DM of the Rings CXXX:
You May Now Celebrate

By Shamus
on Aug 3, 2007
Filed under:
DM of the Rings


Hail to the king, baby!

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202020206There are now 86 comments. Almost a hundred!

From the Archives:

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  1. Wulfwen says:

    At least he remembered *something* to do with his character! Nice job, King Stoner…

  2. Cenobite says:

    LOL! Was that Gandalf or the DM reminding Aragorn that Anduril was the sword’s name?

  3. Basilios says:

    I so want to see how Aragorn’s player is going to handle the political subtleties of setting himself up as king in a place run by the Stewards for a thousand years… Subtleties that the DM will no doubt try to hit him with.

  4. ha! quick, to the point, and very funny.

  5. Vermont Gal says:

    Oh, I love it–you can just picture the DM quietly banging his head on the tabletop!

  6. Berowne says:

    I can see the response now: “Yeah, and you are a thorn in our side already!”

    2nd post? By pure chance? Wierd. Only that could draw me out of skulking.

  7. roxysteve says:

    Wanna bet the new King stops off at a blacksmith’s before his coronation?

    Steve.

  8. Ring of Gyges says:

    What? No regicide slot gag?
    Denethor’s death has to be one of the most implausible things in the movie. Take a look at the distance an old man has to run (while on FIRE), only to throw himself out the specially gap in the wall (which presumably only exists to let stewards throw themselves to their death), while his “elite” guards just sit there and watch.

  9. Joshua says:

    At least he’s finally trying to get into character.

    Also, It seems that even after all those mocking “first post” posts by Shamus, people are still obsessed with it.

  10. John says:

    Hail to the King Baby…..and gimme some sugar!!

  11. Zudrak says:

    To John: I don’t know why that made me think of the McDonald’s coffee commercials…

    “You brought the King, let me add the sugar. C’mere!”

  12. Gary's Friend Jim says:

    Now I’m getting strange looks from the office staff as I sit here at my desk laughing my fool head off.

    “Anduril is the name of your sword, dumbass”… quite possibly the funniest line of all of DMoTR yet.

    Priceless and perfect.

  13. Caius says:

    I hate campins were you have to take notes…
    My sword’s name is?
    My name is?
    The jerk who keeps taking my kills name is?

  14. JFargo says:

    Hilarious! That got a good laugh.

    Hope you’re well, and that things went okay recently!

  15. Nob the Hobbit says:

    To quote Colin from so many posts: “Pimp!”

    And yeah, Aragorn really can’t roleplay; no irritation at Perrin for saving, as was said in earlier comments to earlier comics, the one man with any sort of claim to his throne. Never mind all the stuff about not knowing his own background.

  16. Al Shiney says:

    The King’s name badge …

    “Well met! My name is”

    and underneath is written

    “Aragorn, son of Anduril”

    And hilarity ensues.

  17. Frank says:

    “Hail to the king, baby!”

    Now that’s just unfair, now I’m waiting for him to draw his boomstick and show it to the primitive screwheads. It would be so fitting.

  18. Maverick says:

    I don’t even want to know how a sword gave birth to him…although it explains the IQ…

    p.s Natural 20 ftw

  19. Todd says:

    Just waiting for the army of darkness screenshot to be snuck in somewhere

  20. Raycheetah says:

    Long-time reader, first-time poster.

    Shamus, this is great stuff! I share it with anybody I can get to look at it. I guess that’s characteristic of a Browncoat (Firefly/Serenity fan); we get… Enthusiastic about things we enjoy.

    Just a gaming aside:

    Many episodes ago, somebody asked what the game stats were for Aargorn’s sword, Anduril. Here they are, from “Lords of Middle Earth, Vol. II: The Mannish Races.”

    On page 18, under the entry for Aragorn II (yes, he was the second Aragorn), Anduril is described as follows:

    +50 (on a % system; on a D20, that’s STILL +10!) Holy broadsword, will flame on command-

    Burns Hot: Delivers extra Heat criticals of equal severity (to regular crits scored); and, is “of slaying” against orcs.

    OR

    Burns Cold: Delivers extra cold criticals of equal severity; and, is “of slaying” against Undead.

    Aragorn has some other cool gear the DM probably wrote on his sheet that the player never bothered to read; his stats are pretty amazing, too.

    Anyway, just so’s ya know…

    Keep ’em comin,’ Shamus!

    -Raycheetah =^[.]^=

  21. Obfuscato says:

    #9 “What! no regicide slot gag?”

    Yup, he should have grabbed a shield from one of the guards and done a Legolas-slides-on-a-shield thing. Is there XP for posthumous style points? It coulda been a product tie-in where they coulda sold a LOT of LOTR snowboards. Maybe “Tony Hawk Presents The Return of The King”. Or Wile E. Coyote. Okay, I’m leaving now.

  22. Jack says:

    The King is Back, Long LIve THe King!!

  23. Eric J says:

    Lame. You were funnier when you had a gall bladder.

    (Not at all true. I just had to say it.)

  24. Browncoat says:

    Oh no! They removed his gall bladder of +2 Hillarity, and -4 Putting Up with “First” Posters. Perhaps you can find the Gall Bladder of Vecna. Good luck with that.

  25. Proteus says:

    That last line was classic! Well done!

  26. Casper says:

    Aragorn: Hail to the King, baby! Aragorn, son of Anduril is back!
    GM: Anduril is the name of your sword, dumb ass.

    You definitely got to put this on T-shirt, Shamus!

  27. Dan says:

    What’s funnier than Aragorn mixing up his sword’s name and is dad’s name is that he remembered a name at all. I can imagine him thinking “OH. So what’s my dad’s name? Sauragorn?”

  28. Matthias says:

    Comic needs more campaign anecdotes (read: advice for DMs)
    Otherwise great read as usual
    :)

  29. AndiN says:

    Oh, man, now you’ve gotta do a Bruce Campbell cameo! Either that, or I hereby officially nominate the Evil Dead movies to be the next to get the Shamus treatment. :-)

    “Good. Bad. I’m the guy with the gun.”

  30. Matthias says:

    #31: Um, that would be like parodying a MST3K episode, wouldn’t it? lol

  31. Max says:

    I just love the last line.

  32. Melfina the Blue says:

    Great one. That needs to be a t-shirt. A nametag with “Aragorn, son of Anduril”
    and on the back…
    “at least he remembered his name this time”

  33. Kenny says:

    To the person asking who corrected Aragorn, I believe it was the DM. The DM talks in square yellow balloons, and NPC’s talk in round yellow balloons.

  34. jperk31260 says:

    Still waiting for the loot and XP and Babes requests from the PC’s

  35. hendrake says:

    Awesome. Thanks for the laugh, Shamus!

  36. Mirage says:

    DING … 38!

    Great one Shamus, love the series. I like the look on Peregrin’s face. He’s a bit smarter than the rest, at least he KNOWS he’s out of his depth.

    “Clatto Verata N… Necktie… Nickel… It’s an “N” word, it’s definitely an “N” word!”

    Is this the official AoD thread?

  37. oldschoolGM says:

    Funny, funny stuff. “I have no idea what any of that means”. HAH! And I wonder if they’ll have to have a “no Evil Dead quotes” rule to go with the no Python rule now.

    Another subtle bit ‘o funny here: In the books, Aragorn refused to enter Minas Tirith until Sauron was defeated, even after the battle of Pelannor Fields, only entering the houses of healing to help out the wounded. He did this out of respect for Stewards, humility, and a sense of self-restraint. All of which Aragormless here clearly lacks in any way shape or form. Perfect example of how Lord of the Rings would never work as a DnD campaign. :)

  38. Eric the vengeful says:

    Reading that has left me an age old question, similar to that of the old woman from the 80’s: “where’s the funny?”

  39. Vegedus says:

    This is kinda the same case as when Eowyn tried to get into the party. Aragorn should be humble and hesitant about getting to be king, but any player would jump at and cheer at the opportunity to get a powerful position which they can exploit. I guess it’s called “bad roleplaying”. Though, even the good roleplayers would probably just roll a neutral character so they can get away with being selfish pricks. Upon thinking about it, that’s a subject that, as far as I recall, haven’t been touched upon in the comic, though it’s very noticeable when I play.
    Everyone who’s smart, always play either true neutral or chaotic neutral, because it means they don’t have to bend to the law or share whatever gold they found on slain peasants, who were asking for it, of course.

  40. dtb says:

    Long leave the King…

  41. Tola says:

    And yeah, Aragorn really can’t roleplay; no irritation at Perrin for saving, as was said in earlier comments to earlier comics, the one man with any sort of claim to his throne.

    To which I must note: The Stewards of Gondor have not been mentioned to the players at ALL till right now.

    …Cut the ‘players’ a BIT of slack, please?

    …Not that this isn’t funny(Shamus’s quality ALWAYS shows). It’s just not for quite the same reasons on my part. ‘I have no idea what any of that means’…Gandalf, your speech-craft needs some serious work. Too bad Saruman’s dead…

    I’m surprised he didn’t say ‘Aragorn, son of ARAGORN’. Aragorn and Arathorn are far too close in terms of spelling and pronounciation for that slip-up not to be made at some point.

  42. Victor says:

    FINALLY CURRENT! Ok, i love your strip, and i am so glad to understand what a gm has to go through. one of my friends tried to make an epic level campaign as his first, it was pretty much a railroad (level 18 dwarven cleric with prismatic sphere scared the crap out of him!)

  43. Jindra34 says:

    Tola: He would have had to read his back story to make that mistake. Something we know he will never do.

  44. MarkB says:

    I’m surprised nobody in the party pointed out that, as far as they’re concerned, this was also the start of the story of Denethor.

    Then again, I suppose the dreadful possibility of the DM actually telling them the story was sufficient to keep them quiet.

  45. Attorney At Chaos says:

    For another take on this I recommend Tom Smith’s crossover of LotR with a different King. Though he has MP3s of some of his songs on his website, that particular one isn’t available in MP3. He does have the lyrics, though, at

    http://www.tomsmithonline.com/lyrics/return_king.htm

    So you’ll just have to imagine your own 50s Rock-and-Roll tune and imagine Elvis singing it….

  46. Dugel says:

    That last line was pure genius. The best laugh I have had of the whole series.

  47. Yahzi says:

    “Cheer the hell up…”

    :D

  48. Benjamin says:

    Apologies if somebody has already linked you this, but I thought you might find it interesting. It’s an article on the translation of D20 rules to real life situations. You’re referenced in it a few times.

    http://www.thealexandrian.net/creations/misc/d&d-calibrating.html

  49. Doug Williams says:

    Gandalf’s somber, head-bowing coda to the “Ballad of Steward Denethor,” or whatever that dumb jerkoff’s name was,is spot-on perfect! I can just see the players all reaching for the last piece of pizza at the same time while the DM tries to give a hint of reverence to the proceedings…

  50. Vinchenze says:

    DM, at least he remember SOMETHING about his charater, for a change. But i’m guessing his reign will be short lived.

  51. Jack F. says:

    Anduril is the name of you’re sword, dumb ass..
    I liked that xD

  52. Laithoron says:

    50 Benjamin Says:
    http://www.thealexandrian.net/creations/misc/d&d-calibrating.html

    Justin Alexander posts on here sometimes and in spite of a few poor opposed Diplomacy check results in the past, generally I’d say he’s got observations worth considering. Thanks for the linkage, it was a good read.

  53. superfluousk says:

    Like others have said, I’m just impressed that he can remember the name of his sword. Or of his character.

  54. DM T. says:

    Made my day !!

  55. solemndragon says:

    clearly, they stitched in an extra funny gland, or else they gave him one too many potions of hilarity while healing him, because this made me laugh so hard i cried. Good job, sir, good job, indeed!

    I can see the next question: Then what’s the name of your sword?

    “Umm…. Gladys?”

  56. Laughing Imp says:

    Well done, Shamus!

    Obfuscato (#23) said:

    “Maybe ‘Tony Hawk Presents The Return of The King.'”

    There’s a line in the Great Luke Ski song “Stealing Like a Hobbit” that goes:

    “And Legolas is so slick now, such an excellent smelter
    Like if Tony Hawk was starring in “The Legend Of Zelda…”

  57. Scarlet Knight says:

    solemndragon Says: Then what’s the name of your sword?
    “Umm…. Gladys?”

    No,no,no! the only proper name for a sword is “Pierce”.He he! Like in Brosnan? Get it? …oh, never mind…

  58. Invictus says:

    Hey Scarlet Knight, let’s not forget “Slash”, as in the guitarist from Guns N Roses. *nods sagely

  59. Scarlet Knight says:

    Hmmm. Pretty good, Invictus. I guess we can then add “Hack” (as in Hack Wilson for non-baseball fans.)

  60. Jaja says:

    Splendidly hilarious, as always.

    The more I read your depictions of Aragorn, the more I believe that should he not have been made king, he would have made an excellent dogsbody (think Blackadder); he certainly has the wits for the job!

    Thanks for the laughs, Shamus :)

  61. Brian says:

    so when you wrap up this strip (you’re nearing the end of the third book after all)what next?

    Personally I’d LOVE to see a similer take on the star wars saga as a SW RPG campaign :)

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