{"id":2105,"date":"2009-02-04T08:30:12","date_gmt":"2009-02-04T13:30:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/?p=2105"},"modified":"2018-10-08T13:43:44","modified_gmt":"2018-10-08T17:43:44","slug":"fable-2-plots-failures-part-1","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/?p=2105","title":{"rendered":"Fable 2 Part 1: A Bird Crapped on Your Head"},"content":{"rendered":"

“Railroading” is a dirty word in a tabletop RPG. Players come to the game with the expectation that they will have some input into the shape of the world besides rolling the dice to stab things. Computer games are delivered and mediated by an uncreative computer, and so we have to accept a certain degree of railroading. A good railroader will make the process natural: The player will be forced to do that which most people would choose to do of their own volition. As long as their actions make sense and fit with their goals, the lack of freedom is usually grudgingly tolerated. (Although we are always clamoring for more freedom whenever we can get it.)<\/p>\n

A bad<\/em> railroader will use their power over the player character to force the PC to do things they would never choose to do on their own. Their (mostly illusory) autonomy is negated so that their character can be conscripted in service of the plot. The player will be forced to ally themselves with people they want to kill, surrender when they would rather fight, show mercy when they would rather have vengeance, blunder into obvious traps, and listen to villainous diatribes rather than simply taking action. This is Fable 2. The game touts “choices with consequences”, but the choices you are allowed to make in-game are never germane to the plot. They’re usually artificially binary good \/ evil decisions that have no impact on the main story. You won’t be allowed to make any choices that deviate from your predetermined role as a clueless mute doormat.<\/p>\n

As before, this will roll right over the plot without regard to spoiler warnings. Proceed at your own risk. <\/div>\n

This is Rose, your doomed sister in Fable 2. Uh, the one on the right, that is.<\/td><\/tr>
This is Rose, your doomed sister in Fable 2. Uh, the one on the right, that is.<\/td><\/tr><\/table>Fable 2 begins with a bird crapping on your head. This is a very appropriate way to begin the game, as what follows is an epic journey through nonsense and madness as the writer contorts the game world in every possible way in order to have his fun at your expense. By the time the tale is over, he will have done a lot worse than just flinging crap at you. (The bird crap becomes your in-game symbol. When you buy property, a blob of white bird crap appears over the marker to denote it as yours.)<\/p>\n

You and your sister are street urchins living in the squalor of Bowerstone Old Town. You are seven and your sister is twelve. (Rough guess.) A traveling swindler is selling “magic” items in the streets, one of which is a “wish-granting” box. A strange robed woman named Theresa is there, and convinces your sister to buy the box before leaving mysteriously. Your sister makes a wish and activates the box. It fizzles and disappears. <\/p>\n

Good evening Jeeves, my mute brother and I are here to see Lord Lucian so he can fill us with plot exposition and bullets.<\/td><\/tr>
Good evening Jeeves, my mute brother and I are here to see Lord Lucian so he can fill us with plot exposition and bullets.<\/td><\/tr><\/table>That night, Lord Lucian summons the two of you to his castle. Since your sister’s wish was to live in a castle, it seems like her wish is coming true. <\/p>\n

Then Lord Lucian concludes that both of you are heroes. (Supernaturally strong and durable people with the ability to use magic. Heroes are exceptionally rare.) He’s been reading a prophesy that there will be three heroes he needs for his plans, and a fourth that will stop him. Since you and your sister aren’t one of the three, he shoots you both. Sis dies, and you get blasted out of a window. <\/p>\n

Sheesh. Well, at least we know who the bad guy is.<\/div>\n

Theresa shows up, saves you, and then raises you in a gypsy camp for the next ten years. <\/p>\n

Hey Theresa, thanks so much for hooking us up with that magic box that led to my sister’s death. Thanks also for making us quest for the five gold – a huge sum for us, and peanuts for you.<\/div>\n

This is the magic box, with Rose’s wish – Castle Fairfax – looming large in the background.<\/td><\/tr>
This is the magic box, with Rose’s wish – Castle Fairfax – looming large in the background.<\/td><\/tr><\/table>Now more or less fully grown, she sets you on the path to whatever it is you’re supposed to be doing.<\/p>\n

You do a little combat tutorial, and then you return to Bowerstone. Theresa takes you to the shore and points out into the ocean. Lord Lucian has begun building a huge tower. The Spire. One was supposedly built hundreds of years ago. A Spire is said to grant wishes. Last time, the Spire went off like a nuke and took the entire kingdom off the map. People have since assumed that the explosion was the result of the wish. Whoever made the wish wanted to wipe the world clean and start over, as it were.<\/p>\n

Theresa is a classic author-insertion know-it-all plot exposition character. Sometimes she can predict the most subtle outcomes of chaotic events, and sometimes she can’t find her own ass with the help of a Tome of Ass Finding.<\/p>\n

Case in point: She knew the magic box was magic. She knew you and your sister were heroes. She knew what Lucian was up to. But… she let the two of you go to his castle anyway? She was willing to risk that both of you would die? Or did she know that you would survive? And if she could predict something as dicey as that, then why was she ever<\/em> caught by surprise? (Unless we are to believe that all of your setbacks were also part of her plan. Which makes her just as evil as Lucian.)<\/p>\n

She could have taken both of you back to the gypsy camp, right then and there. Then she would have had two<\/em> heroes at her disposal, instead of one.<\/div>\n

Theresa then directs you on a quest to round up these three other heroes. One is a huge warrior, another is a powerful magic user, and the last is an incredible marksman. (Strength, Skill, and Will (magic) are the three areas of leveling up you can do in the game. As the “fourth” Hero, all three types of power are available to you, as opposed to the other Heroes you meet, who are each focused on a single discipline.)<\/p>\n

So, you know where your nemesis is, but instead of just rowing out there and kicking his ass, you embark on a globe-trotting adventure to round up the three X of Y. Now, if we’re willing to spot the writer some undeserved credit we can say that this whole scheme is part of a huge plot on the part of Theresa, but there is no justification in the world for you going along with it. You can’t ask what the hell these other heroes are for. You can’t just sneak into the Spire and assassinate Lucian. You can’t do anything but unquestioningly obey Theresa, no matter how daft she sounds, how suspiciously she behaves, or how much her directives are at odds with your goal of getting revenge. <\/p>\n

She points right at Lucian’s Spire, tells you where he is, and then tells you to go through fire, blood, and darkness in the opposite direction. She never even tries to excuse this course of action. <\/p><\/div>\n

The first Hero you are to find is Hammer. I will leave her character archetype and her weapon of choice to your imagination. You journey to Oakfield. The bridge is out, and you must detour through a monster-infested cave and fight waves of bandits. <\/p>\n

You finally reach Oakfield and do some other questing. Eventually you meet Hammer. <\/p>\n

Hammer is a huge woman. 6’6, muscular, and bulky. She’s impossible to miss. Oakfield is a miniscule town. But you won’t find her anywhere in it until you complete a few arbitrary quests.<\/div>\n

Lucian’s lackey shows up to kidnap her, but ends up killing her father instead. She kills the guy and joins your team. <\/p>\n

It’s been ten years since Lucian blasted you out of a window, leaving you with nothing to live for but revenge. Nothing has happened for ten years. Yet when you get to Oakfield to recruit Hammer, Lucian just happens to get there at about the same time. <\/div>\n

Theresa then teleports in, and teleports away with Hammer. <\/p>\n

Wait a minute… Theresa can teleport? And take other people with her?!? This seems like something that could be really handy. Like, that would have been tremendously helpful when the bridge was out.<\/em> <\/p>\n

Bitch.<\/p><\/div>\n

To be continued…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

“Railroading” is a dirty word in a tabletop RPG. Players come to the game with the expectation that they will have some input into the shape of the world besides rolling the dice to stab things. Computer games are delivered and mediated by an uncreative computer, and so we have to accept a certain degree […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[612],"tags":[28],"class_list":["post-2105","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-retrospectives","tag-fable"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2105","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2105"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2105\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":44259,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2105\/revisions\/44259"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2105"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2105"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2105"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}