{"id":37189,"date":"2017-03-01T03:33:16","date_gmt":"2017-03-01T08:33:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/?p=37189"},"modified":"2017-03-01T03:33:54","modified_gmt":"2017-03-01T08:33:54","slug":"nan-o-war-ch1-blood-and-old","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/?p=37189","title":{"rendered":"Nan o’ War CH1: Blood and Old"},"content":{"rendered":"

The problem with Mount and Blade <\/em>is that I’m not always playing it. At first the interruptions were minor–power outages, the minute or two of sleep I steal during loading screens, the weekly ritual I call “Dinnersday”–but after a few thousand hours it started to dawn on me that a life well-lived requires diverse experiences.And an inflexible cycle of digestion and excretion. Apparently<\/em>.<\/span> So I took a few weeks off to devote to a new hobby of mine, “figuring out what people do when they’re not playing Mount and Blade<\/em>.”<\/p>\n

Well, through a careful perusing of Steam’s library, I think I’ve solved the mystery: it turns out they play licensed total conversions of the Mount and Blade<\/em> engine to new settings. There’s more of them than you’d think, running the gamut from “professionally produced” to “produced, inexplicably.” I actually dig some of them, even the occasional free mod, but the vast majority provide two core minigames: crashing to desktop and praying the game will crash to desktop.<\/p>\n

Which is pretty much why I’d been declining to buy Blood and Gold: Caribbean! <\/em>The exclamation mark is part of the title. Being excited about the Caribbean(!) is, evidently, mandatory. Development must have been exhausting.<\/span> so far. I mean, it’s a golden-age-of-piracy conversion of Mount and<\/em> Blade<\/em>. <\/em>It’s Mount and Blade <\/em>with pirates. I love pirates, and I love Mount and Blade<\/em>, and I know how this goddamn story ends. <\/em>It’s as overwhelmingly likely that the game will be a buggy pile of janked garbage as it is that I’ll lose a tenth of my life playing it. I’d been steering clear, because I’m an intelligent, disciplined individual who has a few foibles but basically has his life together. N<\/em>ot <\/em>because the game was twenty dollars and I’m a cheapass.<\/p>\n

<\/div>
<\/div><\/p>\n

I hate Steam sales.<\/p>\n

Okay, screw it. Obviously I’m gonna buy my very own Greek Tragedy of a videogame. But you know what? If I’m going in, I’m taking you with me. Get ready for a magical voyage from which we shan’t likely return.<\/p>\n

Let’s weigh anchor.<\/em><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

For those of you who’ve played fewer than six thousand hours of Mount and<\/em> Blade<\/em>, let’s review the franchise slash genre:<\/p>\n

You’re an immortal ageless adventurer sharing a fictionalized Europe with:<\/p>\n

    \n
  • a dozen other immortal ageless adventurers (who can join your party)<\/li>\n
  • several dozen immortal ageless aristocrats (who run lands, gather armies, and get involved in politics)<\/li>\n
  • a limitless supply of ageless but extremely <\/em>mortal peasants (who keep the realm stocked with wealth and guileless, star-crossed cannon fodder)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

    The “classic” style of play is to ride around, recruit soldiers from towns, take on procedurally generated quests to collect taxes or rescue prisoners or hunt down bandits or whatever, gain some levels, and gradually transition to conquering forts and cities as part of a faction or an independent nation. The game does have mechanics for everything from romance to politics to trade, and there’s quite a few valid builds and playstyles to choose from that don’t look like the one I just described. There’s also an in-depth array of difficulty settings that shift your playthrough’s tone between “heroic fantasy novel” and “grim and disenchanting history lesson.”<\/p>\n

    Combat in Mount and Blade <\/em>is third-person with an optional first person mode. It’s vaguely realistic, at least in the sense that a battle between an armored warrior and an unarmored peasant will look and end about how you’d expect. Not getting hit is important, no matter how tough or well-armored you are, and it’s imperative that you either learn to parry or stay out of reach. All combat (and, indeed, all segments where you directly control your character and not a token on a map) takes place within instances. Assuming it’s a battle and not just a scuffle with muggers or something, your warband will be right there with you, and you can order them around with a reasonably sophisticated menu of commands.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

    So how does all this apply to Blood and Gold? <\/em>I honestly don’t know. Here’s the buzz I’ve heard about the game so far:<\/p>\n

    “It’s great! It’s more Mount and Blade! <\/em>Why do they make games that aren’t fucking Mount and Blade<\/em>! I’m playing Mount and Blade <\/em>with my ass while I’m typing this web comment!”<\/p>\n

    “I’ve been staring at a screen continuously for the past seven years and I’m not even sure what a videogame is anymore, but I think this one might be terrible.”<\/p>\n

    “(dying fox noises)“<\/em><\/p>\n

    I think I hate Reddit too, but one thing at a time.<\/p>\n

    Here’s what I do know: the game has the same standard difficulty sliders as the others, and I have cranked them all the way up, baby. <\/em>Behold 101% difficulty:<\/p>\n

    <\/div>
    <\/div><\/p>\n

    I covered this briefly when I did Firin’ Sword<\/em>, but to recap: by default, M&B <\/em>gives you and your men a kind of plot armor that makes it so you can survive even when outnumbered and outgunned. NPCs don’t take this into account when they decide to fight you or run away, so the difference between playing with and without plot armor is huge. <\/em><\/p>\n

    When you’ve got plot armor, NPCs are blustery overconfident fools eager to charge into battle and be slaughtered by the dozens. Without plot armor, basically every time <\/em>an NPC stops and fights you–or heaven forbid, ambushes you–you are stone-cold fucked.<\/p>\n

    On a more basic and less conceptual level, removing these blocks means I take full damage from my opponent’s weapons. Assuming hit point and damage values are comparable to what I’m used to, I will be in chronic danger of being one-hit-killed by even middling opponents. So not getting shot remains priority one, <\/em>as in all my enterprises.<\/p>\n

    It’s probably a bad idea to set it up this way on my first playthrough. But my other bad idea was this playthrough<\/em>, so we’ll cross that Styx when we come to it.<\/p>\n

    I also get to play a man or a woman:<\/p>\n

    <\/div>
    <\/div><\/p>\n

    This has some minor but not inconsequential effects on gameplay in previous titles. Let’s go with “woman.”<\/p>\n

    Now we get to character background. Mount and Blade <\/em>starts with a modest multiple-choice questionnaire that fills in some of your character’s stats and skills for you. Blood and Gold<\/em> seems to replace that with a difficulty selection. I’m not sure, since I’ve only experimented a little, but I think this changes how many points you get to assign in character creation and what kind of stats and equipment you get in the beginning. Again, I should probably start out with one of the easier kits. Again, I’m far too deep into this to start making good choices. Indentured servant (hard)<\/em> it is. <\/em><\/p>\n

    More like DENTURED serva--ah, dammit, I haven't set that pun up yet.<\/div>
    More like DENTURED serva--ah, dammit, I haven't set that pun up yet.<\/div><\/p>\n

    I don’t get many points to assign. Furthermore, I have virtually no idea what’s going to turn out to be useful. It’s like trying to prepare for a trip when you don’t know where you’re going, except it’ll be dangerous and wet and you’re probably going to have to duel a Spaniard. With that in mind, I assign my points to the following areas:<\/p>\n

    <\/div>
    <\/div><\/p>\n

    Searfaring seems like a safe bet. Looting and prisoner-management should get my finances off the ground, since selling schmucks and schmuck-accessories is the traditional early game of an M&B <\/em>campaign. Ditto trade. Path-finding controls overland movement, and it’s frankly not a strong choice, but I’m hedging my bets that this whole “caribbean” thing turns out to be a mug’s game and the real money’s in wandering a lonesome tropical island forever. I’m specializing in Firearms, because it seems overly optimistic to expect an indentured servant to start with much <\/em>Artillery.<\/p>\n

    Okay, time to craft our character’s sultry visagnnahh<\/em><\/p>\n

    <\/div>
    <\/div><\/p>\n

    As faces go, it’s not great. Trust me when I say my screenshot resizing’s been kind to the overall effect. I’d describe her skin as “RoseArt crayon” and her eyes as “drawn with the same.” Let’s, let’s hit Randomize. Let’s hit Randomize and never look back.<\/p>\n

    <\/div>
    <\/div><\/p>\n

    Okay, also not exactly inspiring <\/em>choice. I like the eyepatch, but not so much the hairstyle that is instantly and immediately clipping with the minimal default clothing. Can I try a different hairstyle?<\/p>\n

    What’s that? The eyepatch is part <\/em>of the hairstyle?<\/p>\n

    Well–which other styles have eyepatches?<\/p>\n

    Let’s just say one thing leads to another. Behold, the Nan o’ War:<\/p>\n

    <\/div>
    <\/div><\/p>\n

    More like a DENTURED serv–aw, fuck it.<\/p>\n

    NEXT WEEK: A CAPTAIN WITH NO CREW, AND ALSO VESSEL, AND ALSO NAUTICAL EXPERIENCE<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    The problem with Mount and Blade is that I’m not always playing it. At first the interruptions were minor–power outages, the minute or two of sleep I steal during loading screens, the weekly ritual I call “Dinnersday”–but after a few thousand hours it started to dawn on me that a life well-lived requires diverse experiences.And […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[242],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-37189","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-lets-play"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37189","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=37189"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37189\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=37189"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=37189"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=37189"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}