{"id":32581,"date":"2016-06-08T10:20:14","date_gmt":"2016-06-08T14:20:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/?p=32581"},"modified":"2016-06-08T10:22:00","modified_gmt":"2016-06-08T14:22:00","slug":"ruts-vs-battlespire-ch11-arach-that-wont-quit","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/?p=32581","title":{"rendered":"Ruts vs. Battlespire CH11: Arach That Won’t Quit"},"content":{"rendered":"

I learned some useful lessons from the last labyrinthine expanse of killpits and misery-chasms I was purposelessly trapped in. Firstly, a mechanic that shows you where you’re going to jump doesn’t make sense in a game with lots of jumping puzzles unless that mechanic turns out not to work, in which case it makes the worst kind of sense<\/em>. Secondly, I should start checking my map more often.<\/p>\n

The red stuff is lava, which is why the last level's map was just a cherry-red smear.<\/div>
The red stuff is lava, which is why the last level's map was just a cherry-red smear.<\/div><\/p>\n

Without as many elevation changes and overlapping tunnels, this level’s map approaches usable. The trick is to point yourself like a torpedo at any suspiciously blank parts and once you arrive, aggressively frisk every piece of scenery and lootbag there until a hidden door skulks open or a teleporter kicks in or a candlestick asks a riddle or some other whimsical dungeon bullshit.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Speaking of which:<\/p>\n

I should have enrolled in thief college.<\/div>
I should have enrolled in thief college.<\/div><\/p>\n

That hopscotch thunderdome is what stands between me and the latest stretch of frontier. At this point, my standing jump can reach clear from stone to stone, which is a good thing, because this game’s running jumps require:<\/p>\n

    \n
  • Waiting for the icon to spool out some…\n
      \n
    • …which is a slow, tedious, and not thoroughly precise process.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
    • Running…\n
        \n
      • …at which point the icon completely changes to represent a different level of progress, so you’ll need a couple seconds lead-in run time to get your bearings, except by that point it’ll be somewhere different or it will have reached its limit and reset for some reason.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
      • Releasing WHILE RUNNING…\n
          \n
        • …because if you stop even for an instant all momentum is chucked down the memory hole. Fortunately, it does not matter in which direction you are running–it’s all added to forward momentum. Much of the time I’m forced to boogie in circles on a small platform to get my yardage correct.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
        • Praying…\n
            \n
          • …because if the game takes a giddy frame of mind, you’ll cant a few degrees off or a foot short and bounce on some magma.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

            But I don’t have to worry about all that right now. I step to the edge, measure out a series of standing hops, and before long find myself safe and sound stuck in the wall.<\/p>\n

            Luckily, this guy comes along to help me get off. Once he gets inside my swing I can't look down far enough to hit him, but he's willing to fight hard enough for both of us.<\/div>
            Luckily, this guy comes along to help me get off. Once he gets inside my swing I can't look down far enough to hit him, but he's willing to fight hard enough for both of us.<\/div><\/p>\n

            There’s a lot of those floating-sigil-of-buggroff thingies I ran into back in CH1 blocking off archways with monsters and treasure on the other side. Attempting to enter without the right daedric fetishes or shibboleths or whatever means sucking down a semilethal dose of magical energy. Annoyingly enough, even approaching <\/em>the archways has the same effect–in one very important junction of this level, the one you’ll wear holes in once you get lost, there’s an archway just a few feet to the left of one of the regular and safe and very common entrances. So whenever you come there, if you’re a half-step too far to the left of the very middle of the doorway, you get thrown like a horseshoe and lose three-quarters of your health. Or die.<\/p>\n

            I want to say this ceiling looks too bad to be an art asset instead of a glitch, but I'd believe anything at this point.<\/div>
            I want to say this ceiling looks too bad to be an art asset instead of a glitch, but I'd believe anything at this point.<\/div><\/p>\n

            The new spider daedra are actually pretty thick on the ground out here. They’re faster than the vermai and less prone to bombing themselves to bits than my friends the dremora, which I guess makes them my number one adversary–certainly my number one source of trips to the loading screen. Considering how badly I outclass everything else, I sort of wonder how I’d fare against these guys if I was a mortal instead of a mutant steak.<\/p>\n

            Fortunately, I’m not the only one having basic movement troubles.<\/p>\n

            WHEREDIDJA COME FROM, WHEREDIDJA GOOOO<\/div>
            WHEREDIDJA COME FROM, WHEREDIDJA GOOOO<\/div><\/p>\n

            Picture that gif with the occasional point-black dremora nuking and you’re beginning to see how I hold my own in here. Say what you want about this game, but the awful broken griefing nonsense is matched equally by awful broken benisons.<\/em><\/p>\n

            Speaking of benisons…<\/p>\n

            Or some other 'b' word that currently escapes me.<\/div>
            Or some other 'b' word that currently escapes me.<\/div><\/p>\n

            If you’re wondering if the game’s babealicious softcore female avatar was a misguided stab at nonsexual nudity, you shouldn’t. You should never assume that about 90s Bethesda. This is the era of Daggerfall<\/i>, where an illuminati of naked squatting women ran the taverns, swimwear was formal wear, and you could tell a rogue by the hood she wore over her bra and loincloth. And this, apparently, is how they like their female daedra: recognizably human, stacked, tanned, hips cocked, busting out of a barely-laced swooping fetish vest and handsbreadth loincloth (which also seems to be laced, for some compellingly confusing reason) paired with thigh-high club boots. It’s full-blast pandering as usual, which I’d normally just find somewhat obnoxious, but…uh…<\/p>\n

            Boy, I’m not looking forward to this. We’ll get into it next chapter.<\/p>\n

            Hey, look what I found! A spider daedra with a proper name. It’s hidden in a side room and actually wants to talk to me, which is a welcome change of pace. I like to pick the nonviolent options with daedra whenever possible to see if it goes anywhere, which so far it really hasn’t–it’s a choice between learning something you already figured out or getting into a fight, which you might as well do anyway. Maybe this guy will be different. Let’s settle in for another Spireside Chat.<\/p>\n

            I admit to being more preoccupied with the puzzle that got me into this room. Not because it was hard, but because it was easy and yet for some reason super hard. <\/i>I realize that’s confusing, so let me clarify: I’d solved it long before I actually solved <\/em>it.<\/p>\n

            'I enjoy a good challenge, and a good workout, but more stimulating exertions might satisfy us both.'<\/div>
            'I enjoy a good challenge, and a good workout, but more stimulating exertions might satisfy us both.'<\/div><\/p>\n

            The “puzzle” is that there’s an obvious secret door. You open it by pressing a button on the other side of a coffin. You move the coffin by hitting the “use” key. I figured that out pretty much as soon as I walked into the hallway–so then I tried <\/em>that. Didn’t work. Which meant I moved on and was lost and confused for like half an hour before I thought to, I dunno, try moving that weird coffin again.<\/em><\/p>\n

            <\/div>
            <\/div><\/p>\n

            Sooner or later I’m really going to have to get into how the use key in this game is a broken, buggy pile of…<\/p>\n

            …of…<\/p>\n

            Wait, what’s he talking about? What did I just…<\/p>\n

            …<\/p>\n

            I just fucked a spider daedra.<\/p>\n

            <\/div>
            <\/div><\/p>\n

            NEXT WE–WHAT IS THIS GAME? WHAT IS THIS GOD DAMN GAME??<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

            I learned some useful lessons from the last labyrinthine expanse of killpits and misery-chasms I was purposelessly trapped in. Firstly, a mechanic that shows you where you’re going to jump doesn’t make sense in a game with lots of jumping puzzles unless that mechanic turns out not to work, in which case it makes the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[242],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-32581","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-lets-play"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/32581","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=32581"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/32581\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=32581"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=32581"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=32581"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}