{"id":32004,"date":"2016-05-04T02:52:37","date_gmt":"2016-05-04T06:52:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/?p=32004"},"modified":"2016-05-04T11:22:26","modified_gmt":"2016-05-04T15:22:26","slug":"ruts-vs-battlespire-ch7-a-wizard-hid-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/?p=32004","title":{"rendered":"Ruts vs. Battlespire CH7: A Wizard Hid It"},"content":{"rendered":"

That's probably for the best.<\/div>
That's probably for the best.<\/div><\/p>\n

I think I’ve hit on my primary stumbling block in this game: I have no idea where I am, who anybody’s talking about, what’s happening, why<\/em> it’s happening, or how I go about fixing it. In this exciting chapter of Ruts vs. Battlespire, nearly one of these mysteries will be revealed.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Some of you may remember that the last post ended with me talking to a dremora. Never a fun time, not hardly, but it’s the first reasonable and intelligent conversation I’ve had in this place. I, for one, appreciate that unlike every other monster in the game he didn’t spring an ambush the moment dialogue was concluded. Anyway, once we’re done talking I stab him to death and move on. I know what you’re going to say, and the answer is no; he didn’t <\/em>have anything good on him.<\/p>\n

Nothing left to do now but backtrack. I won’t be sad to see this giant spooky shadow cavern go, but I admit it’s been enriching; I’ve learned some valuable lessons in this room full of walkways. In addition to the usual data regarding my present attention span and degree of masochism, I’ve picked up a hot gameplay tip, which is that in this game sometimes you get stuck in a walkway and what happens next is between you and your therapist.<\/p>\n

Or counselor. Let's not blow this out of proportion.<\/div>
Or counselor. Let's not blow this out of proportion.<\/div><\/p>\n

I’ve also noticed that every so often, in this chamber and outside it, you run into floating little bluish-purple things that you can’t select or pick up but that vanish when you move through them. At a loss for what they do, not easily finding the information in the manual, I tried asking my cousin–he says that if you get sixty of them in an hour while playing with the sound off it unlocks Kratos as a playable character. Then I asked the internet, which is also pretty trustworthy, and it said the floaters give you health and magicka. Considering I don’t use magicka, am immune to most damage, have slow AND quick health regeneration, and pick up a dozen restoration potions per room, I’m going to go ahead and file these along with bulk-mailed Carl’s Jr. coupons. Most of the time I don’t need them, but every once in a long, long while, I still don’t need them.<\/p>\n

I don’t know if enemies are regenerating, per se, but I do seem to get into scuffles here and there and I’m not uncovering much new ground. Remember how I mentioned dremora throw their big explosions around and accidentally kill allies with them? Well, I’m reasonably confident I’ve seen one dremora friendly-fire himself to death with eager magic bursts before I got within halitosis range. He just started zipping in anxious triangles like a goosed Roomba, faced a wall, let loose a blast, and disintegrated instantly. All this in the time it took for me to round a corner and start moseying up into position. Gotta say, sowing death and destruction isn’t much of an ego boost when you feel like all you’ve done is give them a head start.<\/p>\n

There’s got to be more to this Battlespire somewhere. <\/em>I’ve hit the highlights, the obvious tourist destinations–the big pit of nothing, the room that pointlessly loops after a jumping button puzzle, the lava zigzags of merciless inconvenience. I’ve seen the sights, accidentally spammed the doomsday buttons, and looked for pants in all the wrong places. Now it’s time to find the overlooked Battlenooks and Spirecrannies and figure out how to secure a ticket home.<\/p>\n

I finally uncover another tunnel, another mystical glowing blue anchor that I authoritatively meddle with, and stumble on the Star Galley Chamber. There’s a couple slots that fit these giant herniating cogs I’ve been lugging in my new-but-already-strained pockets, plus a button, plus–as is the local idiom–a purple ode to the button’s functionality.<\/p>\n

I hope I never meet this Clearasil Vagisil guy. He seems really immature.<\/div>
I hope I never meet this Clearasil Vagisil guy. He seems really immature.<\/div><\/p>\n

A little more prodding and I discover something truly novel: a living human being. No longer must I sort this plane’s mortal denizens into the naked and the dead; now I’ve got a living person who I’m sure I don’t want to see naked, and–after we’ve had a short conversation–only sort<\/em> of want to see dead. Please meet Clarentavious Deliciousness, Button Artisan, Unpublished Poet, and Professional Questgiver.<\/p>\n

I'll charitably guess that my lack of productive dialogue options stems from my low INT, but I'd also accept 'I'm screwing with him.'<\/div>
I'll charitably guess that my lack of productive dialogue options stems from my low INT, but I'd also accept 'I'm screwing with him.'<\/div><\/p>\n

He’s not happy to learn that there’s no rescue party coming for him. Luckily he’s got very specific instructions as to what I should do to save us, and as a seasoned mage and warrior himself, he’s prepared to stand here doing absolutely nothing for as long as it takes. <\/em>I better make rank for this or I’m gonna go across town and see if the Mage’s Guild needs a poolboy.<\/p>\n

NEXT WEEK: THE END OF LEVEL ONE?<\/b><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I think I’ve hit on my primary stumbling block in this game: I have no idea where I am, who anybody’s talking about, what’s happening, why it’s happening, or how I go about fixing it. In this exciting chapter of Ruts vs. Battlespire, nearly one of these mysteries will be revealed.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[242],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-32004","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-lets-play"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/32004","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=32004"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/32004\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=32004"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=32004"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=32004"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}