{"id":35230,"date":"2016-11-03T19:58:51","date_gmt":"2016-11-03T23:58:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/?p=35230"},"modified":"2016-11-02T20:00:20","modified_gmt":"2016-11-03T00:00:20","slug":"ruts-vs-battlespire-ch33-versed-in-strategy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/?p=35230","title":{"rendered":"Ruts vs. Battlespire CH33: Versed in Strategy"},"content":{"rendered":"

So I spawn here, weak and tired<\/p>\n

Another gulf of lava beckons<\/p>\n

Once again, yours truly reckons<\/p>\n

Soon I’ll be in daedra mired<\/p>\n

And again, be Battlespire’d<\/p>\n

<\/div>
<\/div><\/p>\n

Shake the handle off death’s rattle<\/p>\n

Then, once more, my zig-zag hustle<\/p>\n

One more time, a stupid puzzle<\/p>\n

Listen to an end-boss prattle<\/p>\n

Shuffle to the final battle<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

One last gizmo to collect:<\/p>\n

Guess what? It’s…a magic sword?<\/p>\n

You can’t blame me for being bored<\/p>\n

It’s just that I’ve come to expect<\/p>\n

To be perplexed, or made erect<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Once I’ve prised from boobed vault<\/p>\n

McGuffin’s Razor (quest prescribed)<\/p>\n

And mook-frustrating drinks imbibed<\/p>\n

I zip past goons and do not halt<\/p>\n

It’s cheap, it works–that’s not my fault<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Without a death, with little luck<\/p>\n

I find this…giant crossbow thing?<\/p>\n

With coiled giant crossbow string?<\/p>\n

A parting stroke from merry Puck,<\/p>\n

This final dose of what-the-fuck<\/p>\n

<\/div>
<\/div><\/p>\n

Its purpose to the unbent mind<\/p>\n

I guess would not be evident<\/p>\n

And yet I know just what is meant:<\/p>\n

A magic pixel I’m to find,<\/p>\n

To touch, and leave the this ledge behind<\/p>\n

<\/div>
<\/div><\/p>\n

My toes aloft on thirsty ground:<\/p>\n

Before the way ahead is clear,<\/p>\n

I’ve obstacles to disappear<\/p>\n

The keys are spread across ten clowns<\/p>\n

Their one desire, my balls to pound<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A frothing, freakish company<\/p>\n

To fill my fulsome heart with fear<\/p>\n

You want a look? They should appear<\/p>\n

Unless the game has broke on me–<\/p>\n

Look below. What do you<\/em> see?<\/p>\n

<\/div>
<\/div><\/p>\n

It’s fortunate I’m fighting fit<\/p>\n

I find, for as I’ve fiercely fought<\/p>\n

Immunities I’ve dearly bought<\/p>\n

Avail me not a single bit<\/p>\n

Against some new spammed caustic shit<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A dozen times I charge forth, brave<\/p>\n

A dozen times I don’t reflect<\/p>\n

A new malicious stat effect<\/p>\n

That drags me down into my grave<\/p>\n

I groan and grimace, load my save<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I drink my potion cabinet dry<\/p>\n

I trade in all my footwork tricks<\/p>\n

I strain my wrist with hearty flicks<\/p>\n

I make myself fleet, lean, and sly<\/p>\n

Again, again, I charge and die<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Until, at last, I make a check<\/p>\n

That drives my sword through critically<\/p>\n

And cleaves a minion to one knee<\/p>\n

I reach into his bloody neck:<\/p>\n

He’s got the key! Let’s run like heck!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

And here we are, the last attack!<\/p>\n

Our villain waits with hungry eyes<\/p>\n

Behind his back, he flaunts his prize:<\/p>\n

Trenelle suspended from a tack<\/p>\n

(A final chance to flash some rack)<\/p>\n

<\/div>
<\/div><\/p>\n

My final banter smacks of farce:<\/p>\n

Surprise! I know your armor’s gaps…?<\/p>\n

Surprise again! I’ve laid a trap…?<\/p>\n

There’s one plot point I fully parse:<\/p>\n

I’ve writ a check for kicking arse<\/p>\n

<\/div>
<\/div><\/p>\n

The convo ends, my fingers race<\/p>\n

And Dagon curls his meaty fist<\/p>\n

<\/div>
<\/div><\/p>\n

Boobs twice! Suddenly she <\/em>exists?<\/p>\n

I grasp Swordguffin! Strike his face!<\/p>\n

The engine whirs–<\/p>\n

Clicks–<\/p>\n

Sticks in place–<\/p>\n

<\/div>
<\/div><\/p>\n

<\/div>
<\/div><\/p>\n

<\/div>
<\/div><\/p>\n

<\/div>
<\/div><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So I spawn here, weak and tired Another gulf of lava beckons Once again, yours truly reckons Soon I’ll be in daedra mired And again, be Battlespire’d Shake the handle off death’s rattle Then, once more, my zig-zag hustle One more time, a stupid puzzle Listen to an end-boss prattle Shuffle to the final battle<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[242],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-35230","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-lets-play"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35230","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=35230"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35230\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=35230"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=35230"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=35230"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}