{"id":39219,"date":"2017-06-16T06:00:53","date_gmt":"2017-06-16T10:00:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/?p=39219"},"modified":"2017-09-08T13:18:09","modified_gmt":"2017-09-08T17:18:09","slug":"game-of-thrones-griping-10-the-lindeloffian-method","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/?p=39219","title":{"rendered":"Game of Thrones Griping 10: The Lindeloffian Method"},"content":{"rendered":"
This series analyzes the show, but sometimes references the books as well. If you read it, expect spoilers for both.<\/div>\n

Everyone’s favoriteshut up<\/span> Game of Thrones gripe-a-thon is back! I won’t even have time to complain about everything I wanted to complain about between now and July 16th, when the new season is scheduled to start. But all I can do is try. Never let it be said that common sense limited my can-do spirit.<\/p>\n

In keeping with what I’ve done so far, I’m going to pick a single season six storyline – in this case, Arya’s – and stick with it. And hoo boy, did I pick a doozy.<\/p>\n

It would be going too far to say that Arya’s storyline was the season’s worst – that particular trophy was retained by the season five defending champions, Dorne. But it was the one I found the most obnoxious. The Dorne plotline was inept and scatterbrained, sure, but I didn’t personally see any malice in it. The Arya plotline, on the other hand, continuously manipulates the audience in a way that I find familiar enough to breed contempt.<\/p>\n

I’ll sound smarter if I give this phenomenon a name, so I’ll call it the “Lindeloffian Method.” Damon Lindelof is the often-talented-but-even-more-often-infuriating auteur who gave us Lost<\/em> and Prometheus<\/em>, among other things. He’s not the only writer who practices the Lindeloffian Method, but he is the most noteworthy, so I’ve named it after him.<\/p>\n

The Lindeloffian method is this: have something happen that makes no sense, hint at a promised explanation later, and then never deliver. Simple, but effective, because it gives the audience something that’s initially indistinguishable from actual suspense. When they start to get antsy, you replace the old mystery with another, bigger mystery, and carry on as before.<\/p>\n

It’s essentially the Ponzi scheme of fiction writing. In a Ponzi scheme, the grifter gets people to invest in some plausible-sounding company, and makes payments to the first group of investors with the money from the second group, then the second with the third, and so on. Once you run out of suckers the scheme collapses, of course, but by then a smart operator will have already skipped town with what’s left of everyone’s money.<\/p>\n

It helps if the stakes go up with each successive cycle, which is why so many Lindeloffian stories end up in the realm of half-baked metaphysical noodling, abstracted miles past the point of comprehensibility. In fact, I suspect that the popularity of Lindeloffian narratives contributed at least in part to the character of Mass Effect 3’s ending.<\/p>\n

But enough about non-Game of Thrones stuff. Let’s talk about where we are in Arya’s storyline.<\/p>\n

In Braavosi, the temple is known as 'Varathuli Dosi Anounen,' which translates as 'The place so dark you can't hardly see anything.'<\/div>
In Braavosi, the temple is known as 'Varathuli Dosi Anounen,' which translates as 'The place so dark you can't hardly see anything.'<\/div><\/p>\n

Arya arrived in Braavos in season five and spent most of the season with the “Faceless Men,” a secretive order of assassins led by fan favorite Jaqen H’ghar, also known as “Sexy Jesus.” The Faceless Men (which are not necessarily men) are not just criminals motivated by money. They have some sort of religion or code they follow, which we’re given tantalizing glimpses of. Perhaps we’ll learn what it is?Spoiler alert: We won’t.<\/span><\/p>\n

After assisting for a time with the day-to-day duties of the temple – which range from embalming the dead to assisted suicide – Arya is allowed admittance to its inner sanctum. Perhaps we’ll learn the mysteries of the order here?Spoiler alert: Nope.<\/span> She’s eventually assigned to kill someone called the “thin man,” an underwriter for risky merchant ventures, who Sexy Jesus confusingly describes as a “gambler.” This underwriter refuses to pay out claims he finds inconvenient, leaving behind the orphaned children of ship captains, who have gone to the Faceless Men for justice.<\/p>\n

How are a bunch of penniless orphans able to afford the world’s most expensive assassins? Perhaps the Faceless Men aren’t interested in money. “Only death can pay for life,” says Jaqen, echoing similar statements by the Red Priestess Melisandre. Perhaps they’re paid in a different way? Perhaps we’ll learn how?Spoiler alert: The show will never even attempt to explain how all of this works.<\/span><\/p>\n

The temple's inner sanctum is called 'Morgholo Esetirri,' or 'You can't see shit, even moreso than the last place.'<\/div>
The temple's inner sanctum is called 'Morgholo Esetirri,' or 'You can't see shit, even moreso than the last place.'<\/div><\/p>\n

Arya, however, doesn’t kill the thin man. Instead she’s distracted when she sees Ser Meryn Trant, a member of the Kingsguard who’s in Braavos to accompany Lord Mace Tyrell in his negotiations with the Iron Bank. Ser Meryn is, conveniently, an abusive pedophile shithead, which gives Arya the excuse she needs to kill him in an almost comically gruesome manner. I think I was supposed to cheer at the sight of him getting his comeuppance, but honestly his character was so on the nose that the whole exercise just felt tacky to me.<\/p>\n

But now Arya is in trouble. She killed the wrong man – she stole from the Many-Faced God that the order worships. Only death can pay for life, so in her final episode Jaqen holds up a vial of what must be poison for Arya to drink. Then he drinks it himself. Arya is distraught, but she pulls disguise after disguise off of the corpse, only to find out that the final one is (gasp!) her own face! And then she goes blind.<\/p>\n

So somehow he actually killed her, or something? Metaphorically, maybe? This could symbolize her failure to become “No One,” which seems to be her goal. And her blindness is because… you know what, I’m not even gonna try. It’s clearly just a cliffhanger for season six, where all of this will definitely get cleared up.Spoiler alert: It won’t.<\/span><\/p>\n

Jaqen H'ghar. What were you expecting, a well-lit picture? HAHAHAHAHAHA<\/div>
Jaqen H'ghar. What were you expecting, a well-lit picture? HAHAHAHAHAHA<\/div><\/p>\n

So, now you’re caught up with the beginning of season six, assuming you weren’t already. Breaking my ample complaints into bite-size chunks isn’t always easy, so this week’s episode is a bit on the short side. But in the next two weeks we’ll discuss both Lady Crane and Arya’s pointless stickfighting. Stay tuned!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This series analyzes the show, but sometimes references the books as well. If you read it, expect spoilers for both. Everyone’s favoriteshut up Game of Thrones gripe-a-thon is back! I won’t even have time to complain about everything I wanted to complain about between now and July 16th, when the new season is scheduled to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[611],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-39219","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-game-of-thrones"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39219","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/12"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=39219"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39219\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=39219"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=39219"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=39219"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}