Chainmail Bikini: Random Encounter Table

By Shamus Posted Monday Nov 9, 2009

Filed under: Tabletop Games 30 comments

Reviving Chainmail Bikini has been an interesting project. The webcomic Shawn Gaston and I made in 2007 went poof, and for a while I thought it was gone for good.

But Shawn had some of the source images. I had others. The internet archive had the titles & accompanying text for the first 39 comics or so. Now we’re discovering that a few wily users had actually saved some of the bonus content to their own computers, and were able to help us recover those. This morning, I got to see Chuck’s Random Encounter Table for the first time in over two years. I’d forgotten nearly everything on the chart, and so I got to laugh at a couple of my own jokes. Man, being forgetful has its advantages.


Reading through the old strips has jostled my memory quite a bit, and I think I actually have a decent chance at reconstructing the write-up of the ending. I have until late January to iron it all out. Here’s hoping.

Seventeen of the strips have been posted so far, so if you’ve never read it, now would be a good time to start.


From The Archives:

30 thoughts on “Chainmail Bikini: Random Encounter Table

  1. Shawn says:

    Chocolate Rain! Man, the good ole days of 2007.

  2. Patrick says:

    Texas Hold ‘Em… with a Deck of Many Things.

    Well, it’s not quite as bad as the wizard who grabbed the Necromantic Staff of Terror and shouted “Do everything you do.” (It did; the party was not amused. The Demon it summoned as part of spell #12 was amused, even moreso when the wizard bought it off by giving it the staff.)

  3. krellen says:

    I still love “OMG The Hoff!”

  4. midget0nstilts says:

    I was in a party once where one of the players had gotten hold of a Wand of Wonder, and, I kid you not, shrunk himself three times in a row, in addition to summoning 3 angry rhinos… in a dungeon hallway. He was about six inches tall, and we carried him in someone’s pocket.

    This was the same campaign where we beat a dungeon with the Big Bad in it in the space of 15 minutes by flooding it.

  5. Factoid says:

    So beyond the first 39 comics do you still have the comics, or are you just missing the accompanying funny text?

  6. Shawn says:

    We have all the comics.

  7. Heron says:

    41-45 made me actually stifle a real-life LOL… not something you really want to do in a quiet workplace :)

  8. Alux says:

    Kudos to the Monty Python reference, man. That… that made my day.

  9. neolith says:

    The next game I’m modding gets a beer elemental player model! :D

  10. I just sent this list to my GM, with the words “You are NOT allowed to use this!”

    Of course, you know what that means…


  11. Sam says:

    I love the idea of a truly random encounter table. I might steal some of your encounters for a D&D 3.5 campaign which I’m starting up in a few weeks, just to mess with the party.

  12. kikito says:

    The Hoff: +20 awesome.

  13. RTBones says:

    A Mind Flayer with ADHD…I think my brain had a synapsual infarction trying to imagine what one could do to players with that random encounter because the synapses therein got one-tracked and continued to instruct me to laugh long after it should have stopped being funny. Of course, given that a scant few lines later The Hoff appeared, I think my brain can be forgiven, assuming I can get its attention.

  14. Doug Sundseth says:

    It should, perhaps, be noted that a Knowledge: Nature roll at a DC 15 will let you know that the lemon tree is very pretty and the lemon flower is sweet. But it takes a DC 20 roll to know that the fruit of the poor lemon is impossible to eat.

  15. This list lacks the dreaded gazebo!

  16. Yamael says:

    Is the Spanish Inquisition really that famous / feared outside of Spain itself? It’s not the first time I find a reference to it and I’m quite curious about how it’s perceived elsewhere.

  17. Aufero says:

    @Yamael – it’s a reference to a Monty Python sketch. You could undoubtedly find several versions of it on Youtube.

    The actual Spanish Inquisition is fairly well known outside of Spain, mostly because medieval torture references stick out in the minds of bored (male) middle-school history students.

  18. Hal says:

    Ah, I remember printing this up for my group shortly after you made it the first time and then threatening to use it on them.

    They feared TEH HOFF most of all.

    Incidentally, we don’t get hardly anything about tabletop gaming from you these days, Shamus. Are you not doing any these days, has the well dried up on things to say about it in the blog, or do you just have too many other projects going?

  19. Teldurn says:

    I second the Dread Gazebo suggestion. Surely, it can be squeezed in there somewhere! :)

  20. Dev Null says:

    I can’t quite remember what ancient source it stems from – think it may actually have been a Phil and Dixie or a Fineous Fingers in the back of an undead Dragon magazine, to which all of you webcomics folks owe a debt, or at least a beer – but this comic reminds me of the infamous Wandering Damage Table.

  21. Nentuaby says:


    Internationally, the Spanish Inquistion is pretty much regarded as synonymous with the Roman Catholic Church at its absolute worst, in terms of oppression, censorship and brutality. It’s quite infamous, yes.

  22. A Reader says:

    91-95; Ouch!

  23. Mephane says:

    This list lacks the dreaded gazebo!

    Yes, this is a classic. ;)

  24. Groundhog says:

    Beer elemental… Leaving a trail of shitfaced bodies, wherever it goes.
    I’d imagine it gets combat boni(I’ll never get used to that word) against intoxicated opponents, as well as a grapple attack in which it forces some of it’s swill down the opponent’s throat; thus causing intoxication.
    Perhaps an ability which forces alcoholic N/PCs to defend the elemental against destruction.

  25. TSED says:


    That inspired me to make the GRECE (Greatest Random Encounter Chart Ever), which is now so complicated I recommend using machine assistance for the rolling.

    Over 216,000,000 results possible!

    I WAS running a campaign based entirely off of this GRECE, but then the new semester started and people’s schedules were all ‘onoes.’

    Speaking of schedules, I better be off to class. Hope some one enjoys the GRECE.

  26. Davie says:

    I have to say, out of all of those, Texas Hold’em with a Deck of Many Things takes the cake.

  27. Sir Vivor says:

    Poor old rolle. He’s almost definately going to get atomized next campaign I run.

  28. dl_wraith says:

    A PAIR of Gay BattleMechs? Wa-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaa! Surely they need to form a lance with another two mechs and go around fortified bases doing Village people routines?

    Besides, Clan Mechs are waaaay better at being Gay. They’re like Right Said Fred gay instead of Village People gay.

    Do you think clan pilots can get to MMORPGs through their enhanced links? I think they should join the lv1 fighter’s guild…..


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