I have to admit I kind of lost it this week. This part of the game is so egregiously incompetent that I stopped analyzing the game and just got angry at it. The part where you’re captured in a cutscene (again!) is probably not quite as bad as the end of the Terminus mission in terms of “authorial blunders per minute”, but this one tries my patience a lot more.
Skurkey has his dominatrix here at work not because it makes any kind of sense in how people would behave, but because the writers wanted more of whatever this is. I can’t can’t tell is this is supposed to be fanservice or mocking BDSM culture, but it’s really confusing either way. Skurkey has been established as a pretty dim bulb, but even if you ghost this entire area he still gets you with this electrocution trap, meaning he’s both clairvoyant and way more clever than the writers have shown him to be. And then two seconds later it reveals he didn’t even know you’re the Hitman! So why did he leave that trap? Okay, I accept that this world has videogame electricity where exposing current to a puddle of water makes a knockout trap instead of, you know, blowing a fuse. But does the Sheriff just randomly make this shock trap outside his office for no reason?
And then we have yet another section where Dexter cackles over you and refuses to kill you for no good reason and instead leaves you in an easily escape-able situation. None of this makes sense or fits together. It’s just an endless chain of the very worst videogame cliches, repeated over and over again. This blend of “dark, serious, and edgy” with “willfully stupid, childish, and absurd” is contemptible. This is a game that’s trying to do some sort of introspection while at the same time lacking any sense of self-awareness.
For better or worse, this is our last week with Hitman: Absolution.
So what happens when a SOFTWARE engineer tries to review hardware? This. This happens.
Top 64 Videogames
Lists of 'best games ever' are dumb and annoying. But like a self-loathing hipster I made one anyway.
Trusting the System
How do you know the rules of the game are what the game claims? More importantly, how do the DEVELOPERS know?
A video discussing Megatexture technology. Why we needed it, what it was supposed to do, and why it maybe didn't totally work.
The Death of Half-Life
Valve still hasn't admitted it, but the Half-Life franchise is dead. So what made these games so popular anyway?