{"id":48209,"date":"2019-09-28T20:10:27","date_gmt":"2019-09-29T00:10:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/?p=48209"},"modified":"2019-09-28T21:48:23","modified_gmt":"2019-09-29T01:48:23","slug":"achilles-and-the-grognard-special-guest-appearance","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/?p=48209","title":{"rendered":"Achilles and the Grognard: Special Guest Appearance"},"content":{"rendered":"

The Grognard:<\/strong> Well, we’re finally here. Baldur’s Gate. The city of a thousand sidequests. How is the team holding up?<\/p>\n

Wyrm's Crossing, the bridge that finally takes you to Baldur's Gate. Personally, this moment - and the music that went with it - stuck with me.<\/div>
Wyrm's Crossing, the bridge that finally takes you to Baldur's Gate. Personally, this moment - and the music that went with it - stuck with me.<\/div><\/p>\n

Achilles:<\/strong> Better than before. Game’s shaping up to finish stronger than it started.<\/p>\n

The Grognard:<\/strong> How so?<\/p>\n

Achilles:<\/strong> For one thing, the story’s picked up. I’m on the trail of the Iron Throne, and by this point it’s clear that I’m some sort of god or something.<\/p>\n

The Grognard:<\/strong> It’s\u00a0clear<\/em>?<\/em> really?<\/p>\n

Achilles:<\/strong> Look, this game came out over twenty years ago, and people call it the “Bhaalspawn Saga.” You can’t expect me to go in completely unspoiled. Besides, this crazy old hobo has been practically broadcasting it the whole way.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Elminster keeps showing up to monologue foreshadow-y things about our 'lineage' and 'blood.'<\/div>
Elminster keeps showing up to monologue foreshadow-y things about our 'lineage' and 'blood.'<\/div><\/p>\n

Achilles:<\/strong> So this means I’m basically death-Jesus, right? Like, I don’t know the exact words for all the made-up gods in this joint, but I’m one of their children or something. One of the bad ones, specifically. Am I wrong?<\/p>\n

The Grognard:<\/strong> No, I’d say you more or less have the gist of it.<\/p>\n

Achilles:<\/strong> So I’m destined to do some sort of goddish stuff. That makes sense, since I know there’s a sequel, which must take you to higher levels. So I have to kill Skull Helmet Guy if I want to advance the story.<\/p>\n

The Grognard:<\/strong> Top Hat Guy versus Skull Helmet Guy, battling to advance the story. That description is distressingly accurate.<\/p>\n

Achilles:<\/strong> So that part is good. Another good part is that we’re in a city now. Everything’s closer together. Not so much trudging around empty wildnerness.<\/p>\n

The thieves' guild - my personal favorite part of the city. For a society, crime has its drawbacks, of course. But it's a great generator of quest hooks.<\/div>
The thieves' guild - my personal favorite part of the city. For a society, crime has its drawbacks, of course. But it's a great generator of quest hooks.<\/div><\/p>\n

Achilles:\u00a0<\/strong>For another, the combat has gotten interesting.<\/p>\n

The Grognard:<\/strong> It wasn’t interesting before? The combat is said to be a strong point of the series.<\/p>\n

Achilles:<\/strong> Not at first it wasn’t. At low levels you can’t really do anything yet – just click on an enemy, wait, and hope your rolls are better than theirs.<\/p>\n

The Grognard:<\/strong> It’s an RPG, not an action game. Some imagination is required if you want to think of them as actual fights.<\/p>\n

Achilles:<\/strong> No amount of imagination can make “and then Top Hat Guy and his opponent failed to make their attack rolls, missing each other for the fourth consecutive time” into something exciting.<\/p>\n

The Grognard:<\/strong> That sounds like a challenge. Perhaps it’s time to introduce you to my good friend R.A. Salvatore.<\/p>\n

Beloved fantasy author R.A. Salvatore emerges from a previously unnoticed corner of the room.<\/em><\/p>\n

R.A. Salvatore:<\/strong> Hello. I’m well-known fantasy author R.A. Salvatore, creator of the iconic Drizzt Do’Urden.<\/p>\n

Achilles:<\/strong> Has he been here this whole time?<\/p>\n

R.A. Salvatore:<\/strong> The use of my name and likeness for the purposes of transformative analysis, commentary, or satire is permitted under US copyright law.<\/p>\n

Achilles:<\/strong> Huh?<\/p>\n

The Grognard:<\/strong> Sometime he says things like that. Just ignore them. Mr. Salvatore? Let’s say my friend here is currently fighting off an assassin who’s ambushed him in the street. It’s pretty much just them taking turns making attack rolls. Could that be described in an exciting way?<\/p>\n

R.A. Salvatore:<\/strong> Of course! Much of my early work was inspired by the 2nd edition ruleset, including the combat encounters – or, as I like to think of them, the battle scenes. The trick is to create a vivid picture for the audience.<\/p>\n

The Grognard:<\/strong> How about a demonstration? And if possible, one that doesn’t use the phrase “attack routine”?<\/p>\n

R.A. Salvatore:<\/strong> Cheeky! Okay, here goes.<\/p>\n

As the assassin cautiously advanced, Top Hat Guy saw that the fight was evenly matched, and settled into a familiar defense routine. Long, sweeping swings of his weighted cane kept his opponent’s blade at bay, while his other hand whirled a gnomish flail faster and faster behind him, waiting for an opening. His attacker was overextending his thrusts, losing his balance at the crucial moment. Muttering a quick prayer to Garl Glittergold for luck, the bearded gnome released the spinning flail at a clever new angle, striking the assassin’s knee with a crack. The man stumbled and cried out in pain.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

The Grognard:<\/strong> Bravo! You see? Isn’t that more exciting than “Top Hat Guy made his attack roll, inflicting nine points of damage”?<\/p>\n

Achilles:<\/strong> Sure, I see what you’re getting at. But Team Top Hat’s fights don’t really look like the sort of thing you’d see in a book.<\/p>\n

The Grognard:<\/strong> How do they look?<\/p>\n

Achilles:<\/strong> Well, when I run into an enemy group, I just send Khalid in.<\/p>\n

The Grognard:<\/strong> What, by himself?<\/p>\n

Achilles:<\/strong> Usually, he’s all I need – he goes in and gets whaled on from all sides while the rest of us stand back and use ranged weapons. Top Hat Guy and his +1 composite longbow are the stars, team sling-and-shortbow are the backup dancers. Khalid is the meat shield. That takes care of your average trash mob fight.<\/p>\n

R.A. Salvatore:<\/strong> I can work with that.<\/p>\n

Apprehensive, his shield at the ready, Khalid advanced alone on the Hobgoblins. “My heart’s really not in this,” he thought to himself ruefully. He was heartened by the sound of a voice from behind him. “Steel thy courage, husband!” Jaheira cried out. “We will fight alongside you, from over here on this ridge, attacking the fiends from a distance!”<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

The Grognard:<\/strong> Honestly, this explains why Khalid is so timid. Drawing all that aggro by himself can’t be much fun. The fear is a survival strategy.<\/p>\n

Achilles:<\/strong> He’s got Ankheg plate, and adventuring is a job for adults. That’s what Jaheira always tells him, anyway. Besides, if there’s trouble, I can send Minsc in to help.<\/p>\n

The Grognard:<\/strong> And Minsc is all enthusiasm.<\/p>\n

Achilles:<\/strong> Great enthusiasm. Great locker room guy. If you put the brain of a golden retriever into the body of an NFL fullback, Minsc would be the result. If Khalid isn’t enough, Minsc switches to his trusty two-hander. That thing hits for twenty-plus damage.<\/p>\n

R.A. Salvatore:<\/strong> Aha! Big damage. I know just how to sell that.<\/p>\n

Battered from all sides, Khalid desperately tried to catch his breath. None of the years he’d spent practising defense routines in his native Calimsham had prepared him to fight this many enemies at once. He heard a bellow from behind him. “Full plate, and packing steel!” He turned to see Minsc sprinting towards the nearest Hobgoblin, waving an enormous claymore above his head, the hamster on his shoulder squeaking furiously. With a cry he brought the claymore down, nearly splitting his target in two. “Evil, meet my sword! Sword, meet evil!”<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

The Grognard:<\/strong> So you don’t use your casters?<\/p>\n

Achilles:<\/strong> Not for trash pulls. But if it looks like a tougher fight, I have Dynaheir cast web. Web is an amazing spell. It holds everything in place for like a full minute. None of them can even do anything.<\/p>\n

The Grognard:<\/strong> And neither can your tanks.<\/p>\n

Achilles:<\/strong> Minsc can move. That +2 spider’s bane sword of his makes him immune to web, nice bonus.<\/p>\n

The Grognard:<\/strong> But Khalid? Now he’s surrounded and<\/em> immobilized?<\/p>\n

Achilles:<\/strong> His job is to be bait, and get all the mobs clumped up. Once that job is over, he can just chill, wrapped up in spiderwebs and unable to move, while the rest of us shoot rocks and arrows at targets barely a foot away from him.<\/p>\n

R.A. Salvatore:<\/strong> You’re not making this easy on me, but I’m a pro. Try this on for size.<\/p>\n

Trapped in a cacoon of wet, sticky webbing, Khalid’s eyes widened as a shaft buried itself in a tree trunk less than six inches from his face. “Sorry!” came a voice drifting over the wind – Gorion’s Ward. “I was aiming for one of the Hobgoblins!” Khalid squeezed his eyes shut and whispered a desperate prayer to Ilmater, god of the suffering and persecuted. All around him, his enemies were trapped in the same sticky white tomb he was, hearing the high-pitched whistle of the arrows, waiting for the inevitable strike, the hot sting of point piercing flesh.<\/em><\/p>\n

He knew, from experience, that so long as Dynaheir’s spell persisted, there was nothing he could do.<\/em><\/p>\n

He knew, from experience, that the most important thing was not to poop.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

The Grognard:<\/strong> You know, we should start being nicer to Khalid. Okay, so what if there’s still something alive after all that?<\/p>\n

Achilles:<\/strong> Well, you just said we should be nicer to Khalid, so you probably won’t like this, but Dynaheir also has fireball now.<\/p>\n

The Grognard:<\/strong> So let me see if I’m following your strategy here. Step one is to send Khalid in, alone, while everyone else shoots arrows from the other side of the screen. If that doesn’t work, a concussion-addled man and his hamster will rush in to “help.” When their help is predictably insufficient, all of them will be encased in spiderwebs and then the whole area will be set on fire.<\/p>\n

A typical deployment: Khalid in front, the whole area webbed up, everyone else shooting from a safe distance away. In this particular fight, fireball wasn't necessary.<\/div>
A typical deployment: Khalid in front, the whole area webbed up, everyone else shooting from a safe distance away. In this particular fight, fireball wasn't necessary.<\/div><\/p>\n

Achilles:<\/strong> Well, obviously it sounds callous when you describe it like that<\/em>. But come on, web and fireball go together like chocalate and peanut butter. Khalid has some fire resist on his gear, and Jaheira has healing spells, so it all works out in the end.<\/p>\n

The Grognard:<\/strong> And Minsc? Does he have any fire resistance?<\/p>\n

Achilles:<\/strong> Minsc has something better: a positive attitude and a willingness to play through injuries.<\/p>\n

R.A. Salvatore:<\/strong> All right, let’s bring it home.<\/p>\n

Khalid took a shuddering breath and slowly raised another healing potion to his trembling lips. All around him were the cries of the wounded and dying, and the sweet, sickening stench of roasted Hobgoblin. He would hear them again, smell it again, he knew – in his nightmares. They always came after a fight like this.<\/em><\/p>\n

Dynaheir, whose magic had scorched the area, sauntered towards them, her now-empty sling hanging carelessly from her hand. Unscathed by the fighting, as usual, she surveyed the carnage with a satisfied smile. “This group shows promise exceptional.”<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

The Grognard:<\/strong> Good lord. I tremble to think what’s going to happen when you get your hands on a cloudkill scroll. But if it works, it works, I guess.<\/p>\n

Achilles:<\/strong> It’s working so far. I have yet to encounter a problem that couldn’t be solved with some combination of web, fireball, and blind. Blind, by the way, does exactly what you’d think it does. For single targets, it’s even better than web.<\/p>\n

The Grognard:<\/strong> How about traps? Does Imoen disarm them?<\/p>\n

Achilles:<\/strong> No, I dual-classed Imoen to mage, to get more blinds and webs. She hasn’t gotten her thief levels back yet, so I just use Khalid.<\/p>\n

The Grognard:<\/strong> At this point I feel obligated to point out that Khalid is a single-class fighter, and doesn’t have the find\/remove traps skill.<\/p>\n

Achilles:<\/strong> No, but he does have high HP. So I send him down any suspicious-looking hallways alone, while everyone else hangs back and gives him moral support.<\/p>\n

The Grognard:<\/strong> You don’t go easy on him, do you? I’m surprised he hasn’t died yet.<\/p>\n

Achilles:<\/strong> Oh, he has. Dozens of times. I just hit quickload and try again. The thing is…<\/p>\n

The Grognard:<\/strong> What?<\/p>\n

Achilles:<\/strong> I think he remembers.<\/p>\n

The Grognard:<\/strong> Remembers what?<\/p>\n

Achilles:<\/strong> All the quicksaves and quickloads. Part of him remembers. It’s why he’s always saying things like “my heart’s really not in this,” or “if none are better.” Every time I send him alone into a group of sword spiders, or down a hallway full of poison dart traps, it’s like he’s trying to talk me out of it. It’s like he knows what’s going to happen, because part of him remembers all the times it happened before. I’m pretty sure it’s where the stutter comes from.<\/p>\n

The Grognard:<\/strong> That is horrifying<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Achilles:<\/strong> I know, right? It’s like you said, these games are darker than people realize.<\/p>\n

This is the point in the game where the dream sequences start to get pretty gnarly.<\/div>
This is the point in the game where the dream sequences start to get pretty gnarly.<\/div><\/p>\n

R.A. Salvatore:<\/strong> That’s why I created my iconic character, Drizzt Do’Urden – to be a light that brings justice to the darkest of places. When he was growing up in the Drow city of Menzoberranzan…<\/p>\n

Achilles:<\/strong> Oh yeah, him. I killed him, too.<\/p>\n

R.A. Salvatore:<\/strong> You what? Killed who?<\/p>\n

Achilles:<\/strong> Drizzt.<\/p>\n

There is a long, uncomfortable silence.<\/em><\/p>\n

Achilles:<\/strong> What?<\/p>\n

The Grognard:<\/strong> Hold on now. Achilles, Drizzt was – I believe – a level sixteen ranger, wielding some very powerful magical weapons. How could you have killed him?<\/p>\n

Achilles:<\/strong> Oh, there are a bunch of ways to do it. But the easiest is to surround him, so he can’t move, then kick everyone from your party so he doesn’t turn hostile to them when you attack. Then he’s stuck, and you attack him with a reach weapon, like a quarterstaff, for about forty-five minutes. You’ll hit on natural twenties, and eventually he runs out of HP.<\/p>\n

If you stand behind a tree, like here, it also messes up his pathing so he just moves back and forth instead of trying to attack. But if you surround him properly it won't matter anyway.<\/div>
If you stand behind a tree, like here, it also messes up his pathing so he just moves back and forth instead of trying to attack. But if you surround him properly it won't matter anyway.<\/div><\/p>\n

The Grognard:<\/strong> So that’s how you did it. I did it with animate dead and an invisible spotter, back in the day. A little quicker, but perhaps not quite so elegant.<\/p>\n

R.A. Salvatore:<\/strong> What, both of you? Why? In Tyr’s name, why?<\/p>\n

The Grognard:<\/strong> Mr. Salvatore, you have to understand, killing Drizzt is something of a tradition in this game.<\/p>\n

R.A. Salvatore:<\/strong> A tradition? According to who? Drizzt was – is<\/em> – a hero of the Sword Coast! One of the faces of the Forgotten Realms!<\/p>\n

Achilles:<\/strong> Drizzt was a cameo appearance in a computer game. One who was selfishly hoarding some of the best gear, no less. Now I’ve got two new scimitars and some swanky new armor. If anyone asks, I’ll just say the gnolls got him.<\/p>\n

R.A. Salvatore:<\/strong> You may have killed the elf, but you will never kill the spirit of justice he represents!<\/p>\n

Achilles:<\/strong> Right, right, right, right, right. Look, if it bothers you that much, I can just reload a save, I didn’t really need his stuff anyway. Either way, I’ve got my party, I’ve got some good gear, and it’s time to head down the home stretch. I got the bit in my teeth now, ready to go. You two ready?<\/p>\n

The Grognard:<\/strong> You know, I’m honestly not sure we are.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The Grognard: Well, we’re finally here. Baldur’s Gate. The city of a thousand sidequests. How is the team holding up? Achilles: Better than before. Game’s shaping up to finish stronger than it started. The Grognard: How so? Achilles: For one thing, the story’s picked up. I’m on the trail of the Iron Throne, and by […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[120],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-48209","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-videogames"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/48209","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/12"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=48209"}],"version-history":[{"count":11,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/48209\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":48220,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/48209\/revisions\/48220"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=48209"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=48209"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=48209"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}