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Heroes of Champions Online III


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After everyone gave me such an encouraging response to the origin of Noctis Lex, I thought I’d gently lower your expectations again by sharing some other characters. All of which are stupid jokes and gags and not nearly as interesting as Lex.

Concealed Carrie

Concealed Carrie is my main. She hit level 30 last night, which is the end of the game as far as I’m concerned. She’s at the point in the game where leveling is slow and new rewards are few. There’s only one area left to unlock (Atlantis) and I just don’t want to see it that bad. It’s much more fun to level new characters than to work at old ones. Still, she’s the most fun character so far. It really is great to see a 12 year old girl mow down a bunch of goons with her minigun.

Tsunami

Yes, his foot is clipping into the ground. Nice screenshot skills, Shamus.
I am known as the Tsunami. I was trained by the Red Dragon, the greatest teacher of martial arts and the only master of the White Sword Technique, who lives alone in the Temple of The Five Secrets. I was the first student in three hundred years to pass the test of the disappearing pebble and crush a single stone into powder with my fingertips. Thus I am the first in as many years to be proven worthy of learning the White Sword technique.

Okay, you got me. I’m really Bobby Anderson. I’m a stuntman from California. So sue me. I still wanna be a superhero.

(Tsunami is sort of a stuntman: His alternate costume is Star on Chest, and I use him to make my SoC comics, since the real SoC is still in the tutorial zone and unfit for travel in the big wide world.)

Apple iJolt

(Explaining the joke: She’s like the iPhone, except she kills people.)

The new Apple iJolt, with six different ways to electrocute your foes. Also comes with built-in wireless internet, iTunes player, melee combat support.

The iJolt is an Electricity-based hero. Fun, but it’s been over a week since I played it.

Allison Chains

I didn’t bother trying to cram her bio into the Twitter-space of the in-game bio box, but the upshot is this:

In Anime, there is this whole genre of shows where a young, doe-eyed little girl will find a magical artifact to grant her super powers. “Magical Girl” shows. They feature elaborate sequences where the girl transforms into her girly super-outfit, which is inseperable from the powers themselves. (Sailor Moon is probably the most famous example.)

Allison is based on the idea that not all of those artifacts will end up in the hands of little girls. Allison is the angry, bitter, self-destructive lead singer for “Bleeding Out”, a punk rock band that will probably never really go anywhere. She gets one of these artifacts that gives her super powers, but also puts her in this “adorable” pink outfit with butterfly wings, etc. About the last thing in the world Allison would want to be caught dead in.

For a power set: I’m cherry-picking all the overpowered and unbalanced abilities in the game, so she’s a mishmash of nonsensical powers.

Kirk, Spock, & McCoy

Some friends and I (I stupidly forgot to get their permission to mention them by name last time we played) made a concept group. Kirk & crew have made it to level 20 together. Kirk is a melee brawler, while Spock & McCoy use various gadget powers. One of the powers is Orbital Cannon, which we jokingly refer to as Sulu bombarding the planet from the Enterprise.

We managed to start a supergroup (United Federation of Planets) and get big laughs wherever we go. Lots of fun.

Captain Butterwolf

This one isn’t mine. This character is owned by one of my friends. (One of the Trek crew, actually.) He decided to hit “random” on the costume creator and take whatever he got. He got this.

Understand that usually the random button makes something a lot more presentable than this. Butterwolf here is a sublime form of eye-gouging awfulness. Every detail is perfectly hideous in every way. Tiny booted feet. Flag on chest under a tie. Butterfly wings. Bushy wolf tail. Tentacle hands. Purple rock skin. Cybernetic arms. Gladiator helmet with a hood ornament on top. Truly, truly painful to behold.

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61 comments:

  1. I’m not sure I would want to be rescued by Captain Butterwolf… urgh…


  2. @Sparty:

    Have you played with the creator in-game? The things on his arms and legs are genuine chains, not barbed wire. The ‘rock skin’ is actually rock skin; it merely doesn’t have the texture applied to the rest of him.

    His hands are the tentacle hands option.

    His arms are arms with some tubes on top. ‘Cybernetic implants’ are what it’s called in-game.

    He did describe it accurately, from an in-game POV.

    And yes, everyone who’s gotten the game is familiar with the character creator because COME ON SERIOUSLY YOU ASK WHY?


  3. *tears of joy or possibly intense mental anguish*


  4. Man, I want to try this game.

    But it’s Windows only. Gah.


  5. @TESD & Sparty:
    I can’t even look at the guy for more than 30 seconds without crying. How on earth did you withstand looking at him long enough to actually analyze him?


  6. You really should play “The Lemurian Crisis” that leads to what you call “Atlantis.” It’s ripe for material, especially the boss villain.

    I don’t know if the “trick” to defeating her/it is still the same (as they’ve changed several things with each release), but if they haven’t, it’s one of the most counter-intuitive mechanics I’ve seen this side of killing the thief in “Zork.”


  7. @Andrew:
    Simple. It’s not actually that ugly. It’s not particularly aesthetically pleasing, but he has a certain charm about him.

    People who cow and whine about their eyes on the internet have got to be over reactors.

    Either that or I have some sort of freakishly powerful fortitude / will saves going on. Maybe I’ve got a bunch of class levels?


  8. [...] yeah, like some others, I succumbed to to the Champions Online bug.  I’ll post a short review later this week but [...]


  9. Traska: There’s a somewhat agreed upon term for that type of cartoons already, at least here they’re called pseudo-anime, even in printed media.

    Anyway, Allison Chains instantly reminded me of Sailor Nothing by Stefan Gagne. I stumbled upon it while stuck on yet another excursion in the endless maze that is TVTropes. It deconstructs the whole mahou shoujo genre pretty hard. Are you sure you haven’t read it Shamus?


  10. Hooo…
    Could NOT stop laughing at Butterwolf. Classic. :D


  11. iJolt reminds me of my own Art Deco themed electric heroine: D’ecollewattage. She shoots lightning from her cleavage.


  12. 2020202
    Gildan Bladeborn

    Captain Butterwolf had/has me laughing so hard it’s starting to hurt, he’s just so ridiculous! And yet I know that had I inadvertently created a character like him, it would instantly be my main for the sheer absurdity of it, heh.


  13. [...] yeah, like some others, I succumbed to to the Champions Online bug.  I’ll post a short review later this week but [...]


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2 Trackbacks

  1. By » Champions Online: Being 13 Forever on October 11, 2009 at 9:27 pm

    [...] yeah, like some others, I succumbed to to the Champions Online bug.  I’ll post a short review later this week but [...]

  2. By Champions Online: Being 13 Forever : Critical Hits on January 24, 2010 at 6:26 pm

    [...] yeah, like some others, I succumbed to to the Champions Online bug.  I’ll post a short review later this week but [...]

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