<\/div><\/p>\n
My newest twenty companions join me outside the camp. I give them my most charming and ingratiating smile; they assemble their scarred visages into a pleasanter scramble.<\/p>\n
“Thank you all for coming,” I say. “May I just say that I intend this to be a stable, productive, and mutually mercenary-warlord relationship. No hiring you and throwing you into the grinder for me, no, sir! I intend to get my money’s worth!” I wag my finger. “That means none of you better die before payday, aha!”<\/p>\n
Someone spits.<\/p>\n
“Let’s start with the ‘big picture.’ My ultimate goal, which I hope you’ll come to share, is to provide a bulwark of comfort and economic security to last through these troubled times. I will achieve this through ownership of multiple businesses in stable regions of the…”<\/p>\n
“What about right now?” pipes an earless brigand.<\/p>\n
“Short term goal, loot and burn Snechko.”<\/p>\n
Which sounds all well and good to my staff, thankfully–candidly, my motives for pillaging the nearest township aren’t entirely pure.<\/p>\n
Mercenaries do expect to be paid weekly in hard thaler. I don’t recall precisely <\/em>how much their wages amount to, but I gather it’s more than, say, fifty thaler. On a grimly relevant note:<\/p>\n So it is true that I’ve acquired an asset, twenty armed and loyal men, and that my fortunes are improving. And it is in another and very real <\/em>sense true to say that what I’ve actually done is surround myself with twenty armed evil men to whom I now owe money.<\/p>\n So why plunder Snechcko? Because it is very nearby. <\/em><\/p>\n Perhaps you’re wondering what I hoped to accomplish by purchasing lackeys unsustainably, by the score. If you are, then I’m afraid that shows what you know of ignoble calculus. There is a tipping point, you see, where a peasant will glance through the kitchen window and reach for a fresh pair of trousers instead of his musket. According to my calculations, experience, and unimpeachable judgment of rural character, twenty men is what separates a clean honest pillaging from a deplorable and senseless waste of my life.<\/p>\n So me and my chosen twenty spur our beasts to Snechko. And…<\/p>\n …spur our beasts briskly away <\/em>from Snechko.<\/p>\n This is vexing. I’ve no capital to acquire more men, no means to pay the ones I’ve got, and apparently no quorum for accomplishing robbery. Doubtless my men are curious why we’re riding east and what I mean to accomplish; I can’t say for certain what they’re thinking, as I haven’t made eye contact with any of them in about sixty miles. I’m too busy trying very hard <\/em>to come up with a reply if someone does ask. Ideally, one not dependent on the word, “please.”<\/p>\n As we come to the outskirts of Lublin, my need becomes pressing–undeniable. I’m already several days into my lease on these murderers. I require a little money for a few more men, which I will use to get a fantastic amount of money, which I will use to get rather a lot of men, which I will use, all being well, to find meaning and contentment in life. Fortunately, this is when an opportunity presents itself.<\/p>\n Not far away is a band of seven deserters:<\/p>\n Deserters, you see, are bandits and cowards. Ripped from the bosom of some Slavic king, these desperate and brutal men rake fortunes from the bones of the weak. They are guaranteed to have treasures about them–treasures won at the tip of a saber or point of a musket, treasures to slake their lust for gold and smoke and bloody murder.<\/p>\n Which, well.<\/p>\n Ah.<\/p>\n I believe I mentioned an opportunity. Well, there are several peasants <\/em>nearby.<\/p>\n Huzzah!<\/em><\/p>\n NEXT WEEK: THE SPOILED OF WAR<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" After a day or two in Snechko I find my coffers, and palette of Polish obscenities, greatly expanded. From my interactions with the populace I’d allow that this village provides apprenticeships to all of Poland’s artisanal whiners. One strange Swede rides in and collects taxes at gunpoint on behalf of a warlord and they cry […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[242],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-35827","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-lets-play"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35827","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=35827"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35827\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=35827"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=35827"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=35827"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
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