Anyway, while I was there I found this videogame review. I’m pretty sure it’s safe to post this here without causing a rift. If you find yourself vanishing or notice that loved ones no longer recognize you, please stop reading immediately.
Review of Silent Hill Turbo HD II, from the future:
Silent Hill Turbo HD II is another hard-hitting entry in this venerable high-speed fighting game franchise. As usual, you play as one of a number of selectable characters who has been imprisoned in Silent Hill and must fight in the “Otherworld Tournament” and eventually defeat the infamous Pyramid Head in order to win your freedom.
Some fans complain that aside from the disco, the locations are all a bit drab and shabby. But most young people don’t realize that Silent Hill actually started out as a spooky adventure game of some sort, and the dank, dreary environments are homage to those bygone titles.
Fans will be glad to know that the counter-counter-counter attack system has been reinstated, after they removed it in Silent Hill Ultra 3. Ultra 3 was a disappointing title, scoring an abysmal 99.6% on Megacritic. Removing the counter-counter-counter attacks allowed a dedicated player to spam the game with simple counter-counter attacks and dominate their hapless opponent. They brought it back again in Silent Hill Mega Ultra Showdown. (Which was for portables only, but was later ported back to consoles as Silent Hill Showdown Finale!) But in that game the controls were simplified so that counter-counter-counter attacks could be pulled off with just eight button presses, making the game too one-dimensional for longtime fans. Showdown garnered a less-embarrassing 99.65% on Megacritic, but fans were left wondering if this series was ever going to recapture its former glory.
Well, you’ve probably already heard that that not only have they brought back counter-counter-counter attacks, but they are introducing an innovative new counter-counter-counter-counter attack system. Also, the combo button sequences are back, so attaining victory means more than just having hyper reflexes and an immunity to Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. You’re going to need to memorize and flawlessly execute endlessly long chains of actions if you want to edge out your opponent.
There are some surprises in here for old-school fans as well. James Sunderland is an unlockable hidden character, still using his trademark “pillow smother” fatality that’s made him such a fan favorite.
The Mistakes DOOM Didn't Make
How did this game avoid all the usual stupidity that ruins remakes of classic titles?
Crysis 2 has basically the same plot as Half-Life 2. So why is one a classic and the other simply obnoxious and tiresome?
Final Fantasy X
A game about the ghost of an underwater football player who travels through time to save the world from a tick that controls kaiju satan. Really.
Resident Evil 4
Who is this imbecile and why is he wandering around Europe unsupervised?
DM of the Rings
Both a celebration and an evisceration of tabletop roleplaying games, by twisting the Lord of the Rings films into a D&D game.