DM of the Rings CXLII:
Rank Bribery

By Shamus
on Sep 3, 2007
Filed under:
DM of the Rings


Frodo Wins!
Gandalf buggers off, and Aragorn is happy.

You can get away with anything, story-wise, as long as you give the players enough rewards. These rewards become hostages which compel the players to stay. Sure, you can leave the campaign now, but then you’ll never get to use this +50 vorpal sword of awesome that glows like a lightsaber and once a day can be used to create 2d8 pieces of delicious candy.

To clear up this continual confusion: This is NOT the last strip. The comic ends on Friday. You’ll know it’s the end. It’ll say so.

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A Hundred!20205We've got 145 comments. But one more probably won't hurt.

From the Archives:

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  1. Ambidexter says:

    I’ll never be able to watch the LOTR movies without thinking of DMoTR.

  2. DamoJO says:

    can we have this again from Gollums point of view?

  3. Errol says:

    I’m really gonna miss this comic… *sob*

    ooooooo! A new comic by Shamus! New fix!

  4. wowzaa says:

    Gollum died. Legolas shot first

  5. A reader says:

    Just wanted to comment at least once on this comic.

    Awesome job Shamus.

    Yeah thats about all I got…

    Can’t wait for the next project and I hope this one stays online for others to enjoy.

  6. Itzchy says:

    Aw man… now I’m all teary-eyed and nostalgic. Thanks so much for entertaining us in the past months, Shamus. All the best in your new projects, definitely looking forward to them! :)

    Hmm… and at least, there’s still the blog. :P

  7. ArchU says:

    I feel that you’ve been bribing your readers this whole time with the promise of a great reward at the end.

    So thanks! Now to generate 2d8 pieces of delicious candy…

  8. Inlad says:

    Wow, is it over now? I’ll miss this comic, but, like Aragorn said, it was a GREAT ending.
    I’ve been reading this comic for a while now, but just never got around to posting. I can’t wait for your next project.

    Inlad The Dashing Paladin.

  9. Synonymous says:

    Another nice, easily-overlooked screencap is “That sounds great” Aragorn, who’s clearly not looking at Arwen’s eyes.

  10. Jacob says:

    Dude. Totally started reading this comic on the day it ended. Awesome.

  11. Davesnot says:

    brassbaboon … I dunno.. from my seat, it seems like not many besides you have read Shamus’ comment about Sept 7th.. thing like,

    I loved this one, a beautiful ending for such a wonderful comic. I think I will go cry about it being finished, even more beautiful than the movies!

    and

    It’s over. I don’t know what to do.

    I think most people read the first comments.. then drop to then end.. but thanks, brass, for reading..

    Shamus, you da’ man!

  12. Dean-O says:

    I have followed this from the beginning and have told many many people about this. By far the BEST comic I have ever read. Now Legomyass!

  13. Alyc says:

    I’m going to be so sad when this is over… even if I can’t wait to hear Gimli and Legolas’ reactions when they find out they’re destined for each other. OTP. Twu Wuv. Actually, it’s really Aragorn’s reaction I’m looking forward to!

  14. Joe says:

    Since I don’t think I’ve ever posted on any of these, I at least wanted to say something before DM of the Rings comes to its (inevitable) end.

    As both an extreme Tolkien loyalist and long-term gamer, I have enjoyed this so much, and will miss it when it’s gone. Still, just the work you’ve done on this has made me interested in your new project, so I’ll check in on that.

    Thanks for much enjoyment over the last few months!

  15. Mari says:

    OK, so I’ve admitted that I tend to play video games really, really late. Today I finished up LotR: The Third Age. And couldn’t help but scream “That does it! I quit! We’ve been playing this game for like a year now and at the end I find out the war was won by a lone NPC. I’m going home.”

    The hubs looked at me and I looked at him and we both laughed until we couldn’t breathe anymore. It was sweet how well today’s strip tied into my real life. Usually I have to stretch to filch your funny lines.

  16. 'tarako says:

    ‘This is my second time posting and I just want to reiterate some of the things that were said. Good job shamus, this is an amazing comic. it got me through my senior year of highschool and into college. I cant count the number of times ive gotten in trouble for laughing to loud at the newest installment. Kudos man. This is amazing. Dude, maybe you should make it a book or something…

  17. Iván says:

    Hi, Shamus. Excelente trabajo. I’ll miss Lady Legola´s faces, Pimp Aragorn´s comments and Father Gimli´s lessons. Thank you so much for making the role playing croud a lot happier. Keep up the good work.

    What’s next one about? Shadowrun, Mechwarrior, RISK?

  18. Maverick says:

    Oooh, a light saber sword, i’m in! Nice comic shaums, ill be sad to see it go.

  19. Chiwigi says:

    Just commenting to say thanks…first comment from me but have been reading from almost the beginning…looking forward to commenting on the last episode.

    Shame you aren’t doing Star Wars but thanks for the LOTR.

  20. Samir says:

    Candy producing sword! I ran a gurps campaign where the most prized weapon that the players had was a a meat cleaver that once per week summoned a WHOLE COW.. Sometimes it was alive and mooing, dead, rotted or neatly butchered. The players always talked about the cleaver called “fetchie Le moosh” They even managed to drop a cow on a villain NPC.. Not easy since it was always a random location within 30 feet.

    Awesome adaptation Shamus, awesome!

  21. Medium Dave says:

    OVER? Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?

  22. CJG says:

    “To clear up this continual confusion: This is NOT the last strip. The comic ends on Friday. You’ll know it’s the end. It’ll say so.”

    Ha! Confusion about when it ends? It’s just like the movie!

  23. Browncoat says:

    Germans bomb Pearl Harbor? C’mon dude.

    Yes, it was the bombing of Pearl Harbor that got us into WWII in which we faught the Germans, but it was the Chinese that actually did the bombing. Learn some history.

  24. Browncoat says:

    My dad’s favorite joke:

    Two pilots got to talking on a transatlantic flight. The captain was Jewish, and the co-pilot was Chinese. It was the first time they had flown together, and it was obvious by the silence that they didn’t care for each other.

    After thirty minutes, the Captain finally spoke. He said, “I don’t like Chinese.”

    The co-pilot replied, “Ooooh, no like Chinese? Why dat?”

    The pilot said, “You guys bombed Pearl Harbor. That’s why I don’t like Chinese.”

    The co-pilot said, “Nooooo, noooo …. Chinese no bomb Pearl Harbah. JAPANESE bomb Pearl Harbah.”

    The pilot answered, “Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese… it doesn’t matter. You’re all alike.”

    Another thirty minutes of silence ensued. Finally, the co-pilot said, “I no like Jew.”

    The pilot replied, “Why not? Why don’t you like Jews?”

    “Jews sink Titanic.”

    The pilot tried to correct him, “No, no. The Jews didn’t sink the Titanic. It was an iceberg.”

    “Iceberg, Goldberg, Rosenberg… no mattah… all same.”

  25. TheDarkOne says:

    Dear Lord….. Maybe i am not catching the joke, but the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbour.

  26. Squash says:

    “To clear up this continual confusion: This is NOT the last strip. The comic ends on Friday. You’ll know it’s the end. It’ll say so.”

    Ah. The irony. In the context of the movie–brilliant.

  27. Rhapsody says:

    I hate seeing it end – don’t know when I’ve laughed so hard… but I trust that now you’ll be starting “Conan the Barbarian” as a game?

  28. Rain says:

    I always wondered what happened to gimly and legolass after the movie… well… not really, but now I am. Hope we find out.

    well… the strip is almost over, and it looks like the stockmarket is at least finally catching on.

    http://www.thotmarket.com/thot.php?id=MzQ3Njg0MC4zNg==

  29. Ravs says:

    Noooooo!

    You’ve got the Silmarillion to do now! Won’t take long, you can do Chainmail Bikini after that!

    Seriously, though thank you so much – looking forward to reading your new strip when this one is over.

  30. fren says:

    You … you bastard! You promised 4d4 pieces of candy!

  31. Margaret says:

    Regarding Germans bombing Pearl Harbor.

    C’mon people. Don’t show your n00bness. You’re suppose to answer with, “Forget it, he’s on a roll”

    psst, it’s from “Animal House”

  32. QueenMAB says:

    WAHHHHHH…
    I’m going to miss this SO much. But on the plus side, I won’t have to worry so much about water/soda shooting out of my nose at work.

    Great screen caps Shamus!

  33. David H. says:

    A book may not be feasible, but once DMOTR is finished I think it’d be great to see the story collected into a .cbz or .cbr file — torrent that, let folks get archive copies. It’d save Shamus on bandwidth…

  34. roxysteve says:

    If the DMoTR is running his campaign a-la book, we should expect three endings, of which this is one and a half (or so).

    I loved the sincere “I quit” followed by instant capitulation in favour of more torture.

    Steve.

  35. roxysteve says:

    Bah! Gone for a week and the first post I make rolls a fumble. Typical!

    Steve.

  36. Any chance you’ll go back and fill in some “bonus strips” for the Fellowship of the Ring?

  37. Shamus says:

    RampantCoyote: Yup. I do have a few extras – six I think. So that even though it ends this Friday I’ll still be posting stuff until the 21st.

  38. Caius says:

    Aragorn
    Sorry Leg-O-Ass but you had your chance to hook up with me at the beginning, and you could have been my queen.

    Legolas
    I’m a dude, for God’s sake I am a dude.

    Gimli
    Are you sure?

    Legolas
    I shoot Gimli

  39. okay! says:

    What is the point of waking up on Monday, Wednesday and Friday after this week? What a great run.

    And I’m adding my vote for a Star Wars comic. I know you don’t have an obvious pedigree relationship like between Tolkien and D&D, but I think those movies need your attention. At this point you have a big audience, and you don’t need a conceit to start making the funny.

  40. Scarlet Knight says:

    Since friday will be a goodbye-fest for Shamus, let me take this time to thank all of the posters who have made me laugh along with the comic itself.

    Without you all, I would be sadly ignorant in quatum physics, the makeup of Mountain Dew around the world, and what is appropriate for a minion to ask for next Christmas…

    “A star shown on the hour of our meeting” everone.

  41. Dead_Radish says:

    How do you quantify the deliciousness of the candy that the sword creates?

  42. Starsong says:

    Mmmm, magic sword of candy! I’ve got a character in an evil campaign now that would love one of those, she’s a slaver catering to noble pedophiles. That’d be great for luring in my “little darlings”.

  43. EmeraldTiara says:

    So, you gonna do star wars now?

  44. Atanamir says:

    Quoth the Shamus: “The final page is this Friday, Sept 7th. Exactly one year from the first comic.”

    Oh, very clever. That will make the total number of chapters 144, or one gross. The sum of Bilbo’s and Frodo’s ages at the Long-Expected Party. COINCIDENCE?!?!?!?

  45. mocking bird says:

    How about Aragorn’s player finds out that it was all the dream of an autistic child.

    Or Frodo really didn’t destroy the ring. He put it on, was made Sauron’s b!tch and is waiting to get on the boat to sink it at sea (all players hate sea adventures for just that reason), getting rid of lots of powerful elves and making him Gandalf the Green in the process. Sauron then creates the Nine Swimmers to go get the One Ring again and plunges the entire world into chaos. Oh Gimli & Legomyass? They live happily ever after in the Glittering caves.

  46. Caveman says:

    I was wondering how Gollum would be resurected, and frodo would return, now I ponder no more! Can’t wait until Friday! It has been a delightful journey, I am sure your next project will be equally as brilliant! Thank you for this outstanding waste of company time! Kudos!

  47. Caveman says:

    BTW, here is a humorous parody of the Fellowship, starring Jack Black. (Just for fun)
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AoJujGPd1zs

  48. SteveDJ says:

    Just think about poor player that is playing Aragorn — after months of playing, and frequently saying “I HATE this campaign”, here he is on the verge of proclaiming “I LOVE this campaign”, just in time for the credits to roll…

  49. victor says:

    man, am i ever going to miss this.

  50. Tristan says:

    Man I’ll miss this comic…Great job!

  51. Katz says:

    Great Comic. Just like a bunch of the other guys this is my first post although I’ve been reading for quite some time. I know it’s not the last one (yet) but so many people have posted that I wanted to add to the count

    to Tristan: if your last name is Buckly I’ll kill you. (if not ignore me I’m just a random person anyway)

  52. Spirit Goblin says:

    ” Browncoat Says:

    Yes, it was the bombing of Pearl Harbor that got us into WWII in which we faught the Germans, but it was the Chinese that actually did the bombing. Learn some history. ”

    Actually I think you’ll find it was the Japanese……

    Great work Shamus, will look forward to seeing what you come up with for the penultimate strip.

    and good luck with the next project

  53. Jeff says:

    Is it just me, or is Aragorn staring at Arwen’s boobs?

  54. Well there is the new Hobbit movie coming out soon.
    I love this comic and I am very sad to see that it is ending so very very soon.
    Thank you so much for making such a spectacular comic and the opportunity to waste so much time on this site.

    FIRST POST!

  55. Markus says:

    Shamus – thank you very much for all your hard work on this wonderful webcomic. It will be sorely missed!

    And, good luck with your next project!

  56. Jorpho says:

    What, you mean this is the second-last chance for me to comment? Better get on that!

    I always imagined this would end with that rather out-of-place singing.

    “Okay, I’ll just roll a die to see how well I sing…”

    “No! Not good enough! We do things my way now! You have to actually sing, right now, or, um, all your subjects are going to lose faith in you and revolt! Ha ha ha!”

  57. Thom Kallor says:

    OH MY GOD! I just started reading the series yesterday. And now I am freaking out because i couldn’t read the entire series. It’s like collecting every issue of a comic series all in 24 hours except the finale which won’t come out for a week!!

  58. Amber says:

    I got a link to this strip a week ago… when i started reading it I just couldn’t stop. It’s so great how true you get the players… I used to DM, so yeah, it’s super cool, and super funny.

  59. Thom Kallor says:

    I would greatly appreciate anyone teaching me

  60. Davesnot says:

    Sweet.. bonus materials!! .. oh.. and that joke about Pearl Harbor.. Kids, it’s an Animal House joke.. that’s a movie about.. oh hell, kids.. Bulushi?! Not Jim.. John.. aww.. nevermind.

    Uphill.. bothways .. in the snow… without any shoes.

  61. Kel says:

    This has been one of my favourite web comics since I was pointed this way by a friend. I’ve laughed outright at it more times than I can recall and I am waiting for the end with a mixture of impatience and sadness.

    Still, while a part of me is selfishly miffed that you are not going to do a similar treatment to other deserving movies (Star Wars! Woot!), I look forward to seeing what the next phase will be.

  62. Jaeger says:

    Just recently discovered this webcomic… lots of fun, brings back memories of campaigns gone by. I have played and lot of D&D in my day, but I didn’t much care for LOTR (I realize saying this may get my geek card taken away) but I remember enough about it that this stuff is hilarious.

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