Shamus Plays: What Happens in Goldshire…

By Shamus Posted Wednesday Nov 17, 2010

Filed under: Column 31 comments

Part 4 of my journey into the absurd.

Q: Hey Shamus, where the heck is Stolen Pixels?

A: I’ll let Hamlet answer this one for me:

HAMLET: I have of late,â€"but wherefore I know not,â€"lost all my mirth…

I really don’t know what my problem is lately, but I’m not able to write jokes. I’ve got several more weeks of Shamus Plays World of Warcraft written, so we’re good there. But I can’t do anything with my comic. I’m just not feeling it. So, we’re taking a break until I can recover my mirth.


From The Archives:

31 thoughts on “Shamus Plays: What Happens in Goldshire…

  1. Selater says:

    Oh no, Shamus! Don’t burn yourself out. Just take it easy and let the jokes come to you :T

  2. Amnestic says:

    The ‘rape’ conversation had be cracking up loudly. I’m fairly certain I woke up my flatmate. The ‘Morrrigan’ one went right over my head though. No idea what that one was about, if anything.

    1. Ian says:

      Me too! I was in tears at that part.

      It’s almost enough to make me want to roll a toon on an RP server. Goldshire is reasonably tame on normal realms (well, at least on Misha). There’s plenty of dueling (it seems about as active as the front of Orgrimmar), but what happens is generally non-pornographic.

    2. Daemian Lucifer says:

      “In the future, rape is a felony.” is my new top quote.

      1. Rolaran says:

        For some reason, my mind chose to read that particular line in the voice of Don “Movie Trailer Guy” LaFontaine. Now my mind is trying to imagine the trailer for a dramatic film adaptation of Goldshire, a la Little Tortilla Boy. It boggles the imagination.

        1. Amnestic says:

          “This summer *drums* this small country village *drums, panning across Goldshire at night* will see horrors beyond imagining… *pause, fade to black, drums pick up* For in this town sleeps an ancient evil the likes of which strikes terror into the hearts of men.

          *cut to Goldshire inn room with two characters emoting the nasty* The cybersexers are back.

          And this time…it’s personal.

          *close up of chatbox with “/w xXxSexyladyxXx I thnk we hv smthng spesh here.”*

          Goldshire 2: Explicit and Uncut, coming to cinemas near you June 2011. Rated R for RUN AWAY! RUN AWAAYYYYYYYYYYY!”

          /Maybe I should leave the funnies up to the professionals.

      2. I was expecting “Well, it’s only a good plan as long as mother doesn’t find out.”

  3. Klay F. says:

    I’ll wager that your mirth will soon be back, and awkwardly apologize for being so unreasonable.

  4. Strangeite says:

    The Golden Master version of Newcomer was just submitted on November 1, an RPG that has been in production for 20 years and is exclusive to the Commodore 64.

    A total of 280 hours of game time and coming in at a massive 2 MB!!!

    There has got to be a joke in that somewhere.

    1. Strangeite says:

      I joke, but in reality, I am actually excited about this title being released. I still have a computer mag from 1993 showing the same screen shots as a “Soon to be Released” title.

  5. Someone says:

    And I was hoping for a round of New Vegas mockery…

    Oh well, at least the WoW stuff is there, and it’s great. The “Goldshire dialogues” were hysterical. I got used to that sort of thing very quickly, which made a distant observer’s look on Goldshire so much funnier.

  6. Valaqil says:

    Whatever the reason, I hope you find your mirth. And, more importantly, I hope that’s only tied to writing jokes, not a general outlook. Take a break if you need one. Everyone needs to relax and refresh from time to time.

  7. Nidokoenig says:

    The description of the town as they approached, just made me think “So, it’s Glasgow with magic, then?”.

    Sorry to hear about the lack of mirth. Hope you get it back soon. You’re in a pretty stressful situation what with losing your job, so just take it easy and do what you have to. Maybe try playing games that you just want to play a bit more and hope they lend themselves to humour, rather than the tendency of playing games to write funny stuff about that you’ve noted before. We can handle a few more comics about Mass Effect 1, Chime and Minecraft.

  8. X2-Eliah says:

    Why didn’t anyone try to pair their lizards/turtles/whatnots to your imp?

  9. Hal says:

    Perhaps read/watch something inspiring?

  10. Daemian Lucifer says:

    When you run out of jokes,you can always do a knock knock one.

  11. Irridium says:

    As I said, just use the old Fallout 1+2 dialog when you have a very low INT.

    But eh, do whatever works for you I guess.

  12. Jarenth says:

    I like how the names of the insane have been changed for protection reasons, but the names of two perfectly innocent fence-side strippers are there for all to read.

    Though I suppose that in their line of work they need all the attention they can get.

    1. acronix says:

      Maybe they are changed, but so masterfully that we can´t notice!

    2. Irridium says:

      I remember in my short playing of WoW when I was playing an Orc(male) I came across some Blood Elf dancers.

      I stood in the middle of them, stripped down, and also started dancing. I got more money then them.

      Man were they pissed.

  13. froogger says:

    Thanks for yet another chapter.
    Sorry to hear that you’re quoting Shakespeare. Sounds like you got a touch of depression on your back. There’s not much one can do to get up out of something like that. I know. You wouldn’t ask a nutallergic to get a grip when they have trouble breathing. I recommend you clear your schedule to absolute minimum and take your time. I’ll still be here.

  14. Dev Null says:

    Did your uncle murder your dad and marry your mother? That always makes me kinda grumpy too.

    Enjoy a well-deserved break man.

  15. Steve C says:

    Shamus I don’t know what level you plan to stop but please include The Legend of Stalvan quest chain. It’s one of the most recognizable quest chains in the game but nobody takes the time to stop and really read it. It’s so long that everyone forgets the reasons why they are on this quest half way through.

    If you take the time to read and understand which npcs are sending you around and when, the entire quest makes no sense at all.

    You are sent crazy distances by npcs who want to know who Stalvan is (they have no idea) who later somehow know exactly who he is (because he’s legendary) and where’s he’s been all this time… (in the backyard). The reason why you are on the quest is to protect an extremely creepy little girl (selling creepy things) from a creepy grandmother’s vague dream.

    There has to be some humor in that somewhere.

  16. Amarsir says:

    You know I was going to say that I’m finding the WoW series of Shamus Plays to be exposition-heavy, and I suspect being able to talk to yourself via two characters is cutting down on the interactions/observations per episode. But I take it back. You’re entitled to a mirth vacation, so go recuperate.

  17. Andrew says:

    Your humor seems to be self-sustaining. That is, you’re a naturally funny person. You said yourself that sometimes the jokes you feel are the funniest fall flat, but the jokes you think are ‘meh’ work out really well. Above all, trust your gut. But with this, trust your talent some too.

  18. kingcom says:

    I always found these stories about Goldshire crazyness kinda bizzare. I mean i guess its an American server deal but I’ve never come across it (though the outside capital dueling stuff goes on).

  19. Doug Sundseth says:

    I’m more of a Macbeth* fan, myself, but Hamlet is a good source for quotes during brown studies.

    One of my favorites**: “My name is Hamlet. You kill’ my father. Prepare to die.”

    * For the superstitious among us, feel free to use #DEFINE the_Scottish_play Macbeth (or perhaps the reverse), assuming that this use doesn’t also violate your superstition. If it does, I’m afraid you’re out of luck.

    ** Well, it might be more of a paraphrase, but there you go.

  20. Bret says:

    Sad to hear about the ear poison murders.

    Try talking to your remarkably stupid childhood friends about coin tosses. Should cheer you up.

    1. Dev Null says:

      It must be indicative of something besides the redistribution of wealth.

  21. I started on a PvPRP server, but it was new as well (it was just before BC and it was hard to log on a realm, it has a low population, so …).

    As a result, when I got to Goldshire everyone was still leveling through it and I missed the entire experience like you are having.

    Glad now.

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