This DM of the Rings gig has some unusual restrictions. I don’t need any real artistic talent, and I can produce a comic for a lot less effort than someone who has to draw everything. The downside is that I can’t make just anything I want. Once in a while I have to scrap a joke or gag because I can’t screencap or photoshop what I need from the movies.
Here is one strip I would make if I were producing my own art. Obviously it would only work if I was drawing what I needed, as it requires stuff I couldn’t get any other way.
Note that I don’t expect this to be funny. This is a visual joke. I’m sure you can picture it in your head, but the real humor would come from the outragous and unexpected images.
Gimli, Aragorn, and Legolas stand by while NPC Gandalf introduces Shadowfax in his typical long-winded manner. The players are obviously irritated and bored. There are a couple of throwaway lines from Aragorn and Legolas, which overlap Gandalf’s yammering.
GIMLI: This Shadowfax thing is cool and all, but you’re thinking too small.
DM: What do you mean?
GIMLI: Instead of giving him the greatest horse who ever lived, he should ride around on twin dragons. Ancient golden dragons of splendor, named Dionysus and Demeter!
We see Gandalf riding through the clouds on two dragons, with one foot on the head of each. He’s holding the reins in one hand while pumping his fist in the air.
IMAGINARY GANDALF: Woo-hoo!
GIMLI: (Narrating) He also needs a sidekick. No, better than a sidekick: He should have an elven maiden with hair the color the sunrise. Clad only in leaves, she follows him around and sings his praises in a high, clear voice that makes common men hide their faces in shame and weep for their own wickedness.
We don’t see the girl, but instead we see a bunch of awed peasants looking upwards, presumably at this elven maiden. A golden light falls on their faces. The foremost looks like he’s on the verge of tears.
PEASANT: Only now do I truly understand beauty.
GIMLI: (Narrating)And his staff! It should be like a bolt of lightning in his hand; a radiant spear of power which is hewn from the world’s first tree.
We see Gandalf holding this shaft of brilliant light, adressing some foe “off-screen”.
IMAGINARY GANDALF: You still shall not pass!
We cut back to the players, standing just as they were in panel 1. Gimli looks pleased with himself. Gandalf looks vacant.
Same panel again. The players are waiting for the DM to Get On With It.
Same panel again, but players look grumpy.
DM: What did you say the dragons should be named again?
ARAGORN: Just give us the next quest, railroad-boy.
I find it amusing to toy with ideas like this one and imagine what I’d do if I could produce worthy artwork.
Revisiting a Dead Engine
I wanted to take the file format of a late 90s shooter and read it in modern-day Unity. This is the result.
A look at the main Borderlands games. What works, what doesn't, and where the series can go from here.
Two minutes of fun at the expense of a badly-run theme park.
What Does a Robot Want?
No, self-aware robots aren't going to turn on us, Skynet-style. Not unless we designed them to.
A programming project where I set out to make a Minecraft-style world so I can experiment with Octree data.