on Aug 15, 2012
This is the 300th episode of Spoiler Warning. Seriously. We’ve made three hundred of these things. That is a lot of spoiled stuff. This seems like a great time to begin our long-delayed Mass Effect 3 season.
I should probably apologize for this start to the series. Often people accuse us of “just looking for stuff to nitpick”, which isn’t really fair or true. We’re usually looking for stuff to talk about, and sometimes those things are positive and sometimes they’re negative. But in our first block of episodes, I seem to remember spending about two hours hating the game and whinging on about Every Damn Little Thing.
What happened is this:
Josh, Chris, and I spent about forty-five minutes trying to play Mass Effect 3 multiplayer and having our efforts thwarted by the awful interface, stupid Origin problems, bafflingly long menu loads, dumb DLC policies, and glitches. Before that, I’d been playing pub games with strangers and dying again and again to the AWESUM BUTTIN LOL that made me sprint when I wanted cover, do little somersault rolls when I wanted to revive a teammate, and enter cover when I was trying to run away or push a button. So I was in a bad mood. As a bonus, I had an eyeball-obliterating headache and I was getting sick.
So, I entered our first Mass Effect 3 episode in an extreme state of agitation. I was mad at everyone and everything, BioWare in particular. I think it would be fair to say that I was looking for stuff to complain about, since that was pretty much my mental state at the time. I dominated a lot of the conversation and most of it was complaining incoherently about small stuff.
This was all very unfortunate, since Mass Effect 3 has a few awful, terrible, no-good, Very Bad problems, but none of them were the things I was bitching about. In fact, I spent so much time complaining about trivial things that I missed the couple of important or noteworthy things.
Case in point: Shepard’s big “We fight or we die” one-liner. We’ve been waiting for two whole games for this moment, and our big speech boils down to:
ADMIRAL DUM DUM:
Commander Shepard! We’ve fallen out of an airplane with no parachute! What to we do?
(Thoughtful, dramatic pause.)
We hit the ground or we die!
So… yeah. I was in a bad mood, complained too much, and kind of started us off on the wrong foot. Sorry about that. If it makes you feel any better, I hated making it more than you’ll hate watching it. And if that’s not a ringing endorsement I don’t know what is.