T w e n t y S i d e d

For the record, the quest they started with the drinking game is actually pretty fun, and it’s too bad it got messed up here. Hopefully we can pick it up again next week. It’s basically: The Hangover: The Quest. I could swear you’re supposed to be naked when you wake up. The idea is that you retrace your steps and discover what happened to you while you were blackout drunk.

I’ve never done this quest for the priestess of Dibella. As far as I can tell they’re asking you to kidnap an innocent girl for no pay and turning you loose without any other motivation to do as they ask. By not doing the quest I always felt like I was putting one over on these loons, and the desire to shaft them was always greater than my curiosity about what actually happens in the quest.

Shamus Young is a programmer, an author, and nearly a composer. He works on this site full time. If you'd like to support him, you can do so via Patreon or PayPal.

Why did Malborne have an iron mace? Do the Thalmor really let their bootlick bar-tending servants bring conspicuous heavy weapons to their fancy dress parties?

The dragon attacks in this game make me thing of the old Mitch Hedberg joke, “On fishing shows they always throw the fish back. They don’t want to eat them. They just want to make them late for something.” The dragons in this game don’t want to kill the dragonborn. They just want to waste your time.

Has there ever been an occasion where Josh shouted someone across the room and it wasn’t the Best Thing Ever? I think I’m finally done with Skyrim, but if the fever comes back my next character is going to be named Fus Ro Dah. And I’m going to introduce myself to everyone.

Also: The riddle this week is apparently: WHY DOES JOSH HAVE ALL THESE FLOWERS?

I assume we’re looking for out-of-character justification. Like, why did Josh spend time stealing deathbell?

Shamus Young is a programmer, an author, and nearly a composer. He works on this site full time. If you'd like to support him, you can do so via Patreon or PayPal.

I’d like to interrupt this special episode of “hoarders” for the following political commentary: The whole “Ulfric is a sleeper agent” idea pretty much ruined the entire political questline for me. Once I discovered that, I lost all interest in it.

I like the idea of idealism vs. practicality that the quest represents on its face. Do we support the religious freedom of a nation of people who are partly, but not entirely racist? Do we condemn all based on the way some have lashed out at non-Nords? Do we side with the Empire, who are really just trying to make the best of a bad situation? I mean, sure, we could fight to defend Talos worship now. But we would lose badly to the Thalmor. Wouldn’t it be better to just keep the Talos-business secret while we try to build up enough power to crush the murderous and genocidal Thalmor? Then again, if Talos worship is diminished, that might also diminish the power of Talos, who might be key to overcoming the Thalmor. Then again again, if the Nords are so hell-bent on shoving their Talos in everyone’s face, wouldn’t it just be better to let the cede from the Empire? Let the Thalmor and the Nords duke it out for a decade or so, rather than expending our finite supply of imperial power basically fighting the Thalmor’s battle for them? On the other, other, other hand, don’t the Stormcloaks kind of have a point? Why serve and pay taxes to an empire that’s clearly unable and unwilling to do its job and protect you from foreign powers? Can we blame the Stormcloaks for wanting to keep fighting about something that means so much to them? They’re not the only people in Tamriel who would rather die than give up their god, they’re just the only ones being asked to do so.

I’m sure we can do another couple of paragraphs of pro-and-con. The point is: This is a really interesting setup and there are lots of ways of looking at this.

And then in this stupid message it’s revealed the whole thing is a massive waste of time. The idealistic Stormcloak leader is just a brainwashed puppet, the whole war is a plot of the Thalmor, and the only winning move is not to play. Okay Bethesda. You talked me out of it. I won’t play the political questline. Not sure why you wanted to reduce the most interesting problem in Skyrim to an uninteresting reveal, and I don’t know why you’d want to dissade players from playing the second-biggest questline in the game. But whatever.

AND THEN YOU CAN’T SHOW THE NOTE TO ANYONE. WHO WROTE THIS COMPLETE DROSS?

If someone at least SAID this out loud, then we could have fun with it. Were they telling the truth? Were they mislead? Who do we believe? It would also give us a justification for why we can’t show the proof to the various leaders. I mean, every other piece of paper in Skyrim is considered irrefutable evidence of this-or-that. But the same apparently isn’t true for this, the most important document in Skyrim that isn’t an actual Elder Scroll.

Shamus Young is a programmer, an author, and nearly a composer. He works on this site full time. If you'd like to support him, you can do so via Patreon or PayPal.