{"id":34014,"date":"2016-08-31T10:27:42","date_gmt":"2016-08-31T14:27:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/?p=34014"},"modified":"2016-08-31T10:32:34","modified_gmt":"2016-08-31T14:32:34","slug":"ruts-vs-battlespire-ch24-the-most-daedraous-game","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/?p=34014","title":{"rendered":"Ruts vs. Battlespire CH24: The Most Daedraous Game"},"content":{"rendered":"

I’m going to be seeing a lot of whatever’s going on in this next screenshot, because as of the next hundred hours of gameplay <\/em>it’ll be the first thing I see when I load my “New Zone” slot. Which, in defiance of my convention, isn’t a New Zone at all. It’s just my last chance to save before the New Zone where I can’t save my game.<\/p>\n

Fuck you for making me a liar, Battlespire<\/em>.<\/p>\n

I'm a writer, dammit! I take my savenames extremely seriously as works of individual--what? No, I refuse to explain ''farrrttt'' to an ENEMY OF ART.<\/div>
I'm a writer, dammit! I take my savenames extremely seriously as works of individual--what? No, I refuse to explain ''farrrttt'' to an ENEMY OF ART.<\/div><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

We’re coming up on level 5. I’ve thought of it as the Impossible Isle so far, but after poking around I’ve determined its real name is the The Chimera of<\/b> Desolation<\/strong>–which, groaning purple prose though it is, also seems pretty appropriate.<\/p>\n

This was Bethesda’s attempt to create a vast many-roomed self-contained level with running battles, towns full of buildings, and no loading screens. After four and a half levels of veiny cramped dungeonscapes, something like this should–briefly does–feel awe-inspiring. The first glimpse of the village of Trybador makes you think, “Wow, it’s amazing the engine could handle something this big without needing all sorts of ugly hacks and compromises.”<\/p>\n

Picture presented without comment.<\/div>
Picture presented without comment.<\/div><\/p>\n

The story pitch is that we’ve been thrown into a standard Wild Hunt situation; some big bad daedric daddies have put us in their personal mortal-murdering grounds, and everyone’s going to follow a set of rules and regulations re: murdering me, the mortal. There’s a lady just outside the starting pier waiting to explain things. Sort of.<\/p>\n

I can tell you right now that the instructions for the mortal end of this game boil down to 'eat shit and die, Lifespan McGee.'<\/div>
I can tell you right now that the instructions for the mortal end of this game boil down to 'eat shit and die, Lifespan McGee.'<\/div><\/p>\n

It’s a raw deal, and the fact that it’s delivered in rhyming couplets doesn’t particularly help. What might to the untrained eye look like a simple humans-vs-daedra shirts-vs-gratuitous-nudity killing match is compromised by the facts that firstly, some of the daedra hunting me are unkillable<\/em>, and secondly, they know where all the stuff I need to find is hidden and have in some cases built literal forts <\/em>around it. Seems against the spirit of a hunt, which generally does not incorporate masonry, but whatever. I’m not one to be petty.<\/p>\n

<\/div>
<\/div><\/p>\n

I guess the daedric logic is that by the time you’re on the island, the complaining party consists of one scared mortal and the complaints department consists of a pack of hungry monsters. “What, are you mad, mortal? You worried you’re going to die and not come back or something crazy like that? You gonna write something mean about us in your Dead Guy Speech and everybody’s gonna hear it at the Dead Guy Party? You want us to lay off? Here, let’s all take a break. We’ll put you in a box for twenty years or so, let you catch your breath. We’ll just be timelessly watching cable and eating cheesesteaks over here in our personal pocket dimension.”<\/p>\n

Now let’s talk about those unkillable daedra. That’s the part that really worries me, frankly. Apparently the head of this hunt, the daedra Herne, has a pack of “hounds”–actually intelligent two-legged monsters. There’s not many of them, but they’re fast, they’re strong, and they’re everybody’s inside bet for who’s going to end up killing me. Ravenous, cunning, single-minded, intimate with every shortcut and hiding place, absolutely fearless and tireless, they’ll be two steps behind me and happy to snap my neck the very first time I slip up. Take a look.<\/p>\n

<\/div>
<\/div><\/p>\n

Hm? Hold on. Oh, okay–there.<\/p>\n

<\/div>
<\/div><\/p>\n

You want to know something? I could have dug this level. I still do<\/em>, a little bit. The idea of being hunted by genuinely scary and overpowering monsters adds a desperately needed thrill to item-collecting and even makes something as banal and sighworthy as finding six keys, which is about six times as fascinating as getting ready for work on Monday morning, <\/em>seem like a cool challenge. The spooky pseudo-Black Forest theme of the environment is not only unique, it jives well with the limits of the graphics. I respect how ambitiously large the island is and how much detail was put into it–I like the executioner’s block in town square, the big waterfall with a hidden door in it, the sailing ship, the fact that you can go into several of the buildings in town…<\/p>\n

…although, you probably shouldn’t. Apparently one of them crashes the game every time you enter.<\/p>\n

That jag of positivity didn’t last long, did it.<\/p>\n

The good news is that I found my first key. The bad news is everything else forever.<\/div>
The good news is that I found my first key. The bad news is everything else forever.<\/div><\/p>\n

NEXT WEEK: STOP ME IF YOU’VE HEARD THIS ONE<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’m going to be seeing a lot of whatever’s going on in this next screenshot, because as of the next hundred hours of gameplay it’ll be the first thing I see when I load my “New Zone” slot. Which, in defiance of my convention, isn’t a New Zone at all. It’s just my last chance […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[242],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-34014","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-lets-play"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34014","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=34014"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34014\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=34014"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=34014"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=34014"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}