(Lack of) Health Update

By Shamus Posted Tuesday Mar 22, 2022

Filed under: Personal 122 comments

I know not everyone is here for personal-life stuff. And that’s cool! Come back tomorrow and we can dunk on some videogames. This is a bit of a downer, so I don’t blame you if you want to scroll elsewhere in your feed in your search for distraction. I kinda need to write this, but you don’t need to read it.

But if you’re curious how I’m doing, then here it is…

“End stage renal failure.”

I knew things weren’t going my way when my kidney doctor said those words to me last week. Last year I discovered that my kidneys had been severely damaged by (relatively sudden) high blood pressure. While the prognosis can vary greatly from person to person, I hoped that I could get a few more years out of what was left of my kidneys. But no such luck.

The symptoms aren’t bad yet, but it’s 100% inevitable now. I’m going to have to rely on some form of kidney dialysis to survive. That process will probably begin in the next couple of months. Barring a transplant, these treatments will need to continue for the rest of my life.

I’m already feeling the effects of my kidney damage. Most notably, I’m exhausted. All the time. I’m sleeping about 11-ish hours a day. And even when I’m awake, I can feel my brain isn’t working at 100%. I’m ridiculously anemic at this point and I get out of breath just walking up the front steps of my house…

When we moved in, I was worried these steps would someday be a hardship for my mother. Two years later, she's still fine with them. But they are officially a Big Deal for me.
When we moved in, I was worried these steps would someday be a hardship for my mother. Two years later, she's still fine with them. But they are officially a Big Deal for me.

The really dangerous symptoms – nausea, weight loss, and heart problems – haven’t started yet. Hopefully I can get on dialysis before I get there.

I’ve been placed on the waiting list for a kidney transplant. I don’t know how likely this is, but casual searching suggests it’s not terribly likely. According to the Mayo Clinic:

The demand for deceased-donor kidneys far exceeds the supply. The waiting list has grown from nearly 58,000 in 2004 to more than 92,000 in 2017.

But then again, I’m quite a bit younger than most people in my position, and I don’t have any additional health problems. This might put me in line ahead of (say) the typical 80-something grandpa with heart problems and a history of cancer. But honestly, I don’t know.

I could have a run of bad luck and die in the next couple of months. I could live another 5-10 years on dialysis. I could be one of the rare cases that lives for decades on dialysis. I could get a transplant and return to something approximating normal health. Literally anything could happen. All we can be sure of is that something will happen.

The next couple of months are going to be a bit dicey and unpleasant. Assuming nothing worse happens, then:

1) My quality of life will go up. (Dialysis should help a lot!)
2) My productivity will go down. (Dialysis is ridiculously time-consuming. Like, ~10 hours a week.)

I was going to tell Paul about this on the Diecast this week, but I chickened out because it’s easier to write this stuff than it is to say it out loud. And since he’s my main collaborator, I felt like he should know. And if I’m going to tell him, then I may as well tell everyone, since I don’t want him to be responsible for keeping my secrets.

So that’s where I’m at. Sorry for the bad news. Thanks so much for your continued support.

 


From The Archives:
 

122 thoughts on “(Lack of) Health Update

  1. LukeG says:

    I’m so sorry, Shamus. That sucks :(

    But thank you for being candid and sharing. And thank you for the years (and years… and years) of top-quality content. Visiting this blog has been part of my daily routine going on 14 years. It means a lot to me and your many followers.

    Fingers crossed for you that you’ll get to continue playing (and complaining about) games for years to come. Best of health

  2. Gautsu says:

    My cousin just got diagnosed with cervical cancer, my stepsister just got diagnosed with leukemia, and now my favorite blogger gets hit with renal failure. It always comes in threes…

    Shamus, good luck. Thank you for all that you do. My best wishes will be with you going forward, no matter what happens

  3. John says:

    Well, I don’t know what I expected, but it certainly wasn’t that. I’m sorry to hear the bad news. My best wishes to you and your family.

    I suppose that this is as good a time as any to mention that your blog has meant a lot to me since I first discovered it sometime circa 2007. I’ve enjoyed both the content and the conversation in the comments ever since.

  4. Grey Rook says:

    My condoleances, Shamus. That can’t be easy for you. I wish I could help you, but sadly, I can’t help capitalism. Best wishes is all I can do, I’m afraid. :(

  5. Glide says:

    Sorry to hear Shamus, I hope the next few months go as smoothly for you as possible.

  6. Lino says:

    Fuck. Fuck.

    Well, at least you’ve caught it on time, and have a clear plan of action… Also, can I say, I find it very inspiring how level-headed and positive you are about it! And for what it’s worth, I’m optimistic, as well.
    You’ve been through so many difficult times in your life that I’m sure you can make it through this one, too!

    1. Eichengard says:

      I second this comment.

      I’ll also add, take time for yourself. We’ll be here when (not if) you’ve got time and energy for writing again.

      Best wishes for you and your family.

      1. Matt says:

        Thirded. I’m saddened by this news. This site has been a daily visit for me for more than a decade! Take care of yourself and we’ll be here when you get back.

      2. BlueHorus says:

        Yep.
        Take care of yourself first, Shamus, and don’t worry too much about the blog.
        Unless the blog is actually a welcome distraction – which it might well be…
        …but in either case, take care.

        Thinking of you and your family.

  7. Simplex says:

    I wish you all the best! I hope you beat all the odds, live long and prosper.
    Is this something that could have been caught earlier? I’m not asking this to kick you while you’re down, but for the sake of others being able to avoid it by taking precautions, or identifying early warning signs.

    1. Shamus says:

      Yes. Back in 2018 I didn’t realize that:

      1) High blood pressure is dangerous, even if you’re “young”. I thought it was mostly a nuisance problem for people over 60, not a serious threat at my age.
      2) Blood pressure can go up fast. I thought it climbed slowly over the decades, but it can jump to dangerous levels in a few months.
      3) Exercise isn’t always a fix. I figured that I was safe because I was getting exercise. (More than usual, anyway.)
      4) The main risk of HBP isn’t a stroke, it’s organ damage. This damage happens silently and painlessly over time.

      If I had understood the threat better, I would have taken it more seriously, and gotten on BP drugs sooner.

      1. Simplex says:

        Thank you for the reply. I have high cholesterol level. It’s completely painless which is why I was unaware of it for a long time.

      2. Geebs says:

        The problem with high blood pressure is that it doesn’t make you feel ill by itself. Lots of people miss out on getting the right medications, because they feel fine. Don’t blame yourself too much.

        I am so sorry to hear that your health has deteriorated to this point, and I hope you get proper treatment and feel better as soon as possible.

      3. RCN says:

        I was lucky I got early warning of my very early onset high blood pressure (in my early 20s, bad genetics).

        I was going to donate blood to a public blood drive and the physician said my blood pressure was higher than was allowed for blood donation. And it is not something I did frequently, I just felt like donating blood that day. There wasn’t even a blood drive campaign going on. I was still in Uni.

        After that I kept tabs on it and it continued to rise. So a couple of months later I got to a cardiologist and already started on blood pressure medication. Have kept it in check ever since.

        1. Guvnorium says:

          That is remarkably similar to my story, except I am a regular platelet donor, so I had a blood pressure reading every two weeks for a few years. My blood pressure went from normal to hypertension in about a year when I was 26, and diet and exercise to jack to bring it down. With the aforementioned bi-weekly blood pressure record, I was able to get on medication right away. I have no family history of generically linked high blood pressure developed young and I am not overweight. This stuff is scary; I am always trying to get my fellow thirty-ish year olds to take it as seriously as they should.

          1. RCN says:

            I have history on my mother and her father. Though neither developed as soon as I did. My grandfather was in his 60s and got a stroke out of it, but lived for another decade. My mother got it in her 40s.

  8. Joshua says:

    I am sorry to hear this for you and your family.

  9. Asdasd says:

    I’m really sorry to read this Shamus. I hope everything goes as well as it can for you in the coming months and years.

  10. Mico Selva says:

    Sorry to hear about this. :( Hopefully you can get on dialysis asap, and will be able to get a transplant at some point in the future. Best wishes.

  11. ColeusRattus says:

    Shit. Good luck!

  12. Damiac says:

    Best of luck to you Shamus. Nobody knows what the future holds but you seem to be well equipped to keep yourself in an OK mental place.

    You make the world a brighter place for a lot of people, believe it or not. I’m so sorry that you got this news

  13. SnailMan says:

    As a decade-long lurker, I’m using my first message to wish you good luck.
    I sincerely hope you’ll get better.

  14. Mr. Wolf says:

    Where’s time-travelling Bones McCoy when you need him?

  15. Ryan says:

    Sorry to hear you’re going through this. Know that you may have some options. There are multiple ways to do dialysis, and some can even be done at home. I don’t know your specific situation, but you might want to look into peritoneal dialysis.

    Talk to your doctors. Don’t let your insurance company bully you. Get all of the care you need.

  16. tmtvl says:

    I’m very sorry to hear that, I wish you all the best and hope your health improves as much as it can.

  17. Adam says:

    I think you enjoy producing content, so I’ll tell a story. When I had chemotherapy, I was in hospital for most of a day at a time – it was the highly toxic “drip it in over 6 hours” stuff, plus all the setup and monitoring. However, with 4G and a laptop and/or a tablet, I was able to be surprisingly productive in terms of writing code, documents, etc. Something about being stuck in an unpleasant spot for hours at a time focused my mind on wanting to concentrate on something else for a while! Some sessions were more productive than others, and I don’t know how this holds up for dialysis rather than chemo, but it’s not necessarily entirely wasted time.

  18. Rob Lundeen says:

    Thank you for sharing this with us Shamus. As a Canadian, I have no idea what this will mean for you and your family financially. Such news here would be devastating emotionally and physically but not financially. Is there anything we can do beyond supporting your patreon to help you?

    1. Daimbert says:

      To be honest, my first thought on hearing about the kidney failure was to wonder if a transplant was even on the table because of cost. The only thing that made me less concerned about it was that Shamus didn’t add a “and I have no idea how we’d pay for it anyway” line.

      And to Shamus, along with all the others, I hope things go better/work out for you.

    2. Kylroy says:

      Having worked in US insurance, I can address this. 

      The US *has* a giant socialized medicine program in Medicare, but it only covers people over 65 and select severely ill younger persons.  End Stage Renal Disease is one of those conditions, such that I encountered it as a category despite working in admin rather than claims.  So in theory at least, the costs should be covered by one of the few health care programs available here.

  19. Thomas says:

    Take all the time for yourself and your family. This blog means a lot to me, but I’ll be happier knowing you’re making the most of everything.

  20. Tonich says:

    So sorry to hear that, Shamus… Best of luck, and here’s hopes everything works out favourably!

  21. Noah Gibbs says:

    That is rough, rough, rough :-(

  22. JasonG says:

    Hi Shamus,

    Coming out of the lurk-shadows to give well wishes and hope that dialysis works great for you and that new kidney gets here sooner rather than later. As a daily reader since the D&D blog, I’ve come to care about you and yours, and I hope that the positive thoughts I’m beaming through the ether help in some way. I hope to be reading blog updates from you about 4D programming, Saints Row 10 and Factorio 7 in 20 years.

    Good luck and get well soon.

  23. Kathryn says:

    Sorry to hear about that, Shamus. My dad has been in dialysis for a while now, and while it’s definitely better than the alternative, it does have its drawbacks. I second the recommendation above to look into peritoneal dialysis – if that’s an option for you, it can be done at home while you’re sleeping.

    I’ll also second the comment above about the possibility of multitasking – now that my dad is accustomed to the process, he takes his laptop to dialysis and teleworks or does image editing (he is an amateur photographer) from there.

    Best wishes and I hope you’re able to get into treatment soon.

  24. Fred Starks says:

    Yowza, that’s some bad stuff. Take care, man, spend more time with your family if you want, we can wait. Now I can only hope that my brother doesn’t end up with something like this eventually.

    I’ve been reading this site since about 2015, but didn’t start commenting until recently- it’s been part of my morning routine for a long time.

  25. Fizban says:

    Same as everyone else, I’ll keep reading as long as you keep writing. Hopefully that will be for a long while yet, once you’re settled in to the new normal.

  26. RamblePak64 says:

    All I can offer is prayers. I hope that’s worth something.

  27. John says:

    Let me add my name to the long list of long-time lurkers wishing you the best. I certainly hope the dialysis works out, and fingers crossed for a transplant.

    I don’t know much about it, but what are the prospects for directed donations? I had a neighbour that donated a kidney to his wife and I understand that things have come leaps and bounds in terms of managing organ rejection.

  28. KotBasil says:

    Goddamit. Don’t you dare to pull TotalBiscuit on me, Shamus.

  29. Stacie says:

    Shamus,
    No need to apologize to us. Praying hard for you and your family. May you have numerous healthy years to come <3

  30. Ilya says:

    I hope you get well, Shamus!

  31. Hal says:

    Good luck Shamus. May God grant you comfort on the road to recovery.

  32. kikito says:

    Damn, I am really sorry to hear that.

    I would try to get a second opinion – by principle. The same way you should get at least 3 quotes for a big house reno, you should get at least two doctor’s opinions for life-altering diagnostics, if you can. You have to consider the possibility that the doctor made a mistake, or missed a key detail. Maybe they discussed with their spouse that day, or their new baby is teething and cried through all the previous night. For them it might have been “just a mistake I made one day” but for you it might mean living two completely different lives.

    I know it must be a pain, considering your low-energy state. I also don’t know how that would work in the US (Probably prohibitively expensive). But I thought I should mention it.

    I truly wish you good health and a good recovery. And failing that, I wish you that dialisis isn’t too bothersome.

    1. Syal says:

      This is a point. I had a relative get diagnosed with a back infection, which they later found out was a printer error; somehow someone else’s results got printed on the bottom of their chart, and only got caught during the follow-up.

      Get well, either way.

  33. ag says:

    That sucks, man! Good luck and my best wishes :(

  34. Paul Spooner says:

    Augh. Heartbreaking.
    Can’t speak for anyone else, but I appreciate the health updates that you’re willing to share. If you’re uncomfortable sharing details with the public, maybe the Patreon would be a more appropriate venue?

    Too bad you can’t reboot, recompile, or reinstall. I thought we were living in the future! Where’s our cloned organ replacements?

  35. Philadelphus says:

    Oof, that’s rough. Having to go on dialysis would be pretty much my worst nightmare, since I don’t take well to needles. I sincerely hope it doesn’t bother you as much. Or that someone finds a spare kidney lying around that you can have. I suppose, at a middling 2^5 years of age, I should probably see about starting to get annual checkups at least.

  36. Dreadjaws says:

    Shit, man, I’m terribly sorry. I know the easy thing to say is to “stay positive”, but that feels a bit condescending. All I can honestly say is: we’re here for you.

  37. Functional_Theory says:

    I’m so sorry to hear that. Your writing has been a source of entertainment since I stumbled onto the early Stolen Pixels column on The Escapist, and your Pixel City project. I’m looking forward to enjoying it for more years to come!

    Take care of yourself as best you can, I hope your transition onto dialysis is a straighforward and efficient one.

  38. I really appreciate you sharing this information with us. I’m sorry that you had to share it.

    I don’t know how long I’ve been reading Twenty Sided (over 10 years, at least), but I’ve always enjoyed your writing. You have a special talent for putting my own experiences of a game into words that I could never have articulated as amusingly or eloquently.

    Please know that what you create is valued and appreciated.

    1. Steve C says:

      Perfectly stated by Leslee.
      My heart goes out to you Shamus.

  39. Chuk says:

    That does suck — I know some people with kidney disease, most dialyzed and eventually got transplants. Do you already know about nocturnal hemodialysis? I’m Canadian so I don’t know if that’s an option but you do it at night at home, less loss of productivity and supposedly better health outcomes.

  40. Parkhorse says:

    Uffda.

  41. Canthros says:

    Well, shit.

  42. Cyranor says:

    I don’t post a ton, but been a long time reader and I had to post about this. My condolences Shamus, this news really sucks. Here’s hoping you can get on Dialysis soon and it helps. I know health problems are tough and I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

  43. Retsam says:

    Sorry to hear this, you’ll be in our prayers!

  44. Peter Holm says:

    That really sucks, and I’m sorry to hear it Shamus. Although I don’t comment much I’ve been reading your blog daily since around 2007 or so, and it’s always been a good read. I very much hope dialysis improves your quality of life, and that you can get a transplant soon.

  45. thatSeniorGuy says:

    Wow, when I opened up this page I was not expecting to see this. I’m so sorry Shamus, I hope dialysis will bring you some relief at least.

  46. Madi says:

    I’m just a lurker who rarely comments, but I’ve been a huge fan of your writing for years Shamus. Saddened to hear about your health :( Stay strong!

  47. Amstrad says:

    Like everyone I’m sorry to hear that your health situation has taken a turn for the worse. I can only wish that you’ll be able to get all the treatment you need to keep living the kind of life you want to live. And that you’ll be around for awhile longer yet.

  48. doran says:

    All the best, Shamus

  49. Dues says:

    Shamus, I hope you do well. I hear they let you write and play video games at least when getting dialysis.
    https://www.freseniuskidneycare.com/thriving-on-dialysis/staying-active/in-center-activities

  50. RFS-81 says:

    I’m so sorry to hear that! I hope the dialysis will make you feel better.

  51. Supah Ewok says:

    Shamus, this blog was one of the first pieces of internet real estate I started checking regularly and even participating in its community, over 12 years ago when I was in high school. I don’t comment hardly at all anymore but still check in every few days or weeks. Your blog has shaped the way I view and think about media, games especially, gave me a view into various pieces programming that I would not have had otherwise (enough to be able to nod along to my programmer friends when they talk about work), and from the community here I was invited into a tabletop role-playing group that has been rolling together online for probably 8ish years now that has been one of my biggest sources of weekly fun.

    I want you to know how your work has affected and that I’m grateful. My best wishes to you and your family.

    My mom is a dietician at a Davita Dialysis. If you have questions or are told something that you want to double check, feel free to reach out to the email associated with my comment (I assume you can see it?) and I’ll see if she can get an answer.

  52. Galen says:

    Shamus, another long-time lurker here and I just wanted to add my own note of appreciation. I’ve loved your writing, be it critical analysis or explanations of higher-level concepts for the everyman, but especially your books with The Witch Watch and The Other Kind of Life being favorites of mine. Wishing you the best of luck.

  53. Mistwraithe says:

    That really sucks. Fingers crossed that a transplant comes up as quickly as possible! I hope dialysis starts soon too and goes well.

  54. The Rocketeer says:

    Shamus has helped teach me how to think about stories, maybe more than any other person. I can’t express how big that is to me. On your fiftieth birthday, Shamus, I cheered for fifty more. Well, I’m still holding you to it! I’ll need at least that long to repay even half the joy you’ve brought me over the years.

  55. Zekiel says:

    Really sorry to hear this but thank you for the update Shamus. Hoping and praying things progress as well as they can.

    1. Galad_t says:

      Seconded. Keep in touch, and I hope life finds you well despite this hardship.

  56. Kincajou says:

    As others have said, i’m terribly sorry for the tough times that have befallen you. I’ve been reading this blog since someone on RPS posted a link to your ME retrospective many years (and many countries, for me) ago.
    I hope that, in time, you manage to find a semblance of normalcy in your new situation. In the meanwhile know that you have created quite a special thing here between a community that is often more constructive than destructive (honestly a rare thing on the internet in the 21st century!) and a blog that manages to post engaging and throughtful content.

    Take care of yourself.

  57. Monojono says:

    Wow that sucks. Shamus I’ve been reading your blog for years and I’m sure like many people here it means a lot to me. I don’t know if we can do anything more than offer well wishes, but if you do need anything please do let us all know!

  58. Rick says:

    I hope you get the help you need without any issues.

    Please don’t feel obligated to drag yourself to writing for us. If you’re able to, spend your energy on whatever will give you a win for the day.

  59. So sorry to hear it. The family and I will be praying for you from here on out.

  60. PPX14 says:

    Very sorry to hear this. One day at a time I suppose.

    That’s a beautiful garden, by the way!

  61. krellen says:

    I’m sorry to hear this, Shamus. This is what killed my 17 year old cat a few years ago. Hopefully the treatments aren’t too costly or too time-consuming for you to continue to have a decent quality of life while you wait for the transplant.

  62. EBass says:

    Hello Shamus, I just wanted to say I’ve been a long time reader, haven’t come by too much recently because I haven’t been playing so many games in the last few years of my life, but I am wishing the best for you and your family.

  63. Rob Adams says:

    Shamus,

    Like everyone else I want to offer my best wishes and prayers. But I might have some data that will bring you some cheer. My now ex-wife went through a liver transplant a few years ago, while we were still married. It was a challenge, and for a year and a half we were very stressed about whether she would be offered one. But she was. She was just a couple of years younger than you, and she demonstrated the ability, as I imagine you would, to take care of the transplant and her health. I would expect, short you having a more rare blood type, to have an excellent chance of receiving a transplant. Good luck.

  64. Zaxares says:

    I’m so sorry to hear the news, Shamus. :( Thank you for keeping us in the loop, and I hope that the dice roll in your favour. There was more I originally wrote, but I think most of it would fall under the “trivial stuff I’m sure Shamus is already aware of from his doctor and people more medically qualified than me”, so I’ll just stick to the well-wishes. You’ve been a constant source of erudite, reasoned entertainment about not just the gaming world, but the wider world, viewed through a gamer’s lens. May it continue to be so for many more years to come.

  65. avwolf says:

    I don’t have anything more to offer than the same well-wishes as the rest of your readership, but I still feel compelled to offer them anyway. May this bad luck lead to good fortune. I’m so sorry, Shamus. Your writing has been entertaining and inspiring and I hope and pray that you’ll be able to continue to write, to entertain, and to inspire, in better health and for many more years.

  66. pseudonym says:

    All the best wishes to you Shamus. This must have been quite a shock even though it was always on the table. My thoughts are with you and your family.

    Hopefully the dialysis will make you feel a lot better.

  67. Christopher says:

    I’m not sure what to say, but I’m very sad to hear the news. I’ve been reading the blog for a decade by now I’m pretty sure, and I never pictured it’d go down this road. I hope things work out as best they can, and wish you all the best.

  68. Sleeping Dragon says:

    I’d like to join in on the best wishes. Like for many others above your blog was very formative for the way I think about video games and seeing how they have always been a big part of my world to say that you’ve changed my life is not an exaggeration.

    This strikes particularly close to home as my family has a history of hereditary kidney issues in the male line on my father’s side and both me and my brother have already been diagnosed with showing early, though for now non-threathening, symptoms, so I know something similar is almost certainly down the line for us. I guess here’s to all three of us!

  69. Benjamin Paul Hilton says:

    If there is anything the blog community can do, just let us know.

  70. TehShrike says:

    aah man, I’m sorry to hear that. May the Lord bless you and Heather.

  71. MarsLineman says:

    I’m so sorry Shamus. Someone your age shouldn’t have to deal with this– it’s unfair and unjust. I would be despondent if I were in your shoes. But I hope this outpouring of support shows just how meaningful a contribution you’ve made (and continue to make) to your reader’s lives. Whatever happens next– whether this blog continues for a week or for decades to come– you’ve enriched more lives than most people ever do. You should feel proud. Here’s hoping that this is just the beginning of a new, healthier chapter via treatment/ transplant. But no matter what happens, you’ve made the world a better place by your contributions to it. Thank you

    1. PPX14 says:

      just how meaningful a contribution you’ve made (and continue to make) to your reader’s lives. Whatever happens next– whether this blog continues for a week or for decades to come– you’ve enriched more lives than most people ever do … you’ve made the world a better place by your contributions to it. Thank you

      Hear Hear. The Mass Effect series and then much more on this blog has kept me going through dreary work lunchtimes for the last 5 years (gosh it’s been that long!). The engagement on every post just shows the level this has contributed to providing a nice place for people to read and engage on the internet, and such interesting content too, in a friendly way and seemingly without much of the para-social nonsense that often comes with it.

  72. Luka says:

    I am both sorry to hear this and humbled that you feel comfortable to share this with your readers, Shamus. And thankful that there is indeed something that can be done.

  73. Cozzer says:

    I’ve never been an active part of the community, but this blog has been part of my daily routine for a decade or so now – a nice, entertaining and comforting part, even during the times when the rest wasn’t great!

    So what I want to say is, I really like you and your work, and I hope things to as smoothly as possible for you! I don’t believe in prayers, but I’ll send you as much vague, new-agey positive vibes as possible!

  74. Ravens-Cry says:

    Hope you can get on dialysis soon; you’ve been one of my favourite parts of the Internet for years. You have a great gift for explaining technical matters in ways that engage and interest the layperson. My hopes go with you and your family moving forward.

  75. Jennifer Snow says:

    Best wishes to you, Shamus.

    The donor list is tough, but perhaps someone close to you who is a good-enough match might be willing to donate a kidney. But, of course, that’s an INCREDIBLY intimate discussion that one wouldn’t want to talk about online until it’s a done deal because you don’t want to pressure people into donating.

  76. Baron Tanks says:

    I’ll keep it succinct since I can’t add anything that hasn’t already been said, but wanted to not let this pass by without some sort of wish. We love you and everything the site has brought to us. I sincerely wish you the best possible outcome, whichever shape it will take. All the best to you and your family.

  77. I.E says:

    I hope for the best and wish you to live a healthy and long life.

  78. Florian says:

    Well wishes from another person who barely ever commented but found your works influential over the past decade. I hope this goes as well as it can (quite well, I’m sure!) and that you can keep your spirits up in the process.
    Take care!

  79. TakatoGuil says:

    I don’t post here much – tbh I don’t even read here as much as I used to, even though whenever I come back there’s always been cool stuff to see. I’m really sorry to hear about this. Your blog’s always been great. I hope things work out for you and that there’ll be many more years ahead. Best wishes.

  80. unit3000-21 says:

    Well, that doesn’t sound too good, but let’s hope you’ll get that transplant, and things will go back to being ok.

  81. Flaga says:

    I’m so sorry to hear that, Shamus. I hope you get the treatment you need, and have many more years ahead of you.

  82. Madoradus says:

    Hi Shamus, just wanted to let you know the impact you’ve had. I’ve been reading your blog for about 11 years, since I was 12. It was from your comic DM of the Rings and your old D&D blog posts that I got into tabletop gaming, which remains my favorite hobby. And throughout the years your posts have taught me a lot about programming, writing, game design. As a writer and a worldbuilder, your writings have made it so that I always, always make sure to figure out what the hell they eat. Your blog is the only one I’ve stuck with through all these years, about half my life, because your thoughts resonate with me a lot and I find your writing style very informative. I also really enjoyed Free Radical. I haven’t commented here much (well, except when I was much younger) but this news honestly hit me hard. I wish you well. Sincerely, a long time fan.

  83. Nick says:

    Wishing you the very best outcomes. I have immense respect for your candor under the circumstances. I am sure the community here will want you to put yourself and your family first. Best of luck.

  84. Redrock says:

    Oh, man. Best wishes to you, Shamus, and I hope you feel better once the dialysis kicks in. I’m no Trekkie, but “Live long and prosper” seems quite appropriate right now. So, yeah, that.

  85. Andrew McCarthy says:

    Shamus,

    I’ve been reading your blog for years and always enjoyed it, though I’ve only occasionally commented here (either under my real name or my usual handle ATMachine or something like that). I’m terribly sorry to hear about this news. One of my online friends has been on dialysis for years and has had several kidney transplants, so I know it can be very rough. I wish you and your family all the best and hope you stay around for years to come.

    Andrew McCarthy

  86. theperson says:

    Hi Shamus,

    Like so many others I’m a long time lurker. This blog has been a regular go-to for me ever since someone on the internet pointed me towards your Mass Effect retrospective. I was enamored and read a handful of posts before (and during) my classes at my first year of University. I’ve since read it twice. I waited for years to play Prey before reading your retrospective, which I was finally able to get around to a few months ago and thoroughly enjoyed. This blog has been formative for me, and helps me to engage with video games on a deeper level.

    I wish you the best and I look forward to reading the new content and re-reading the old. That Kai-Leng post never gets old…

  87. Mersadeon says:

    Damn. I don’t know what an internet stranger can say to make that sting less, I don’t think there is anything, but still: I’m sorry it is like this and good luck.

    I’ve been on this site, reading your stuff… for my entire adult life at this point. More than a decade. I turn 30 next month. I couldn’t visit my parents for almost a year due to the pandemic and a stressful life, but when I did a month ago, one thing stuck out: they had suddenly turned old, way faster than they ever had and than I ever thought they would. I guess that’s the age I’m at: the one where you notice the people in your life enter another stage in their life.

    I know it’s parasocial, because I’ve read your autobiography and you barely know I exist, but still: this blog has been a part of my life for a long time now, and I don’t mind reading health updates. I don’t mind you writing about dialysis. Somehow, I think you could make even that interesting to read.

  88. SidheKnight says:

    I am so, so sorry to hear what you’re going through. You have all my condolences, all my support and my best wishes.

    I wish I could do something to help you, other than a paltry donation on Patreon (as soon as I create an account). I’ve been following you since your days at The Escapist. Your blog has been an oasis in the desert of internet gaming and geek culture commentary.

    Your calm demeanor and maturity, without lacking in good humor and levity. Your ability to see all sides of an issue without getting passionately biased while remaining objective and at the same time true to your own opinions. The deep analysis that allows you to point out things that are just there at the edge of awareness but I could never quite put into words, especially in regards to Mass Effect (that retrospective is your magnum opus). The smart and healthy community that you have built throughout the years. The fact that you manage to keep a blog alive and active in 2022 (perhaps that format is part of what contributes to the healthy community?). The fact that we share similar opinions on a lot of stuff also helps.

    If there’s anything I want you to take out of this long, rambly post is this: You’re not alone. We’re here for you.

    Or at the very least, I am. But I’m confident the feeling is shared by many in this comment section. If you need to take time, we understand. If you need to talk about what’s happening to you, we’re here to listen (or rather, read). Don’t sacrifice your health for any imagined need to deliver content. We won’t go anywhere. I certainly won’t.

    Best wishes to you and your family. Let’s hope for the best!

    And when life gets gloomy and uncertain, remember: You’re not alone. We’re here, with you. Ready to lend a shoulder or an ear (eye? you know what I mean).

  89. MelfinatheBlue says:

    All the hugs, Shamus. You’ve been brightening my life for many years now, and I sincerely hope that light comes back to you now that you need it! I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed that an organ comes up for you or that your body decides to learn from the newt and masters regeneration.

  90. Arvind says:

    My condolences Shamus, you have been a source of inspiration and entertainment for me for almost as long as I can remember. I was fortunate to have worked with you on Good Robot, and you have all my support.

    If there’s something I can do, please let me know. I’m hoping and praying things get better for you soon. You’re not alone!

  91. Zoltan says:

    Shamus, there was always a lot to love about your methodology of complaining about video games, because, to me,
    your articles were primarily about the mere insight that they have provided into the refreshingly sophisticated awareness
    and finesse of the writer who have made those astute, challenging observations and criticisms.

    You have “written yourself”-, you have written your “sober cultural expectations” through the lens of the given game,
    and your personality was revealed in the process, and it was always so exciting. You also have that delightful tendency
    to deliver hilariously poignant-, and frequently vitreous jokes that made me burst out laughing at the most unexpected moments throughout the years, yet you always have maintained an elegant, tasteful balance between high standard-, mature deep-analytics and a good, old fashioned trashing. And it was always about the love for the medium.

    I always have felt as if you have helped my own awareness and tastes grow by pointing out both the profound-, and the OH!, so secretively lurking sub-optimums in games, in narratives, in storytelling. Your body of work on how to NOT tell a story, on how to NOT try to sell a character, is super-relevant, and many of your key observations on the subject float around in my mind, and I’m sure there are others that are thinking about these standards and considerations, too.

    You have formed my mind, you have helped my consciousness evolve, and continue to do so with every article. As hinted,
    throughout the years your personality has shone through with more and more clarity via the writings, and today it seems/feels super-evident to me that you are a very loving person at heart, with a refreshingly unbiased command of his intellect.

    I wish you the best, I pr(a)(e)y for you, and let’s hope this reality is only a graphical interface, whereas the Player
    itself is timeless. Your writings surely are.

  92. Liessa says:

    I haven’t posted here for a while and only just saw this. I’m incredibly sorry to hear this, Shamus, and I really, really hope you see an improvement in your health in the near future – whether through dialysis (in the short term) or a transplant (in the longer term). All the best to you and your family in the meantime.

  93. Mako says:

    Take good care of yourself, Shamus!

  94. Guvnorium says:

    Sir, it has been a long time since I commented, but like all the others here, I wish you the best. This sucks, and I hope that you have a favorable outcome, whatever form that takes.

  95. Jesse says:

    I’ve very much enjoyed your blog over the years. You have an excellent way with words – which is why I’ve been a patreon for awhile now.

    Sorry to hear about your health troubles. It’s a difficult thing to go through. I can’t imagine.

    I would also ask your nephrologist about peritoneal dialysis – it can be done at night which may mean less time throughout the week. The fatigue doesn’t have an easy answer I don’t think.

    I wish you the best. We’ll be here.

  96. Alberek says:

    Don’t lose hope Shamus!

  97. Bubble181 says:

    Late to the party here, but as others have said: we’re here for you, and let’s hope we can look forward to plenty of high-quality posts about how dialysis machines work followed by a bunch of griping about post-transplant medication ;-)
    Hope dialysis will help at least for the coming years. A friend of mine actually got a transplant a few weeks ago and has been doing great since (in Germany, though – different waiting lists, different costs).

    Good luck!

  98. May says:

    Wishing you the best.

  99. Peacehammer says:

    I hope that you continue to do the things you love for many years to come. In your own way you have touched so many lives in your corner of the Internet. I hope the kidney fairy comes to visit and leaves you with a better one. Look after yourself.

  100. Zak McKracken says:

    “Oh hey”, says me, “I haven’t read Shamus’ blog in a long time, let’s see what he’s up to! Just some little entertaining something before bedtime!”

    Well dangit.

    Based on what I’ve heard from friends and family involved with research or working as doctors in a renal unit — I shouldn’t try to dispense medical advice. But my impression is that your condition is probably a lot more treatable than it would have been some years ago.

    Here’s hoping everything goes as well as it can.

  101. Cuthalion says:

    Oh wow, I’m so sorry to hear this, Shamus. I haven’t read regularly for awhile, but I occasionally scroll through the feed and just saw this post. I hope and pray that things go well for you through all this.

  102. DJ says:

    hey shamus, been following your work since 2008, hope everything goes as well as it can in the future!

  103. Chris P says:

    I’ll be praying for you and sending good energy your way. Take care of yourself.

  104. Drathnoxis says:

    I could have a run of bad luck and die in the next couple of months. I could live another 5-10 years on dialysis. I could be one of the rare cases that lives for decades on dialysis. I could get a transplant and return to something approximating normal health. Literally anything could happen. All we can be sure of is that something will happen.

    When I read this I never even considered that he’d be right on the first point. Shocking how fast things can go sometimes.

  105. Diggy says:

    Very sad to hear that you have kidney failure, my father’s friend has also been struggling with this disease for a long time, very painful and miserable. Hope you get through it, stay healthy and keep smiling.

  106. Lisa says:

    Wishing all the best to you.Amen.Flappy Bird

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