Well, there comes a time in nearly every young adult’s life when the dentist looks at them and says ‘time to get those wisdom teeth out’. Most of the time this is said once, and then they do it, and you have fewer teeth, yay(?) I get that there are all sorts of reasons humans have evolved this stupid extra medical cost, but I get mad all over again every time I remember. It’s like your appendix, I know it logically has or used to have a purpose, but as far as doctors can tell that thing just sometimes self-destructs and kills you for no goddamn reason.<\/p>\n
That aside, dentists have been basically pleading with me to get out these bonus teeth for years. The first time a dentist told me I needed them out, I was 18. This guy handed me a piece of paper face-down<\/em> halfway through our consultation. The expression he held in that moment told me the paper was either informing me I had months to live, or how much the procedure would cost. Unfortunately, it was the latter. $6000, out-of-pocket, barring complications and extra expenses.<\/p>\n I looked at the number, and at him, and said ‘Oh yeah, I’ll talk to my in-laws about arrangements and make an appointment’. I’m pretty sure he knew I was lying since he was a dentist and it was straight through my teeth. Sort of his field. I changed dentists.<\/p>\n The second time a dentist told me I needed them out, I was living at home with Mom and Dad again. Elliot, my fiance at the time, had a low-paying starting job at a local gas station and we were barely able to pay the little bit of rent my parents asked us for. We were 19, about to get married, and the local dentist was doing a ‘free day’. It was for cleanings and simple extractions, but after they took the x-ray, the dentist told me I’d be coming back. Weirdly presumptuous, do tell. Why on earth would I be coming back to the tooth palace where I experience pain and discomfort and also give you my money for it?<\/p>\n Guy drove a hard bargain, I’ll admit. He said my wisdom teeth were pushing against my sinuses and could be some of the cause of the horrible headaches I’d been having. He really sold me on the idea of coming back for a minute there, that is, until I remembered that it would cost money. I again lied to a dentist. ‘Oh yeah, you’re right, I’ll talk to reception about an appointment’ I nodded, took the free cleaning, and left.<\/p>\n The third time a dentist told me I needed them out, it was a ‘free dentist’. That name is really confusing since it seems like it should be…free, but really it just means low income. I was about to start college, around 21. I was going to the free clinic in the area and they just sort of made me an appointment. I didn’t ask them to, I didn’t tell them I wanted dental care, they just gave me a time, date, and place, and told me to be there. Pushy.<\/p>\n The appointment itself was a weird hellscape. I waited in a room small enough I could touch both sides if I stretched and the walls were covered completely in sex trafficking warnings and hotlines. There, in that weird dystopian postage stamp, I waited for two hours<\/em>. I’m not exaggerating. I’m not usually one to complain about wait times, but two hours was damn near impressive.\u00a0 Outside the room, I could hear the dentist and one of the nurses having a screaming match about something. It seemed normal, though, since the janitor woman kept throwing in little quips making fun of them both. That was a really, really weird day.<\/p>\n When the doctor finally came in and I entirely missed my chance to flee the room, he held up my x-ray from the last dentist I’d been to. These guys talk to each other! Snitch. Like, I know I signed a medical record release so they could, but come on! Anyway, he tells me I need my wisdom teeth out and I give him the same song and dance I gave the last two guys. On if chief, yup.<\/p>\n But he also\u00a0<\/em>tells me I need six other teeth out. Six?! I might as well get dentures! He points all over the X-ray with a pencil to show me the damage, and I nod. Right, of course, on it, I’ll make an appointment with the receptionist, mhm.<\/p>\n The teeth aren’t hurting me, so I don’t figure I need to worry about it yet. I’ll go home and ignore it like I’ve been doing until something changes. But then he offers to take one of them right there!<\/p>\n Uhhh…I can’t think of a lie, or a legitimate reason not to, and he blatantly ignores my weak ‘um I don’t wanna’, so out it comes. It’s a molar, so at least it isn’t visual, but like, that guy took my tooth! When I go out to reception they charge me $200, which is the first time I’m realizing that ‘free’ is an extreme exaggeration. The woman behind the counter tells me I need to come back for the next one until all six offending teeth are gone and I tell her I don’t want to. She then…tells me she can’t let me leave without making another appointment? I am baffled, but, sure? Another appointment I make, and then dutifully and intentionally skip. I hate wasting people’s time but I’m pretty sure I was nearly a kidnapping victim via a dentist right there, no thank you. I didn’t even want the damn appointment to begin with. What was that entire experience?<\/p>\n This brings us to the present day. I have insurance! Finally! Thank God. I went to the dentist this last week and it was normal! No one was insane at me, and it would have been amazing if I didn’t fucking hate teeth-doctors.<\/p>\n Turns out that of the five other teeth the alternate reality ‘free’ dentist wanted to take, four of them are entirely salvageable with fillings, even three years later. They took the one that wasn’t and sent me on my way without threatening to…I don’t know, keep me at the dentist’s office…forever? Plus, they’re going to take my wisdom teeth at the expense of an insurance company. Hell yeah.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Well, there comes a time in nearly every young adult’s life when the dentist looks at them and says ‘time to get those wisdom teeth out’. Most of the time this is said once, and then they do it, and you have fewer teeth, yay(?) I get that there are all sorts of reasons humans […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[618,16,4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-55172","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-epilogue","category-personal","category-general"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/55172","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/9"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=55172"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/55172\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":55176,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/55172\/revisions\/55176"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=55172"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=55172"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=55172"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
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