Skyrim EP9: #Deserved

By Shamus Posted Sunday Feb 23, 2014

Filed under: Spoiler Warning 181 comments


Link (YouTube)

Slight Spoiler: The Greybeards are a wise order of quasi-religious monks and masters of The Voice, but they’re really sensitive about people taking their knicknacks.

We talk about their voice work in this episode. I actually brought this up way back in 2011, when Bethesda released the Sound of Skyrim promotional video. At the time I said…

Check out the side-by-side of Christopher Plummer at 6:32. That guy is delivering his lines masterfully. You can close your eyes and feel the weight of his performance. Then you look at his character on the right and the whole thing suddenly comes off as kind of wooden because his in-game character just doesn't seem to be into it.

I know it’s been part of the series for over a decade, but I really think they need to retire the camera-grab face-zoom system they use for conversation. That was the right way to go when dialog was text-based and the faces were used to show who you were talking to, but it clashes with the voice-everything approach they’re using today.

And here is Grill Skillz, which Rutskarn mentioned. For some reason.

 


 

Skyrim EP8: Mammoth Cheese Bowl

By Josh Posted Friday Feb 21, 2014

Filed under: Spoiler Warning 213 comments

Dear everyone: I know Josh’s shenanigans are pretty hilarious. Please continue to encourage him. We don’t have to finish Skyrim this decade. There are more important things in life.


Link (YouTube)

Fun fact: My microphone sounded a lot worse in this episode before I muted everything above the 4 kHz range. Imagine my voice being replaced by the screech of a thousand angry bats attacking Rutskarn because they can’t stand his puns.

Except, like, worse than normal.

We never did figure out what happened. After I stopped recording at the end of this episode I adjusted my microphone slightly (far less of an adjustment than I’d made several times during the episode, mind) and suddenly it was fine. It’s yet to revert to this bizarre, barely functional state since.

My set up is weird. Have we mentioned that?

Anyway, since I didn’t mention my pick for “beefiest beefcake” in the episode, I’ll take this opportunity to point out it’s oh so clearly one of the Greybeards. What isn’t beefier than a bunch of really really really old wrinkly dudes that live on a mountain, never bathe, and don’t talk because they’ve dedicated their lives to learning an ancient and powerful form of offensive spellcasting while simultaneously being totally lame pacifists? Am I right?

Most people would go for an obvious pick like Arngeir, but Borri’s the wild one. I mean, did you see him that one time he shouted “Bex!”? The beefiest.

 


 

Ninja Blues

By Shamus Posted Friday Feb 21, 2014

Filed under: Links 12 comments

Longtime Twenty Sided allies JPH and Jarenth have – like so many superheroes before them – done some sort of crossover deal and teamed up to make a super-team. This new duo has their headquarters at Ninja Blues, where they will do talking-about-videogames of things, as you do on the internet.

Given the fact that their overall power level has now gone up, we’re going to need to find them some more formidable villains. I suggest Ride to Hell: Retribution and Guise of the Wolf, and if they survive that they can do battle with The League of Every Madden Game Ever.

So if you want to read about videogames or you want to assault the Blue Dojo, just head for ninja-blues.com.

 


 

Skyrim EP7: A Gigantic Mistake

By Shamus Posted Thursday Feb 20, 2014

Filed under: Spoiler Warning 285 comments

Dear everyone: I know Josh’s shenanigans are kind of funny. But please stop encouraging him. I really want to finish Skyrim before Elder Scrolls VI comes out sometime in 2017.


Link (YouTube)

Man, screw the horse AI in this game. It’s idiotic to the point of grief. Your horse runs into battle, which makes no damn sense. But then you have situations where it runs off to fight things you don’t want to fight and you have to chase it down. Also, it’s a nominally useful character to the player, which means it’s mortal, which means you can blow 1,000 gold on a horse and have it stupidly get itself killed five minutes later. Bad guys can instantly recognize a player-owned horse and will try to kill it on sight.

You can’t tie up your horse anywhere, so if you’re trying to assault a bandit outpost with stealth then you might as well kill the horse before you start, because it’s going to run in the front door as soon as you pick someone off. Or I suppose you can ride the horse away from the gate and then walk there without the horse, which sort of defeats the purpose of owning one.

Despite their unbelievable stupidity with regards to combat, horses are somehow able to understand the concept of ownership, so if you steal one it knows it’s stolen and tries to walk home the moment you get off of it. And I guess they have an amazing GPS system installed, judging by the way stolen horses are able to navigate back to town from anywhere in the world.

And then there’s the bounty system, which charges to not for the act of stealing the horse, but for every time you get on the horse. Imagine if you stole a car, drove it to work for a couple of days, and were then charged with eight counts of auto theft because that’s how many times you drove it.

I never bother with horses. The entire system is a ridiculous, farcical, immersion-shattering joke.

 


 

Diecast #45: Candy Crush, Banner Saga, Total Biscuit

By Shamus Posted Wednesday Feb 19, 2014

Filed under: Diecast 127 comments

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Hosts: Rutskarn, Mumbles, Josh, Chris, and Shamus.

Show Notes:

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Diecast #45: Candy Crush, Banner Saga, Total Biscuit”

 


 

Experienced Points:
Electronic Arts: Greed Is Not the Problem

By Shamus Posted Tuesday Feb 18, 2014

Filed under: Column 165 comments

I’m kind of wishing I’d taken a different angle with my column this week. I wanted to talk about why EA is a badly run company, but I’m worried we’re going to get dragged into an argument over the definition of “greed”. I’ve run into this debate before, and I’m kind of kicking myself for not preemptively deflecting it.

In short: Some people say “greed” meaning “wanting more when you don’t need more”. So, asking for a raise when you already make the standard salary for your field and have enough to live on, or raising prices when your company is already solvent would both count as “greed”. The OTHER definition is a sort of monomaniacal pursuit of more, even when it results in making less. So if you charge $50 for a hamburger when the restaurant next door only charges $5, that’s greedy.

My mental definition of greed is #1, and I’m basically accusing EA of #2. If your mental definition is already #2, then I suppose the article will come off as strangely self-refuting: “EA’s problem isn’t greed, it’s that they’re greedy!”

Anyway, I know I’ve played this tune in the past, but the recent Dungeon Keeper fiasco drove me to write about it again. My beef isn’t that EA made a stupid shallow bastardization of a classic game to make money, (although that is a problem) it’s that they did so in a way that isn’t even clever or profitable. The game begins haranguing you for money before you’ve even settled in, before you’re even invested in it. A well-designed game would let you build half your dungeon and amass a bunch of (actually worthless) in-game gold, and then gradually ramp up the money required to keep going.

“I can’t quit now! Look how far I’ve come! Oh, it’s only a dollar to keep going. That’s reasonable, right?”

Then four days later:

“I can’t quit now! I’ve put a week into this and I’m so close to the next milestone! Oh, it’s only another five bucks to get rid of these messages for a whole day? I guess that’s fair. Say, I wonder how much I’ve spent so far…?”

Instead, Dungeon Keeper just starts panhandling before you’ve even settled in. I could understand some clueless indie making this blunder, but EA should know better.

My grief is reminiscent of my problems with Taco Bell back when I was a young man. I wasn’t mad that I was an overworked, underpaid peon. I was mad that all the corner-cutting was for nothing. If you’re going to screw me, the least you could do is make sure you’re not going to be hurting yourself in the process.

 


 

Site Theme

By Shamus Posted Monday Feb 17, 2014

Filed under: Notices 164 comments

It’s that time of the decade again wherein I muck about with the site theme and annoy everyone. Today’s goals are:

  1. Get rid of the goofy double-indent problem I was having with multi-paragraph numbered lists.

    For example, before the change THIS paragraph would have been indented from the previous one. That was dumb and goofy.

  2. Clean up stray tags. Because of the way I’ve hacked away at this theme over the years, it’s accumulated a lot of cruft. Maybe at some point in the past I had a little doodad in a div box. Then I removed it. Because of the way WordPress is wired up, it’s really easy to get rid of the content and leave a <div class="now_useless_class"><div> behind. I’m always trying to track these down and get rid of them.
  3. Fix the problem of comment coloring. Previously, all comments alternated between blue and silver, regardless of thread depth. That was fine for flat conversations, but as threads got increasingly complex you’d end up with a blue reply to a blue reply to a blue reply to a blue reply. You’d scroll several pages down and lose track of who is replying to whom. If you want to see a good example of the problem at its worst, then see this post or this one. Note that with this new theme in place you won’t see the blue-blue-blue reply chain anymore, so you kind of have to use your imagination.
  4. Turn the comment dice into a sprite sheet. (I did not get this done. As of this writing, comment dice are disabled. It’s on my to-do list.)

My current solution to problem #3 is probably not going to last. I predict people will complain that it suffers from a bad case of angry fruit salad. Which is fair. But this rainbow puke is useful as both an illustration of the problem and a good way to visualize the tools we have to work with.

What we really want is to create a situation where no reply will match the color of the post being replied to. To do this, you should technically only need four colors:

  • Everyone replying to a blue comment will be either silver #1 or silver #2.
  • Everyone replying to a silver comment will be either blue #1 or blue #2.

Sadly, you can’t do this with the default WordPress setup. The only way to make this happen is to code your own comment loop. I did this sort of thing in the past, but it’s a time consuming pain in the ass that needs to be re-done every time I upgrade. Coding your own comment loop also creates a lot of performance worries.

So right now we’ve got rainbow comments. Other solutions are possible, I suppose. We could use ten different shades of blue and silver, but there are only so many distinct shades of each that are suitable as a background for black text. And one shade of medium pale blue isn’t nearly as easy to distinguish from another shade of medium pale blue as (say) green.

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Site Theme”