{"id":33080,"date":"2016-07-02T03:24:53","date_gmt":"2016-07-02T07:24:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/?p=33080"},"modified":"2016-07-02T03:27:23","modified_gmt":"2016-07-02T07:27:23","slug":"ruts-vs-battlespire-ch14-the-amazing-disintegrating-wardrobe","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/?p=33080","title":{"rendered":"Ruts vs. Battlespire CH14: The Amazing Disintegrating Wardrobe"},"content":{"rendered":"

So now I’ve made friends with a daedric captain by way of watching his flunkies blow themselves up. Have I mentioned I’m starting to get the hang of Battlespire<\/em>?<\/p>\n

It’s all about embracing the chaos, the gamebreaking, the murderous non sequitur. I’ve escaped a tower with no elevator, arranged the world’s worst inventory, mastered the art of uncovering secret doors by headbutting furniture, and overcome fireball spam parties by standing very still and counting to twenty. I’m not going to act like getting this far has been easy, or even that it’s getting easier, but I will say that the game appears to be running out of arbitrary obstacles.<\/p>\n

On an unrelated note, I can no longer equip weapons.<\/p>\n

Besides this SMOLDERING GAZE. And this sword! Except when I can't.<\/div>
Besides this SMOLDERING GAZE. And this sword! Except when I can't.<\/div><\/p>\n

Let me back up a bit. I can’t risk making this problem sound too straightforward or comprehensible.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

It begins when I discover a plum pair of Silver Boots gathering dust in some scamp’s GI tract. The protective properties of silver being well known (if it works for dracula, it’ll work for blunt force trauma!) I immediately attempt to swap them out for my boring, supple, caramel-brown Iron Boots. But no sooner have I released my mouse than the game drops the Silver Boots and fires back with You cannot equip this item. <\/em>Needless to say, I’m stunned. Since when does my inventory give me any kind of feedback whatsoever?<\/p>\n

What isn’t immediately clear was why <\/em>I can’t equip the new boots. I don’t remember visiting a werewolf podiatrist, I don’t have any allergies–God knows it isn’t on grounds of taste. <\/em>Antipathy to silver is not one of the many cheesy antipathies I’d snagged at first level. So what’s up? I try it again. you cannot equip this item. <\/em>Weird.<\/p>\n

I take off the Iron Boots and try again with bare feet. Nope–not it. Guess Silver Boots aren’t in season after all. At least I’ve still got these rusty old clogs to keep my toes–<\/p>\n

You cannot equip this item.<\/em><\/p>\n

Uh.<\/p>\n

See, that’s where you’re wrong, game, because…I…was…equipping them? I was super equipped. I’m almost positive I was.<\/p>\n

I’m in some serious trouble here.<\/p>\n

In for a penny, in for a pounding. I need my whole wardrobe to be on point if I’m going to be going up against the Spire’s many fight attendants, so if my boots are on notice, it’s really just as well that I stop and troubleshoot my whole inventory. Frankly, I can’t think of a single situation I’ve been in that would have been easier barefoot. At some point it’s just a matter of hygiene.<\/p>\n

I quickly discover that my garments will for the most part smoothly unequip and re-equip. It’s my armor and weapons that fail to reconnect–or fail, then succeed, then fail again without obvious cause. I’d be lying if I said there was an obvious pattern, and quite a bit of fruitless, tedious trial and error goes on. Alone and furtive in a shadowy corner, I play hot potato with my own equipment and lose.<\/p>\n

There are some successes. The good news is that a pair of snug suede Silver Boots are soon crinkling proudly around my ankles. The bad news is that at some point I lose the ability to equip my sword. <\/em>I will say that hard-wearing and professional footwear, while delightful, has thus far not been my most mission-critical resource. I haven’t stabbed hardly anyone <\/em>with my shoes so far. What I’m saying is that this development doesn’t bode well for any plans I have that involve Battling in the Spire.<\/p>\n

So what’s going on, anyway? Is it a glitch? A feature? A curse? An elaborate prank from Todd Howard? Nobody knows. It’s legitimately surprising to me how comprehensively nobody knows. I comb the internet, read the wikis, even cash in my last resort and personally post on two different forums–nobody can help me. Just one of those mysteries, I guess.<\/p>\n

(Except now, some time afterwards, I think I’ve figured it out. Which I suppose technically makes me one of the premier authorities on Battlesp<\/em>hurghk.<\/p>\n

On Battlespi<\/em>argh.<\/p>\n

I’m fine. It’s fine. )<\/p>\n

Well, I just found the last Voidguide piece. Portal’s already open to the next segment–and I know for a fact I’m not going to find another sword lying around here. So what am I waiting for? Time to press on empty-handed.<\/p>\n

Let’s see if this game’s kitted for a 100% seduction run.<\/p>\n

But first! A contest for you all, dear readers. If any of you can guess what the source of my item-equipping troubles was, I’ll award you a “fabulous” “prize.” Try not to wear out the casters of your chair quivering in anticipation.<\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/div>
<\/div><\/p>\n

NEXT WEEK: SHAKING HANDS WITH THE DEVIL(S).<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So now I’ve made friends with a daedric captain by way of watching his flunkies blow themselves up. Have I mentioned I’m starting to get the hang of Battlespire? It’s all about embracing the chaos, the gamebreaking, the murderous non sequitur. I’ve escaped a tower with no elevator, arranged the world’s worst inventory, mastered the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[242],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-33080","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-lets-play"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33080","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=33080"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33080\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=33080"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=33080"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=33080"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}