{"id":54119,"date":"2022-04-20T06:00:20","date_gmt":"2022-04-20T10:00:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/?p=54119"},"modified":"2022-04-20T00:12:33","modified_gmt":"2022-04-20T04:12:33","slug":"a-travelog-of-ivalice-part-15-pokemon-crystal-version-or-how-i-learned-to-stop-worrying-and-love-the-cryst","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/?p=54119","title":{"rendered":"A Travelog of Ivalice, Part 15: Pok\u00e9mon: Crystal Version -or- How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Cryst"},"content":{"rendered":"

Atop the Pharos, Ashe stands in awe of the Sun-Cryst, holding the Treaty-Blade in one hand and the Sword of Kings in the other.Very unsubtle visual storytelling, just like in the Stilshrine.<\/span> Vaan passive-aggressively pushes her to destroy the crystal here and now, but she flatly tells him to shut his pansy ass up.<\/p>\n

I like Ashe.<\/div>
I like Ashe.<\/div><\/p>\n

Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, she raises the Treaty-Blade high into the air. The blade radiates light, the seas boil, and the sky shakes, the Sun-Cryst exuding incredible mist in concurrence as fiery, angelic apparitions fly about.<\/p>\n

This would seem to be a pretty damn clear statement of intent on Ashe’s part, so I guess we know what Ivalice is in for… Until Rasler appears one more time before her, and she completely loses her shit at him. Nevermind the fact that she should have figured out by now that this is definitely not Rasler, but an illusion meant to twist her emotions. She accuses him of wanting her to use the nethicite and destroy the Empire, to which she emphatically cries, \u201cI cannot!\u201d<\/p>\n


\nExcuse me?! Look here, there’s being torn between two extremes, and then there’s just having looney fucking mood swings. Now, standing here with godblade raised before the Sun-Cryst, after climbing a hundred fucking stories, you decide that coming all this way for the stones is utterly repellant to you? Take her! Take her, Rabanastre, you can have your zany she-bitch princess who doesn’t fucking know up from down! Who continues to drag this lunatic plot out for no good goddamn reason and waste everyone’s time! Can anyone else see this?! Am I the one taking crazy pills here?!<\/p>\n

Wait... do I like Ashe?<\/div>
Wait... do I like Ashe?<\/div><\/p>\n

From out of the peanut gallery, a voice yells out what the audience is thinking: \u201cOh, come the fuck on<\/i>!<\/i> You can’t just blueball the whole world like that!\u201d It’s *epic drumroll here*<\/i> Judge FUCKING Gabranth!<\/p>\n

Know how he got here? Know how the Archadian managed to blithely elide a gauntlet of trials intended to make sure no one, fucking no one<\/i> got to the Sun-Cryst other than a single person chosen by the gods themselves<\/i> once every few thousand years?<\/p>\n

He took a fucking airship! He flew his ass to the top of the tower in his fantastical imperial flying-machine!<\/b><\/p>\n

A ship! That flies! Holy [unspeakable profanity], Balthier, did you<\/i> know these existed? Did you know that if, in some lofty fantasy we dare entertain only in our most audacious reveries, we possessed one of these ourselves, WE COULD HAVE FLOWN OURSELVES RIGHT THE FUCK ON UP!?<\/p>\n

Gabranth cannot even fucking believe it. He calls her right on out, screaming, \u201cIt was me! I murdered your lame-ass father! Use the sword and make some new nethicite! Blast the Empire to atoms, I don’t even give a fuck!\u201d<\/p>\n

Friendship ended with ASHELIA. Now GABRANTH is my best friend.<\/div>
Friendship ended with ASHELIA. Now GABRANTH is my best friend.<\/div><\/p>\n

Ashe immediately throws away the Sword of Kings, because they aren’t even pretending she possesses a scrap of principle or self-control anymore. Gabranth is overjoyed to be motivating the plot in a direction that makes any goddamn sense, and gives a hearty, \u201cGoooood! Good, young Skywalker, let the hate flow through you!\u201d<\/p>\n

Gabranth marches right on up, passing by and ignoring his brother\u2014 the man whom he is sworn by oath and personally desperate to destroy\u2014 and risks bringing everyone who played this piece of shit to immediate climax by cleaving Vaan right in two… only to be stopped by Reddas, who catches Gabranth’s blades in his own.<\/p>\n

Reddas looks Gabranth right in the eye, and admits something that absolutely no one saw coming: he was none other than Judge Zecht, the man who unleashed the Midlight Shard on Nabudis so Cid could gauge its capabilities! Gabranth, unfazed, reminds him that not only has he not shut up about that exact event in the two years since it happened, but he, as another Judge Magister, already recognizes him personally, so the effect of this revelation might be a bit dimmed.<\/p>\n

Is the audience actually not supposed to know what Reddas is explaining about Nabudis, or his very obvious secret identity? It does dispel the lingering ambiguity of whether or not the release of the Midlight Shard was a tragic accident or a deliberate atrocity. This alters our perspective on Doctor Cid and his compadres not a jot.<\/div>
Is the audience actually not supposed to know what Reddas is explaining about Nabudis, or his very obvious secret identity? It does dispel the lingering ambiguity of whether or not the release of the Midlight Shard was a tragic accident or a deliberate atrocity. This alters our perspective on Doctor Cid and his compadres not a jot.<\/div><\/p>\n

Ashe, of course, has just been sitting here drooling rather than carving up the Sun-Cryst like a honey ham. Reddas begs her to fight for something more than revenge, saying the past is something to be overcome and forgotten. Gabranth knocks his old ass to the floor and reminds us that we’re listening to the guy who let a single moment in his past shape every decision he’s made since, sticking dogmatically to his instincts even when those decisions could reshape the world for good or ill. He once again cries, \u201cIf only you kneeew the POWAH of the Daaahk Siiiide!\u201d and goads her to cut more nethicite.<\/p>\n

No, I don’t know why he’s doing this, either.<\/b> Nethicite being the one thing the Empire has over their enemies, he sure seems eager to plead his worst enemy into taking it all for herself. Come to think of it, the last time we saw Gabranth, wasn’t he being sent to find out whether Ashe truly intended to take the nethicite and try to annihilate the Empire? Didn’t he get his answer, in the negatory, before we knew he was watching? And then he immediately begins this cheesy schtick… uh, why, exactly?<\/p>\n

Ashe looks to Ghost Rasler, who is still here, apparently, and who doesn’t even know what the fuck. Then she turns to Vaan, who the game seems to be attempting to set up as the opposition to the Rasler phantom\/the Occuria’s will. Vaan was instinctively mistrustful of the Occuria, but hasn’t really offered much of an opinion on the nethicite itself one way or another, as far as I can remember. The look on his face seems to scream, \u201cMAKE UP YOUR MIND ALREADY GIRL GODDAMN!\u201d She gives one last look at Rasler, and cuts right through him with the Treaty-Blade, figuring out at long fucking last<\/i> that it isn’t really him.<\/p>\n

Gerun, in spectral Nabradian guise, spends this entire scene looking terribly confused. They're also the most consistently-written character appearing in this scene, for what it's worth.<\/div>
Gerun, in spectral Nabradian guise, spends this entire scene looking terribly confused. They're also the most consistently-written character appearing in this scene, for what it's worth.<\/div><\/p>\n

God help Rabanastre and it’s special needs queen. They are all going to fucking die one way or another. They have to. They just have to at this point.<\/p>\n

The specter begins speaking with Gerun’s voice, imploring her as the chosen one to stop screwing around and take care of the world’s whole \u201cEmpire led by Machiavelli, Oppenheimer, and Satan\u201d problem with the nethicite. One more slash with their own sword, and the Occuria’s illusion is gone for good. And, apart from Venat, that’s the last we’ll ever see or hear of the Undying.<\/p>\n

No, really.<\/p>\n

Attention, glowing blue space entities: this is what actually happens when you put yourself in the hands of teenagers with attitude.<\/div>
Attention, glowing blue space entities: this is what actually happens when you put yourself in the hands of teenagers with attitude.<\/div><\/p>\n

Ashe says to no one in particular that not once in Dalmasca’s long history had they ever relied on the Dusk Shard, seeming to take strength in her decision from this fact as she lets the sword fall from her hands. Uh, princess, did Dalmasca even know what the Stone was? You and Basch seemed to have no fucking clue what nethicite was, or that the Dusk and Dawn Shards were nethicite, or that they were anything besides shiny regal trinkets, until you were told. Now you’re acting like this was some sort of conscientious decision on the royalty’s part. Hey, did the Dalmascan royal line\u2014 or anyone after Raithwall, really\u2014 even know how to use the stones? Do WE, OURSELVES, know how to use the stones? I’m pretty sure we don’t! I’m pretty sure we never asked! Could you ask Rasler or Gerun or whoever how to\u2014 oooohhh…<\/p>\n

Gabranth! Help me out here! Gabranth yells out that the dead demand justice, but Vaan interjects, saying that the dead don’t give a damn, and that nothing can bring back his brother or anyone that’s passed in this foolish war. Well, Vaan, I’m glad your character development finally kicked in, although I’d have been happier if it had waited another fifteen minutes or so. Ashe concurs, saying that’s what’s passed is passed, and there’s no changing it. To emphasizes her point, she lets the Dawn Shard fall from her hand and roll right over to Gabranth’s feet.<\/p>\n

The Dawn Shard blew its nuclear load about twenty minutes after we pried it away from Raithwall's dead ass, but before dropping it on the floor at my feet I'd worry that it still held or had slowly regained a hand grenade's power in the time we've been dragging it through heavy mists. Especially when you're standing close enough for it to serve as a primer charge for the Sun-Cryst.<\/div>
The Dawn Shard blew its nuclear load about twenty minutes after we pried it away from Raithwall's dead ass, but before dropping it on the floor at my feet I'd worry that it still held or had slowly regained a hand grenade's power in the time we've been dragging it through heavy mists. Especially when you're standing close enough for it to serve as a primer charge for the Sun-Cryst.<\/div><\/p>\n

Oh, come the fuck on! We aren’t going to use them ourselves. Fine. I’m at peace. I get it. But one thing we might consider is not giving our superweapons to the enemy!<\/b> Because, unlike our party, the Empire is still in the good graces of at least one Occuria! And unlike us, they actually know how to use<\/b> that thing!<\/p>\n

Gabranth, reveling in his vantage amid a maelstrom of character collapse, asks the most obvious question yet: how do you intend to fight the Empire? How do you intend to keep your kingdom’s honor when that kingdom is going to cease to exist in a matter of days now?<\/p>\n

Basch, addressing his evil twin for the first time this entire scene, says that they will. Not how,<\/i> mind you; they just will. \u201cSomehow.\u201d Oh Jesus fucking Christ, now we’re channeling Final Fantasy X. We are channeling the portion of Final Fantasy X’s narrative that made the least amount of sense, of all the things they could have drawn on.<\/p>\n

<b>Basch, internally:<\/b> ''Holy crap! If my lame little brother looks this badass in that Judge armor, imagine how sweet I'd look in it!''<\/div>
Basch, internally:<\/b> ''Holy crap! If my lame little brother looks this badass in that Judge armor, imagine how sweet I'd look in it!''<\/div><\/p>\n

Gabranth laughs his ass off at this last point. Basch, as he gleefully points out, has never succeeded in defending a goddamned bowl of Jello, having at this point lost two (2) nationsGabranth politely leaves out Nabradia; Basch and the Dalmascans couldn’t save their neighbor from Imperial clutches, but then again it wasn’t their kingdom to lose.<\/span> and being one of the most hated fugitives the second has ever known. Reason having utterly disintegrated at this point, Gabranth resolves to simply beat the stupid out of the party, or\u2014 at the very least\u2014 beat them to death.<\/p>\n

At this point, I am cheering for Gabranth as hard as I can, but this battle marks the first of a series of endgame fights with Gabranth, and the game never bothers to make it seem like he has the ghost of a chance. We’ve been slaying Judges left and right already, including one who was both Mako-powered and possessed by the devil. Additionally, we have a Judge in our party who is also a pirate king. So Vader’s pretty well fucked, I’d say.<\/p>\n

Shamus has professed himself a casual player of this game. If so, consider that he's fast-forwarding through this boss and he's blown through a tenth of Gabranth's life bar with one swing of... Vaan's Ultima Blade? Hey! Shamus finally got his Buster Sword!<\/div>
Shamus has professed himself a casual player of this game. If so, consider that he's fast-forwarding through this boss and he's blown through a tenth of Gabranth's life bar with one swing of... Vaan's Ultima Blade? Hey! Shamus finally got his Buster Sword!<\/div><\/p>\n

In fact, I barely even had time to react before Gabranth was at half-health and a cutscene began in which he taunted his dear brother. Gabranth assures Basch that no matter what happens, he will never reclaim the honor he lost when Raminas was slain. I’d argue that, with the truth of Vayne’s plot at Nalbina even now spreading among Rabanastre’s underground and the proven heir of Raminas alive and well to clear his name from any challenge, Basch is pretty well in the clear. But the game has something up its sleeve later to brazenly out-stupid itself once more, and bearing false shame is Basch’s entire character concept, so he merely gives Gabranth an epic, \u201cI am rubber you are glue!\u201d<\/p>\n

The battle resumes, and, hilariously, Gabranth busts out a special attack called Guilt. Near as I can tell, it delays his death by a picosecond while the attack executes. Thoroughly whipped, Gabranth tries to mumble out some pithy taunt… when who should appear on a torrent of pure fucking majesty but Doctor Cidolfus Demen Bunansa! Naturally, he’s already picked up the Dawn Shard from the floor while we battled, because sometimes the party’s actions really are as bloody fucking stoopid as they seem. He heaps a bit of well-deserved shame on Gabranth as he strolls in, and the Judge Magister doesn’t even know what the fuck.<\/p>\n

I love Cid's ''the fuck is goin' on here'' look as he strolls casually into the scene, Dusk Shard in hand. Only slightly less impressive is how clearly one can see the look on Gabranth's face, encased as it is in a steel mask.<\/div>
I love Cid's ''the fuck is goin' on here'' look as he strolls casually into the scene, Dusk Shard in hand. Only slightly less impressive is how clearly one can see the look on Gabranth's face, encased as it is in a steel mask.<\/div><\/p>\n

Yes, it seems Gabranth had no idea Cid was going to show up, meaning that we had two separate groups of our worst enemies shortcut their way to the top of the Pharos. Incredibly\u2014 and I mean that literally, I can’t believe the game itself even remembered this\u2014 Doctor Cid reminds Gabranth of what he was supposed to be doing here for Lords Vayne and Larsa, and calls him an utter failure for shitting up the works like he did. Wait, so that whole screed of Gabranth’s trying to get us to take the nethicite and run wasn’t part of some plan of Vayne’s and Cid’s? What the crap is even going on anymore?!<\/p>\n

Then Cid drops the biggest bomb of all: You’re fired. GTFO. With Gabranth at once owned and disowned, officially and thoroughly, Cid forgets all about him and puts in his best scenery-chewing dentures. Gabranth isn’t taking his disemployment lying down, though, and raises his sword to cut Cid down… whereupon Venat appears and flings him into a pillar like a ragdoll. *golf clap!*<\/i> Now if only she had just thrown him a few feet to the left or right and straight off the Pharos, we could have been spared a bewildering portion of the endgame yet to come.Venat might be thrown a little off her game, so deep is her grief for her husband. Oh, you didn’t know? Venat’s English voice actress, Anita Carey<\/a>, is married to the late Judge Ghis’ English voice actor, Mark Wing-Davey<\/a>! You can’t prove they weren’t married in the game!<\/span><\/p>\n

Balthier tells his father that he is only Venat’s tool. But Cid, of course, believes otherwise. The Occuria have, for eons unknowable, treated humans like servants, but Venat appears as a friend and ally, to share power rather than mete it. He even praises Ashe’s decision to reject their governance, but Ashe isn’t charmed, calling him out on just generally being an asshole.<\/p>\n

Unfazed, Cid drops the other shoe like the stone cold villain he is: we’ve just completed his own plan for him<\/a>. He casts all three stones, Dawn, Midlight, and Dusk, into the air, and Venat begins using the Sun-Cryst to supercharge all three of them!<\/p>\n

Cid is loving this shit!<\/div>
Cid is loving this shit!<\/div><\/p>\n

Cid immediately begins rubbing it in like a champion, namedropping something called \u201cBahamut\u201d as part of their plan somehow…<\/p>\n

With the Sun-Cryst offloading more mist than could ever exist anywhere else, it’s all the party can do to even stand their ground against its force while the Doctor floats in the air, laughing like a madman and achieving the triune apotheosis of troll, ham, and mad scientist, exulting in poetic meter to commemorate his victory over the Occuria’s careful plans for humanity… chillingly reminiscent of the Occuria themselves.<\/p>\n

Balthier thinks the same, and accuses his father of merely wanting to steal the Occuria’s power and become a tyrant-god himself, and Cid heartily agrees. Cid can only feel regret that his son wasn’t on the same side to enjoy it.<\/p>\n

Having had enough of his audience, Cid sets his hand to wiping out the party himself. I love this fucking character, but I am still super-pissed that no one had to pay the toll to get up here but us, and if there’s anything I can do to push the trials of the Pharos on him, I will. And lucky for me, I have just the thing.<\/p>\n

Hashmal, Bringer of Order, I choose you!<\/p>\n

Once again I sandbag here, content to watch a crab-armed wolf-demon fistfight a mad scientist with a magitech chaingun, because this game occasionally offers in consolation what it lacks in competence, and because Doctor Cid really may be the single best thing about this entire fucking trainwreck.<\/p>\n

To prove it, Cid indulges in the ultimate blasphemy: a shard of manufacted nethicite binding an esper of his own. That’s right, it’s time for a goddamn Satanic Pok\u00e9mon battle.<\/p>\n

Doctor Cid sends out Famfrit, the Darkening Cloud!<\/p>\n

Hashmal, use Roxxor! It’s not very effective…<\/p>\n

Enemy Famfrit uses Waterja! It’s not very effective…<\/p>\n

Hmm, it seems that these Espers are actually totally shit at fighting each other, and unlike our useless summons, Famfrit’s power makes Cid invincible until we take care of it. So what can Famfrit do? Well, he can tank and heal for Fran while she pops off some bone-scorching Firagas and leave Famfrit’s shit in ruins.<\/p>\n

SHAMUS'S NOTE: We don't have footage of Rocketeer's version of this fight, so here's me fighting him with whatever weapons I found in my casual play-through. I didn't use espers because I always forgot that was an option.<\/div>
SHAMUS'S NOTE: We don't have footage of Rocketeer's version of this fight, so here's me fighting him with whatever weapons I found in my casual play-through. I didn't use espers because I always forgot that was an option.<\/div><\/p>\n

Hey, you ever wonder why you black out when all your Pok\u00e9mon faint? It’s because the other trainer and his killbeasts beat you the fuck up and rob you. It’s time for us to honor tradition all over the good Doctor’s skull.<\/p>\n

As Doctor Cid finds himself too weak to lift his rifles, he collapses and his Esper is ours. Oddly, despite Cid having made a big show of summoning Famfrit from a small red shard of manufacted nethicite, after the battle we see a large, translucent blue crystal with Famfrit’s symbol inside it shatter, same as every other Esper.<\/p>\n

Balthier steps forward to speak to his father one last time. Venat prepares to intercept him, but Cid gives him permission. The Doctor and the Undying exchange one last friendly farewell, and Balthier\u2014 Ffamran, to his father\u2014 struggles to put words to his turmoiled feelings<\/a>. Eventually, he settles on, \u201cWas there no other way?\u201d<\/p>\n

Unusually, Balthier's dry delivery doesn't sell his agonized expression here at all. I checked the JP version of this scene for sake of comparison, and while it's possible Zipangu Balthier sounds a little more like he's holding feelings back, it's pretty similar to someone that knows jack and shit about Nihongo. Meanwhile, in the background, Penelo is teaching Ashe her signature ''anxious hands clutched to chest'' move. She's got the basics, but she's got a long way to go before she's on Penelo's level.<\/div>
Unusually, Balthier's dry delivery doesn't sell his agonized expression here at all. I checked the JP version of this scene for sake of comparison, and while it's possible Zipangu Balthier sounds a little more like he's holding feelings back, it's pretty similar to someone that knows jack and shit about Nihongo. Meanwhile, in the background, Penelo is teaching Ashe her signature ''anxious hands clutched to chest'' move. She's got the basics, but she's got a long way to go before she's on Penelo's level.<\/div><\/p>\n

Cid won’t hear any remonstration, but has no strength to protest. He seems to wish his son well, in his own condescending way, as he fades into pyreflies and seems to be absorbed by the Sun-Cryst.<\/p>\n

…I’ll level with you, I’m not actually sure what the hell just happened, and judging by the look on his face, Balthier doesn’t either. Maybe Cid just blacks out and wakes up at the Pok\u00e9mon Center in Archades.<\/p>\n

Sensing the audience’s bemusement, Fran throws together a distraction by collapsing! <\/p>\n

As Fran collapses, Penpen immediately starts looting her still-warm body. Vaan might be slowly giving up his delusions of the swashbuckling life, but reserved, responsible Penelo has tasted blood and a desperate, debauched life of avarice and abandon makes her wanton blood boil like nothing ever has.<\/div>
As Fran collapses, Penpen immediately starts looting her still-warm body. Vaan might be slowly giving up his delusions of the swashbuckling life, but reserved, responsible Penelo has tasted blood and a desperate, debauched life of avarice and abandon makes her wanton blood boil like nothing ever has.<\/div><\/p>\n

It seems the intense mist has her all tuckered out, despite being utterly unaffected while it was so strong no one could move and during the battle she practically soloed. Balthier rushes over to check on her, and she warns that Very Bad Things are happening with the Sun-Cryst and if we were smart we would all GTFO right this moment. She seems to act as though they’d have to leave her there, or as though she were dying; I have no idea what she’s on about really, but she can rot for her next comment: \u201cYou’d best fly away. That’s what you do, right? You’re a sky pirate.\u201d<\/p>\n

No,<\/i> Fran. No, we take the elevator. That’s what Balthier does. That’s what we all do, because no one, and I mean fucking no one in this party,<\/i> is or shall ever be a sky pirate. Can everyone just stop bringing this up?!<\/p>\n

Fran’s right, though; the Sun-Cryst seems to be putting out greater and greater power, and we’re all screwed if it reaches some sort of critical mass while we’re all right here at ground zero. Ashe and Vaan seem eager to stop it somehow. Hey, if the nethicite shards each have the power to level a large city and the Sun-Cryst is a Volkswagen minibus-sized boulder of pure nethicite, bearing as much mist as it could gather in tens of thousands of years of enrichment, won’t this thing leave a crater on the planet the size of France? Work quickly, guys! Or don’t, this could be interesting.<\/p>\n

I'm tempted to think that this scene in which a strong wind completely stymies our 115-pound female lead and our 110-pound male lead before a ripped thirtysomething brushes past them and gets to work is a subtle protest by Yasumi Matsuno against management's casting direction.<\/div>
I'm tempted to think that this scene in which a strong wind completely stymies our 115-pound female lead and our 110-pound male lead before a ripped thirtysomething brushes past them and gets to work is a subtle protest by Yasumi Matsuno against management's casting direction.<\/div><\/p>\n

Ashe and Vaan attempt to advance on the crystal, Vaan with the Treaty-Blade in hand and Ashe with the Sword of Kings. Now, Ashe I can sort of understand; that blade is meant to destroy nethicite, even if trying to do so now is at least as likely to set off the exact cataclysm they’re aiming to prevent. But Vaan? What is he trying to do here? Cut the massive exploding crystal into several smaller exploding crystals of equal total mass, each of which could surely annihilate us on their own, even if the attempt didn’t set it off immediately?<\/p>\n

Come to think of it, what exactly is the difference between the two swords? They’re both just swords capable of cutting nethicite, right? Which must be a unique property, otherwise we could just waltz up with a woodsman’s hatchet and cut ourselves as many stones as we wanted. What makes the Sword of Kings a sword that \u201cdestroys\u201d nethicite? Does it de-power it as it cuts, or something? How? Is it enchanted? What is that sword made of, anyway? Could we maybe have studied it? Tried to replicate it somehow? That kind of plan has been working gangbusters for Archadia. But actually, we’ve never<\/i> had any idea what this sword does\u2014 and yes, I mean the cast and<\/i> the audience. It’s supposed to be our ace in the hole against a weapon we know only as a bomb, or at most an incredibly high-density energy source. We never articulate a plan for how we might use it to outwit our counter the Empire; the sword itself is forgotten after the sacking of Bur-Omisace and we never have occasion to use it before now to demonstrate any special properties it might possess. We also lose the sword after this scene, in which it’s used to arguably no effect, thus we won’t have it when at long fucking last we take on Archadian nethicite weaponry directly.<\/p>\n

So maybe if we’d wanted to destroy the Sun-Cryst or render it unusable, we really could just use the Treaty-Blade to mince it into thousands of tiny pebbles and throw them all over the edge of the world, and have no easier a time than with the Sword of Kings. I mean, the edge of the world is right there,<\/i> apparently; Basch could probably manage the throw from right here at the top of the tower…<\/p>\n

All these questions and more will go unanswered, since neither of our party members are able to advance another step against the billowing torrent of mist coming from the stone. At this moment, Reddas remembers he’s a badass pirate king and takes the reins (of history! (back in the hands of man!)).<\/p>\n

Really? You've never seen the likes of *this* before? Really? Not even once? I mean, Archadia can be sort of parochial, but not even in Balfonheim?<\/div>
Really? You've never seen the likes of *this* before? Really? Not even once? I mean, Archadia can be sort of parochial, but not even in Balfonheim?<\/div><\/p>\n

While the party gawps helplessly, he takes the Sword of Kings in hand, and easily runs right up to the Sun-Cryst. Eh, I can accept that; he was like four levels higher than the party average. Then he leaps at it, and hangs in the air right in front of it for a good ten seconds while he yells out some regretful rot about Nabudis. Okay, that strains my credulity, but- OH SHIT!<\/b> He drives the Sword of Kings straight into the heart of the massive crystal!<\/p>\n

And wouldn’t you know, this sets off exactly the sort of disaster I reckoned it would, causing an epic explosion and utterly atomizing everyone present.<\/p>\n

…I mean, since Reddas was the only one present at the time, I guess just him. Oh, what’s that? What about all our party members and Gabranth? Oh, you didn’t see them slip out? They slipped out, you see, in the twentieth of a second after Reddas struck the stone but before it exploded in a ball of light so bright it was visible from the other edge of the continent of Kerwon beyond the entire Naldoan Sea. Actually, there’s a little cutscene of all the non-human races at various points across Ivalice turning to see the explosion. Nice of the game to acknowledge they exist for a few seconds.<\/p>\n

See that solid black area that the ship's front glass curves around? Ashe sees it, too. She's definitely not looking at the Pharos, which it directly obstructs from her angle, so I'm guessing she's just pretending to give a shit about whatever Vaan seems so upset about so he'll calm down and get back to making her a cup of cocoa.<\/div>
See that solid black area that the ship's front glass curves around? Ashe sees it, too. She's definitely not looking at the Pharos, which it directly obstructs from her angle, so I'm guessing she's just pretending to give a shit about whatever Vaan seems so upset about so he'll calm down and get back to making her a cup of cocoa.<\/div><\/p>\n

Yes, after the little Small World montage, we cut to the party all aboard the Strahl,<\/i> gazing up at the annihilated upper reaches of the Pharos, as Vaan utters Reddas’ name mournfully. I have no idea what happened to Gabranth; presumably, he was blasted off Team Rocket style<\/a>, as he is and shall continue to be ludicrously indestructible. I imagine he spent a few awkward days in the clinic wondering whether to get cracking updating his r\u00e9sum\u00e9 or trust that Venat won’t blab about Cid firing him.<\/p>\n

I’ve got nothing.<\/p>\n

The Travelog continues next week.<\/b><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Atop the Pharos, Ashe stands in awe of the Sun-Cryst, holding the Treaty-Blade in one hand and the Sword of Kings in the other.Very unsubtle visual storytelling, just like in the Stilshrine. Vaan passive-aggressively pushes her to destroy the crystal here and now, but she flatly tells him to shut his pansy ass up. Closing […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":15,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[616],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-54119","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-ffxii"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/54119","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/15"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=54119"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/54119\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":54258,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/54119\/revisions\/54258"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=54119"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=54119"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=54119"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}