{"id":40113,"date":"2017-08-07T06:00:51","date_gmt":"2017-08-07T10:00:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/?p=40113"},"modified":"2017-09-08T13:16:17","modified_gmt":"2017-09-08T17:16:17","slug":"timely-game-of-thrones-griping-4-the-one-with-the-giant-honking-battle","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/?p=40113","title":{"rendered":"Timely Game of Thrones Griping 4: The One With the Giant Honking Battle"},"content":{"rendered":"
This series analyzes the show, but sometimes references the books as well. If you read it, expect spoilers for both.<\/div>\n

I’m still moving, and won’t have internet until Wednesday, so this week’s griping is brought to you by that greatest of all public works projects: Starbucks free wifi. For that reason, it might be a bit on the short side again.<\/p>\n

Team Cersei Update<\/h3>\n

We start with Ser Jaime, Bronn, and company on their way back from Highgarden. They have wagons piled high with gold and grain (or some kind of food). Highgarden appears to have had a great deal of gold squirreled away – we later learn it’s enough to repay the throne’s debt to the Iron Bank. That debt was last important all the way back in season five, when Mace Tyrell got the guy who plays Mycroft Holmes to give them a reprieve through a singing-based charm offensive.I just want to say here that I actually liked Mace Tyrell. I’ll miss him.<\/span><\/p>\n

Last episode Queen Cersei asked for a 'fortnight.' Did an army that's mostly on foot really go from King's Landing to Casterly Rock to Highgarden and back to King's Landing in the space of two weeks?<\/div>
Last episode Queen Cersei asked for a 'fortnight.' Did an army that's mostly on foot really go from King's Landing to Casterly Rock to Highgarden and back to King's Landing in the space of two weeks?<\/div><\/p>\n

It seems a little strange to me that House Tyrell had this huge amount of money and no one had ever mentioned it before, but on this show things that “seem a little strange” barely register anymore. Bronn and Jaime exchange a bit of banter, where Bronn refers to Highgarden as “the biggest prize in the world.”<\/p>\n

“The biggest prize in the world.” What? Look, I know this is a small thing, but every so often this show throws a line in that makes me wonder if they’re even trying, or if they even have an editing process at all. A line like that shouldn’t make it through editing. If nothing else, it should be changed to something like “you’ve just won a great prize,” or maybe “you’ve just won the biggest prize in the Reach,” or something like that. Don’t call Highgarden “the biggest prize in the world” when it’s clearly not. It’s just sloppy. It speaks to a lack of care.<\/p>\n

Next Jaime has Bronn and the Tarlys collect the Reach’s last harvest. That’s presumably the last harvest before a winter that will last several years. So… did Jaime just condemn an entire region of Westeros to starvation? I’m not sure. I guess we’ll find out.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Next, Queen Cersei and Tycho Nestoris of the Iron Bank have a talk. Nothing really happens in this scene. The Iron Bank was owed money, it has now been repaid, and now they’re going to loan Cersei more money. What was this entire mini-plotline here for? I guess it could have some kind of payoff later, but I’m not holding my breath.<\/p>\n

With additional funds from Braavos, I can paint maps on even bigger floors.<\/div>
With additional funds from Braavos, I can paint maps on even bigger floors.<\/div><\/p>\n

Cersei also name-drops the “Golden Company.” This is a company of mercenaries across the narrow sea that’s quite important in the books. The fact that it’s mentioned here suggests it won’t be the last we hear of them. Or maybe it will, and this is another one of those meaningless “nods” to book readers.<\/p>\n

Team Stark Update<\/h3>\n

The dagger that was used to attack Bran Stark way back in season one has made a highly conspicuous return. First Littlefinger gives it to Bran, then Bran gives it to Arya, then it pops up in Arya’s fight with Brienne. I’m guessing that this is part of the show’s overall efforts to keep track of where the various Valyrian steel weapons are. If I remember right, the list is: Jon (Longclaw), Arya (the dagger), Brienne (the one she got from Jaime, which might be called “Oathkeeper,”), Sam (the Tarly family blade, “Heartsbane” in the books), and Jaime (“Widow’s Wail,” Joffrey’s old sword, referenced again last episode).<\/p>\n

I mention this to point out that the characters on this show can give over parts of three separate scenes to establishing the existence, history, and current ownership of one Valyrian steel dagger, but seem completely uninterested in the fact that Bran now knows everything.<\/p>\n

And I do mean “everything,” or something pretty close to it. Last episode he seemed to be saying that he can see everything that’s happened anywhere. He now specializes in reminding the audience of the show’s various lowlights, like Sansa’s wedding-night rape and Littlefinger’s “chaos is a ladder” speech. He also knows about Arya’s list and the fact that she was planning to kill Cersei.<\/p>\n

You would think that a person who knows everything that’s happened to everyone, or at the very least a whole lot of very private things, would be tactically useful, or at least intriguing enough for those around him to ask some follow-up questions about the nature of his ability and its limits. But instead we get several “Bran acts weird, no one knows how to react” scenes.<\/p>\n

It's always bugged me how so many of this show's castles seem to be in the middle of vast stretches of wilderness where you'd think there'd be no particular reason to build a huge castle.<\/div>
It's always bugged me how so many of this show's castles seem to be in the middle of vast stretches of wilderness where you'd think there'd be no particular reason to build a huge castle.<\/div><\/p>\n

Arya makes her long-awaited return to Winterfell, and we finally get what we’ve all been waiting for: a pointless and overlong scene where a pair of guards at the gate don’t recognize her or believe she’s who she says she is. While watching this, I remember groaning inwardly and wondering why it was even here. Well, the post-episode explainer section has a reason: it’s a reference to the Odyssey, when Odysseus returns after years away and no one recognizes him.<\/p>\n

Why is there a reference to classical literature here? What purpose does it serve? Why does it need to take nearly three minutes of screen time to complete? Why include a reference so vague is has to be explained in a post-episode interview? Your guess is as good as mine.<\/p>\n

Arya tries to find out who’s in charge of Winterfell. “Lady Stark,” the guard tells her. “Which one?” she asks. God dammit Game of Thrones. There are three possible Lady Starks: Catelyn, Sansa, and Arya herself. Catelyn is dead and Arya and everyone else knows it, and Arya is the one asking the question. Unless you’re trying to show that Arya is completely dense, this line should be cut out of a scene that’s already too long.<\/p>\n

When that’s finally over, Arya and Sansa have a talk in the Winterfell crypts, a set which shows that this show hasn’t lost its love of filming things in places so dark you can barely see what’s happening. Arya complains that Ned Stark’s statue doesn’t look like him. “It should have been carved by someone who knew his face,” she says. “Everyone who knew his face is dead,” Sansa answers, which is not even close to being true, but whatever. If Highgarden is the greatest prize in the world, then I guess everyone that knew Ned Stark now being dead isn’t much of a stretch.<\/p>\n

Some other stuff happens at Winterfell. Bran weirds Arya out, and Podrick points out that with Arya and Sansa back in Winterfell, Brienne has fulfilled the vow she made to Catelyn Stark. “I hardly did anything,” Brienne says, in a bit of unintentional meta-commentary on her character’s role during the last two seasons. Then she and Arya have a long sparring session with live weapons. They seem pretty evenly matched, which would discourage me if I were Brienne, considering she’s much bigger, older, and more heavily armed and armored.<\/p>\n

Shouldn't you be using practice swords or something? You're gonna put an eye out like that.<\/div>
Shouldn't you be using practice swords or something? You're gonna put an eye out like that.<\/div><\/p>\n

Littlefinger seems pleased with Arya’s new abilities. He’s going to try and turn her against Jon, or maybe Sansa, or something, isn’t he? And it’ll make no sense and go nowhere. I’m already wincing in anticipation.<\/p>\n

Team Dany\/Great Big Honking Battle Update<\/h3>\n

Queen Daenerys and King Jon are on Dragonstone. Jon takes the Queen down into the obsidian mine, which has many primitive, symbolic drawings made by the Children of the Forest, alongside some conveniently realistic depictions of the White Walkers. Dany wants Jon to bend the knee. Jon won’t, because northerners will never accept a southern Queen, a reason which doesn’t quite hold water. Do the northern lords believe in the Army of the Dead or not? If so, it’s an existential threat sufficient to justify a bit of kneeling, isn’t it?<\/p>\n

Dany and Jon are interrupted by Tyrion and Varys, who inform them that the Unsullied have taken Casterly Rock, but they’ve lost Highgarden in the bargain. Daenerys is angry, and to my surprise everyone seems to have noticed that Tyrion at this point is borderline incompetent to the point that he could reasonably be suspected of intentionally sabotaging the war effort.<\/p>\n

What’s worse, now her armies apparently won’t be able to eat, because “Cersei has taken all the food from the Reach.” All <\/em>of it? Good lord, how many “teams” did the Tarlys have purloining food from local farmers? The Reach is an area roughly the size of France. And are we to understand that the Dothraki, who are presumably at Dragonstone, have been victualed by the Reach this whole time? Because that would be a logistical nightmare of mindboggling proportions. Let’s just ignore all that and move on.<\/p>\n

Next we have a scene with Jon and Davos talking to Missandei. In this scene, we learn that Ser Davos has not yet sorted out exactly what to call Jon now that he’s King. King Snow? King Jon? “It doesn’t matter,” Jon says, except that it kind of does, doesn’t it? You’d think that “do you call Kings by their first name or their last” is something that the Westerosi would have worked out at some point during their centuries of feudal rule. In fact, they did<\/em> work it out: you call Kings by their first name, like King Aerys, King Robert, King Joffrey, and so on. But Davos doesn’t know that, I guess, which makes no sense, but whatever. Why do I even bother? Just add it to the list of bizarre lines that never should have made it past an editor. Yes, I know that this by itself is not a big deal, but again, it speaks to a lack of care.<\/p>\n

This exchange is there to set up the great big honking battle at the end of the show. Jaime’s train of wagons is returning to the capital, but it’s attacked by Dothraki and dragons en route. I feel like I should mention at this point that Team Dany has, so far, lost two entire fleets – Yara’s fleet, lost to Euron Greyjoy, and the ships that ferried the Unsullied to Casterly Rock, also lost to Euron Greyjoy. But they apparently still have enough left to ship this entire giant Dothraki army to the mainland. And so the battle is joined.<\/p>\n

It will never stop bugging me that random archers get helmets but the commanders of armies don't. Dany's ride on Drogon, repeatedly established to be risky, didn't even merit a change of clothes on her part.<\/div>
It will never stop bugging me that random archers get helmets but the commanders of armies don't. Dany's ride on Drogon, repeatedly established to be risky, didn't even merit a change of clothes on her part.<\/div><\/p>\n

Visually, this was a cool sequence. You got a sense of the Lannister army unsuccessfully trying to maintain order amongst the chaos. You also got a sense of just how devastating a dragon can be to an army in the field. The Dothraki also did that cool standing-on-your-horse-while-riding-it thing, though I don’t know why<\/em> they did it. Whatever, I like horse tricks, so I’m not complaining.<\/p>\n

It’s not clear what the consequences of this battle are. Lord Tarly seemed to say that the gold made it inside King’s Landing but the other wagons (probably full of food) didn’t. I’m also not sure if this is the entire Lannister army or only part of it. In any case, Bronn successfully wounds Drogon with Qyburn’s giant ballista.<\/p>\n

The worst thing is that if you miss, that stupid dog pops up and snickers at you.<\/div>
The worst thing is that if you miss, that stupid dog pops up and snickers at you.<\/div><\/p>\n

The scene ends with Bronn tackling Jaime into the water to avoid Drogon’s fire, and finally with a shot of Jaime sinking into the water, seemingly comatose. The show seems to be suggesting that he may drown, or something, even though Bronn tackled him into what looked like about four feet of water. In fact, the show’s final shot is a bit confusing to me. I guess we’ll find out next week. I personally doubt Jaime is going to die like that.<\/p>\n

That’s all I have for this week – see you this coming Sunday!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This series analyzes the show, but sometimes references the books as well. If you read it, expect spoilers for both. I’m still moving, and won’t have internet until Wednesday, so this week’s griping is brought to you by that greatest of all public works projects: Starbucks free wifi. For that reason, it might be a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[611],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-40113","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-game-of-thrones"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40113","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/12"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=40113"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40113\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=40113"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=40113"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=40113"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}