics pointed out that all he had done was replicate an experience freely available to anyone who could afford a boombox, and make it forty times as expensive. Dr. Brightside’s attempts to refine his creation led to it achieving sentience, and deciding it wanted to fight crime. Criminals beware: your doom now comes with a soundtrack.
Lady Lisanatos Vaetoren Danai
Powers: Darkness and a Glaive (spear, not thrown)
Yes, I wield powers granted by the Dark Gods. Yes, I pray to my Gods in the depths of night. No, I will not take you to my temple to involve you in some carnal ritual, because ew. No I do not conduct human sacrifices or seek to destroy all life on Earth; that would be stupid. I want the same thing as everyone else; to be able to go through the day without being attacked by a lunatic who thinks just cause he’s strong or crafty, that gives him the right to anything that I own. That and ice cream.
OOC: 499 characters, ooh yeah.
I’ve already gotten the game and even mailed Shamus in game to praise him for pimping it out to me until I submitted and forked over cash for it, but my main area of woe is that there’s no acid powers so that I can’t make my favorite character of all time: The Incredible Sea Cucumber.
The Sea Cucumber is just a normal tax accountant, and therefore with a lot of time on his hands in the off season he adventures with his less than savory superpowers fighting crime. Not only can Sea Cucumber dislodge the entire contents of his stomach, often more than could possibly be inside, the sight of such is immediately and destructively paralyzing to all that witness it. Demons from the darkest layers of Hell itself lose their lunches and have nightmares following an encounter with the Sea Cucumber, making his Rogue’s Gallery full of blind villains and icky fetishists, along with several teenage boy villains who think he’s just cool.
Name: Joe “Nutter” Thomas
Powers: a weird mish-mash of cool-looking stuff
Nemesis: Steve the dorm-mate
Bio:
One day, Joe “Nutter” Thomas’ dorm-mate Steve bet him £100 that he wouldn’t drink from a weird, bubbling flask in the uni science lab – Always up for beer money, Nutter chugged it without hesitation. After waking in the hospital, he discovered some weird new abilities & set out on a mission to claim that £100 bet from Steve, who had disappeared – and maybe use the powers to get some more beer money, as well as make for good party tricks. He might even consider that pesky student loan thing too..
@James Pope
Just use fire breath and color it like vomit. Captain Butterwolf’s primary ability is vomitting rainbows.
Just for fun since my 8 year old PC would have a heart attack if I waved any modern games at it.
During any normal alien invasion, meek old George would have simply been nothing more than collateral damage. However, George was recently injected with the DNA of a very angry primate by a mad scientist wearing a natty yellow fedora. George escaped, but was unable to continue his life as a librarian due to his uncontrollable rage and penchant for swinging from the light fittings. Now he spends his days searching for the man in the yellow hat ““ he is FURIOUS GEORGE, the furious little monkey.
Hi, long time lurker first time poster. Think that this might get alot of us out from the woodwork :)
Hope I make it in before the deadline. If World clock is to belive I should be just in time.
Name: The Reborn
Powerset: Martial Arts/Munitions maybe Single Blade not sure what will work…
Bio: Ryan lived a avrage, if dull life until his death of old age. Turned out that the Powers to Be though he had thrown his life away and gave him another chance to get it right. Upon rebirth he had all the knowled and skills of a fully grown man. He decided early that the only way to do enough with his life for two lifetimes was to be a superhero. As he’s just a normal being with no spesial powers. His only option was Charles Atlas Superpower. So he startet to learn Gun Kata from the age of three.
Should be 499 characters.
Superhero Name: Puck
Framework: Supernatural
Ned Flanagan was just a typical anthropologist, well versed in the folk lore of his native Isle of Man and given a few interviews with the fairy folks who had inspired much of it.
But then Ned was kidnapped and subjected to dark magic from times best forgotten, awaking to find himself transformed into a fairy, with vines as part of his body, furry legs, hooves, and a pair of small horns.
Now he hunts for the clues to the Fairy that did it, and fights crime with attitude, as Puck.