{"id":31836,"date":"2016-04-27T18:40:13","date_gmt":"2016-04-27T22:40:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/?p=31836"},"modified":"2016-04-27T18:40:13","modified_gmt":"2016-04-27T22:40:13","slug":"ruts-vs-battlespire-ch6-clothes-stanketh-the-man","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/?p=31836","title":{"rendered":"Ruts vs. Battlespire CH6: Clothes Stanketh the Man"},"content":{"rendered":"

Some of you may remember that I yanked from a bag fractal a golden helm of overt, yet obscure, magical property. The question was raised as to what it actually did. <\/em>Well, as of a few seconds after this screenshot was taken…<\/p>\n

According to my compass, this featureless abyss is to the NORTH.<\/div>
According to my compass, this featureless abyss is to the NORTH.<\/div><\/p>\n

…I finally have an answer. The helmet remains on my head as I leap sideways off a bridge for no reason. <\/em>I’m not saying this game’s controls are mishandled, but so far one hundred percent of my deaths have involved straight, narrow bridges with zero enemies.<\/p>\n

Anyway, I can’t find the helmet again.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Re-loading my last save brings me back to the dark days when pants were thin on the ground, even for honest, steadfast, upwardly mobile and downwardly plummeting gentlemen of fortune such as myself. Fortunately, in time, I am able to harvest from the bumper crop of mewling scamps a reasonable armory.<\/p>\n

For example, my shoulders will never long for the coverage of brass cornflakes ever again.<\/p>\n

A prize to anyone who can tell me what's going on with my right arm at this point, because I'm completely stumped.<\/div>
A prize to anyone who can tell me what's going on with my right arm at this point, because I'm completely stumped.<\/div><\/p>\n

For another, check out my latest trousers. Description in yellow text, center bottom:<\/p>\n

Kind of a Catch-22 between Assuring Stalking or wandering around pantsless.<\/div>
Kind of a Catch-22 between Assuring Stalking or wandering around pantsless.<\/div><\/p>\n

Pants of Assured Stalking. <\/em>For you–the modern adventurer who who just can’t settle for probable <\/em>stalking. You need your stalking assured, possibly even documented and notarized, and our pants have you covered. Also, your legs and butt.<\/p>\n

Is this button at face level? I really want to headbutt it at least once before I die from headbutting the button<em>.<\/em><\/div>
Is this button at face level? I really want to headbutt it at least once before I die from headbutting the button.<\/em><\/div><\/p>\n

In the process I find a few more of those E-Z Apocalypse stations, big fat red buttons crooning like rugged radio-era sex bombs. The designer apparently felt the seductive qualities of the button should be offset by the giant mauve skeleton next to it. Or vice-versa. Anyway, whenever I find an unjoined linkage, I join them back up again. I’m helping!<\/p>\n

I run into a few more Vermai Oathkin (that’s the big ugly studio-sci-fi nondescript monsters with a penchant for squaredancing) and at least one of them beckons me to speak. Again, it’s a pretty short and fruitless conversation and ends in violence. I can’t help but wonder if my supernaturally poor personality and pronounced lack of education have anything to do with this.<\/p>\n

I also run into a few more of those dremora fellas I showed you last time.<\/p>\n

Get it together, pal--I've been here for an hour and my shoulder spikes are like twice as big as yours.<\/div>
Get it together, pal--I've been here for an hour and my shoulder spikes are like twice as big as yours.<\/div><\/p>\n

They mix up swordplay with huge, rapid, multi-flavored and apparently devastating balls of magical death. I say “apparently devastating” because while I’m completely immune to all of them, they sure do a number on any Vermai who happen to be attacking me. I get the sense this isn’t a very happy neighborhood.<\/p>\n

I dig the neo-bourbon atmosphere of this particular Buttonarium.<\/div>
I dig the neo-bourbon atmosphere of this particular Buttonarium.<\/div><\/p>\n

I’ll level with you; I am just the most <\/em>lost.<\/p>\n

It’s difficult to explain why this place is so hard to navigate. Part of it’s necessary limitations of the graphics and display; rooms tend to be grainy and nondescript, long hallways tend to be indistinguishable from last and next one you’ll use, view distance is often constrained or blurs your destination beyond recognition. Plus, having this narrower-than-human-vision aspect ratio always meant it was surprisingly easy to just miss an out-of-the-way side passage or alcove.<\/p>\n

But that’s not the whole story, is it? Daggerfall <\/em>had similar problems, but even though this game is in theory less procedurally generated and more deliberately designed I’d give Battlespire’s <\/em>level design the gold cup for Achievements in Making My Brow Furrow. The tunnels are all at odd angles and run up and downhill constantly, zagging into weird dead ends, zigging through puzzle rooms that loop around to deposit you right back where you started. Every time I think I’ve explored all of an area I end up finding a nook or cranny that somehow undoes<\/em> my understanding of the level’s layout. This very well may be a simulation of the Battlespire<\/em>‘s magically-constructed impossible space. It is not a simulation of fun.<\/p>\n

Let me ask this guy for directions. Whoops, accidentally chopped him in half.<\/div>
Let me ask this guy for directions. Whoops, accidentally chopped him in half.<\/div><\/p>\n

I eventually rediscover the planks that lead into total darkness. I’m pretty sure this is the only path that hasn’t looped or dead-ended on me yet. This may be because it killed me the last time I tried, but we’ll fall off that bridge when we come to it.<\/p>\n

Literally the most imposing adversary in the entire game is connections like this.<\/div>
Literally the most imposing adversary in the entire game is connections like this.<\/div><\/p>\n

This turns out to lead to a network of plank passages and stone platforms. I think <\/em>it is linear. You can’t actually see much longer than the next stone platform, and I swear plank passages appear and disappear when you’re not looking, and I ended up accidentally backtracking like six times in ten minutes, and TELL ME YOU LIKE MY HAT.<\/em><\/p>\n

<\/div>
<\/div><\/p>\n

At the end of a very long, very confusing, very slow-to-navigate passage of planks I find my reward: a dremora who wants to chew the fat. This time I’m given the option of being indirectly <\/em>hostile as well as just threatening. He’s exactly what I am whenever I try to cross a bridge too quickly: con descending.<\/p>\n

You can't hear it, but rest assured this guy speaks with the best voice acting $0 can buy.<\/div>
You can't hear it, but rest assured this guy speaks with the best voice acting $0 can buy.<\/div><\/p>\n

I actually engage him pleasantly enough. He indicates that if I give him a gift, hunting down and killing that Trenelle person everyone’s talking about, he’ll let me into some kind of special club. I accept his quest as a way of putting a pin into this whole thing scratch-my-back-murder racket until I’ve got a handle on the local politics. Then I look for another way forward.<\/p>\n

I don’t find any.<\/p>\n

Anyone know if EB still carries the Battlespire <\/em>Strategy Guide?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Some of you may remember that I yanked from a bag fractal a golden helm of overt, yet obscure, magical property. The question was raised as to what it actually did. Well, as of a few seconds after this screenshot was taken… …I finally have an answer. The helmet remains on my head as I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[242],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-31836","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-lets-play"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31836","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=31836"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31836\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=31836"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=31836"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=31836"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}