Metro 2033 EP9: Turret Vehicle Stealth Section

By Shamus Posted Wednesday Oct 30, 2013

Filed under: Spoiler Warning 118 comments

Link (YouTube)

If you’re new to the show and don’t understand the jokes about going off the map, it’s a reference to Railroad to Nowhere.

I’m playing through Metro: Last Light now, and I’m very glad they retained the “American Cheese” look of the health packs. Which makes me wonder: Is American Cheese available outside of the US? If so, do people actually buy it? What does McDonald’s put on their hamburgers in other countries? Can you buy American Cheese in a store? Has anyone (American or not) ever had American Cheese that wasn’t in pre-sliced, shrink-wrapped form? I’ve never seen it available as anything other than slices.

I used to defend American Cheese, saying they were pretty good on toasted cheese sandwiches. Which is true. But then one day we ran out of American Cheese and I discovered that toasted cheese sandwiches are better with literally any other form of cheese.

This is not to imply I’m some sort of cheese connoisseur. I eat sharp cheddar, which isn’t exactly an exotic cheese.

Anyway, we’re through the rough spot in the middle of Metro 2033. It gets better from here.


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118 thoughts on “Metro 2033 EP9: Turret Vehicle Stealth Section

  1. Peter H. Coffin says:

    American cheese must be available. McDonalds is EVERYWHERE, and I can’t imagine they’d allow that much of a change to the signature product.

    1. aldowyn says:

      You’d be surprised. McDonald’s and other fast food chains can actually change quite a bit from country to country, from what I hear.

      1. MrGuy says:

        I’ve been to McDonald’s in Amsterdam.

        You know what they have at the McDonald’s in Amsterdam? They have a FLIPPIN’ QUARTER POUNDER WITH CHEESE. No “Royale with cheese.” No sop to the metric system. A God Bless America Quarter Pounder With Cheese. And yes, it was american cheese.

        When you can’t trust Sam Jackson, it’s hard to know what to believe in the world, but there you go.

        They did have beer, though.

        1. Merkel says:

          In New Zealand they add beetroot to several of their items, and the McDonalds in Germany serve beer as well.

          1. Lanthanide says:

            If by ‘several’ you mean ‘exactly one’, then yes:

            1. Merkel says:

              Do they not have the Garden Burger anymore? As I recall it was lettuce, tomato, onions, beetroot and salad cream.

          2. Thomas says:

            In India there is such a thing as a McAloo Burger

        2. Draxom says:

          It was actually John Travolta that made the “Royale with Cheese” line. So your faith in Samuel Jackson can(and should) remain intact, he is still one mad motha…

        3. Arumin says:

          The royale with cheese is in France, not Amsterdam.
          As said by John Travolta in Pulp Fiction.

          1. Jan says:

            And we do put mayonnaise on our fries, thank you very much.

            Though not all our cheese is Gouda, as you would think when looking for cheese in the US.

          2. Duneyrr says:

            I went to a McDonalds in Paris once. They had an ad for Le Double Cheese

        4. Torsten says:

          McDonalds does sell Cheese Royale meal in Brussels at least. Dont know if that is the same meal as quarter pounder though.

    2. Yerushalmi says:

      Here in Israel, quite a few of the McDonald’s branches don’t have cheeseburgers at all, for obvious reasons.

    3. Chris Davies says:

      Everywhere has processed cheese, but only in America do they think “hmmm, all those other nations have their own varieties of cheese. Some of them even have several, dammit! We need our own cheese. Make it wrapped in acres of cellophane, dyed lurid orange and containing more soya than milk. AMERICA!”

      On reflection, I think all the other countries are being polite by never referring to it as American cheese.

      1. Canthros says:

        Mmmm …. processed cheese food product. It’s the cheeziest!

        Seriously, though, I really do genuinely like the awful stuff. It’s not really cheese, but oftentimes, I want something that is more cheese-like than something that is actually, well, cheese.

        1. Tizzy says:

          I’m not very demanding with my cheese, but I have yet to recover from the first time I came across cheese in a spray can in the aisle of a US grocery store.

          And one of my friends, fresh from a stay of one month in the US, specifically quoted cheese at the reason why he would never ever consider settling there.

          1. Hitchmeister says:

            Yes, individually wrapped slices of pasteurized process cheese food which are indistinguishable from the plastic wrapped around them are still several levels above aerosol cheese flavored goo.

            1. Mintskittle says:

              Wendy’s has a pretzel-burger on their menu right now, and it sounded interesting, so I tried one. It has both American cheese-like product and spray-can cheese. It was not good. My enjoyment rose greatly with the removal of the spray cheese.

    4. Olly says:

      Going for international variety in an alternate fast-food chain. If you visit a KFC in China you’ll be able to order curry and rice along with peach and egg custard tarts.

    5. Ben Hilton says:

      In Poland McDonald’s is a sit down restaurant like an Apple-bee’s.

  2. aldowyn says:

    Not a huge fan of sharp cheddar. I prefer milder cheeses, like a good cojack, but my favorite is probably pepperjack – Monterey Jack with bits of peppers and such. American is for sandwiches or sometimes stuffing in my mouth whole when I’m hungry. It’s not bad, but it’s not cheese either.

    I’ve tried a decent amount of cheese since my grandparents live in Wisconsin, and I’m a big fan of a fairly german meal – simple cheese, crackers, and sausage.

    Wait, was I supposed to talk about Metro? Oops.

    1. Ysen says:

      I love sharp cheddar! Hate processed cheese, though. Putting it on a sandwich is just ruining a perfectly good sandwich, in my opinion.

      Speaking of which, sharp cheddar and honey go really well together. Anyone else like cheese and honey sandwiches?

      1. Michael says:

        No, but Ketchup and Honey makes for a really fantastic dipping sauce.

      2. WaytoomanyUIDs says:

        Haven’t tried that but cheese (preferably something like a mature cheddar), fruit chutney (the English type, not the real Indian stuff) and peanut butter (the good stuff with no sugar & preferably no salt) on fresh bread is divine.

        1. Ninjariffic says:

          That’s one of my favourites. Though lately I use rice cakes instead of bread because my girlfriend is Coeliac.
          Other combos:
          cheese, jam, cured salmon or trout
          cheese, peanut butter, bacon
          cream cheese, peanut butter, and bacon on a burger

          Shit now I’m really hungry.

  3. Michael Watts says:

    Processed cheese is available in Chinese supermarkets. The Chinese don’t generally eat cheese of any variety, so I’m not sure why it’s so easy to find. (My local supermarket also used to carry real imported cheddar cheese… but they’ve stopped.)

    1. Ciennas says:

      I know why it’s so easy to find there- I’m pretty sure that ‘American Cheese’ is actually industrial runoff from various consumer goods manufacturing processes.

      Since China is a manufacturing powerhouse these days…

      (Well? Why else would they call it ‘processed cheese product’ rather than just ‘cheese’? It’s those truth in advertising laws.)

      1. Warrax says:

        Wasn’t “american cheese” one of those inventions necessitated by rationing in WWII? It can be made without milk, though the name-brand stuff ironically has milk in it these days (and still doesn’t taste like cheese).

        I might be remembering wrong, and I honestly don’t care enough to look it up, but it would explain the “patriotic” name.

        Oh, and to respond to Shamus up above, I think block velveeta is unpresliced american cheese. Again, I don’t care enough to actually look it up :D

        1. venatus says:

          I thought it was a good deal older then world war 2. but the story I remember is that it was basically made for the sake of being cheaper and faster to produce.

          1. Warrax says:

            Okay, okay, you made me look it up… and yea, looks like it was invented by Mr. Kraft in 1911.

            Huh. I guess it has even less reason to exist than I had previously thought. Or maybe war shortages/the depression were reasons why it became popular?

        2. anaphysik says:

          Lactase persistence is an extremely rare trait in East Asia. If processed cheese can indeed be made without milk, then it could find a substantial market there.

          “Lactose intolerance” is basically a misnomer – that’s the normal state of human adults, and much more common than the inverse; the ability to digest lactose as an adult is a fairly recent mutation. So yes, lactase persistence is totally a superpower ;D

          1. Daemian Lucifer says:

            Not just human adults,but most of the undomesticated mammals.Bodies of adult mammals stop processing lactose after some time of not ingesting the stuff.Which is why one can become lactose intolerant even after decades of drinking milk (or milk products).

            1. Epopisces says:

              I am actually truly happy to hear this. I was forever concerned that lactose intolerance was like diabetes, where over-indulging would lead to the inability to enjoy. Imagine how elated I am to hear that by continuing to (over)indulge I am actively maintaining my lactose processing stomach-superpowers!

              I would be so sad if ice cream were forever undigestable.

              So sad.

          2. ET says:

            Humans actually have a lot of superpowers, compared to many animals.
            Sure, there’s animals that beat us in any individual trait, but we’re pretty much above average in a lot of areas.
            The scariest thing is persistence hunting; We basically just walk up to our prey.
            Sure it runs away.
            It even has time to nap.
            And then it wakes up, with us walking up to it again.
            After a couple days, the human just walks up and cuts its throat.

            1. anaphysik says:

              I was meaning within the human population.

              Frex, I am quite aware of persistence hunting. Humans are also quite excellent at recovering from injury (which is of course augmented by our social structure allowing for convalescent care). And also we have this, like, sort of smarticalness thing going on, too. ;)

        3. Dave B. says:

          Block Velveeta does seem to be the same stuff. (Velveeta is simply a brand of American cheese products.)

          I also used to like American cheese on grilled sandwiches, but eventually found that I like provolone much better. Sharp cheddar (aged 5-7 years) is pretty good on crackers, too.

          1. Warrax says:

            Block Velveeta, cut in to cubes , put in a crock pot with a little milk and maybe a jar of salsa makes a cheese dip that was a staple at my house growing up for every 4th of July and superbowl Sunday.

            1. Mischa says:

              For an even yummier cheese dip, replace up to half of the Velveeta With cubes of cheddar. Gives you a better cheese flavor while keeping the creamy, non-stringiness of the Velveeta.

    2. Ysen says:

      Cheese is gradually becoming more popular in China. I understand the super-processed stuff is currently the preferred variety because “processed food” seems less weird than “rotten, fermented milk” to Chinese folk who haven’t grown up with it, and because processed cheese lacks the sharp, strong taste of many real cheeses.

  4. False Prophet says:

    We definitely have it in Canada, but it’s usually called “processed cheese slices”. And we have local brands.

    1. ET says:

      The truly American cheese, is that spray “cheese” in a can.

  5. hborrgg says:

    I have something to say to Rutskarn: In the last episode you complained at one point about Josh stopping to strum a “mandolin”. . .

    That was not a mandolin, the triangular instrument is called a Balalaika!

    1. ET says:

      But really, balalaikas, mandolins, banduras, heck even banjos…they’re all just fancy guitars.
      Except the banjo.
      That’s reverse-fancy. :P

      1. DIN aDN says:

        But, but, a mandolin is more like a fretted violin or fiddle :(

        And now I realise it has been over a year since I last did any practise. Oh dear.

        1. Syal says:

          Violins and fiddles are also just fancy guitars.

          If it has strings, it’s either a fancy guitar or a small ballista.

  6. Winfield says:

    They’ve got it in the UK, where it’s frequently called “Processed Cheese.”

    1. Ringwraith says:

      I inherently don’t trust any cheese which is shiny and has elastic properties of plastic.

      1. Corpital says:

        My mother used to buy that stuff, which is mostly called “toast cheese” here in southern germany. At least until I told her the ingredients, which (to my surprise) had a whopping 50% cheese listed. Afterwards she started to buy real cheese made out of 100% cow juice.

        Regrettably, I have not found a store carrying cheddar, Monterey Jack or any other american cheeses around.

        1. Thomas says:

          Cheddar isn’t an american cheese right? Cheddar gorge is a place in Britain

          1. Corpital says:

            Now that I think about it, you are correct.
            Guess, I just associate it that way, because every single time I heard or read about cheddar, it was said/written by an american. Shame on me.

          2. ET says:

            Cheddar might be more popular in USA/Canada.
            I know up here at the top of the map, the most common flavour for real cheeses and the imitation/processed stuff is some variety of cheddar.
            The funny thing is that, I believe, cheddar was traditionally white, or only mildly yellow in colour.
            Nowadays, it’s all died a bright orange/yellow, unless you specifically buy “white cheddar”.

            1. Thomas says:

              Nah, I looked it up afterwards to check. Cheddar is the most popular cheese in the UK, but it’s only the second most popular cheese in the US (after Mozzarella). Of course by numbers the US is greater.

              Unlike champagne, cheddar isn’t a protected name so you can manufacture it anywhere, but if you want to call it West Country Farmhouse Cheddar then it has to be produced with milk around the original regions of it’s invention

          3. Yeah, cheddar started as a English cheese. In fact, I remember reading that the USA started dyeing their cheese because English cheddar was naturally yellow and American cheddar isn’t, and the English wouldn’t buy American cheddar because it was the wrong color.

            1. Peter H. Coffin says:

              Cheese is yellow in spring and summer, when cows feed mostly on grass, whiter in fall and winter, when it’s more hay. The orange came in as an attempt to regularize the color, and if you go a little further than just trying to match summer cheese, you can use a standard amount of carrot juice or whatever it is, for every batch of cheese you make.

  7. Spammy says:

    I loved just the part with the Depot and after you crash. It felt like I was miles underground invading a quiet sanctuary of the dead. Dark and empty and eerily quiet. Or it would’ve been on my second playthrough if that last Nosalis to jump on the railcar hadn’t gotten glitched and stayed there doing its animation and roaring.

    The next block of levels until you get the Polis are ones I really liked as well.

    1. jarppi says:

      I got that glitch too on my last playthrough. It was pretty hilarious. Pavel was there too to witness it.

      The part after that, as you said, was awesome. Atmosphere once again amped up to eleven.

      1. Spammy V says:

        …What are those Nosalises doing?

        1. jarppi says:

          I don’t think I want to go in the details…

  8. Daemian Lucifer says:

    Why are the traincars exploding?

    1. MrGuy says:

      Because that’s what happens when you’re a vehicle and hitPoints <= 0. There can be no exceptions. It's one of the Laws of Videogames.

      1. Ciennas says:

        I thought video games just made everything out of francium or magnesium. The hit points is an abstraction for the shield that prevents it from interacting with things, hence the explosion regardless of damage source.

        Is there a game where cars die realistically? IE: usually crumpled up/wrapped around/fused with whatever it hit?

        That right there could be a marketing point. Under ‘Realism’.

  9. Ravens Cry says:

    The way I understand it, American Cheese has the same relationship with cheese that Ankh Morpork chocolate has with with chocolate. In fact, the latter is even classified as cheese, though not the former. We get it up here in Canada in the form of Kraft Singles, as well as a few other brands.

  10. Bubble181 says:

    Myeah, American Cheese exists all over the world; it’s one of those side-products of filtering sewage water they just can’t get rid of I guess :P

    But, as said, some “basic” tastes can vary greatly by country. Fanta tastes different in literally every country in the world.

  11. Dovius says:

    I’ve always struggled to understand why with american cheese they shrink-wrap the individual slices. Where’s the point in that? Just put 20 of ‘ em in a plastic container and sell them like that. It’s what they do over here.

    But then again, I’m from the Netherlands, and spent the first 12 years of my life living in my parents’ cheese shop, so I might be biased.

    1. MichaelGC says:

      I think it’s because if the slices aren’t separated they quickly begin to merge together. Like a T-1000. Only more sinister.

    2. Daemian Lucifer says:

      Cant say for american cheese,but the processed stuff we have here is individually wrapped so that they wont tear when separated,which they do when unwrapped,since they are so sticky.

    3. Guvnorium says:

      I’ve seen that here in the states with commercial quantities of the stuff, like what gets purchased for the camp I work at, but never in the store.

    4. Von Krieger says:

      Actually sometimes it IS sold in big blocks of slices, usually they’re offset a little bit to either side to better facilitate removal. That how I get my cheese, anyway. In foot-long shrink-wrapped, most of a loaf of bread-sized rectangles.

  12. Neko says:

    This comments section is now about cheese.

    I’m outside the USA and have never heard of “American Cheese”; someone mentioned Kraft though, and Kraft cheese slices do exist, as well as several other brands of cheeze-like experience squares. Personally if I go for pre-sliced cheese, I get some nice proper sharp cheddar. Mozzarella or Parmesan for pasta.

    McDonalds and other “Fast Food” chains do indeed vary their menu around the world. In Australia you can get some burgers with beetroot and whatnot. When I went to China, the quarter pounder had a mild spicy sauce, which was actually really nice. KFC in China serves these fantastic Portuguese Tarts. Pizza Hut in China does really fancy upmarket gourmet pizzas, because hey, it’s exotic foreign food there. I wish Pizza Hut tried as hard over here.

    1. ET says:

      Pizza Hut up here, at least in Saskatchewan, is basically useless to get pizza from.
      About 2005-ish, they started really chintzing on their pizzas, so now it’s basically thin dough with barely any toppings.
      You have to go to Dominoes or somebody if you want a good, thick-ish to thick pizza.
      Especially Vern’s, but those are so thick that they’re sold by the slice. :P

      1. Land Moose says:

        First off, whoa, another reader from Saskatchewan? Second, the best pizzas in the province are roughly, in order, Houston, Trifon’s, and Western.

        1. Ciennas says:

          The best pizza that I’ve found reliably good is from the little uptown market I live near.

          I didn’t suspect it at first, but it really is one of the best.

          I also have discovered a soft spot for taco pizza, which I know are sold in a couple of chains.

          I might be a gourmet heathen.

  13. ehlijen says:

    Not eating the stuff I’m not sure it’s the same, but in Germany we did have suspicious ‘cheeselike cheese’.

    And it will the last thing left of humantiy once we’re all gone:

    (Sorry, it’s in german, not sure an english translation exists).

    1. Zagzag says:

      Well, that was an enlightening experience.

    2. ET says:

      Well, hop to it!
      Start doing the English subtitles for that video, so the rest of us can enjoy it! :P

  14. Tim says:

    In the UK, where consumer protection is a thing, we can buy American cheese but frequently it has a cheese content so low that companies can’t legally call it cheese. It’s not uncommon to see it packaged as ‘cheese food slices’ or even here as a pack of ‘singles’ (

    1. MrGuy says:

      That’s a thing in the US as well. Rather than put “processed cheese product” on the label, Kraft just markets it “Kraft Singles.”

      It’s actually a brilliant piece of advertising in my opinion. Since they can’t legally call it “cheese” without having to say “processed cheese product,” they just show the product and leave out any mention of the word “cheese,” and let us fill in the blank in our minds.

    2. ET says:

      I’m actually surprised that canned foods don’t have similar restrictions.
      I mean, when you read the nutrition label, and even the vegetables have 0% of your daily amounts, except for maybe 10% of one vitamin, and the rest is salt, fat, and starch…
      Yes, you need energy to survive, but you also need vitamins, minerals, and fiber.
      WHen I get home, I’m comparing the nutrition value of similar masses of Kraft Singles, and canned soup or something.
      I’m curious to see how small a margin of ‘more nutritious’ is needed to still be labelled as ‘food’.

      1. Mintskittle says:

        I’m pretty sure that whatever marketers are pushing, if it’s even just 1% more effective than whatever generic they are comparing to, it can be labeled as more effective, because it is, even if the amount is negligible.

      2. Soylent Dave says:

        While we’re talking about vitamins, the reason they can get away with making outrageous claims on the labels (like “these provide your recommend daily allowance”) is that multivitamins in the EU are classified as food, not medicine.

        If they were medicine, they’d have to demonstrate some actual benefit – but as food, they just have to list their ingredients and imply that it’s healthy to take them. Which it isn’t, because vitamins don’t work like that.

        (it isn’t unhealthy either, it’s just… almost meaningless)

  15. lethal_guitar says:

    We do have it in Germany, although I’ve never heard the term “American Cheese” before. It’s usually called “Schmelzkäse” (molten cheese). It does have the same packaging, though.

    1. Sleeping Dragon says:

      Present in Poland although also not referred to as “American cheese” but rather something equivalent to “cheese slices”. Haven’t really bought it in a while so they may be calling it otherwise now since we had a few regulations about misbranding foods in the last few years. I know for a fact we do have “cheese like products” but those are something different.

  16. kdansky says:

    I assume you are talking about cheese analogues? Those are sold in Switzerland in some of the bigger stores, but they cannot be called cheese, as they are not actually cheese.

    Try a Swiss Raclette cheese for toasted cheese sandwich one day (which is an actual cheese specifically meant to be melted). It will blow your mind.

  17. Weimer says:

    Sometimes, I dream of cheese.

  18. Thomas says:

    It’s probably because I’m watching the game instead of playing it, but this endless string of companion NPCs is beginning to get a bit formulaic and boring right? (And a little bit CoDish) At least the new replacement didn’t turn up immediately after this one died, but I bet we’re going to get another one pretty soon.

    I guess they could be going for something symbolic about that (mabye this is going to be a useless-mission or private-ryan deal) but I think even then you need to break up the pattern or else it feels artificial and just highlights the weird indestructibility of the protagonist

    1. Sleeping Dragon says:

      Yeah, I got that feeling too. I’m guessing it’s to break up the monotony, poke the player in the right direction and deliver the lore, what with Artyom being a (mostly) silent protagonist, travelling outside of the area of immediate human contact (especially friendly human contact) most of the time with no means of immediate communication.

      1. MichaelGC says:

        HONK! HONK!

        — Artyom, 2033

      2. PeteTimesSix says:

        Artyom does actually speak in-game, once. It was in this episode, even – when the traincar is about to fall on him, he lets out a single, poignant “…fuck.”. Shame our hosts talked over it, but whatcha gonna do.

    2. lethal_guitar says:

      It is actually quite faithful to the book in that regard..

  19. Jack V says:

    Is “American Cheese” the processed yellow plastic which you sometimes get when you wanted cheese? We have processed cheese slices, which are normally mediocre but not terrible, but I don’t think they’re branded as “american”.

    I suppose that it’s because America is so big, anything interesting is named after somewhere more specific.

    But it results in terminology that seems so weird to this foreigner. America has some really really lovely cheeses and beers. I’ve had them. So why is “American cheese” and “domestic beer” used to refer to that sort of disgusting slimy liquid plastic which sometimes appears if you order something and forget to say “no, actually made out of food, if you have it…”

    1. Dave B. says:

      As far as I know, “American cheese” is more of an informal generic term than anything like an official classification or brand.

  20. A. Hieronymus Bosch says:

    I can’t help but be a little disturbed at how most of the comments to a video game let’s play are about literal cheese rather than figurative.

    That being said….

    American cheeses do come without the plastic wrap coating in a number of brands. And they do exist in non-sliced blocks, though you may not encounter them outside of a wholesale store (Sam’s, B.J.’s, etc.).

    They also exist as a non-process-ish-style cheese (more often than not from “natural” and “organic” brands), although they taste nothing like the stuff that you’re used to and probably shouldn’t be called ‘American cheese’ in the first place. Note: These non-process-ish American cheeses refuse to actually melt — no matter how much heat you throw at them! Do not expect similar results of any kind when experimenting with this type of cheese.

    1. ET says:

      I want to try this!
      Can you name some brands, so I can see if they sell them up here in Canada?
      Indestructible “cheese”! XD

      1. A. Hieronymus Bosch says:

        There are a few, but the only brand I remember is Applegate(‘s) Natural.

  21. Stalevar says:

    Here’s your cheese:

    The only thing in it that Artyom uses is trimeperidine – an opioid painkiller, so Artyom is always high, which might explain all them ghosts and stuff.

    1. ET says:

      Can you list all the drugs in those things?
      I can’t read Russian, and I don’t want to painstakingly type in all the cyrillic characters into Google Translate.
      At least I can do the desciption under the video:
      Designed as a regular means of care for the security forces and civil defense forces in the USSR. In terms of total military conflict involving weapons of mass destruction was to be distributed to the civilian population in areas close to the centers of destruction

      1. bucaneer says:

        The booklet(s) shown in the video don’t mention the active ingredients of most of the drugs, only generic names and simple instructions of use. What I managed to catch (with some help from Google Translate):
        1. Painkiller
        2. Antidote for organophosphate poisoning
        3. Antibacterial drug #2
        4. Radioprotective drug #1
        5. Antibacterial drug #1
        6. Radioprotective drug #2 (potassium iodide)
        7. Antiemetic drug (Etaperazin/Perphenazine)

  22. Endominus says:

    Anyone here ever try American Shreds? I’m pretty sure you can’t get those outside of America. It’s technically not cheese; it looks yellow and white and shredded, but they are not legally allowed to call it cheese and specifically mention on their packaging, and I quote, “Product not formulated for melting.” So take THAT, people who put American Cheese Product on grilled cheese sandwiches.

    NOTE: Apparently they also come in Italian Shreds. I just can’t get over the fact that they can’t legally be called cheese, despite containing lactic acid. I wouldn’t recommend eating it, not just for the obvious reason that it will likely taste awful; anything that’s “partially hydrogenated” should stay away from you.

  23. Corpital says:

    Ugh, that crash after the Depot. I hope someone can correct me, but if you go to the planks you supposedly drove through, there is one tunnel. No branches, no holes in the walls or ceiling and a big, fat metro train on the rails. How, how on earth were you able to get through this?
    I looked for a few minutes and did not see a way you and your railcar could possibly fit through that tunnel.

    And maybe I was possessed by some gigantic space brain ghost with laser vision and godlike reflexes, but the turret section didn’t give me any problems per se(very first playthrough, Ranger Easy). Died two times in this section. First because the turret was overheated when the tank showed up and I shot the struts under the tank and not the ones between us. Made more sense to me at that time. And second, I didn’t manage to kill the nazi guard with my gun shaking that much and there was not enough ammo left for the dozen guy behind.

  24. Tony Kebell says:

    Regarding Rutskarn comment @ 9:00 , you’re a stuntman where you don’t get to see the script, but when you fail the directer yells cut and tells you to do it again, stupid. The game Stuntman is EXACTLY that and it one of the most fun games ever.

  25. Darren says:

    You can buy American cheese in delis. You can even buy white American cheese, which is pretty good!

  26. Aitch says:

    Around here, “american cheese” is sold sliced off the block like any other cheese from a deli. It’s white, texture something like mild cheddar, primary flavor is creamy with a decent amount of salt. Not aged paticularly long, about as mild as it gets. Often used in cheesesteaks in this area since it melts very well and has a knack to bind the steak without adding grease, also mixes well with provolone or swiss in that sort of application. And I’m sure some center city cheesesteak purists will say it’s not authentic without cheese-whiz as the one and only, but pretty much everyone I know thinks it’s garbage compared to the real thing.

    Likewise, the “Kraft Singles” type of american cheese should feel ashamed for taking the name of a totally decent cheese and turning out such a sad and waxy unfood product. Even for something like a grilled cheese, you’re much better off using actual sliced or shredded cheese. It’s like if you bought an apple at the market, and when you bit into it realized that it’s just a hollowed out skin stuffed with crumpled up waxpaper and a couple sandy grains of refined sugar intersparsed.

    Don’t be fooled – real american cheese does not suck.

  27. Traiden says:

    I like how of all that, no one cares to comment on the fact that Josh did indeed stealth a portion of the minecart section.

  28. Jason W says:

    I’ve gotten non-pre-sliced (is that a word) American cheese from the deli before, both yellow and white.

    And unless I’m remembering incorrectly (I was young at the time), but I’m pretty sure “government cheese” is also American cheese.

    1. ET says:

      According to Wikipedia it looks like that was basically the same thing, but made with actual cheeses, from about 1960-1990, to give to welfare and other subsidy recipients.
      So how come I have to pay for a less real cheese? :P

  29. Ben Hilton says:

    OK, on an un-cheese related note, where the hell did the Nazis get a Panzer? I mean I'm willing to accept that they recovered/ scavenged enough parts to build a tank, but a Panzer? There are only a few of those left now, if any. How did they find one after the apocalypse?

    1. Raygereio says:

      Panzer was the name for a series of WWII-era tanks. But it’s also the German word for tank, or armour.
      So the obvious answer is that the metro nazis didn’t refit a WWII-era tank, but instead took a railcar, strapped a whole bunch of armour and a canon onto it and then called the thing a tank.

      1. Ben Hilton says:

        See now I just feel stupid. I knew that Panzer meant armor, but when I heard Pavel shout “It’s a Panzer!” I just had flashbacks to all the WWII games I’ve played and automatically assumed it was that specific type. anyway thanks for clearing that up.

    2. A. Hieronymus Bosch says:

      You can (or could, I haven’t checked in a few months) actually purchase ‘older’ demilitarized tanks and troop-transports for a relatively low cost. I think I saw a panzer for around 24,000 USD, once.

      They’re definitely still available, and it’s entirely plausible for one to have wound up in a bunker attached to a rail-system.

  30. Tizzy says:

    Am I allyvthe only one stopping here to thank Ruts for his masterful Weird Al rendition?

    I’ll just sit in this corner, then.

  31. The Rocketeer says:

    Hey Shamus, I don’t have Twitter, but you’re right; ‘fanart’ is an uncountable noun, like ‘information’ or ‘music.’

    But you use ‘are’ in that sentence because ‘people’ is the subject; ‘fanart’ is just the direct object.

    (I’m more of a Gorgonzola man myself.)

    1. Corpital says:

      In my head, I always shorten fan art to Multiple are f.arts. Yes, I occasionally have the humor of a small child, thank you very much for noticing.

      1. The Rocketeer says:

        HEY KEV! What do farts and fanart tend to have in common?

        What’s that, Jay?

        The source material!


  32. BitFever says:

    I live in Canada and we get the precut and packaged up american cheese here. I have no idea about outside of north america though.

  33. BrokenLute says:

    As you move closer to the Ural area from the south, either you, or your grandma have the necessary facilities and resources to make your own. At least that’s true for the rural Balkan area where I’m from. It’s not a general rule, but the opportunity is there.

    I wouldn’t exactly call it exclusively “green” processing, but once you get used to it, something like American cheese seems worlds away. Considering the Metro way of apporaching this product, the locals here would have you believe it has ostentatious healing properties (ranging form infertility cure to, I dunno, limb regeneration)

  34. Sam says:

    Well, Ruts. You got your wish. Arkham Knight has a forced turret vehicle stealth sequence. 6 frickin tanks that will instakill you if they see you for five continuous seconds with one bigger tank that needs to be saved for last. The first 6 all need you to sneak up from behind, while the last need FOUR shots, one on each side. And they all have rotating cannons.

    I blame you for this, Spoiler Warning.

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