“Oh, I haven’t been feeling well lately. I should let my readers know what’s up.” That’s a nice enough sentiment, but it’s easy to use that as an excuse to bitch and moan about your health to the masses. I’m going to try hard not to do that here. I’ll pack all my whining into the next paragraph and then we can Get On With It Already.
It’s my eyes. I have this recurring eye problem that makes them burn and water for days at a time. When this happens I can’t adjust to light and I can barely focus. I had several days of that, and then just as it was clearing up I got something in my eye. I was setting up a fan and turned it on with the fan pointing at my face. It blew some debris in my left eye. It took a lot of blinking and flushing to get it out, and when it was over I’d managed to mildly scratch the dang thing. The result of all this misadventure is that I’ve spent the last 6 days hiding in the dark and squinting at a very blurry world. I didn’t write you any words and I didn’t record a Diecast.
I’m on the mend now and I’m going to see if I can salvage the rest of this week.
I spent a lot of my downtime watching car videos by Doug DeMuro, mostly because it was a way to enjoy my favorite flavor of fussy, knowledgeable nitpicking without needing to read any text. On Sunday the Games Done Quick charity marathon started and I switched over to that. My favorite part so far is the bit where runner jeromegood beat DOOM 2016 in under 40 minutes. (The VOD hasn’t been posted yet, or I’d link it.) That’s down from 54 minutes last year.
EDIT: My new favorite run is the Resident Evil Special Edition HD Remake GOTY Deluxe Remastered+Or whatever. Capcom has been milking this game for so long they qualify for US agricultural dairy subsidies. by the enormously polite speedrunner / death metal vocalist Pessimism. He reminds me a lot of the Adam Driver character from Logan Lucky.
EDIT AGAIN: Nope! New favorite! Dan Olson of Folding Ideas suddenly appeared to run a game I’ve never heard of and did a speedrun. It wasn’t the tightest / most impressive run I’ve ever seen, but he did real-time game analysis. This is what I’d do during my streams if I wasn’t constantly getting distracted by the game.
I mentioned last week that I’ve signed up for Origin Access, which means I have access to a lot of fresh (to me) AAA titles from EA. I tried playing a little Battlefield 1. I’m not very far into the game. The gameplay is so constricted that I can only take it in small doses. Technically the game is just as linear as Half-Life 2, but here you can feel the hand of the designer on your neck, shoving you through the intended experience. It’s always introducing new mechanics, but instead of adding mechanics to your existing options it shunts you from one fixed mode of gameplay to the next. Shoot these guys. Now throw some grenades. Now use this weapon. Now use this mounted gun. Now run down this hallway.
There’s never any illusion of making tactical decisions. There’s no pretense of finding your way through. There’s nothing that could qualify as quiet time. I know everyone makes fun of Valve and their silly fixation on see-saw physics puzzles, but after twenty minutes of Battlefield 1 I was longing for something as intellectually stimulating as stacking cinderblocks on a wooden plank.
On the other hand, the production values are astounding. The cutscenes are gorgeous, wonderfully designed, brilliantly acted, and more or less competently written. I haven’t gotten far enough to draw any conclusions about it beyond, “This looks really expensive,” but it does seem crazy that so much money is spent on something nobody seems to care about.
I haven’t tried Mass Effect Andromeda yet. Party because my eyes aren’t really ready to read dialog text and fussy crafting menus just yet, but also because I suspect the whole thing will just make me feel sad.
 Or whatever. Capcom has been milking this game for so long they qualify for US agricultural dairy subsidies.
Project Button Masher
I teach myself music composition by imitating the style of various videogame soundtracks. How did it turn out? Listen for yourself.
The Disappointment Engine
No Man's Sky is a game seemingly engineered to create a cycle of anticipation and disappointment.
The Biggest Game Ever
How did this niche racing game make a gameworld so massive, and why is that a big deal?
This Game is Too Videogame-y
What's wrong with a game being "too videogameish"?
PC Hardware is Toast
This is why shopping for graphics cards is so stupid and miserable.