Game of Thrones Griping 13: The Kangaroo Trial of the Century

By Bob Case Posted Friday Jul 7, 2017

Filed under: Game of Thrones 134 comments

This series analyzes the show, but sometimes references the books as well. If you read it, expect spoilers for both.

With the clock rapidly winding down to the start of the new season, I think it’s now time to cover the episode where Cersei blows up pretty much the entire government of Westeros.

Geez. I hope that wasn't a load-bearing wall.
Geez. I hope that wasn't a load-bearing wall.

When one approaches this show with my impressively high levels of grumpiness, one experiences scenes differently than the audience as a whole. The general opinion of the whole “wildfire blows up the Sept of Baelor” sequence is very high. I’ve seen terms like “poetic” and “masterfully crafted” thrown around.

I won’t deny that it’s professionally done. But look, there’s no delicate way to say this: when I first saw this scene, I was holding back laughter by the end. It’s so freaking long, for one thing. The cello theme keeps coming back over and over again, swelling louder each time, to the point where it takes on the character of a shaggy dog joke.There’s a British comedian called Stewart Lee who specializes in shaggy dog jokes. If you’re familiar with his work, then maybe you’ll understand when I say that if Stewart Lee directed an episode of Game of Thrones, it would probably look something like this.

The sequence’s length isn’t helped by the fact that I’m pretty sure everyone, or nearly everyone, who watched it saw the wildfire reveal coming a mile away. There had been several highly conspicuous references to wildfire in the episodes leading up to this one, so the foreshadowing wasn’t exactly subtle.And I wasn’t cheating by using book knowledge, either. This doesn’t happen in the books, or at least it hasn’t happened yet. When you use very slow, deliberate pacing to reveal something that I already know about, the reaction produced – in me, at least – isn’t suspense. It’s impatience.

But I could forgive all of this if the events depicted weren’t so ridiculous in so many different ways. Let’s cover as many of them as we can.

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Game of Thrones Griping 13: The Kangaroo Trial of the Century”

 


 

Diablo III Part 3: The “Story”

By Shamus Posted Thursday Jul 6, 2017

Filed under: Retrospectives 107 comments

So you go to an American football game. I dunno why. All kinds of weird stuff happens in hypothetical situations. Just go with it.

The NFL has decided they want to give the sport a bit of highbrow class, so they’re having players come out to enact random scenes from Shakespeare’s plays. It’s terrible. Everyone is wearing mouth guards, so you can barely understand what anyone is saying. Since it’s just a bunch of random scenes there’s no sense of investment or drama. And since the actors are football players, the acting is pretty much intolerable. Half the guys are punch drunk and can’t even remember their lines.

The crowd either boos or sits in stony silence during these scenes, but the coaches don’t give up. Every 15 minutes the game stops and you have to endure more mangled Shakespeare.

At half time you’re talking about this with a friend, shaking your heads and wondering why the NFL went to all the trouble. Then a guy a few seats back starts yelling at you. He’s a burly guy in facepaint and a team jersey. He’s gesturing at you with his ten dollar beer and shouting, “Dude! Who cares if it’s good? Football has never been about the story! Just shut up and watch the game!”

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Diablo III Part 3: The “Story””

 


 

Nan o’ War CH16: Woodes Rogers’ Neighborhood

By Rutskarn Posted Wednesday Jul 5, 2017

Filed under: Lets Play 22 comments

I guess I’m hitting over my weight class, because every time the battle screen rolls off nowadays I plunge into a ball pit of XP and treasure. Before that blackjack comeup I was a chronically indebted vagrant granny pushing a rotten rowboat through a valley of looming trash mobs. Now my ship’s slick, my crew’s coming up, and I’m cracking character levels like Jiffy Pop.

Who knew all it took to get started in life was a vast fortune?

So I mentioned I was trying to come up in military rank–and indeed, I have! I am now a Midshipman(woman) in addition to being a Chairman(woman) and a Ship Boy(Girl).

My newest perk.
My newest perk.

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Nan o’ War CH16: Woodes Rogers’ Neighborhood”

 


 

This Dumb Industry: Why I Hated Resident Evil 4

By Shamus Posted Tuesday Jul 4, 2017

Filed under: Column 100 comments

Yes, I know the title of this post is a bit clickbait-ish. It promises a provocative and inflammatory article. But this is fitting, because this a provocative position that will unavoidably inflame some people. Resident Evil is an unbelievably popular franchise and Resident Evil 4 is considered the best of the series. It is regularly celebrated as one of the Best Games ever made and is regarded as being incredibly influential. So if this title seems like clickbait then it has more to do with the game itself and less to do with the content of the article. Sometimes people make controversial claims for attention, but sometimes people are simply expressing genuinely-held controversial opinions.

And besides, today is fireworks day, so it seems like an appropriate time to light some fuses.

To soothe the egos of fans: No, I’m not saying the game is worthless or that you’re stupid / wrong / clueless to like it. It’s fine. Like it all you want. I’m not trying to alter the legacy of this game by complaining about it. I just think it’s interesting how this celebrated game seems to have been engineered specifically to nail all of my pet peeves.

Since we’re already in clickbait territory, let’s resort to the crude savagery of a numbered list…

5. Incoherent Tone

I don't know WHAT I'm supposed to be feeling during this scene, but I'm pretty sure I'm not feeling it.
I don't know WHAT I'm supposed to be feeling during this scene, but I'm pretty sure I'm not feeling it.

If you’ve followed my writing and story deconstructions for any length of time, you know that tone is really important to me. Some people are fans of the Bollywood sampler approach to storytelling where you get a little of everything. They don’t mind if a story goes from slapstick comedy, to gut-wrenching drama, to earnest sappy romance, to bombastic action. But I don’t like mixing my Shaun of the Dead with my Shawshank or finding bits of Bridget Jones in my Terminator. That’s all good stuff, but that’s not the point. I love both Ice Cream and Pizza, but not together.

Tone is important because it establishes the rules and limits of the fictional world you’re trying to take in. I can accept that the world around Scott Pilgrim can drop into slow motion in the middle of a huge fight so he can trade dialog with someone, but I’d never stand for those sorts of reality-bending shenanigans in Star TrekI mean, without some technical explanation for why time slowed down.. I can accept Vin Diesel performing car stunts that mock the realities of physics and automotive engineering in a Fast & Furious movie, while the exact same stunt would be offensive if performed in something like Poirot. In your typical underdog sports movie I can believe (and even expect) the coach to rouse his team to overpowering levels of competence at the finale with a impassioned speech and well-timed musical swells, but that same trick would be implausible if it happened in something like Moneyball or Any Given Sunday.

Tone tells us how much this movie is going to adhere to the rules of the world we live in, and how much it plans to bend them in pursuit of spectacle or drama. For me it’s a key ingredient of suspension of disbelief, and if a story can’t nail down its tone then I can’t immerse myself in its world.

If a movie is going to have an incoherent mess of a story with a bunch of screwball characters, then it had better be a comedy. Some people claim RE4 is a comedy, and I suppose it’s sort of amusing in a “can you believe how stupid this is?” kind of way, like a movie that Mystery Science Theater might tackle. But it’s certainly not a comedy in the sense of being a witty send-up like Shaun of the Dead, Galaxy Quest, or other self-aware genre deconstructions. There isn’t any lampshading, winking at the audience, trope subversions, or even any jokes. It takes a preposterously stupid story and presents it completely straight. You could attempt to argue that the whole thing is just extremely deadpan comedy, but we’ve seen Capcom make twenty-five of these games by this point, and there doesn’t seem to be a big difference in their style between the times when they’re being deadly serious and when they’re supposedly “kidding”. This isn’t a deconstruction of bombastic B-movie action schlock, it is bombastic B-movie action schlock.

In any case, I can’t seem to switch gears the way the game expects. Sometimes the game is trying to scare you and sometimes you’re in these farcical conversations with a undersized ren faire rejectWas Salazar supposed to be short, or a kid? I can’t remember. where characters spout inane dialog that serves as exposition by having the bad guys tell you all their plans.

I have no idea what we’re supposed to feel during the story beats of Resident Evil 4. I get conflicting answers from fans. But for me I feel irritation, boredom, and bewilderment.

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “This Dumb Industry: Why I Hated Resident Evil 4”

 


 

Steam Backlog: Electronic Super Joy: Groove City

By Shamus Posted Monday Jul 3, 2017

Filed under: Game Reviews 35 comments

My problem is that I’m a sucker for games with pixel graphics, neon colors, and electronic music, but those games tend to be side-scrolling platformers that I’m terrible at. Which means I have a compulsion to seek out games I’ll never be able to finish.

As I said last week, I’m going to go through some of the 180+ un-played games in my Steam library to see what I’ve been missing. This week I played Electronic Super Joy: Groove City, which I apparently purchased in September of 2014. This is exactly the kind of game that tickles my brain into making an impulse buy on Steam: Bright colors and delicious electronic music. It’s also the kind of game I’m doomed to abandon: An unforgiving platformer.

Yes, that's the Pope under the Laser-Nipples sign. Obviously this game is pretty highbrow.
Yes, that's the Pope under the Laser-Nipples sign. Obviously this game is pretty highbrow.

In terms of pacing, it has a lot in common with Hotline: Miami. It’s a fast-paced ordeal where the slightest mistake means death, but you respawn instantly and are free to try again as many times as you like. There are regular checkpoints along the wayIn Groove City, the checkpoints are little flags you encounter every screen or so. In Hotline Miami, you get a checkpoint when you hit a staircase. so you’re really never more than five or ten seconds of flawless performance from your next goal.

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Steam Backlog: Electronic Super Joy: Groove City”

 


 

Site Update

By Shamus Posted Sunday Jul 2, 2017

Filed under: Notices 29 comments

Heads up, buttercup: Last week I said the site was moving to a new IP. That actually didn’t happen until this weekend. Now the https is all set up. The links are updated, and now if you use the forum link in the header you should be taken to the secure version of the site.

While I was at it, I fixed the CSS so that the large first letter of a post wouldn’t get cut off if you began a post with a yellow aside box, which was the case for every post in Bob’s Game of Thrones series.

Technically, you should be able to access this blog via https://www.shamusyoung.com/twentysidedtale. However, I’ve been having mixed results with this. I go to the front page, switch to the secure version, but then after clicking on some links I look up and see I’m back at the vanilla version. But other times not?

WordPress wants a fully-qualified URL for the root of the site. It prepends this to all automatically generated links, which includes a lot of the navigation stuff. I’m assuming this is the root of the problem, but I don’t know. The problem seems pretty inconsistent. It happened constantly last night, but tonight I’m having trouble getting it to happen.

I could change the ENTIRE site to ALWAYS be https, but I don’t know if there are drawbacks or problems to doing this. Would that be slower in some situations? Would that cause hassles? I don’t know what the drawbacks of https are so I’m wary of making sweeping changes without gathering a little feedback first.

Anyway, don’t worry if none of this makes sense to you. This is a small thing impacting an even smaller number of people. The point is, I did a technical thing that changed some stuff that is probably working or whatever.

 


 

Game of Thrones Griping 12: More Like Lady PAIN

By Bob Case Posted Friday Jun 30, 2017

Filed under: Game of Thrones 80 comments

This series analyzes the show, but sometimes references the books as well. If you read it, expect spoilers for both.

(This was supposed to go up this morning. Somehow I never got around to actually clicking the “publish” button, so it’s late… oops)

I want to take a closer look at one character in particular: Lady Crane. This character, and the way the show treats her, gives us (I think) a lens into how the writers think, and what sort of world they’re depicting.

Game of Thrones is not a black-and-white show, but there are certain characters we get the impression that we’re supposed to either like or dislike. And while it’s not always a clear binary value, I’m pretty sure we’re supposed to like Lady Crane. We’re supposed to root for her and consider her one of the good guys/women. So, by looking at her, we can look at what sort of character the show wants and expects us to like, and why. So let’s look at Lady Crane.

A Play Within A Show

I admit it: I’m a sucker for play-within-a-play stuff. And this unnamedI think? Braavosi theatre company is my favorite part of the Arya storyline. I always like to see story elements illuminate the setting, and here we get some sense of what version of Westorosi political current events has made into the court of public opinion. Here, Ned Stark is a scheming, power-hungry type, Joffrey a noble innocent, and Tyrion a vile demon.

We know this is all hogwash, but the Braavosi audience doesn’t, and you can’t really blame them. It’s also nice to take a trip down memory lane, and revisit plot points from seasons past. It all ends with Lady Crane’s star turn: her anguished monologue as she holds Joffrey’s body in her arms. Despite the determined use of sing-songy rhyming couplets, this is actually halfway affecting stuff. Maybe they should just do the whole show this way.

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Game of Thrones Griping 12: More Like Lady PAIN”