-2 to CON

By Shamus Posted Thursday May 24, 2007

Filed under: Personal 23 comments

“I’m dying.”

“You’re not dying. You just can’t think of anything fun to do.”

The doctor called me to let me know that I am not dying. I was actually mildly worried. My father died at 59 of cancer, and by the time they found it the thing was large, advanced, and inoperable. It had obviously been growing in him for a very long time. So as I’ve entered my 30’s I’ve been a little uneasy that the same would happen to me. When my guts stopped working right last week the thought jumped into my head, this is it! You’re done for!

I have to go to a specialist, but only so we can figure out which mundane and moderately benign malady I’m suffering from. I can’t eat more than once a day right now, which is making me a little grouchy. This is offset by the knowledge that the Grim Reaper isn’t entering my address into Google maps so he knows the way when the time comes.

Whatever I have, it’s doing wonders for my weight. It’s only been a week and I’ve already lost enough weight that you can see the difference in my face. Now all I need is to develop some sort of illness that compels me to exercise for twenty minutes a day.

 


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23 thoughts on “-2 to CON

  1. -Chipper says:

    Good to hear!

  2. Aaron says:

    At least your taking it with fairly good humor. I know lots of people who would be raging at the loss of 2 meals a day.

    I also felt your pain. I dealt with gall stones for 2 years before doctors diagnosed me correctly with the problem. I had to learn what foods I could eat without prompting a serious gall bladder attack (without knowing what was going on). Having my gall bladder out sucked, but it was a hell of a lot better than the alternative.

    I hope they figure out what’s going on. Living with those kind of issue makes life … well … less fun anyway. Chin up!

  3. Amanda says:

    I feel your pain. I went through that a couple of years ago with my back. My family suffers with degenerative disks. I developed a lot of low back problems and I just knew my time had come. I hope they figure it out soon.

  4. Jadawin says:

    Now all I need is to develop some sort of illness that compels me to exercise for twenty minutes a day.

    You have a PS2- here is is: http://www.amazon.com/Dance-Revolution-Extreme-Bundle/dp/B0009Z3K1C/ref=pd_bbs_2/104-8460761-8039918?ie=UTF8&s=videogames&qid=1180039747&sr=8-2

  5. Telas says:

    No. Get a Wii. I had shoulder cramps from bowling, and tendonitis from Zelda…

  6. thark says:

    Bah. DDR is approximately one bajillion times more fun than any newfangled Wii crap. Plus it’s also completely ridiculous and will make you seem like a total goober (which, of course, is a good thing).

    Just need to get a job so I can get that long-overdue proper metal pad… :-)

  7. Pumpkinetics says:

    “This is offset by the knowledge that the Grim Reaper isn't entering my address into Google maps so he knows the way when the time comes.”

    He tried, but was lost at the whole “Swim across the atlantic ocean” part.

  8. Stark says:

    Most excellent new! It makes the memory of the indignities of medical imaging a much more palatable memory now doesn’t it?

    Anyhoo, very glad to hear that’s it’s just an annoying malady and not a VERY annoying one!

    Oh, and I can vouch for the Wii – I’ve lost ~25lbs (and 2 lamps) because of mine!

  9. sdstone says:

    Hey, you never know. Maybe you have a tapeworm! With a tapeworm, you’ve always got a buddy.

  10. browncoat says:

    2 Aaron Says: May 24th, 2007 at 3:13 pm
    At least your taking it with fairly good humor. I know lots of people who would be raging at the loss of 2 meals a day

    Well, if I could only stomach one meal a day, I’d be losing three, so I doubt I’d take it as well. Here’s hoping for a minimum of discomfort, problems, and interuption to DMotR.

  11. Zerotime says:

    I don’t know if meth actually compells you to to exercise, but you’d at least have an extra few days in the week in which you could fit some extensive workout routines.

  12. AngiePen says:

    Good to hear you don’t have cancer — that’d suck massively. [hugz]

    Nice bonus on the weight, too. I could stand being sick like that for, oh, a year or two. [wry smile]

    Angie

  13. Myxx says:

    “Now all I need is to develop some sort of illness that compels me to exercise for twenty minutes a day.”

    Why? You want a heart attack next? Exercise is dangerous! I’m always hearing stories about people having heart attacks while jogging or some such.

  14. Clint Memo says:

    I had cancer when I was 32. It scared the crap out of me. That was ten years ago. I’m fine now. I know you are enjoying the weight loss from whatever you have, but just make sure you take in enough calories and enough liquids or you will only make yourself sicker.
    Good luck with whatever it turns out to be!

  15. Skeeve the Impossible says:

    Does this mean we can’t meet at your place for D&D.

  16. Dave says:

    IBS.. a good, non-descript ailment.. keeps the world in business. I have that (though, I suppose unofficially.. I self-diagnosed after too many tests and obviously nothing big) I woulda been more scared ’bout it if I hadn’t already done the, “I’m done ‘fer” bit with the lump in my throat that turned out to be a salivary stone.. cure for that?? Sour, hard candies and lemonade. I was pretty scared about it.. that initial Dr visit where the guy can’t tell me I don’t have anything and he gets me prepared in case it’s actually the BIG C.. That drive home was very much not fun.

    Congrats on having something that as of yet isn’t officially anything. At least you may actually get a Doctor to actually listen to what you say rather than just nod and order the usual tests. .. then again.. don’t hold your breath.

    As a DM I must tell you that you’re not even close to the third act.. not that I’m railroading you or anything.. but this is just the tail-end of the first act and intro to act 2. .. of course you have full control over the story..

  17. jpetoh says:

    “When Shamus was in Egypt’s land,
    Let my Shamus gooooo…”

    (Sorry, couldn’t let the Ferris Bueller line get away…)

  18. Rolld20 says:

    Glad you’re not dying! Well, no more than most, that is. Unless you actually have achieved immortality, in which case: neat trick!
    Anyway, on behalf of lots of complete strangers, do take care of yourself.
    Everyone have a great weekend!

  19. lplimac says:

    Glad to hear everything is well
    “This is offset by the knowledge that the Grim Reaper isn't entering my address into Google maps so he knows the way when the time comes.”
    I do hope The Reaper uses Google Maps… it shows a house two doors down. When that person goes I’ll know it’s time to move…

  20. Darkenna says:

    Ah ha!!! I knwo exactly what you have!!!

    But only because I had exactly the same thing the last week of April (only with 0 meals a day instead of 1). I lost 15 pounds that week. On the other hand, I also got all the crap and caffeine out of my diet (no more soda, no more fried food, no more late-night runs to Denny’s…). It was sorta purifying (in an odd gut-wrenchingly feverish way). I’ve actually not gone back to the bad-for-me-but-oh-so-good-grub. I feel better, and have to get a new belt, cuz mine won’t go tight enough anymore. : )

    The moral of the story is, if life’s gonna make you miserable, then you should enjoy it.

    Which doesn’t really make any sense typed out, but it does in my noodle.

  21. drow says:

    i lost 25 pounds last year. thanks, difficult-to-diagnose stomach ulcer!

  22. AndrewNZachsDad says:

    Darkenna Says:
    The moral of the story is, if life's gonna make you miserable, then you should enjoy it.

    Thanks, Dark. That was pretty dammed funny. I’m putting that up on our unnofficial quote board here at the office.

    Shamus!! The news is good, and that makes me glad. Enjoy being non-terminally ill, and having such a wonderful attitude about it. People like you are a joy to be around, and there should be more of you. (Well maybe not you specifically. You know what I mean.)

    Richard

  23. scoob says:

    So one morning this guy hears desperate pounding on his front door, he checks, it’s his crazy friend totally panicked. Crazy friend says, “dude, I have to borrow your car! I’ve got to get away from Death!” “wo wo wo What?” “Dude! I was walking around the corner, and there was Death, I surprised him and kicked his ass, but I’ve got to get out of here before he wakes up! Where am I gonna go?” So the first guy figures whatever has really happened, his friend is in trouble and gives his friend the keys and say, “you’ve got folks in New York, right?” Crazy Dude says, “Good idea!” He runs out and the car screams off, and the guy runs out and around the corner to check on the man down. And sure enough, it’s Death, and Death’s coming to and says, “Ouch. Help me up, will you?” The guy hesitates, and Death all exasperated says, “I’m not coming for you today. Help me up.” Guy helps Death up and assesses the extent of his injuries and says “Wow, you got owned.” Death winces, “Yeah, I wasn’t ready for him. He’s not scheduled until tonight in New York”

    See? You are so much funnier. So forget it. You’re not allowed to die.

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