{"id":14274,"date":"2011-11-28T11:16:33","date_gmt":"2011-11-28T16:16:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/?p=14274"},"modified":"2011-11-28T14:45:28","modified_gmt":"2011-11-28T19:45:28","slug":"skyrim-the-adventures-of-elfman-the-man-elf","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/?p=14274","title":{"rendered":"Skyrim: The Adventures of Elfman the Man-Elf"},"content":{"rendered":"
In response to the constant public demand for more fan-fiction<\/em>, I’ve crafted a bit of lore to be added to the Elder Scrolls world and mythos. This story is centered around Elfman the Wood Elf, in the lands of Skyrim. Think of this as The Elder Scrolls: Expanded Universe<\/em>.<\/p>\n

I have all the notes here on Elfman’s origins and how he fits into the world. I’ve rough-drafted a good bit of his genealogy and personal history, but I’m still researching and proofing those parts. For now, I thought I’d share just a small slice of his adventures. These events take place during the period that will eventually comprise Book 4 of his story. (Still untitled.)\n<\/p><\/div>\n

The gloom hangs off the dank dungeon walls like hanging moss, which is also hanging from the dungeon walls. This place has every indication of being a Nord burial ground. For example: There are Nords buried here.<\/p>\n

I slide the lid off the bathtub-sized urn and grope around until I find the treasure inside: four gold pieces. I can't imagine the size of the containers they would have built if anyone had been buried with enough gold to buy a single mug of watered-down mead. <\/p>\n

I come to the end of the passage and find myself on the edge of a large-ish chamber. A couple of guys are standing around on the other side of the room. Bandits. At least, I'm pretty sure they're bandits. I mean, they're armed and they're between me and the loot, so I hope<\/em> they're bandits. I could check, but it's probably safer to kill them now and then feel guilty later if I discover they're really just merchants who don't understand the importance of location. <\/p>\n

I decide to move in a bit closer. I’m within bowshot, but I’d prefer to use my knife for a job like this. When I get about ten paces away, I clumsily step on a pressure plate and release a fire trap. It occurs to me now that the long-dead Nords might have been able to send their departed off to Sovngarde with more than four coins if they hadn't spent so much money on hazardous pyrotechnics. <\/p>\n

The plume of flame lights up the entire chamber. Luckily, my screams are mostly drowned out by the roaring fire. I could dash over to the nearby basin to douse myself, but I don't want to give up my tactical sneak attack advantage. So instead I huddle in the corner and wait for the flames to burn themselves out while I occasionally let out little cries of pain.<\/p>\n

The bandits finish up their conversation and begin pacing. Once I stop burning I move in a little closer and draw out my Elven dagger. I creep up behind the first bandit and ready my attack. Drawing my arm all the way behind me, I lunge forward with a mighty battlecry, my dagger-point aimed between his bandit-y shoulder blades. <\/p>\n

Unfortunately, he begins walking away just as I strike. I swing through the empty air, clanging my blade off the stony floor. Thankfully, I didn't blunder into the light, so the bandits are still unaware of my presence. I inch up behind my victim and try again. This time my blade finds its mark, and the man falls with a gratifying squeal of pain. <\/p>\n

I relieve him of his weapons, his food, the note he wrote to himself about how much he hates his bandit-boss and how he's hidden a stash of personal loot that he hopes the others never discover, and all of his clothes.<\/p>\n

“What was that?” says the other guy, suddenly drawing his sword. He heard his companion die a second ago, and now he's coming this way to investigate.<\/p>\n

I retreat into the shadows again, holding my breath and praying he doesn't notice me. It's only now that I realize that this guy must be the bandit chief. I have to be careful, here. According to the three-page note I got done reading in the middle of stripping the first bandit down to his loincloth, this guy is bad news. He's so dangerous that he's regarded as unreasonably violent and unfair, even by other bandits. I assume this also means he's proportionally tougher, or else someone would have just done away with him by now and found a leader with more robust people skills. <\/p>\n

“Hmm. I guess it was just my imagination,” the chief says at last. He returns to his grim pacing. I breathe a sigh of relief. He seems to have concluded that his friend stripped down and stabbed himself in the back with his own knife, which he no longer owns. <\/p>\n

It would be suicide for me to try to backstab this guy. It would just piss him off.I withdraw to the far side of the room and pull out my bow. I loose an arrow, and it strikes him firmly in the ear. I'm not pretending to be a doctor, but I would say this injury has inconvenienced him. Mildly. Furious, he charges off into the dark, looking for me. <\/p>\n

He searches for me in the same corner of the room for nearly half a minute before he concludes that he's simply hearing things, and returns to his patrol with my arrow still waggling from one side of his head. Once he's back into his groove, I zing him again.<\/p>\n

We keep this game up for a few minutes. By now he's bristling with arrow shafts. He looks like some sort of wereporcupine.<\/p>\n

Finally he succumbs to my arrow assault and his own attention deficit disorder, and dies. I slink over, strip him down to his unmentionable, and move on.<\/p>\n

I catch a glint in the darkness as I leave. I sprint over and investigate. The nearby desk (the bandits seem to have furnished this place and begun meticulous bookkeeping) has a flawless sapphire! I swipe it and stagger away under my heavy load. <\/p>\n

Stumbling and breathing hard, I lean against the wall and have a look in my satchel. I've got four full sets of fur armor, three longswords, a set of banded mail armor, a longbow, a hundred iron arrows, a battleaxe, and a couple of daggers. I do a bit of math in my head and throw down one of the sets of fur gloves. Thus relieved of the worst of my burden, I proceed further into the tomb. <\/p>\n

The guy in town said there were legends that the depths of this tomb was filled with shambling undead, but he also assured me that these legends were preposterous and that I should ignore them. Looking back, I'm sort of wondering why he brought them up in the first place. Ah well, I'm sure he's right. There's just no way this tomb could be haunted just like every other tomb in Skyrim always is. <\/p>\n

Onward!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In response to the constant public demand for more fan-fiction, I’ve crafted a bit of lore to be added to the Elder Scrolls world and mythos. This story is centered around Elfman the Wood Elf, in the lands of Skyrim. Think of this as The Elder Scrolls: Expanded Universe. I have all the notes here […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[120],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-14274","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-videogames"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14274","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=14274"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14274\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=14274"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=14274"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shamusyoung.com\/twentysidedtale\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=14274"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}