Mass Effect

By Shamus Posted Friday Feb 9, 2007

Filed under: Game Reviews 28 comments

I’m reading up on Mass Effect, a game which is being produced by Bioware and has every indication of being exqusite. The game follows the time-honored tradition of giving you a spaceship and a crew, and letting you use these resources to save the galaxy. I’ve been saving the galaxy since Starflight in the late 8o’s, and I can tell you that galaxy-saving just doesn’t get old. It’s XBox 360-only, but if previous trends continue then the game will end up on the PC within the next couple of years.

However, if other previous trends continue, then in three years Obsidian will come out with Mass Effect 2, a game which will trap you on a spaceship with a crew of dysfunctional morons and sociopaths who all hate you yet still call you their captain for no discernable reason. The gameplay will consist of navigating dialog trees which insult or infuriate you in various ways, for sixty hours, until your ship at last crashes into the sun and the game ends.


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28 thoughts on “Mass Effect

  1. Russ says:

    The fact that it already says it is the first in a trilogy gives it high hopes…unless they couldn’t fit the whole game onto one DVD for XBox360.

    Personally, I think the game of the year is going to be Crysis, provided they don’t overshoot their goals and the game is actually playable on a machine that exists or that I could build for less than $1000 for the tower.

    You have to watch the demo video if you have not seen this game here:

  2. Teague says:

    You know, you should rig up some sort of counter, like the nifty one with dice for the number of posts, that keeps a running tab of how many oblique references you make to your disappointment with Neverwinter Nights 2. Plus, I think finding ways to twist any given topic to get a shot in at NWN2 is a much more worthwhile puzzle than the one with celebrity names. Keep ’em coming!

  3. Stephen says:

    Your ship crashing into the sun will occur after a rushed ending sequence where you fight through hordes of enemies and fail to resolve any subplots.

  4. Phlux says:

    I swear I didn’t even think you were talking about NWN2. I thought you were talking about KOTOR2…another Obsidian sequel to a Bioware game…and the comments still completely made sense.

  5. Gothmog says:

    I thought the same at Phlux above, heheh.

    BTW, Shamus- I like the new lettering! Neeto!

  6. Deoxy says:

    He was referring to both. Obsidian apparently has a currently running streak of doing that to well-begun sequels of good games.

    And, in further reference to that last paragraph
    -wow… not bitter, are you?
    -ouch (leaving a well-deserved mark)

    1. WJS says:

      And looking back from now, if you say “Obsidian” I think “New Vegas”. They figured out the whole “RPG sequel” in the end.

  7. Robert says:

    God, Starflight! What an awesome game that was. I have never been morally affected by a game the way that game did. When you find out the secret, you actually feel sick to your stomach. A classic.

  8. Andre says:

    KotOR and NWN were intellectual properties licensed to Bioware by Hasbro for their games. This opens the door to all sorts of development control issues (for instance, in order for the games to be considered Canon at any level, the IP owner’s oversight is required on every tiny detail). It seems that Bioware doesn’t particularly enjoy this situation, as they’ve been chomping at the bit over the last few years to be rid of it. Last time I checked, all of their upcoming stuff is proprietary IP, stuff they came up with on their own, so I think the chance of the sequels being passed on to someone else is lower than normal.

  9. Tyrel Lohr says:

    I have to agree with Robert; the revelation at the end of Starflight just left me sitting there dumbfounded for awhile. It certainly is one of the more memorable plot twists in a game.

    The game Alien Legacy had some similar moments, though not as dramatic as the plot twist in Starflight.

    “Entering solar system… leaving solar system.”

  10. Daktylo says:

    I’m glad my machine was a PCjr for Starflight back then. If not the Uhlek would’ve torn my ship asunder many times over.

    And getting the Red Cylinder device was the highlight of the playing experience.

    I hope those guys working on the Starflight 3 game can complete it sometime in the near future.

  11. TooMad says:

    What is that a duck?

  12. Man, Starflight, my wife bought it for me. I thought she had learned her lesson, then she got me WoW for Christmas this year.

    Great games. Starflight 3? That would be neat. Hope it turns out better than Freelancer did as a Privateer sequel.

  13. CMB says:

    Ouch. No Obsidian love, eh?

  14. Patrick says:

    You forgot the part when you have to sell 3 pints of blood to obsidian to get the 32 digit keycode, that allows you access to the download from their website that decrypts the game you paid 79.95 for, so that you can play the game when/if their server is running to verify your game. Then of course there are the 5 “patches” that you HAVE to download that will only cost you one additional pint of usable body fluids, one week in a drug testing facility or you can pay up front for all future “patches” and ” access to Obsidian’s online gaming community!…” for a non-vital organ to be sold on the black market.

  15. Patrick says:

    And yes…starflight rocked. It was also the first game (on a PC, Atari was his first antagonizer) that caused Shamus to massacre an innocent keyboard if I recall.

  16. Dave says:

    I tend to agree with the sentiments about Obsidian. I was willing to give them a one-time pass on the problems with KOTOR 2. “First big game, all kinds of pressure from massive LucasArts… OK, I can see why they screwed it up in order to get it out early.”

    Then NWN2 came out. And I discovered the ending of KOTOR 2 wasn’t a screw-up, it was a trend!

    So much for Obsidian.

  17. DaveJ says:

    I think Obsidian made Deus Ex 2.

  18. Scimitar says:

    I find this hilariously accurate, a little over three years later. Sure, ME2 didn’t match up to ALL of your predictions, but it was close. Sure, most of your crew had a reason to call you captain, but about a quarter of them were sociopaths, many of the dialogue choices resulted in the same thing, and, well, there’s the ending…

    1. Jarenth says:

      Damnit, I was going to say the same thing, but you beat me by a WEEK.

  19. Jjkaybomb says:

    Bwahahahahaha! Reading through the archives here had led to some of the FUNNIEST stuff.

    This prediction? Hilariously perfect. Except for the morons and sociopaths one. Only true for some of them.

    1. Bryan says:

      …And then there was ME3…

    2. anaphysik says:

      And of course the fact that BioWare managed to screw things up all by themselves this time, so no blaming Obsidian. Insert: ‘Blah blah someone says something about EA ruining them.’ EA absolutely didn’t help, but they ruined themselves.

  20. Aldowyn says:

    I think Bioware did the Obsidian-sequel thing to themselves with DA2. At least all of the characters CAN like you or hate you.

    And I’m pretty sure there were plenty of people in KotOR2 and NWN2 that like or can like you. Most of them really :/

  21. Dreadjaws says:

    I echo what other commenters have said. Coming back here years later is both hilarious and sad.

    Man, now I have to wonder… Could Obsidian have screwed up the third game as hard as EA did?

  22. Magnus says:

    Well, now it’s my turn to find this hilarious, ancient first mention of ME on Shamus’s website. And it is therefore my privilege to observe that not only was his prediction for ME2 awkwardly close to the eventual product, not only did ME3 manage to be even worse, but ME:Andromeda has since been released and set even a *new* low in quality!

    Poor ME1, it was a great game. I dearly wish it had gotten sequels.

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