T w e n t y S i d e d

As much through a stroke of good luck as anything, the bounty hunter Ba’Gamnan has at last drawn his target to him, and Balthier and co. arrive in Bhujerba. The Strahl’s flyover of the skycity is freakin’ gorgeous, too; Final Fantasy XII really is a beautiful game. At the airport, Balthier points out once again that it might be bad news if Basch’s identity gets out, which is emphasized immediately by a pack of stormtroopers running past looking for them (oddly yelling out “He’s not here!” as they’re still entering.)

Naturally, with Basch and Vaan delivered safely to their respective certain dooms, Balthier and Fran have no motivation to remain in Bhujerba, and they take their payment and leave promptly. After— wait, wait, that’s the opposite of what happens, sorry. Despite armed authorities literally swarming around looking for him, and knowing that his most dangerous enemy is waiting to trap him with bait he doesn’t care about, and despite the fact that sticking his neck out for no reason will, in but a short while, become a major sticking point for Balthier, he decides to not only tarry with the suicidal Dalmascans but aid them in whatever dangerous monkeyshines they get involved in.

Fran offers no objection because she has no character or personality beyond following Balthier like a simpleton.

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “A Travelog of Ivalice, Part 4: Point Me at the Sky”

The Rocketeer —PLEASE—STAND—BY—

So with the entire setup of the game thoroughly fistfucked by our party’s newest addition, our heroes steamroll another non-story-pertinent boss and are spat out into the desert just east of Rabanastre.

Here, we smack down some cockatrices. What is a cockatrice? I’ll let the game tell you.

“Lo, the mighty cockatrice, proud-feathered sphere, known as much for its ill humor as its dire rotundity. The great naturalist MerloseAn obvious name reference to Vagrant Story, but not the same character; the events of Final Fantasy XII are ancient by the time of Vagrant Story. once remarked: ”…live they in the sands and other arid climes, whereabouts they moveth in a rolling fashion most peculiar. Subsist they principally on small creatures and vermin &c., for the incapacitation of which they disgorge a sticky saliva, thence devouring captured morsels only when appetite moves them. Swollen sacs containing airs are found under the surface of the skin, these lifting the creature upon drafts unseen, whence to espy suitable prey.”

The writing in this game is in this faux-Elizabethan style that’s fancy enough to sound period-appropriate but not actually too archaic in vocabulary. Everything in this game, the dialogue, the item descriptions, flavor text, bestiary entries, is in this style, and I goddamn love it. It’s very nearly as endearing as the accents in Chrono Cross or Fallout 4. Actually, the only characters that don’t speak this way are Penelo and Vaan, because being disappointingly incongruous is their entire character concept.

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “A Travelog of Ivalice, Part 3: Flush with Success”

The Rocketeer —PLEASE—STAND—BY—