{"id":724,"date":"2006-10-26T11:00:07","date_gmt":"2006-10-26T16:00:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/?p=724"},"modified":"2013-01-04T14:50:05","modified_gmt":"2013-01-04T19:50:05","slug":"seanbaby-vs-uwe-boll","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/?p=724","title":{"rendered":"Seanbaby vs Uwe Boll"},"content":{"rendered":"

Normally I start these little posts off with a description of who I’m talking about. So, if I’m worried that you may not know who Seanbaby<\/a> is then I will explain that Seanbaby is the inventor of funny and winner of the Nobel Prize for Awesome. <\/p>\n

The problem is that I have no way of explaining Uwe Boll to someone. He’s so reviled and so universally hated that all of the insults in every language have already been used in an attempt to describe him. Then people used up all the compliments by preceding them with the word “not”. So, there is no language left at this point and the only way I could tell you about him is if I made up new words:<\/p>\n

\nSnivelium<\/b> [sniv\u00e2\u20ac\u00a7el\u00e2\u20ac\u00a7ee\u00e2\u20ac\u00a7um] – noun<\/i><\/p>\n

Unit of measure. The number of cubic meters of children’s tears caused by one of Uwe Boll’s movies.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n

People call Ewe Ball a “filmmaker”, but this is because – as I mentioned before – nobody knows what else to call him. Hugh Bowl makes movies in the same way that a hippo’s rectum makes fresh pastry. The best thing that can be said about him is that he provides work to actors who lack the dramatic skills to get a job making hard-core pornographic silent films. He’s famous for taking very stupid videogames and – against all odds and nature – somehow making them into even more stupid movies.<\/p>\n

I heard a rumor<\/a> that Eww Bowel was going to have some sort of celebrity boxing match against his critics, which didn’t make a lot of sense to me because that would be everyone on earth, including his own mother. While I’m pretty sure he could take her, it doesn’t seem like it would make for good television. Then he found out he might end up in the ring against Seanbaby<\/a>, and once he’d changed his pants he announced he wouldn’t be available for the fight. <\/p>\n

Although now that I think of it: If someone could make a videogame<\/em> about Seanbaby punching Yoo Bole in the face over and over again, it might be enough to trick him into making a movie<\/em> about it, which may lead to the real thing. However, it would be very risky to make such a game. The game would probably sell so well that the author would be fatally crushed beneath a mountain of cash and cheerleaders. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Normally I start these little posts off with a description of who I’m talking about. So, if I’m worried that you may not know who Seanbaby is then I will explain that Seanbaby is the inventor of funny and winner of the Nobel Prize for Awesome. The problem is that I have no way of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-724","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nerd-culture"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/724","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=724"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/724\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=724"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=724"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=724"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}