There's an episode of MST3K that covers the movie Lost Continent. The target movie features about ten thousand hours of rock climbing and nine seconds of stop-motion dinosaurs. (Horribly, this grueling bit of cinema is “generally considered to be one of the best in the 40-year-plus career of director Sam Newfield.” So that’s terrifying. What were his other films? Slow-motion footage featuring waterfalls of raw sewage?) You could tell it was almost an endurance test for the MST3K crew, and as the episode went on they would just say “rock climbing” to describe how they were feeling.
Among my gaming group we adopted this saying for times when something really boring â€" a story, movie, game, me talking â€" would go on for far too long and become a test of will. I’m also fond of saying, “From the people who brought you that last stuff, it's… more of the same!”. But only on special occasions.
I wanted to say “rock climbing” all during this episode. This really is starting to feel like rock climbing in the “Caesar Romero climbing Styrofoam rocks for an hour ten” sense of the word. The nonsense plot. Our endless bitching. The relentless brownness. Our whining. The glitches. Our bellyaching. The railroading. Our nitpicking.
So anyway. Slip on your wing-tipped climbing shoes and enjoy this punishing desecration of the Fallout name:
Rock climbing, Josh. Rock climbing.
EDIT: Today’s amusing bit of dramatic irony appears in the original posting of this episode (drink!) where I claimed that, “If it's of any comfort, we'll have nicer things to say about the next game.” Ha. Haha. Oh, Shamus-of-2010, your optimism sickens me.
A video Let's Play series I collaborated on from 2009 to 2017.
Do It Again, Stupid
One of the highest-rated games of all time has some of the least interesting gameplay.
The Biggest Game Ever
Just how big IS No Man's Sky? What if you made a map of all of its landmass? How big would it be?
Denuvo and the "Death" of Piracy
Denuvo videogame DRM didn't actually kill piracy, but it did stop it for several months. Here's what we learned from that.
Silent Hill Turbo HD II
I was trying to make fun of how Silent Hill had lost its way but I ended up making fun of fighting games. Whatever.