on Jul 16, 2016
Battlespire is catstrophically broken, inarguably mishandled, forgettable at its best and never more than two inches from the border of Creepy. I bought it with the intention of incorporating my thoughts on it in my Elder Scrolls retrospective. I barely outlasted the first room. The same berserk spirit that impelled me to finish all five core games in about a month didn’t survive an hour’s contact with nesting bags and glitching jumps.
Then I started this Let’s Play when a few other games fell through. I had absolutely no plans for it–I didn’t know how far I’d make it or long you’d tolerate it. And now that I’m sixteen posts in, I think I’m ready to confirm:
We’re going all the way.
I knew nothing about this game before I started. Out of self-defense I’ve since developed a pretty comprehensive knowledge of the game’s more arresting glitches, surprises, and pitfalls, and I can already tell it’s not going to get any easier to play. Quite far from it. There might be segments of the game where I’m stuck for a few weeks at a time, which hopefully I’ll have the buffer and wit to condense into something entertaining.
But I can’t walk away from this thing for two reasons. The first being, I can’t seem to go an hour without something happening that’s so bizarre or inexplicable or busted that I have to share it with someone just to confirm I’m not going crazy. This game is frequently terrible, but even when it’s boring, it’s not [i]boring[/i]. How am I going to stop when I know (for a fact at this point) that there’s even weirder stuff to come?
And secondly–when I did my retrospective, I’d thought it was such a shame that much of Bethesda’s history, its earliest forays into open-world gaming and its first sleeper hit, was forgotten. I wanted to share their origins with people who didn’t have the know-how or money or time to play them. In my own very modest way, I thought I was reviving obscure elements of gaming history. And then I found this. It’s like discovering Vincent Van Gogh not only painted cartoons of clowns farting, he earnestly and passionately painted them and tried to market them to the world, and absolutely nobody will talk about it–much less ask, “Is this an evocative cartoon of a clown farting?” It’s an incredible nugget of gaming history and I feel weirdly privileged to be the one sharing it with you.
So thanks for reading. We’ll be back to it Wednesday with an extra post on Friday, plus my RPG series restarting Saturday. See you then.