{"id":31386,"date":"2016-03-30T00:19:29","date_gmt":"2016-03-30T04:19:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/?p=31386"},"modified":"2016-04-27T02:47:43","modified_gmt":"2016-04-27T06:47:43","slug":"rutskarn-vs-battlespire-ch3-disco-fever","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/?p=31386","title":{"rendered":"Ruts vs. Battlespire CH3: Disco Fever"},"content":{"rendered":"

Last week we learned something very important about the Battlespire: it’s going to kill us a lot.<\/em><\/p>\n

Time to take inventory. Things we got:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Note that doesn’t tell us anything<\/li>\n
  2. Sigils that don’t do anything<\/li>\n
  3. Bags that hold\n
      \n
    1. Bags that hold\n
        \n
      1. Bags that hold\n
          \n
        1. Bags that hold\n
            \n
          1. Javelins we can’t use<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

            Things we don’t got:<\/p>\n

              \n
            1. Pants<\/li>\n
            2. Slacks<\/li>\n
            3. Trousers<\/li>\n
            4. Hose<\/li>\n
            5. Leggings<\/li>\n
            6. Crotchgard(tm)<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

              <\/p>\n

              But you know what they say: when you’re going through Hell, keep going. Unless going forward means toppling headlong into a canal of lava. In that case try backtracking and exploring one of the other forks of the Hell-based roguelike dungeon crawl.<\/p>\n

              -Winston Churchill<\/em><\/p>\n

              It’s during one of these mopey post-magmal backtrack sessions I come upon the following playmate:<\/p>\n

              Audience participation time: YOU pick a response! It'll affect the game exactly as much as my choice did!<\/div>
              Audience participation time: YOU pick a response! It'll affect the game exactly as much as my choice did!<\/div><\/p>\n

              So this is how we roll in the Battlespire. Meet a gnarly-ass monster; approach and make boisterous conversation, inevitable brief and very awkward pause followed by a rash assbeating. In this case, though, the whisk is held firmly in daedric claws.<\/p>\n

              Long Blade skill has increased. Pants Crapping skill has increased. Quickloading skill has increased.<\/div>
              Long Blade skill has increased. Pants Crapping skill has increased. Quickloading skill has increased.<\/div><\/p>\n

              The guy revs up and knocks me literally from one end of the hallway to the other with a single blow. In the process I lose a few of my personal effects, such as half my healthbar. <\/em>I don’t know if you have medical training, but in layman’s terms, I need that.<\/p>\n

              Right now fanglypuss might be getting cocky–if he’s overlooked two details. Number one, I have made a long and proud career out of avoiding getting hit by people I’ve just insulted for no reason. Number two, my health regenerates. Number three, I don’t play by the rules.<\/em><\/p>\n

              While he winds up for the second blow, I take a jog around the block. Take in the sights. Get some air in my lungs. And when I’m ready, I pivot on my heels and see where I’ve left him.<\/p>\n

              IFITHADN'BEEN FOR COTTONEYE JOE<\/div>
              IFITHADN'BEEN FOR COTTONEYE JOE<\/div><\/p>\n

              Let’s see if we can’t get him unstuck from the wall by smacking him repeatedly. Oh, we can’t<\/em>? I’m sorry to hear that. I would hate to exploit questionable advantages if it means defeating opponents above my skill level.<\/p>\n

              Once he’s drubbed I canvass the neighborhood for additional monsters, loot. In most games you’re looking to follow a certain trajectory with your equipment: get a good mundane bonus, escalate to a better mundane bonus and a magical effect, find something shinier with a magical effect to your particular liking, then find the cheesy-sleazy-lemon-squeezy Prima fodder hidden up some optional NPC’s keister and effectively retire from having to play the videogame.<\/p>\n

              Currently, my goal is “conceal junk.” My secondary goal is “amass an imposing and professional arsenal.” I have only partially <\/em>failed the second goal.<\/p>\n

              Yes, I am reasonably certain that is a SINGLE BOOT I have found and donned. Pick <em>your<\/em> favorite part of this image!<\/div>
              Yes, I am reasonably certain that is a SINGLE BOOT I have found and donned. Pick your<\/em> favorite part of this image!<\/div><\/p>\n

              One other important thing I’ve learned: it’s possible to feel more <\/em>humiliated after putting clothes on.<\/p>\n

              NEXT TIME: MARTY MCFLAGRANT PLOTHOLES<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

              Last week we learned something very important about the Battlespire: it’s going to kill us a lot. Time to take inventory. Things we got: Note that doesn’t tell us anything Sigils that don’t do anything Bags that hold Bags that hold Bags that hold Bags that hold Javelins we can’t use Things we don’t got: […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[242],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-31386","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-lets-play"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31386","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=31386"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31386\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=31386"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=31386"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=31386"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}