Marlow Briggs EP9: Marlow Briggs and the Necromancer of Boredom

By Shamus Posted Sunday Aug 17, 2014

Filed under: Spoiler Warning 59 comments

Link (YouTube)

I can accept that Marlow Briggs is an American fireman who came back from the dead to fight Mayincatec gods with a three-bladed scythe and the help of a policewoman. I understand that the bad guy has an army of mooks that are willing to die at his command. And I can grudgingly accept the existence of a tank the size of Rhode Island that rolls through the jungle harvesting and refining ore of unknown value or utility. Fine. It’s all part of the genre, and I guess we have to allow for the occasional excesses of the writers.

But I REFUSE to believe that anyone was able to use one of those orange helicopters to travel from one point to another. Yes, it DID explode before reaching its destination, but it was operational for nearly a full minute. Given what the game has shown us so far, that’s completely ridiculous.


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59 thoughts on “Marlow Briggs EP9: Marlow Briggs and the Necromancer of Boredom

  1. Imposing Snail says:

    I think the idea with that necromancer was to knock his projectiles back at him. I don’t know whether to praise the fact that it didn’t have “HINT: YOU CAN KNOCKBACK PROJECTILES” front and centre during the entire fight, or to be annoyed that it expected you to remember you have an ability that hasn’t been relevant since the first part of the game.

    1. Tizzy says:

      I was also wondering whether his newly acquired freezing powers could come in handy against, I don’t know, a TELEPORTING boss. Ever the troll, Josh, ever the troll…

      1. HiEv says:

        Yeah, I was also wondering that.

        Josh: “He keeps teleporting away!” (upgrades his freezing power) “Argh! Stop that! I only get like two hits on him before he teleports again!”

  2. Kana says:

    So, I like how the ancient construct of uberdeath had one of these and yet his apparent power attack was hitting you with the flat part of the sword. Club. Thing.

    Maybe it could be worse, but I’m not seeing how. Poor thing forgot how to sword.

    1. ET says:

      Well, obviously he failed his Spot check. So, when he mistakenly thought Josh was weak vs crushing damage instead of slashing, he used the alt-fire mode of his sword-club.

      1. Paul Spooner says:

        Marlow Briggs IS technically undead. Undead take reduced cutting damage, right?

        1. MintSkittle says:

          I think slashing still works on zombie type undead, cause they still have all those fleshy bits.

        2. Dragomok says:

          If they’re skeletons, yes. Zombies, however, take reduced damage from everything but cutting damage.
          So, judging by what we have seen so far, every platforming puzzle is basically a refluffed Longword +5.

    2. Undead senitilty. Such a tragic affliction, with no cure in sight (mostly because the researchers keep turning undead instead of converting them)

  3. hborrgg says:

    For next season you should totally play the Kim Kardashian game.

  4. Daemian Lucifer says:

    English (speaking) people are weird.You dont mind when young or smith is a surname,but you cannot think that possible could be a surname as well?

    1. Akri says:

      I’m trying to imagine how the surname “Possible” would have come about.

      “No on can defeat Sir Kickass in the tournament–it’s impossible!”

      *Sir Ian defeats him*

      “I hereby declare you Sir Ian the Possible!”

      1. ET says:

        A century from now, people will be generating last names – heck, all names – from a dice-roll. ;)

        1. Daemian Lucifer says:

          That would still be better than what they are doing today.

  5. fdgzd says:

    I want to note that I like the game’s approach to the star wars crusher conveyor belt. Other lesser games (prince of persia games among others) would make the player die instantly if they miss the timing and force you to restart the whole conveyor segment from the start. Marlow Briggs gives you a quicktime event and allows you to continue from there.

    I actually like that design

  6. Zerotime says:

    I’m reasonably sure that Shamus was being facetious, but it turns out that Eiffel actually is a German name.

    1. Shamus says:

      Sigh. And so my real ignorance gets the best of my pretend ignorance.

    2. Henson says:

      Reminds me of that great bit from Blackadder:

      “I’m as British as Queen Victoria!”

      “So you’re father’s German, you’re half-German, and you married a German?”

  7. Grudgeal says:

    So, Chaac. Apparently a real-life Mayan Rain God of realness.

    Looks more like a midget than a giant one-eyed tentacly monster thingie, though. Also, what did the Evil Guy want with him, anyway? I can sort of understand that he’s running the silliest operation this side of the Umbrella Corporation, but exactly what are the applications of giant one-eyed squid thingies?

    1. lucky7 says:

      Food for the mooks.

    2. Arven says:

      I would assume that the reason the evil guy captured the god of rain is the same reason why Marlow want to kick its ass, the glowing power thingie behind its eye. Remember, the crane boss is powered by similar glowing power thingie from fire god (also the one evil guy used to edit terrain, which was given to Marlow by Kim). Maybe he wants to make an ice mining machine? Or make some silly power source with the power of rain?

      Random : Thanks to the outro, I kept imagining the god dancing to the music when Marlow stabbed its eye.

      1. Felblood says:

        Long needs the 4 classical/european elemental powers (Fire, earth and water are done, so air is next) before he can ascend to godhood.

        Also, the Damsel in distress is literally having him do the ascension rituals wrong, and Marlowe is stealing all his vital elemental essences. (Long’s fighting gods and spending trillions to get them, so he must need them right?)
        So, why are we worried this guy might succeed?

        We can see the inventory slot for the Air essence, so it’s not like there’s tension as to whether we’ll steal that one as well.

    3. C0Mmander says:

      I would like to point out that that thing wasn’t the actual god of rain but it’s avatar.

    4. Kana says:

      Xilbalba is also a real place in Mayan mythology. Most common time Mask will say it is when Marlow dies by falling. (“Oho, you leapt straight into Xilbalba!”)

      Kind of curious just how, uh, ‘accurate’ the names and places are. They flubbed some of it, but other places it looks like they did at least some research.

      Where is the line between serious and deliberately stupid in this game. They’re nine episodes in and I still can’t tell where one ends and the other begins. It’s glorious.

  8. Daemian Lucifer says:

    If only Josh learned how to bounce projectiles back,that guy wouldve died way quicker.

  9. Henson says:

    Hey, Shamus, I know they’re just mooks, but that kind of name-calling is just not cool. The term “male slut” is very offensive, and…

    …Oh. “Mail slots”. I see.

    1. fdgzd says:

      that segment confused the hell out of me. What did he just say?

      1. Shamus says:

        This was actually a running gag from Mass Effect 3. There are some guys with slot-shields, and when you shoot enough of them through the slot you get “the mail slot” achievement. I said “mail slot” several times, but some people thought I said “male sluts”. And so now the misunderstanding is just going in circles. :)

        1. Henson says:

          Huh! I watched the ME3 season, but somehow forgot about this (just let me clean this egg off my face…). I guess my subconscious still remembers, though.

          1. Daemian Lucifer says:

            Dont worry,lots of people want to forget everything that has anything to do with mass effect 3.

        2. Hey this is Marlow Briggs after all, if Shamus calls an enemy type “Male Sluts” my reaction is:

          Really? Hmm! OK! I’ll run with that.


    2. The Rocketeer says:

      I hear the same thing. Every time.

  10. Isaac says:

    I was starting to get really bored with the Mayan temple bugfest from the last couple of episodes but that was before we fought a giant one eyed tentacle monster on a even more giant strip mining machine.

    This is officially the greatest game of all time.

    1. Zerotime says:

      And then the game makes sure to pop up “open-pit mine” in the subtitles.

  11. The Rocketeer says:

    I stand in awe of this game. Everything stupid about it is practically beyond criticism, and all else is magnificent. Truly, it is rubber and I am glue.

    1. krellen says:

      This is the greatest comment of all time.

  12. James says:

    Well this season has just been a ton-o-fun so far. Seriously the amount of mileage you are getting out of this game is fantastic. Every time I think “well that was the dumist most impossible thing every” it just keeps going and proves me wrong. Is it a satire of over the top games done in the style of those games the same way Paul Verhoeven satires over the top movies by making an over the top move (yah i know its more complicated than that). Or is it so unaware of how dum it is that it becomes the good kind of bad. I really can’t answer that and don’t know if I want to, the truth is usually alot more boaring.

    1. Tizzy says:

      It’s very enjoyable to watch, and it seems like it may be enjoyable to play, too. Magic!

    2. C0Mmander says:

      Once the subtitle start popping up to point out tropes, I can only imagine they knew what they were doing.

    3. Joe Informatico says:

      If this turns out to be a Verhoeven-esque satire of God of War-style games, it might be my favourite game of all time.

  13. Paul Spooner says:

    It would have been awesome if MB chopped down his ride, just as a matter of course… I’m sure they could have justified sending him to the top of the mountain in some other fashion.

  14. syal says:

    With regard to the mask being cool with killing other gods, it’s because gods work on Highlander rules.

  15. KremlinLaptop says:

    Eyeball transplant surgery on a big icky tentacle god monster? Marlow Briggs and the Surgeon Simulator Tie-in!

    Edit: Okay so I looked up the game wanting to see the cover-art for the game expecting it to be silly as heck, right?

    Holy zombie Jesus, batman! I sort of want a physical copy of the cover art. I’m honestly starting to like this game the more I watch it. It seems like they had X amount of budget (Cutscenes too expensive? Slideshow!) and just made a fun silly game.

    1. fdgzd says:

      That looks ’70s as hell.

      I want it

      1. ET says:

        It’d be even better if the game itself had an visual filter to make it look like that poster. Kind of like XIII or Wind Waker. Modders, anyone? :)

    2. AdmiralCheez says:

      Needs more helicopters, but otherwise I want that as a poster.

      1. lucky7 says:

        If you find one, let me know.

        1. Paul Spooner says:

          What resolution do you want? It won’t be identical, but it’s certainly possible to upres and alter the image, especially in 3d.

          1. Paul Spooner says:

            Well, I don’t know if this is what you were all looking for, but here you go. That link will take you to the blender source file and render for a 24″ x 36″ poster at 175dpi of the “Marlow Briggs and the Mask of Death” enhanced box-art, including 366% more helicopters!

      2. Kana says:

        Pretty sure by the time they got around to making that poster, there weren’t any helicopters left in the universe.

  16. Hydralysk says:

    I’m don’t know about the Bartman, but I remember the Rachet and Clank games gave you the Groovatron which was a disco ball grenade that made enemies dance uncontrollably.

    I wish more games dealt with weapon design that way…

    1. Exasperation says:

      Personally, I was reminded of the dance magic attack from the Michael Jackson’s Moonwalker arcade game.

  17. BeamSplashX says:

    Spoiler Warning clearly needs to play Apache Longbow or something similar next, just to show that helicopters can actually achieve things besides combustion.

    1. eaglewingz says:

      Yeah, but bunny-hopping a ‘bow is still likely to result in combustion sooner or later.

    2. ehlijen says:

      With a drunk Josh at the stick, could they really?

      1. BeamSplashX says:

        i mean destroying something by crashing into it is still better than what these scrub helicopters get up to

  18. MikhailBorg says:

    Just noticed that right after the “bridge physics” comment, Marlow fights a “Demon Priest of Camazotz” – which is indeed a bat god of Mayan mythology, but is also the Planet of Conformity in Madeleine L’Engle’s “A Wrinkle In Time”.

    Because trivia.

  19. Spammy says:

    I was starting to suspect that Smite’s Lore tab for gods was the modern day successor to Age of Mythology’s Mythopedia, and that’s been pretty well confirmed now that I beat the game to name-dropping Chaac when they talk about the god of rain.

  20. Dave B. says:

    “Hey what’s up I’m here to smash you.” — Josh

    (Which made me think, maybe for this season the drinking game should be: Josh announces when he drinks, and then the audience drinks. A perfect system!)

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