I guess I overestimated just how much I’d have to say about this game. I probably could have covered it all in one post. It was a candy bar game: Sweet, temporarily satisfying, and gone quickly.
The best part of the game was the elves. The original game had whining emo loser night elves. This game has hippy dippy wood elves. Clad in birkenstocks and rainbow prints, these peace and love saps are a hilariously inappropriate foe for the stoic black Overlord. It’s like Strawberry Shortcake versus Doctor Doom. The Care Bears versus Diablo. The Smurfs versus Tiamat.
|Sire, an NPC has requested an audience in order to offer you some plot exposition. Sort of.|
I need to break into the castle to rescue my green minions. Why? Because I’ll need the green minions to get out of the castle. Why am I rescuing the minions? Because I’ll need them to defeat the bad guy. Why am I trying to defeat the bad guy? Because he has my minions.
None of it is really bad. It’s sort of appropriate, given the satirical bent of the game. It’s not stupid or insulting, which puts it above a lot of other videogame plots of late, but it feels like there was a missed opportunity for cleverness here. I felt like the overall plot should have tried to say something. Something silly, even. Or perhaps it would have helped to simply hang a lampshade on it by having an NPC deliberately point out your Quest To Go On A Quest. It needed a hook or an idea to play with along the way, something to liven up the dialog.
|I give them full points: Your fortress is much less phallic this time around.|
On a completely unrelated note: Mistress Kelda was my favorite.
Top 64 Videogames
Lists of 'best games ever' are dumb and annoying. But like a self-loathing hipster I made one anyway.
Game at the Bottom
Why spend millions on visuals that are just a distraction from the REAL game of hotbar-watching?
The Plot-Driven Door
You know how videogames sometimes do that thing where it's preposterously hard to go through a simple door? This one is really bad.
The Opportunity Crunch
No, brutal, soul-sucking, marriage-destroying crunch mode in game development isn't a privilege or an opportunity. It's idiocy.
Do you like electronic music? Do you like free stuff? Are you okay with amateur music from someone who's learning? Yes? Because that's what this is.