E3 2016 Day 0: Ubisoft

By Shamus
on Jun 13, 2016
Filed under:
Video Games

Let’s see what insane things Ubisoft has for us:

Ghost Recon Whatever: I hate, Hate, HATE these pretend multiplayer demos with their scripted “player” dialog. It’s fake, it’s dumb, it makes no sense, and it means nothing. It was fun to heckle, though.

South Park: I’m curious what SP fans think of this. I know Stick of Truth was really well received.

The Division: What? The game still exists?

Eagle VR:

Trek VR: Charming. Looks fun. Wonderful to see all the Trek Alumni. All you need is about $3,000 worth of VR equipment to play it with your friends.

For Honor: We’re excited. Yes, it looks kind of multiplayer moba-ish, but it’s also a cool third-person melee game with single-player content.

Grow Up: That’s nice.

Assassin Creed: The Movie: The E3 Presentation: The Who Cares?

WATCH-DOGS_2: THIS IS SO AWFUL I LOVE IT. So childish, trying so hard to be “edgy” and “hip” in the most banal and clumsy way possible. So tone deaf, so without self-awareness, so predictable, and so unintentionally goofy. I’m going to love to hate this thing.

Steep: I dunno. If this was coming from anyone else I might be excited about a game where you parachute, ski, and snowboard down a mountain. But they said “Ubisoft open world” so I’m very skeptical.

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17Just 17 comments.

From the Archives:

  1. Aaron says:

    just one question, when is josh gonna become an e3 player, that would be spectacular to have a big impressive intro followed by “shit, wait. Ok i think i got it this time”

  2. Dragmire says:

    I missed the South Park portion, was anything mentioned about it needing UPlay?

    I really really hope not.

  3. silver Harloe says:

    Remember when toy planes and copters were just toys and not “drones”? Even though they don’t have missiles.

    Man, this Ubisoft presentation is some terrible planning. Sleep should have been in the middle somewhere and they should’ve wrapped with Star Trek and For Honor. They are so freaking tone deaf about what people like.

  4. Philadelphus says:

    I caught the part of the stream where people were suggested you do a redub of the Ghost Recon Whatever scripted gameplay segment, and I’m all for the idea. Since I don’t know how easy it’d be to strip the voices while leaving the game sounds intact*, maybe it’d work well as a screencap comic?

    *And to be honest, I don’t know that losing the game sounds wouldn’t be acceptable collateral were you to do such a redubbing.

    • BigTiki says:

      I totally second that… but I can understand that scripting something would run into the MST3K problem, where you end up watching something five times, then running through it two or three more.

  5. Jamas Enright says:

    So is Steep basically “yeah, the towers were the point the whole time, so let’s just have fun getting down from them”?

  6. Gruhunchously says:

    Watch_Dogs 2: Hack the Planet

  7. Mark says:

    A sequel to Grow Home?!! Fantastic!

    Everyone needs to run out and play the original right now. Unless you hate things that are charming, original, and fun, of course.

  8. SoranMBane says:

    I almost lost it when I saw that Watch Dogs hacker guy making ^_~ faces with his stupid emoticon mask. I mean, just… Wow. I don’t even hate it, really. It’s mostly just adorable, sort of like a pomeranian puppy trying to act like it’s a big, cool guard dog.

  9. guy says:

    Ubisoft’s on-stage bits were…

    When they had CaneViking or professional actors on the stage it was great, and when they didn’t, which was unfortunately often, it felt like we were being dragged to hell by a portal of suck.

  10. Volvagia says:

    Wow. On this, I have three notes:

    1. Nothing at their press conference on Beyond Good and Evil 2? At this point, either crap or get off the pot, because this is getting absolutely ridiculous.
    2. Watch_Dogs 2. WOW. The initial announcement seemed promising (it’s not Aiden Pearce again. And the protagonist is black.), but this is somehow even WORSE. No one buy this. Please.
    3. South Park: The Fractured But Whole doing a parody of Superhero franchise culture and Captain America: Civil War in particular? Even though I wish they had the balls to just flat-out do an official version of The Mysterion Mythos instead of this, it could still be fun.

  11. Merlin says:

    I appreciate that the teaser intro for South Park was basically “look at how asinine Ubisoft’s Tom Clancy games are,” sandwiched in between promos for two Tom Clancy games.

  12. Urthman says:

    A Grow Home sequel is the best news of E3. And coming so soon in August!

  13. Jsor says:

    So I just got done watching like 7 hours of Zelda with the Treehouse. It’s absolutely amazing how good their unscripted (but I’m sure somewhat outlined in advance) gameplay is. It’s so much fun to watch and makes the pre-rehearsed multiplayer “gameplay” a la Ghost Recon all the more baffling.

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