<\/div>“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” I tell him, “It’s pretty no matter what you call it.”<\/p>\n
“It’s hard to be fearsome when you have to dress like this.”<\/p>\n
“So why do it?” I ask.<\/p>\n
“I thought… This is part of being a warlock. It’s in the rules. I just assumed it was something demons wanted.”<\/p>\n
“Nah. You idiots came up with that on your own.”<\/p>\n
“Oh,” Norman says with obvious disappointment. <\/p>\n
“Look, the only thing we demons care about is devouring souls and destroying worlds. The dark robes, midnight gatherings, virgin sacrifice, cutting yourselves, memorizing oaths to fallen gods… that’s all stuff mortals added so they could feel like they were doing something really dangerous and illicit. You guys have to make everything so complicated. Power for souls. That’s our business. You guys can dress it up however you like.”<\/p>\n
“I guess I feel sort of stupid wearing this robe then.”<\/p>\n
“There’s a good reason for that.”<\/p>\n
We leave town and head west. We’re headed for Westfall, where Norman hopes he will find people in need of help. <\/p>\n
<\/div>Along the way, Norman runs off the path and starts digging around in the weeds.<\/p>\n
“Why are you picking flowers?” I ask.<\/p>\n
“They’re not flowers, they’re herbs. I’ve studied a bit of herbalism.”<\/p>\n
“Herbalism?”<\/p>\n
<\/div>“And alchemy. Picked it up in mage school.”<\/p>\n
“Wow. You know Alchemy?” I’m actually kind of impressed by this news. “What kind of potions can you make?” I ask.<\/p>\n
“A few. I can make one that sort of heals you a bit.”<\/p>\n
Back when I wrote this series, I found the gathering-type professions to be AMAZINGLY lucrative. A huge section of the playerbase was at the level cap. Often these high-level players would decide they wanted to max out (say) alchemy. Rather than going to the newbie zones and gathering for hours, they would go to the auction house and just buy all of the herbs they needed outright. It might set them back 100 gold or so, but what’s 100 gold to a high-level player? Not a big deal.<\/p>\n
Meanwhile, just 1 gold is a fortune to someone at Norman’s level. Which means the high level characters were basically paying us low-level characters to gather stuff. Originally you had to save for a while to get enough money for your first mount at level 40, but by this point in WoW’s history, by the time I was high enough for a mount I could afford several.<\/p>\n
It was optimal to take two gathering professions, such as herbalism and mining. But for this series Norman is going to be burning through all of his gathered herbs to level his alchemy. It doesn’t matter. I set up alchemy as part of Norman’s character but then I never used it for any jokes and it never came up again.<\/p>\n
Oh well.<\/p><\/div>\n
“Sort of?”<\/p>\n
“Let’s say you got impaled on a spear,” he explains. “This potion would reduce the redness and irritation around the entry point, at least until you can find someone to pull it out. I’ve also got another one that hardens your skin, so if someone wanted to impale you they would have to push 1% harder.”<\/p>\n
I shake my head, “Wow, I didn't realize you were horrible at other things before you went on to be horrible at magic. You're a real jack-of-sucking-at-all-trades.”<\/p>\n
“You sound like my mother,” he whines. “She’s never been happy with anything I’ve done since I decided not to become a paladin.”<\/p>\n
“I’m not here to help you with your family problems. Let’s find someone to set on fire.”<\/p>\n
“We don’t need to immolate everyone we meet, you know.”<\/p>\n
“Hey, if people didn’t want to be set on fire, then why do they make such hilarious sounds when you do it? That’s practically asking for it.”<\/p>\n
“I don’t think they make those sounds to entertain us.”<\/p>\n
“Well, I appreciate the effort they put into it anyway.”<\/p>\n
<\/div>On the edge of Elwynn forest we come to a garrison. <\/p>\n
“Maybe we should see if they have any jobs posted,” Norman mutters to himself. “You know, before we leave Elwynn for good.”<\/p>\n
Well waddaya know? There is a job:<\/p>\n
<\/div>Kind of odd. Still, Hogger is a handful and taking him on solo would be very foolish.<\/p><\/div>\n
“Looks good, we’ll do it,” Norman says.<\/p>\n
“What’s a Gnoll?” I ask.<\/p>\n
“Erm. I think it’s kinda like a pig-man,” Norman says. “They’re not too dangerous. They’re only about waist high.”<\/p>\n
We plunge into the forest and slaughter our way to Hogger’s camp. It turns out he’s a good bit taller than “waist high”.<\/p>\n
<\/div>“He’s very large,” Norman says nervously. “Ah well, I’m sure the guards wouldn’t have posted it if it was too big a job.”<\/p>\n
Norman formulates a detailed battle plan and draws it into the dirt:<\/p>\n
1) He sets Hogger on fire.
\n2) I distract Hogger with a fireball.
\n3) Norman begins rending Hogger with tendrils of malignant shadow magic.
\n4) I continue to confuse Hogger with fireballs.
\n5) Norman heals himself by draining away the last of Hogger’s life energy.<\/p>\n
We edge around Hogger’s camp and find a good defensive position. Then Norman launches the attack. It goes something like this:<\/p>\n
1) Hogger runs over and begins stabbing Norman.
\n2) Norman closes his eyes and swings his staff around while making little-girl noises.
\n3) See number two.<\/p>\n
Somehow Hogger gets slightly injured by this process. So he calls for help.<\/p>\n
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