Knights of the Old Republic EP12: That’s No Moon…

By Shamus Posted Friday Sep 18, 2015

Filed under: Spoiler Warning 99 comments

Link (YouTube)

Seven minutes. It takes nearly seven minutes of unbroken dialog to resolve the end of this promised land quest, which is an optional quest with no connection to the main plot and which is rendered entirely moot shortly thereafter. For contrast, Shepard is only dead for three and a half minutes of screen time in the opening of Mass Effect 2.

And now, a collection of Star Wars quotes that people never realized are actually about our character’s ass:

“That’s no moon…”

“And I thought it smelled bad on the OUTSIDE.”

“Look at the size of that thing!”

“I should have recognized your stench when I was brought on board.”

“What an incredible smell you’ve discovered! “

“Only now. At the end, do you see.”

“You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.”

“Get in there, you big furry oaf! I don’t care what you smell!”

“You are required to maneuver straight down this trench and skim the surface to this point. The target area is only two meters wide.”

“They came from… behind!”

“Put that thing away, you’re gonna get us all killed!”

Looking back, I have to say Star Wars has an awful lot of dialog about smells.


From The Archives:

99 thoughts on “Knights of the Old Republic EP12: That’s No Moon…

  1. Daemian Lucifer says:

    Sorry Mumbles,I tried,but some Trip391 is too jealous to let it slide,so he keeps reversing it.

    1. Mumbles says:

      Lol omg ty for trying

  2. Gravebound says:

    The youtube link is pointing to episode 11.

  3. Joe Informatico says:

    Dengar can be seen in the bounty hunter lineup in The Empire Strikes Back (VADER: No disintegrations. BOBA FETT: As you wish.) He’s the guy on the left. They made a big deal of him in the EU.

  4. Daemian Lucifer says:

    Wait,what?There are people who think that combat in kotor is stiff?Whaaaaa?Its one of the most cinematic rpgs.I mean ok,there isnt much for you to do,but there is plenty of stuff for you to watch.

    1. Lachlan the Mad says:

      I don’t know if Shamus was referring to my comment about flourishing all the time, but if he was then he misread it. I didn’t flourish all the time in combat to make it more interesting; I flourished all the time when I was walking around to make that more interesting.

  5. Daemian Lucifer says:

    People say bastila is stuck up,but look,she made a funny.Come on,how can you hate her after that?

    1. John says:

      Bastila has a lot of humanizing moments. Her official sidequest (the one with her mother) is really good, for example. If you play Light Side, she starts to confide in you and you get a nice sense of the pressure she’s under. She’ll actually apologize for being “self-absorbed and stodgy” and joke with you about it.

      It’s unfortunate that so many of her early conversations contain so many instances of the phrase “wisdom of the Jedi Council.”

      1. krellen says:

        Her early conversations make a lot more sense when you know the “twist”.

        1. John says:

          True, true. I guess it’s just the repetition that gets to me.

          There’s a sort of a tension in the game’s design. On the one hand, you’re free to do whatever you want. If there’s, say, a space-kitten stuck up in a space-tree, the game will let you either rescue the kitten or set the tree on fire. On the other hand, the game saddles you with companions who object–and quite reasonably so, in my view–to random acts of cruelty. Moreover, these companions are essential to the game’s plot in a way that your other companions–including those who would gladly set the tree on fire for you–are not. My point, I suppose is that there’s a certain amount of inevitable and unavoidable player-judging that goes on and some players resent that.

  6. Wide And Nerdy says:

    It was so refreshing to hear Shamus make that shock value joke and have it be totally cool. I miss the days when people understood how shock value jokes work.

    1. Daemian Lucifer says:

      They still do.

      Well,brits do at least,Im not so sure about actual people.

      1. James says:

        Jimmy Carr is a expert at escalation and a very good comedian, not just because hes funny but because hes both smart and knows how to react to his audience.

        also British Comedians best Comedians. i may be biasd

        1. Quite a few are, at least, the ones that regularly appear on/host panel shows or write comedy: David Mitchell, Romesh Ranganathan, Susan Calman, Armando Iannucci, etc.

          There are a few I don’t care for, but mostly it’s because they’re just one-liner factories. Milton Jones is the best of that form of comedy, but every so often Mock the Week or some other show trots out people who seem capable of only doing variants of “single sentence with a twist” routines, and that gets boring fast.

  7. wswordsmen says:

    The link back to youtube below the video links to the last episode.

  8. topazwolf says:

    Regina is dead so often in this play through that I’m starting to believe that Carth is the main character. It’s terrifying.

    1. Gruhunchously says:

      To be fair, that was most of my early experience playing this game for the first few times. I was the load and my party members had to do all the heavy lifting because I didn’t know how to spec a character.

  9. djw says:

    I just see the “swoop there it is” episode again? Is this happening to anybody else?

    And… looking at the other posts I see that I am not alone.

      1. Peter says:

        Whoops there it is.

  10. Wide And Nerdy says:

    Inspired by Shamus, some Holy Grail / Star Wars mashup quotes.

    “That’s no moon. Its only a model.”

    “We can’t repel firepower of that magnitude. Run away! Run away!”

    “My name is Luke Skywalker. I’m here to rescue you.”
    “Oh! You’ve come to rescue me.”

    “I find your lack of faith disturbing.”
    “Oh! Now we see the violence inherent in the system.”

    “She turned me into a newt.”
    “That’s not true! THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE!”

    “Welcome to Castle Anthrax.”
    “IT’S A TRAP”

    “The force is an energy field created by all living things, it surrounds us, it penetrates us, it binds the galaxy together”
    “This new learning amazes me. Explain again how sheep’s bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.”

    “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I am a member of the Imperial Senate on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan.”
    “You are a part of the Rebel Alliance and a traitor! Take her away!”
    “Its a fair cop.”

    “I haven’t gone by the name of Obi-Wan since, oh before you were born. There are those who call me . . . Tim?!”

    “Bloody peasant!”
    “I feel the conflict within you. Let go of the hate.”

    “You must chop down the largest tree in this forest with a HERRING! Do or do not. There is no try.”

    “I hate sand. Its coarse and rough and gets everywhere. Not like you. You’re everything soft and smooth.”
    “Is there someone else I could talk to?”

    1. Sleeping Dragon says:

      And a few more purely Star Wars quotes in tribute to “dat ass”

      “Instead of a big dark blur, I see a big bright blur.”

      “You don't have to do this to impress me.”

      “…I think I just blasted it.”

      “…It's lucky you have these compartments!”

      “The circle is now complete.”

      “…It's not fair! They promised me they fixed it! It's not my fault!”

      and a dedicated one for this playthrough:
      “That, is why you fail.”

  11. SlothfulCobra says:

    Mumbles, the Ghoul’s rocket only explodes killing them all if you’re a horrible person and sabotage the rocket.

    You’re the one who chooses the insane evil option in all these games, aren’t you?

    1. Redingold says:

      Even if you don’t sabotage them, one of the rockets collides with the launch dome and careers off in what is almost certainly the wrong direction.

      1. Lachlan the Mad says:

        They’re trying to get to a purely mythical place; how can any direction be “wrong”?

  12. Majere says:

    I’m not sure if it says more about me or Let’s Plays in general that this IS the classiest Let’s Play group I know of.

    1. Daemian Lucifer says:

      Well it has Chris in it,which automatically gives it at least 4 levels of class.

      1. The question now being which class are those levels in?

          1. Raygereio says:

            So you’re saying his only talent is being mediocre at everything and he has trouble fitting in the group?

            1. Supahewok says:

              But his Lore skill is really high!

            2. djw says:

              With his understanding of narrative structure he should rule the world!

              1. Supahewok says:

                He doesn’t have that kind of Mission ambition.

              2. He aspires to a kind of illusion magic with his epic recitals, attempting to create “The Dissonance of Ludo Narr-Ative” but all he’s able to bring forth are allusion cantrips. I blame his audience for most of his difficulties, as the phrase “damn it, Josh” is a well-known counter-spell.

            3. Michael says:

              But, seriously, a properly speced bard can turn a mediocre party into a horrifying engine of destruction.

              It’s, honestly, the easiest class to play NWN2 as.

          2. SlothfulCobra says:

            It’s really incongruous with the levels in barbarian, rogue, programmer, and mud farmer that the rest of the cast adds.

          3. Ledel says:

            I always thought of Rutskarn as the bard of the group. He just never put any points into performance so his singing is terrible.

            1. Lachlan the Mad says:

              He put the points into Perform (Writer), not realising that the rules don’t really account for non-auditory bard performance.

              1. “I am the Scrivener Bard!”

                “What does that mean?”

                “I do not sing, but configure words and phrases to inspire and even change the course of events!”

                “So buffing magic?”

                “More or less.”

                “That you write down, then read aloud?”


                “How is that different from being a magician that makes a ton of spell scrolls?”

                “Mine are in iambic pentameter.”

                  1. I think so, but I failed my save, so I can’t comment on the entire experience.

  13. djw says:

    Mission Constriction?

    1. Daemian Lucifer says:

      Stop with the mission attrition!

      1. Hermocrates says:

        Dammit, it started again! You know you’re not allowed to touch the Mission ignition.

        1. MichaelGC says:

          Oof – we need a pause or a break: some sort of Mission intermission.

          1. Syal says:

            Or someone to take control of the situation; some mission supervision.

            1. MichaelGC says:

              One who can issue Mission permissions?

              1. djw says:

                And, perhaps, the occasional mission writ of prohibition.

                1. Wide And Nerdy says:

                  This will never stop no matter how much Mission might be wishin’

    2. el_b says:

      vao asked to be choked out, shes actually totally into mission submission.

      1. djw says:

        Is that a mission predisposition?

        1. Daemian Lucifer says:

          If she ever admits to liking it,it will definitely be a mission admission.

          1. Raging internet commentator says:

            She’s making her confession a musical, it’s a Mission rendition.

            1. Hermocrates says:

              Hopefully her articulation is up to the task, or else we’ll get some Mission lenition.

              1. djw says:

                I had to google that one. Mission erudition!

  14. Spammy says:

    So time for more Voice Acting Trivia! We’ve already been over the fact that Calo Nord is the Modern Marvels guy, but did you know that Canderous The Mumbles Boyfranderous shares his voice actor with Silas Greaves, the protagonist/narrator of Call of Juarez: Gunslinger?

    And do you also now want a Star Wars version of Gunslinger?

    “But… wait, Solo didn’t die back then. He went on to help the Rebellion, be a general.” “I didn’t say he died in the crash, now did I?”

    1. Grudgeal says:

      I dunno if anyone already mentioned it, but the undercity guard was voiced by Cam Clarke. He voiced Liquid Snake amongst others.

  15. Sabrdance (MatthewH) says:

    1.) You are all terrible people. :)
    2.) I will never look at the scene where Jabba licks Princess Leia the same way ever again. Showers. Lots and lots of showers.
    3.) And the first scene of The Formula may be of interest to you.

  16. ehlijen says:

    “Stay alert, we could run out of space real fast!”

    “That blast came from the deathstar! That thing is operational!”

    “Negative, it didn’t go in, it just impacted on the surface.”

    “Bantha Poodoo!”

    “Luke’s the best bush pilot in all the outer rim territory.”

    “Watch it, you’ve got on one your tail!”

    “It’s on me tight, I can’t shake it!”

    “Stabilise your rear deflectors!”

    “It’s just like beggar’s canyon back home.”

    “At that speed will you be able to pull out in time?” (Damn you Biggs!)

    1. Wide And Nerdy says:

      I’m sorry I didn’t notice this sooner. Well done.

  17. Hector says:

    For all that we joke about it, Bastila’s character scene with Mission actually reveals a lot about character, good and bad. It’s actually a perfectly-framed scene that tells us about Mission and Bastila in contrast, while also foreshadowing with some subtlety.

    Also, I find it hilarious that Bastila not only wanders around in her Jedi clothes but blatantly uses Force powers in public. And the lightsaber. Obviously, it’s just tedious to actually program any consequences in but it makes me sad. The first time I played this game, I was really nervous about wandering around with Bastila and made sure to change her clothing to some other clothes and give her a gun and headgear to disguise her.

    Apart from that, the walking animations in this game are really, really weird. And while the male character models seem weirdly stiff, the female ones are strangely loose and slumped-over. Is that just me? It’s especially noticeable due to the speed-up for the recording.

    1. John says:

      Wait, Bastila has armor proficiencies? Or did you spend a feat on that when she levelled up? That would be the only way I can think of to change her appearance while you’re still on Taris.

      1. Bubble181 says:

        Both clothing and nude (well, pajama jump suit) are options without feats.

        1. John says:

          Now it sounds like you’re suggesting that Bastila’s disguise consisted of her underwear.

          The way clothes work in this game is rather . . . odd. You can take the same inventory item labelled “clothes”, equip it on each of three characters in rapid succession, and get three wildly divergent looks. Carth’s leather jacket turns into Mission’s vest and then into, say, the ridiculous backpack worn by a PC with the Soldier class. The other hilarious thing about clothing is that your underwear reflects your alignment. Seriously. Go Dark Side sometime and watch what happens to your jammies. Bastila’s underwear changes depending on whether she’s been wearing Dark Jedi equipment recently.

          1. Bubble181 says:

            Hey now, I’ll have you know ANakin had to re-arrange his *entire* wardrobe in between episodes 2 and 3. All those black-and-red jumpers don’t buy themselves! :P

  18. Henson says:

    Aw. Since we’re not doing the Arena quest, I guess we’re not going to talk to Morgan Freeman. Oh well.

  19. Hermocrates says:

    It turns out that the movie Heat was also just about Regina:

    You know it’s only a matter of time now until we get an entire Spoiler Warning episode full of dick jokes.

    1. Alexander The 1st says:

      KOTOR 2. Calling it now.

  20. Tapkoh says:

    So Regina is a Vorlon?

  21. Jakale says:

    Sometimes you find a situation so perfect it really makes you appreciate emergent situational humor.

    Bastilla and Regina having a chat about the Force on a public walkway being patrolled by enemy forces hunting for a Force user. This conversation is being done while both participants stand about 10-15 feet apart from each other with a third person right in the middle of both of them, presumably obscuring their view of each other. The third person was Force shoved onto her butt mere minutes ago by one of the conversation participants, also on a public walkway with patrolling enemies, and is indeed facing that same person without participating in the conversation, while the other people are conversing without acknowledging her existence.

    That is beautiful, right there.

  22. Gruhunchously says:

    Canderous might be related to the Silence. Whenever you look away from him you forget he exists.

    1. Lachlan the Mad says:

      Wait, who’s related to what now?

  23. John says:

    Thanks guys! That was . . . well, not quite hilarious, exactly, but listening to the four of you lose it certainly brought a smile to my face.

    Is there a reason you guys aren’t skipping through the dialogue, though? It only takes a mouse click to hurry things along . . .

  24. I forgot who you said they got to voice Cancerous Orifice, but it could not be more obvious they wanted Ron Perlman for that role.

  25. BitFever says:

    My favorite quote is “the target area is only 2 meters wide” as if to say “oh well that ass is only 2 meters wide, its rather small isn’t it” in some kind of parallel star wars universe of gigantic asses.

  26. @Shamus

    Off topic but…. Just looked at the Good Robot video teaser at

    And the sounds and music are distorted and the music is only in the right speaker and the sound effects are only in the left speaker or dominant in left speaker (the loud music on the right drowns it out).

    It sounds pretty bad.

    My suggestion, reduce the loudness of the game sound in the video by 50%,
    reduce the music level by 50% and erm make it proper stereo.


    Also under system requirementsfor SteamOS + Linux it says OS X, in fact SteamOS + Linux has the safe info as MacOS, oops?

    Also note sure if it’s joke or not but “Do bad robots come with a 14-day money back guarantee*?”
    The star indicate there is more info but there is none further below (where a star would usually be explained).

  27. Corsair says:

    Dammit, now that I listen to Bastila again I start wondering if the reason I’m fond of her because she has the ultimate sexy librarian voice.

  28. Raunomies says:

    Just btw, that Amnesia: Pig Butts episode is not listed anywhere in Spoiler Warning special episodes page. It should be between Slender and Dark Souls 2 episodes but now there is a gap as wide as…

  29. Jokes about force-choking aside, that was one of the more problematic powers in the Star Wars universe. Unless they were just humoring ol’ Darth, Vader was able to force choke someone over a video link. That should’ve come into play a lot more if it actually worked. Heck, why didn’t the Sith just vid-call everyone they hated and save a lot of trouble in having confrontations?

    1. Gruhunchously says:

      Well, Vader and his vid-link choke victim weren’t actually that far away from each other. They were on the same ship, in fact. Perhaps there’s an effective range for the Force Choke, varying based on the power of each individual user.

      1. I was going to try and see what that range was, but I forgot this is Star Wars. I can’t find the location of Darth’s meditation chamber apart from it being “next to the Holoprojection Chamber” where he talks to the huge Emperor-head. That said, the Executor is (currently, as it has changed over time) 19 kilometers long (almost 12 miles), which seems a little OP even for Darth Vader. Not to mention that if he could do that to anyone within even a 10km radius, he would’ve done it a lot more.

        1. Corsair says:

          It’s not about distance, it’s about line of sight. As for why they don’t – you’ll notice it takes quite a bit for people to die when they start being choked. It’s a pretty easy thing to resolve.


          Hit the end call button.

          “FOILED AGAIN.”

          1. So why didn’t ex-Admiral nobody walk off-camera to safety?

            And would it matter if the force user saw a video or simulation of someone? Could they still choke them? It could be a “do or do not” thing, where if they believe they can, they can.

            1. Corsair says:

              Because Vader was gripping him.

              1. So it’s also (pardon the term) force-feedback?

                I think I like this “if a force user believes it can be done for whatever reason, it gets done” concept. It jibes with Episode V’s Yoda Jedi tutorial, and it opens up kind of a neat “Super Weapon” where you isolate a force user from an early age and basically convince them certain things are so (the aforementioned video is a live connection to a nearby location) and get them to manipulate reality based on what their shown/told.

                If they’re ever released, they’d either lose all confidence and be inept or they’d continue to just see the world as malleable, except now they can see a whole lot more of it, so it’s time to get to bending everything to the will of the Force…

                1. Sleeping Dragon says:

                  Things like that were, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they still are, big topics in certain parts of the SW fandom. Among those who interpreted Yoda’s teachings as “Force use is limited by the user’s (sub)conscious belief in their ability” (based on his life experience Luke believes moving an x-wing is harder than moving a pebble and therefore for him it is) a few of the more conspiracy oriented people actually came up with an interesting, if perhaps somewhat sinister, theory:

                  There is no objective measure of being “strong/weak in the Force”, it is a psychological mechanism used by a teacher to help the student break through their mental barriers. If a student is convinced that they are “stronger” than the person affecting reality in a certain way they will believe they can do the same thing more effectively or with lesser effort. Similarly convincing a student that their connection to the Force is not a strong one, or even strong but still limited on some objective scale, would serve as a safety mechanism since it’s perfectly possible someone devoid of any such limitation could make the galaxy spin the other way around with a thought. A separate discussion was whether the teachers would consciously use this technique or perpetuate the methods they were themselves taught with.

                  Of course this was before episode I and midi-chlorians…

                  1. Daemian Lucifer says:

                    So what youre saying is that midichlorians made everything so much simpler.

                  2. I kind of liked that idea, as it makes the training of a Jedi (or a Sith) a little more dicey. You want a force-user you’re training to be powerful enough to be useful, but you also want to make sure they know what they’re doing in case they have a breakthrough, reach some kind of Force-nirvana, and can start juggling planets.

                    1. Grudgeal says:

                      Doubly so for Jedi since you probably don’t want your Padawans to go all god-complex on you and the galaxy in general. In fact, that explanation pretty much lines up perfectly with the Jedi/Sith codes in this game…

          2. Soylent Dave says:

            In the Force Unleashed Hoth-parallel-universe DLC, Starkiller (who has replaced Vader as evil cybernetic Sith Lord) force chokes the Admiral in orbit from the surface, over an audio link.

            But then, Starkiller’s powers are ridiculously overblown by the standards of everyone else in Star Wars, so maybe that shouldn’t be so very surprising after all.

            (it’s almost like he was created as some sort of power fantas… oh)

  30. Will Riker says:

    Smithers, who is that Mandalorian?

  31. BeamSplashX says:

    can’t wait for the official spoiler warning bumper sticker

  32. I think this is the second time that someone has mentioned the quest in New Vegas where some ghouls want to go into space and their rockets blow up. I’d like to point out that there is another option to help the ghouls into space, and even help them get closer to their intended destination.

    I figured it hadn’t occurred to Mumbles that there was another outcome to that quest. :)

    1. Mumbles says:


      1. They might be, since it falls into that “how does radiation make/affect ghouls” thing that gets a little fuzzy. Space is loaded with radiation, so Bright and his followers will survive, no doubt, but I’m not clear on if the “too much radiation makes a ghoul feral” means “too much all at once” or “too much over time.”

        Even if you help them, you could have just shot a bunch of future feral ghouls at Mars or wherever they were headed. If New Vegas’ devs were including cut stuff from Van Buren, they could’ve been hinting that the ghouls were going to this orbital missile base, but maybe we’ll have to wait for Obsidian’s next Fallout installment to find out.

        1. MrGuy says:

          The stupid thing isn’t that they get to the promised land.

          The stupid thing is that, according to the good ending at least, some of them COME BACK to help rebuild things for no gorram reason.

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