This week we skip another 20 years forward. In 1970, the year we’ve lept to, Mr. Smith has passed away and Mrs. Smith is in her 80’s. The house is too big for her, but she is vehemently against being put in a home, so her son has moved in to help manage the place. Let’s decide that the Smiths had three children. Their oldest, a son, has gone into the family business, he’s too busy to help out. Their middle child, a daughter, has children and a family of her own. The youngest Smith boy will be helping Mrs. Smith in her old age. He works under the oldest son at the family company and is very keen to prove he can do something his siblings can’t. He is easily in his 50s, but he’s got no family of his own and never strayed far from home. He isn’t a bad guy, he just lacks direction. We’ll call him Jimbo to avoid any more ‘Mr. Smith” nonsense.
The moment he walks into the house he announces everything is going to change. The place is drafty and old, and Mrs. Smith hasn’t had the energy to take proper care of it. He’s got a bit of a complex from being outshined by two successful older siblings, so he’s going to go above and beyond here. Not only is he going to make the place more comfortable, he’s also going to fully modernize it for her. His mother will spend her old age in a stylish modern masterpiece!
Modern for the New England area 70s, anyway. I’m sure all this money poured in will make the place really, really marketable in 20 years. This is actually an investment.
Those of you with taste should really avert your eyes for your own protection. Lucky for us, Jimbo isn’t interested in the exterior of the house. Unlucky for us, he has access to an entire building company’s worth of nepotism and materials. Uh oh.
He’s put laminate over the original hardwood floors and entirely gutted the kitchen. He even managed to swing a modern all-wood-exterior refrigerator. Take that, overachieving brother and sister.
More hardwood gone, this time for giraffe-print carpet. He’s gone with an accent piece in the dining room, and kept the living room and entry area ‘understated’. His mother keeps telling him she’s really fine and he doesn’t need to redo the place for her, but he insists. She wishes he’d keep up on the chores he’s actually there to do, like the laundry, but he’s pretty engrossed in the project at this point. Mrs. Smith’s daughter now comes over twice a week to help out despite her other responsibilities, and Jimbo presses on.
I’m almost tempted to spoiler the next image just for everyone’s stomachs. It is my solemn duty to inform you, though, he’s painted the wood stairs.
Mrs. Smith was put up on the couch for a night to allow Jimbo to put a coat of what we’ll call ‘Smoker’s Ivory’ on the hardwood staircase. A moment of silence, if you will.
Oh lord help us, he found the laundry room. The space Mr. and Mrs. Smith last worked on themselves, the blue paint she painstakingly put up, the tile they scrounged from worksites. Jimbo started on the basement because he was worried about the homemade PVC pipe railing, and then he just kept going.
As we get upstairs, to the rooms damaged during the Great Depression, Jimbo once again plays the hero. The leak has long since been fixed, but the mold persists. He spends an afternoon scrubbing at it with bleach, and once calls it ‘good enough’ as he hits it with a paint roller. Once the paint is dry, he finds it’s bubbled badly where the damage is. Fine, wood paneling it is.
The damage is still there, of course, but now it’s hidden under wood paneling! Best of…both…worlds?
The only rooms completely left alone are the attic and the bathroom. He would have redone the bathroom but Mrs. Smith insisted he didn’t. The pink tile was one of the few things in the house that was fully her decision, and she still very much likes it. Otherwise, it looks like we’re spending the next few decades surrounded by yellow, brown, and orange. Oh, joy.
What did web browsers look like 20 years ago, and what kind of crazy features did they have?
A screencap comic that poked fun at videogames and the industry. The comic has ended, but there's plenty of archives for you to binge on.
Crash Dot Com
Back in 1999, I rode the dot-com bubble. Got rich. Worked hard. Went crazy. Turned poor. It was fun.
Silver Sable Sucks
This version of Silver Sable is poorly designed, horribly written, and placed in the game for all the wrong reasons.
Blistering Stupidity of Fallout 3
Yeah, this game is a classic. But the story is idiotic, incoherent, thematically confused, and patronizing.