Experienced Points: Tutorial Torture

By Shamus Posted Tuesday Jul 2, 2013

Filed under: Column 158 comments

Last week I mentioned BioShock’s thick-headed approach to tutorial popups. I decided to talk about the idea a bit more in this week’s column.

A lot of people have praised Half-Life 2, and while I don’t disagree that HL2 had a really awesome tutorial (it helps that the time is spent worldbuilding and setting a mood and not just bossing the player around) I wonder how much of the slack we give to HL2 is due to the fact that you can pick a chapter of the game. Just about every other game insists that you start over from the beginning. The train station is awesome, but I’d be a lot less patient with it if I had to do it every time I wanted to fool around with the gravity gun or mow down some metro cops.

 


 

A Note from UPlay

By Shamus Posted Tuesday Jul 2, 2013

Filed under: Rants 70 comments

I have written about the horribleness of Ubisoft’s UPlay system in the past. It’s pretty much the worst of the major digital “platforms” out right now. Even Origin pretends to have features and a digital storefront, but UPlay is nothing more than naked DRM with no sugar coating.

I last dealt with UPlay back in January, when I tried to play Far Cry 3. Here is that saga as I related on Twitter:

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “A Note from UPlay”

 


 

The Twelve-Year Mistake Part 8: The Island

By Shamus Posted Monday Jul 1, 2013

Filed under: Personal 198 comments

It’s February of 2013. The temperature is a bone-shattering 15°F today. (About -10°C.) It’s so cold my eyes are watering. Now, this actually isn’t that cold by the standards of a Pennsylvania winter, but context has a way of changing how we perceive temperature. In this case, I’m standing in the kitchen, and I don’t normally expect kitchens to be this cold.

“Aren’t you worried about the pipes freezing?” I ask the owner. All the utilities are off, which is why it’s so cold in here.

“Nah,” she shrugs. “It should be okay. It hasn’t been cold enough to worry about that.”

I nod. I’ve been sort of nervous about freezing pipes since January of 2008.

She’s named Jenny. She’s got her daughter with her today, showing us prospective tenants this apartment. I take another walk through the place. It doesn’t take long. It’s small.

“We’ll have all this stuff fixed before you move in,” she assures me.

I shake my head. The damage is extensive.

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “The Twelve-Year Mistake Part 8: The Island”

 


 

Tomb Raider EP9: Tree’ed!

By Josh Posted Saturday Jun 29, 2013

Filed under: Spoiler Warning 161 comments


Link (YouTube)

Wherein Campster reveals that he’s never actually watched Homestar Runner or anything related to Homestar Runner. I invite you all to throw rocks at him. Also: Pun wars, arrows, and making fun of my mom offscreen!

 


 

Tomb Raider EP8: The Colon of Sadness

By Shamus Posted Friday Jun 28, 2013

Filed under: Spoiler Warning 88 comments


Link (YouTube)

I agree with the rest of the cast: The tomb puzzles are where the game felt the most Tomb Raider-y. It feels like a slice of the best part of the earlier games.

The game is at its strongest when it moves away from the shooter stuff and embraces the platforming and puzzles. It’s not that I dislike the combat, either. I just think the game would have been thematically stronger if we had, like, half the fights and a third the body count.

I also like this particular puzzle. It presents a timing obstacle and your first instinct is probably to assume you’re supposed to do it as fast as possible. But the timing is actually really slow. Open the shutters, wait, THEN act. It’s obvious once you see the solution and it’s not hard to execute once you get what you’re supposed to be doing.

Man I wish the game had more of this.

And then a few minutes later you get punched by a guy standing just off-screen and suddenly I hate the game again. I think this “captured in the cutscene” moment needs to count twice, since you get captured by one group in the middle of getting captured by another.

I feel like I’m in this tumultuous relationship with Tomb Raider. One minute we’re holding hands, laughing, and platforming and three minutes later we’re screaming at each other and she’s throwing things at me. I tell her we’re going to break up, for real this time. No seriously. It’s over. Then she starts talking about how she knows about another hidden tomb around here someplace and suddenly I go all spineless.

 


 

Tomb Raider EP7: Oh, Honey

By Shamus Posted Thursday Jun 27, 2013

Filed under: Spoiler Warning 112 comments


Link (YouTube)

As I said in the previous episode, I had to bail on our recording session this week. I’m sorry I missed this section of the game in our show. Here is the commentary I would have given you if I’d stuck with it:

If ships always get stranded here, then who climbed to the top of this crazy mountain and built a refueling station here? Also, why would anyone build a fueling station here? Did Lara really need to blow up ALL the fuel? Couldn’t she have made a smaller, safer, and less destructive signal fire?

Let’s imagine the rescue plane didn’t get struck by lightning. Where was it going to land? Why would an airplane be sent on a rescue mission where there is no known airfield? And as others have pointed out: We’re off the coast of Japan. Why is the rescue plane American?

Individually these are not horrible sins. I think the audience is mostly prepared to allow for a bit of slop in a pulpy adventure story. But I think a little attention to detail would have spared me from about five minutes of sustained eye-rolling.

Also, I think the rope arrows are a good mechanic in theory, but this looks ridiculous. Lara fires a rope arrow into a wooden structure and then pulls it down. I’m even willing to spot the game the hand-wave of arrows penetrating and holding unlimited loads. I’m even willing to spot the game a second hand-wave and allow her the unlimited supply of rope that’s always long enough and never needs to be recovered. (We can hand-wave this by saying it would just be tedious to have her reel in and re-roll the rope every time.) And naturally we’ll give a pass to the silly notion that these little arrows could still hit their targets while dragging that much weight.

But even with all of that duct tape applied to the bridge of disbelief-suspension, this is still pretty silly. Lara can’t be exerting force on these lines that exceed her weight. (If she did, she’d just fall over or haul herself up.) Which means these structures require less than her body weight to fall over. Okay, okay. Videogame rotted wood, etc. But if that’s the case, then she didn’t need the rope arrows. She could pull any of these objects over by grasping them and pulling. If nothing else, they should dump the doors that are reachable on foot but can only be opened with rope arrows. That’s just too preposterous.

I’m sorry Tomb Raider. I ran out of hand-waves for you.

 


 

Tomb Raider EP6: The Crash

By Shamus Posted Wednesday Jun 26, 2013

Filed under: Spoiler Warning 112 comments


Link (YouTube)

Mumbles crashed the show but then the game crashed just before the crash and so I had to go because I needed to crash. I will say that this game hates Josh’s machine. The strange framerate stuttering. The vanishing scenery. The terrible performance of TressFX. The CRASHES. I had a bit of trouble with the game, but nothing like this.

I was in need of sleep, so I’ll be missing from the rest of the episodes this week. Not to worry. Mumbles does an uncanny impression of me at the 15:30 mark. You’ll be fine.