{"id":32364,"date":"2016-05-27T09:00:10","date_gmt":"2016-05-27T13:00:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/?p=32364"},"modified":"2016-05-27T09:02:00","modified_gmt":"2016-05-27T13:02:00","slug":"ruts-vs-battlespire-ch10-pouting-ahead","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/?p=32364","title":{"rendered":"Ruts vs. Battlespire CH10: Pouting Ahead"},"content":{"rendered":"

Perhaps I should recap the plot and gameplay before we squeak through to level two. You know; to allay any confusion.<\/p>\n

I’m a Battlemage trainee. I know absolutely no magic, which means it’s time for my final exam–entering an extradimensional space called the Battlespire and performing entirely ambiguous trials. Or that was the plan, before the dremora senior prank ruined everything.<\/p>\n

Turns out the Battlespire is being invaded by the daedra for some reason. In the process they’ve killed all of the staff and commandeered all the rooms full of academic lava, test-taking bottomless pits, and standarized assessment dragons. The perils of this repurposed Battlespire are real–one wrong step around a pit of magma and you’ll find yourself instantly detained without trial<\/em>.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Wait, that lava never read me my Miranda rights. That means it was an invalid convection.<\/div>
Wait, that lava never read me my Miranda rights. That means it was an invalid convection.<\/div><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Not one to wilt in the face of confusing adversity, I gathered some pants, a sword that does nearly as much damage to my enemies as it does to my latissimus dorsi<\/em>, quite a few scrolls that nearly comprise a narrative, and a collection of cogs that I’ve slapped heroically against an interactive object until the correct door opened. Now I’m stepping through a sinister mystical gateway to…uh? I should know this one.<\/p>\n

Not <\/em>the cafeteria.<\/p>\n

Although I am confused, disgusted, and disappointed, so it's not too far off.<\/div>
Although I am confused, disgusted, and disappointed, so it's not too far off.<\/div><\/p>\n

The first thing I find in my little starting cubby is a note written by this game’s sole consistent character, a woman named Trenelle. Since the letter contains no hat-related words of praise, I’m assuming it wasn’t meant for me. The note identifies a specific daedra who may be behind the invasion, but–I mean, I know this is literally an academy, but that’s pretty fucking academic. <\/em>And not my concern! I try not to get involved with my own local politics and I have absolutely never had a candidate for Board of Education try to cook my brains out my ears with witchfire. So let’s stick to plan “A,” which is Save Nobody, Escape Immediately.<\/p>\n

The note does confirm that these sigil things I’m finding on corpses will help me get through sigil-bounded checkpoints. So if anybody asks, that’s <\/em>why I’ve spent the past six hours murdering scamps and stuffed their glowing blue luggage down my pants. Also, enclosed with the note are a couple of health potions. I’ll just hang onto those. If the intended recipient is still alive, he’s welcome to collect the five bullshit cogs and teleport over here and politely request I return them. I’ll sling ’em right back, so long as I haven’t drunk them, washed my hands with them, or traded them for some Diet Sierra Mist.<\/p>\n

That smooth, crisp taste, like cleaning a junkyard full of carburetors with your tongue. Diet Sierra Mist: It's all uphill from here.<\/div>
That smooth, crisp taste, like cleaning a junkyard full of carburetors with your tongue. Diet Sierra Mist: It's all uphill from here.<\/div><\/p>\n

I’m already liking this area better. Not to bag on the brown-rock-and-sudden-death-hole aesthetic of Level 1, but there was just something missing. Off the top of my head: staircases, guard rails, landmarks, intuitive floorplans. It’s a neat surprise that I’m able to identify which direction I’m currently walking in, and within two guesses, can even tell you which direction I’ve just come from.<\/p>\n

My initial push has also put me up against one new enemy type. Riddle me this: what’s R.L. Stine on bottom, Nora Roberts on top, and Bethesda all over?<\/p>\n

Very well, Olivia--if your dream wedding really is in Tahiti, and NOT by my panel desk like I asked for, then I...I have a confession to make.<\/div>
Very well, Olivia--if your dream wedding really is in Tahiti, and NOT by my panel desk like I asked for, then I...I have a confession to make.<\/div><\/p>\n

I also find plenty of areas gated off by those floating sigil thingies. Now I know those correspond to the sigils I’ve been taking off bad guys, I can finally go through my huge inventory of accumulated junk and confirm that absolutely none of them are still relevant. <\/em>Well, that’s just typical. You spend your whole life collecting little bits of rubbish dropped by the people you kill only to find out they aren’t directly applicable to your life goals. There’s just no justice.<\/p>\n

You'd think a lock would suffice, but I guess keys aren't nearly as amusing to yank out of a scamp's hairy ass.<\/div>
You'd think a lock would suffice, but I guess keys aren't nearly as amusing to yank out of a scamp's hairy ass.<\/div><\/p>\n

One by one, the mysteries are shriveling. If this rate of epiphany keeps up I might just figure out why they made this videogame.<\/p>\n

NEXT WEEK: BREAKING AND ENTERING AND BREAKING<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Perhaps I should recap the plot and gameplay before we squeak through to level two. You know; to allay any confusion. I’m a Battlemage trainee. I know absolutely no magic, which means it’s time for my final exam–entering an extradimensional space called the Battlespire and performing entirely ambiguous trials. Or that was the plan, before […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[242],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-32364","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-lets-play"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/32364","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=32364"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/32364\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=32364"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=32364"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=32364"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}