The fight with Namir…
Why is Zao here, hanging out in the naked skinless muscle man room? How did she know you were coming? (Remembering that it’s possible you ghosted everything before now.) Since she knew you were coming, why is she here in the open, waiting for you? Shouldn’t she be worried that you would just shoot her?
Why is Namir here, naked? Really, think about this:
Namir knows you are coming. His plan is to:
- Strip naked.
- Put his weapon on the ground several paces away.
- Begin posing in a bunch of impractical positions.
- Wait until you are close, and then conspicuously grab you, lift you, and taunt you, ignoring the threat posed by your arm-blades, Typoon, and all your guns.
- Throw you across the room, THEN pick up a gun and try to fight you.
This is the stupidest ambush in the world, and the only reason it works is because the cutscene forces you to fall for it.
What did Namir do with his penis? Did he forget to bring it with him when he left for work this morning?
Why does Jensen walk out in the open – AGAIN! – and strike up a conversation? Even if he’s immune to her little hacking gizmo, why does he let her use it instead of performing an outpatient head-ectomy with his armblade?
Why does the naked skinless muscle man room exist? It serves no visible function or purpose. It can’t be useful as a showcase, since it’s at the very BACK of a secret base. It’s an impractical way of keeping aug-bodies in any case. And why are they on pedestals filled with guns and bullets? Also, the aug-bodies shown aren’t consistent with with augs we see elsewhere in the game. (Compare to Jensen’s robot-arms or Tong’s Crysis-style mesh arms.) And it sort of makes you wonder – if they’re going to go to all the trouble of making parts that look like humans, why don’t they take the last step and throw some skin over that stuff? Because a skinned human looks creepy as hell.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
Everything, everything here is just wrong and frustrating. You can justify some of this stuff (Like: Sometimes people build private showcase rooms for esoteric collections!) but not all of it, and it’s just too many red flags at once. You could get away with some of these contrivances, if not for all the others. But this many stacked contrivances is really too much to be ignored in a single sequence, and so the whole thing disintegrates into a big bowl of derp.
And on top of that, the gameplay here is awful. It’s either punishingly hard. (When using the game mechanics on which the rest of the game is built.) Or it’s stupid easy. (TYFOON LOLOL!)
Top 64 Videogames
Lists of 'best games ever' are dumb and annoying. But like a self-loathing hipster I made one anyway.
The Disappointment Engine
No Man's Sky is a game seemingly engineered to create a cycle of anticipation and disappointment.
Why Batman Can't Kill
His problem isn't that he's dumb, the problem is that he bends the world he inhabits.
WAY back in 2005, I wrote about a D&D campaign I was running. The campaign is still there, in the bottom-most strata of the archives.
Lost Laughs in Leisure Suit Larry
Why was this classic adventure game so funny in the 80's, and why did it stop being funny?