Skyrim EP35: Ennis the Menace

By Shamus Posted Friday May 23, 2014

Filed under: Spoiler Warning 68 comments

Link (YouTube)

That thing at the 9:50 mark? Where Josh slams face-first into Ysolda? I did that all the time, every chance I got, to a couple of very specific people in Whiterun. If I accidentally missed, I’d turn around and make sure I gave them the Flying Elbow of the Player Character.

For the record, my targets were Ulfred Battle-Born (because he’s a massive dick who gets on my nerves) and the guy who carries lumber around for Belethor. I’m always disappointed that slamming that guy doesn’t cause him to drop the lumber. I like to imagine I’m throwing his stuff on the ground like a bully shoving a kid so he drops his books. I’ve sort of built up this head canon where this guy is always getting picked on by the Dovakin and he never knows why.


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68 thoughts on “Skyrim EP35: Ennis the Menace

  1. James says:

    now i just imagine ShamusDovakin, running into Belathor’s servant guy bashing into him, slapping the wood to the ground screaming this at him

  2. TMTVL says:

    I think Mumbles might appreciate this:
    Milk for the Khorneflakes! Bowls for the Cereal god!

    1. Michael says:

      Doughnuts for the doughnut god! Scones for the Scone Throne!

      1. Daemian Lucifer says:

        Blood for the blood bank!Skull for the biology class!

        1. Jacob Albano says:

          Lutefisk for the lutefisk god!

            1. guy says:

              Harriers for the cup!

    2. Also can i just say that Blood For The Blood God is also a Warhammer Fantasy thing. It is amazing just how much Warhammer 40k overtook the original in terms of popularity.

    3. Akri says:

      No lie, I made a ‘Khorneflakes’ joke during a Dark Heresy session, and we spent the rest of the evening making up every Khorney pun we could Khornceive of. It was a Khornacopia of awful jokes, and eventually our GM felt so Khornered by them that he Khorncluded the only way to make us stop was to add a rule where making such puns has a chance to summon daemons.

      We did a tally at the end of the night, and I think we had over a hundred unique puns.

      1. Sleeping Dragon says:

        Something vaguely similar to this resulted in the battle cry “haemoglobin for the sanguinic* deity” in our gaming group.

        or is it sanguinistic in English? we’re not native speakers…

        1. MichaelGC says:

          I reckon it might be ‘sanguinary.’ Possibly just ‘sanguine,’ as that’s already an adjective. Where is Professor Rutskarn when you need him? :D

          In any event, that’s a pretty advanced level of vocabulary for any English speaker, native or not!

          1. stupiddice says:

            saguinary means involving or causing bloodshed, so maybe depending on the context

      2. PlasmaPony says:


    4. Mumbles says:

      I love this.

  3. Tizzy says:

    In my game, the lumber guy got killed very early on by a dragon attack on Whiterun.

    That was before I understood the logic behind Elder Scrolls game. Since I had not witnessed his death, I had no idea how he had come to die and I naturally assumed that there was some sort of quest associated with his murder. I spent a lot of time wondering how to start it, and why the body was just lying in the street for months on end.

    (Of course, I didn’t turn to the wiki until much later, because I didn’t want to see spoilers…)

    1. GM says:

      I don´t believe iv´e seen that npc carrying the wood,once actually.

  4. Lame Duck says:

    Blood for the Blood God! Skulls for the Skull Throne! Flesh for the Mumbles!

    1. Mathias says:



  5. Raygereio says:

    When I did the a night to remember quest, my character was married to Ysolda.
    It made the bit at 9:50 somewhat awkward… o_O

    1. Michael says:

      …how could they not know!? There’s a specific flag that has to be set or you can’t marry someone and everything…

      Then someone set that flag for a dragon and had a ceremony, it was hilarious.

      1. Raygereio says:

        There’s no “PlayerHasMarriedYsolda” flag, but I won’t bore you with the details how Skyrim’s quests work. It’s is possible to check if Ysolda is the player’s partner.

        There are a couple of possibilities:
        -No one realised that this situation could happen.
        -The marriage system was thought up and implemented or Ysolda became a marriage option later then this quest was finished.
        -The people working in this quest knew that Ysolda could be married, but just didn’t think it was worth the time and resources to implement a seperate quest path or even just write unique dialogue for that situation.
        I’d say it’s a toss up between numbers 2 and 3 really.

        1. Michael says:

          Yeah, I was talking about her being an NPC that could be married at all. Based on this quest.

          I kinda gravitate towards 2, with an optional side that the people responsible for the marry anyone were different from the people who actually implemented this quest.

      2. Destrustor says:

        Are you talking about this video?
        Because if you look at the subtitles and the voice when the dragon says “I do” (0:58), that’s actually just an argonian that’s been hacked/modded to have a dragon body.

        Doesn’t make the video any less funny, but… I just ruined the magic, didn’t I?

        1. Michael says:

          The Argonian’s subtitles… I think, correspond to an NPC in the game, not a dragon. So it’s most likely they actually proposed to the NPC, then used the console commands to turn that NPC into a dragon for the video.

          The whole thing is still pretty funny, but, you know, it’s breaking the game with console commands unlike how J… oh, wait.

    2. Sabrdance (MatthewH) says:

      The current character I’m running has a strict “No Daedric Bargains” oath -which alas has been violated twice already (one because of plot rails and once because I didn’t realize I was dealing with Daedra until after he was stripped naked and slapped down next to Pelagious the Mad).

      I may allow it to be violated a third time just for this quest because I’ve already been thinking that Ysolde makes a character appropriate spouse -and after the whole “getting a mammoth tusk” first quest, this would just be a magnificent capstone.

      Maybe especially if he marries her before the quest…

  6. Henson says:

    Speaking of geography in the game, here’s an interesting article I found about Skyrim’s geology. I have no idea if it makes any scientific sense, but that landscape map is still pretty cool.

    1. Michael says:

      It sounds credible… unless they’re just outright making some of those details up… my geology is really shaky, but some of that meshes with what I kinda remember…

      So, you know, take my endorsement for all of the nothing it’s worth, but it’s official, Skyrim’s geology makes more sense than Alan Wake’s. :p

  7. Daemian Lucifer says:

    I forgot to mention this in the last episode,but does anyone else find it weird that Chris does the best valley girl?

    1. MichaelGC says:

      Like, totally.

      1. Tizzy says:

        I live to hear Chris’s valley girl.

        1. Thearpox says:

          Someone (who is not me) should totally do a compilation of all the times the cast did the valley girl accent.

          That would even beat the Chris’s sexy men quotes.

    2. Nidokoenig says:

      Yes, but given the stuff about him being Shamus’ cheerleader in the Tomb Raider season, we probably should have seen it coming.

    3. California isn’t the only bastion of Valley Girl-esque speak. I’ve discovered, when traveling through small towns in the Midwest, a disturbing number of teenagers will apparently adopt the affectations and dialects of groups they’ve only seen in films and on TV, yet never in real life.

      It’s very odd hearing “valley” being spoken in a rural Illinois Arby’s, the accent having been filtered through some fictionalized version of the West Coast.

      Like, gag me with a spoon, totally.

  8. djshire says:

    I didn’t care for these last two episodes, they just seemed to…drag on.

    1. syal says:

      …well, you’ve said it now.

      No way to wyrm out of it.

  9. Jacob Albano says:

    The goat is obviously an accomplice in an amethyst smuggling ring. You know, like those sheep in Blood Diamond.

  10. when i learn how to make Skyrim mods the first thing i will do is make it possible to get marred to Moira the Hagraven. I just need a very very long afternoon to learn how to do it. (Why on earth is there no mod to do this on Skyrim Nexus but there are loads which claim to “improve females” and add “sexy” armor)

    1. Raygereio says:

      Because something like what you have in mind requires quite some time and effort, while porting over a “sexy” model, or taking an existing armour model and making the tits bigger is something you can do a couple of minutes.

    2. It’d be great if she had some bonuses for you (potion brewing and so forth), but to get them, you have to spend the night at home, and in the morning, she tries to kill you. It becomes a challenge to defend yourself without killing your spouse.

      Then one day you come home and in your marital bed is… a huge egg…

  11. Ofermod says:

    So I have to say, I really dislike how “Persuade” and “Intimidate” a.) are pretty much always interchangeable, and b.) almost always only mean “skip a portion of the current quest”.

    1. Tizzy says:

      Yup. You can’t even use them to improve your rewards…

      1. Kana says:

        Didn’t Josh use a persuade option to get some extra gold out of someone in the whole blackmail quest for the Imperials? It might have just been a random option, but that’s the only time I can remember.

  12. These last few eps has been pure sitcom gold at a few moments.
    That just goes to show that a lot of the fun in Skyrim is just faffing about rather than doing the main plot quests.

    1. MichaelGC says:

      Couldn’t agree more! One of the funniest seasons so far, in my view – and as you say, particularly this week. (Also, great word: “faffing.”)

  13. TheHokeyPokey says:

    Bumping into dudes gets them to skip to the next line of text, so you can skip past dialogue when you aren’t rooted in place. I use it all the time.

  14. Pumpernickle says:

    The Redguard bandit lady was clearly a champion of Street Luge before turning to a life of crime.

  15. I was a little let down that when the idea of Catbert plucking butterflies out of the air and eating them was raised, nobody referenced Bozworth the Vampire from “Fright Night II.” Played by Brian Thompson (the craggy-faced character actor many might remember as the Alien Bounty Hunter from the X-Files), he was a vamp that would eat insects, a few of them moths, by snatching them mid-flight, popping them into his mouth, and then reciting their Latin scientific names/classification.

    Then again, my brain’s reference library is a rather chaotic and scattershot place.

  16. Artur CalDazar says:

    Rutskarn your description of catching butterflies reminds me of this.

  17. HiEv says:

    Typo: “my targets where” – should be “my targets were”.

  18. sdfq says:

    At 9:10 or so Chris states that everything ties into combat and that it doesn’t offer much besides that. I’d like Bethesda to take a good look at the X series (X2 the threat, X3 reunion, X3 terran Conflict). They’re space sim sandboxes where you get a ton of freedom to pursue the goals you desire: want to be a pirate? Go sit in a high-transport sector and attack cargo vessels. Want to be a mercenary? Go to a pirate sector to kill them. You can be a merchant and do the whole buy/sell thing until you have enough money to buy your own factory, and from there on you can build an entire Weyland/Yutani style megacorporation.

    I wish skyrim had economic stuff like this.

    attendum: unfortunatly the X series has terrible UI and some questionable design decisions that make these goals nonfun to pursue. Still doesn’t make them bad ideas though;

  19. KremlinLaptop says:

    Okay, between Mumbles, Campster and Rutskarn? I think Campster actually does the best valley girl voice.

    Also yeah, the fact that the only way to interact with this game is combat? Becomes so obvious after awhile and it becomes almost impossible to dismiss.

    Is there a single quest in Skyrim that can be solved by a superior smithing, enchanting, or alchemy skill? Do they have any effect on dialogue options? The really frustrating thing is that so often it seems like it wouldn’t have been that hard to add just a little bit more depth and you’d have so much more choice in the game.

    1. Loonshia says:

      Not to my knowledge, no. You solve problems by either stabbing them in the front, stabbing them in the back or throwing a fireball at them.

      1. KremlinLaptop says:

        Fireballs? Never considered that.

        I solve my problems by shooting them with a bow, while hiding next to a blazing brazier, only to hear the problem go, “What was that? Is someone out there!?” as they have an arrow sticking through their cheeks and then promptly die as they take another arrow to the face.

    2. Tizzy says:

      Another problem the fact that skills get leveled through use. While it seems a logical way to build a character, if you play long enough, most skills will get leveled (unless you go out of your way not to), so that the only difference comes in how you spend your perks. If, in addition to that, you play mostly in first person, then after a while it is close to impossible to create a unique experience of the game.

      Sure, the game does not actively prevent you from creating a specific build. But it really doesn’t lend to it either, and ultimately it always feel same-y. In part, this is the devs deciding that no part of the game should be cut off from a player because of their actions or skills, which, in a game of this size, is simply ridiculous. So you can be the archmage and only know two basic spells that anyone can cast, you can be a thief or assassin who never sneaks and walks around in clanky, heavy armor…

      Now, I’ve played 4 chars through vanilla Skyrim, so I guess it’s fun. But not very deep. And not what I would call an RPG.

      1. KremlinLaptop says:

        I was actually trying to figure out why characters I had in Fallout New Vegas felt far more like individuals than any character I’ve made in Skyrim? It’s exactly that. In New Vegas you roll a character, right from the start you make decisions that shape your character and lock-out certain choices completely, but in Skyrim? You just start your murder-spree.

        Sure New Vegas might not have that much more depth. It might be just as much combat … but at least there I felt like I was playing a character. Each level-up had me making choices as to where my skill-points were going and with perks I was building a certain sort of character.

        Honestly the closest I get to that is with SkyRe? And even then there is nothing to stop my heavy-armour wearing knightly bad-ass from just throwing enough fireballs to become a fireball master.

        Hm, actually sorta makes me want to go play New Vegas…

    3. Daemian Lucifer says:

      “Okay, between Mumbles, Campster and Rutskarn? I think Campster actually does the best valley girl voice.”

      Indeed.Thats probably why he wants to see more sexy dudes in video games.

      1. Gruhunchously says:

        But does he take on three men every morning?

  20. GiantRaven says:

    Out of interest, would that Courier note have been anything interesting had Josh managed to pickpocket it?

    1. KremlinLaptop says:

      “To our respectable investor,

      It seems our expedition to (Alias=Dungeon) has met with some resistance from its inhabitants. I know this isn’t the first time, but if you would provide us with a few more men and supplies, we are certain the treasure there would yield a return on your investment.

      This time for sure.

      If not, we could begin searching for prospects outside of (Alias=myHoldLocation).

      A swift reply would be most appreciated.”

      …So nope.

  21. Hal says:

    Both Ferguson (Jason Zimbler) and Sam (Sean O’Neal) seem to have gotten out of acting for the most part.

    On a different note, this quest was one that always ended up very difficult for me. The wizards in this place would always be much higher level than me, so they’d summon atronarchs and generally kick my butt several times before I managed to take them down.

    It also illustrates the way the magic system is broken. NPC magic damage scales with their level, so a high level sorcerer can be a very dangerous opponent dealing high damage with their spells. The player? Not so much. (At least companion mages are useful.)

    1. Raygereio says:

      NPC’s spells do not scale. They’re just as static as the ones the player uses.
      The spells the NPCs uses do appear stronger for several reasons: The damage modifiers from the difficulty setting you’re playing on. The damage modifier from the perks a some enemies have that make their attacks do 1.25x to even 3x damage to the player. NPCs having a lot more health then the player. Etc…

      1. Tizzy says:

        By the way, am I the only one who was surprised at how ineffective the hagraven was? Her efforts were ruly laughable, and that’s not really my experience with them in general…

        1. Corpital says:

          She probably only wanted to beat him unconscious, so she could marry him. After all the crazy, murderous bird-woman found a perfect fit in the crazy, murderous cat-man.

  22. Nick Powell says:

    Is Mumbles OK with killing Barbas?

    1. MichaelGC says:

      Certainly possible: Mumbles seemed fine with the brutal slaughter of the cute ickle fox at around 11:20. I was braced for the admonition which never came. (Although maybe she missed that, having had to step away from the stream briefly so as to urgently deck a passing nerd.)

  23. hewhosaysfish says:

    There’s something about the A Night To Remember quest that I didn’t notice on my first playthrough but which really bugged me no the second.

    It’s the part where the drunken Dragonborn (Drunkenborn?) apparently when to Ysolde raving about the beautiful woman he’d met and fallen in love with and wanted to marry.

    Like I say, this seemed perfectly reasonable to me with my first character but for the second playthrough I wanted to see a diffent side of Skyrim and so my sword-and-board-wielding/pro-Stormcloak/caring and heroic (give or take a streak of rampant kleptomania)/lady-loving Khajiit catboy was replaced by a spell-slinging/pro-Imperial/selfish and cruel/ man-romancing Breton lady.

    And she still got drunk and told Ysolde about the beautiful woman she had gotten engaged to. For a game that lets any PC marry any of the marriagable NPCs, that seems like a bit of an oversight.

    Would it really have been so difficult to have Ysolde intitally mention your betrothed without giving any hint about gender and then give the PC 2 dialogue options: “Did I tell you anything about him?” or “Did I tell you anything about her?”
    If you assume it’s a “her” then she’s a hagraven as per standard; if you assume “him” the hagraven is replaced with maybe a troll or something. Or maybe the “hunky guy” turns out to be a hagraven too, and the Dragonborn was just really, REALLY drunk.

  24. krellen says:

    I know why the Dovahkiin picked on Belethor’s assistant: it’s because that guy was always using the chopping block every time Dovahkiin wanted to make a few spare arrows. Jerk.

  25. SlothfulCobra says:

    You totally can return videos late and get fined still today, Campster. Libraries still rent out videos.

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